Chapter Seven
I sat up groggily, looking at the man who had been lying next to me all night. I couldn’t believe we had been so bold as to make love in the wagon and then sleep half the night in there. It was still dark outside, but I could just feel that the time had passed. I smiled to myself, leaning back on my hands. He hadn't woken up yet, but his hair had fallen over his face like a curtain. I reached over and pushed it out of his eyes.
"Iris!" I jumped at hearing my name, wondering who it could be. Then, I heard it once again but closer. It was coming from the direction of my house. It must have been my father. In a panic that my father might find us together like that, I reached over and shook Adam awake.
He sat up straight and looked over at me with a cute smile, but there was no time for that. "My father's calling for me," I said, urgently. That was all he needed to wake up and get moving. Both of us scrambled for our clothes, tugging them on the best we could. I finger brushed my hair and wiped at my face trying not to look like I'd spent the whole night out there with someone. "Okay, so, don't get out of the wagon and take off until I'm inside with my father. I don't want him seeing you here at this time of night," I said in a panic as I wrapped the shawl back around me. I couldn't help but notice the smell of us on it.
"Will do. Hey, come here a minute," he demanded with a smile. I obeyed, and he pulled me to him and gave me a lingering kiss. "I'll see you later, alright. Hope he's not too harsh on you." I nodded and hopped out of the wagon, taking large steps across the grass towards where I could see my father standing at the back of the house.
"Where in the world were you at this hour, Iris? It's past four in the morning!" His booming voice made me cringe as usual. No wonder I had been an exceptionally well behaved teenager; he was a fearsome man. He never would have let me get away with anything.
"I went to sit in the wagon, Dad," I said innocently. "What's going on? Why are you up so early?" He crossed his arms, looking at me like he knew I was trying to change the subject.
"Were you with Adam in that wagon?" he asked, flatly. Of all the things to ask, he had to go there didn't he? I tried to keep my expression even, but my father knew all my tells. Still, I said nothing even as the guilt welled up inside of me.
"Seriously, Dad, why did you call for me?" I asked, trying once again to get down to the point.
"I'll have to deal with Adam later, and don't think that I won't. But right now, we have other problems. It's my mother, Iris. She's not doing so well."
As he said it, I felt bile come up into my throat, and my heart began to race. Was that going to be the night I lost her? I just couldn't bear the thought. I wasn't ready yet, and I didn't think she was ready to go yet either. "What does that mean, Dad? Is Grandma gone?" I found myself silently praying that she would be alright that by some miracle we would at least have the time to say goodbye to her.
"No, but the hospital said we should go right away. Go get dressed and meet us in the truck as fast as you can, Iris. We need to get there as soon as possible."
I felt like I was in someone else's body as I ran inside to my room to change. I didn't feel my footsteps beneath me. I pulled on the first thing I saw; a peach maxi dress with some stains around the bottom. It didn't really matter what I wore to go see my dying grandmother.
It didn't feel real for me yet, and I've heard that it happens to a lot of people. For some there is a moment that makes reality come rushing back in, and for others, they just move through life after that moment as if in a dream. I didn't have one of those moments.
I got into the truck next to my mother and couldn't even look her in the eye. I just kept my head down as we drove off out onto the road. As we passed the Walker property, my thoughts went briefly to Adam, wishing he could be with me to support me through this but knowing my parents would never be alright with that. What did that say about our future?
The ride was dark and bumpy, but we got to the hospital in record timing. It probably helped that very few people felt the need to be on the road before five in the morning.
I felt that stifling feeling again as we walked into that concrete building, hoping to hear some good news about my grandmother.
Once we got up to the second floor, a nurse took us straight to the waiting room and told us a doctor would come to speak to us in a moment. That didn't make me feel any better about the situation. If anything, it worried me more. I knew she had been bad off before, but I had always been allowed to go in and see her whenever. But now we had to wait to hear something from a doctor. All I knew was that in movies that scene never ended well.
I twiddled my thumbs nervously as I looked down at the tiled floor. My mother was sitting quietly next to me while my father paced back and forth constantly tugging at his pants. I was sure that by the time he was done they would end up all the way at his ears.
Finally, a middle aged man came up to us in dark blue scrubs and a white lab coat. He had a salt and pepper beard and slicked back hair. His eyes were a steely grey.
He shot us all a fake smile, though I couldn't blame him. If I worked with sick people every day I don't think I could smile either. Then, he shook all our hands, meeting glances with each of us. I imagined it must have been part of his training. Maybe doctors went to school so many years because they had to learn the science and then the emotion behind the job.
"Doctor, can you please tell us what's going on? We were told that my mother wasn't doing well and that we needed to get here right away, but then we were told to wait here. How is she?" The words seemed polite, but they were out of place coming from my father's perpetually angry mouth.
"I'm sorry about that, Mr. Young. It was just part of protocol. We didn't want you rushing in there without understanding what's going on. We have Mrs. Young stable for now." Those last words took all the breath from my lungs and hope from my heart. I knew what for now meant. It meant that there would come a time where she wouldn't be stable no matter what the doctor did.
"What does that mean; stable?" my father asked again, even more irately.
"Stable means that she isn't getting any worse right now, but that can change rather quickly. Right now she is sleeping, and we are trying to make her as comfortable as possible. But she is currently in the CCU. Pending some decisions, she might be moved to the Hospice unit." I knew my father was about to blow his lid, saying the doctor was talking gibberish or something, but I knew what it meant. "Look, I'm sure you are all under a lot of stress right now and want to see her. I'm just trying to explain to you the best I can what's going on. She's in complete renal failure, and she's going to need a kidney transplant if she's going to live. Because of her condition, she will be moved higher on the donor list, but as you know from before, you and your sons are not matches."
My father glanced at me, and I could see the panic in his eyes. He looked lost and wild. I had yet to be tested, so I instantly stepped forward. "Can you test me for a match?" I asked timidly. I didn't know how I felt about giving up a kidney, but saving my grandmother sounded like a pretty good idea right at that moment.
"Yes, ma'am. Why don't you come with me, and I'll have one of the nurses take the two of you into see Mrs. Young." He nodded at my parents and motioned to the nurse that had greeted us before he prompted me to follow him to the elevator. I wrapped my arms around myself for support and tired not to cry as the elevator took us back down to the main floor. I followed the doctor all the way back down to the end of a hall to a brown door with the word "LAB" on it.
He left me with a nurse who had instructions to test my blood right away. I looked the other way as she stuck the needle in, pulling my blood out. It wasn't the pain that scared me, but blood, especially my own, did make me feel a little queasy. "All done," the nurse said in a strangely cheery tone before getting up with the specimen in hand. I sat there waiting patiently for her to come back with the results.
"I'm sorry, honey, but you're not a match," she came back and said within about fifteen min
utes. I walked out of the lab feeling yet again like I was living someone else's life. But once I got in the elevator I started bawling uncontrollably. There was not a single one of us that could save my grandmother now. And to make matters worse, I wanted to punch myself in the face for being so selfish. The whole reason for my trip back home was to spend time with my grandmother, and sure I’d gotten some time in but not near as much as I should have. There was that regret again, tugging at my heart strings.
I had spent way too much time with Adam Walker, someone who I wasn't even supposed to know. And even though I cared so much for him, I never should have abandoned my purpose for time with him. And then there was the matter of when I went back home to the city. It wasn't like I was going to stick around at my parents' house after my grandmother passed. I had a job that I loved, an apartment, an entire life there. What was I planning on doing anyway when I went back? I doubted Adam wanted to live big city life. I had been so immature getting side tracked.
Instead of going straight back to my parents and finding my grandmother, I rode the elevator up to the roof garden. I needed to call Adam and see what I could do to set things right.
He answered almost right away. "Hey you, what's going on? Was your old man pretty hard on you?" I tried not to smile at his excitement to hear form me because I knew I was about to crush that.
"Adam, I called because I'm at the hospital. My grandmother is not doing well at all now. In fact, she's in complete renal failure." I felt the tears threatening to come. It was hurting my throat to hold back. "They say she's not going to make it without a transplant real soon, but none of us are a match."
"Oh, I'm so sorry, sweetheart. Do you want me to come out there?" he asked. He had never called me a pet name before, and my mind went back to just a few hours ago when we were together in the wagon. It was like a whole other world then. It was funny how quickly things changed.
"No, thank you for offering. But I did want to tell you that I feel like we should take a break from whatever we are. I care for you, I really do, but I need to just focus on my grandmother right now and what little time she has left."
"Iris," he began in a disappointed tone. "I understand that you need to spend time with your grandmother and that things are tough, but that's exactly why you need me around. You’re going to need as much support as you can get. Please, don't push me away over this."
"I'm sorry, Adam, but I have to do this. I need to focus. There are a lot of variables here. Just please give me time, and forgive me." I hung up before he could say anything else and make me give in. My grandmother was what was important.
I took a deep breath and let a few tears fall before I headed back down to the CCU.
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