by Ali Lyda
“Thanks for letting me, Gordo. Everything going okay? Haven’t talked to you in a while. You’ve been busy.”
I couldn’t tell if it was a critique or just him being my brother, fleecing me for information, but regardless, I launched into a quick rundown of the call and what it would mean for the foreseeable future.
“That’s fucking awesome! Should I come by later for a beer?” I frowned. I didn’t mean to, but my brother—ever the detective—saw it. “You don’t want me to?”
“Well, it’s just that—” my eyes drifted in the direction of Javi’s house, before I could think better of it.
“You have a date with your neighbor? The one you barfed on?”
“Not a date date, but—”
Mason reached over and squeezed my shoulder. “Thank God. I was worried—I hope it ends well. Call me tomorrow with details! But, you know, not too much detail.”
Giuliana and I watched him get into his car and go, but I didn’t take her back inside just yet. It was finally not oppressively hot in the evenings. The sun was low in the west, the orange hue a vivid sign that the sunset promised to be spectacular. I sat with my girl on the porch swing, enjoying the hint of breeze that came from swinging.
“Oh, Giuliana. I don’t know what I’m doing,” I said as we snuggled and swung together. “I thought that the best way to be your dad was to not let anyone else in. But I gotta say, kid, I’m kind of falling hard for Javi. At first I was scared that someone new would desert you and me. Then I decided that I couldn’t bear someone who couldn’t love you and accept you. But,” I lifted her and nuzzled her cheek until she burst into peals of laughter, “I don’t think Javi will have a problem with that. You like him, don’t you?”
She gurgled. Then blew a raspberry.
“Me too, kid. Me, too.”
Dinner couldn’t have been more awkward if I’d tried to make it so. The conversation wasn’t flowing like it usually did, and I noticed that Javi seemed just as stiff as I did. Some celebration. But what could I do? My mind was consumed with the day’s revelations about my feelings for Javi...and the permission to act on them, if I could just stop being so afraid.
Javi refilled my glass of wine, only pouring a half measure for himself after. “Drinking too much makes the stutter worse,” he explained.
“That makes sense.” I picked up my glass and drank it all in one go. Javi’s hazel eyes widened.
“Are you okay?” Javi asked. “Something is bothering you.”
There were so many things I could have done. I could lie, which was honestly what my initial instinct was. I could have gone to get Giuliana from her playmat, or talked about work, or any number of things, and Javi would have let me. But, damn me, I wanted to tell the truth. My hands shook, and I placed them flat on the table to still them.
Javi reached out and put a hand over one of mine. The heat and rough callused press of his palm and fingers was enough to shake me. And then he added in his low, gravel croon, “It’s okay. You can tell me anything.”
Fuck it. Here goes everything. “I… I have feelings for you, Javi. And it kind of sucks, because I had this plan where I was going to focus on me and Giuliana, and our little family of two, and I thought that would be enough. I thought it would be necessary.
“Because being a dad is so freaking hard, and I just want to be good at it, and how can I be good at it if I’m distracted by someone else? What if I don’t have enough love or time or energy to go around? I don’t know. What I do know is that I thought it was okay with the two of us, but now you’re always here, and it feels like three of us and instead of hating that...I kind of love it.”
All of my words came out in a gush, unwilling to let me stop them once I’d started. It was an inelegant speech, but it was the most honest I’d been out loud about my feelings in far too long. In the aftermath, though, there was a moment I was afraid I’d puke up my dinner.
Woozy and scared shitless, I pulled my hand from under Javi’s. “I understand if you want to go.”
Javi didn’t say anything, and there was an infuriating blankness to his features that didn’t allow me to get a read on his feelings. I needed him to say something, but I’d also learned that Javi needed time to think about what he wanted to say. If I rushed him, he’d stutter, and then he’d get embarrassed and run. And I really didn’t want him to run. But I also needed some sort of answer.
“Javi? Oh, shit, I’ve blown it, haven’t I?” My hands raked hard through my hair, pulling until the roots protested in pain. I shouldn’t have said anything.
Javi’s chair squeaked against the wood floor, and I wanted to sink into the ground and disappear. But while I prepared myself for him to walk out, Javi just stood there.
And when I gathered the courage to look him in the eye, his gaze was blazing with heat. I gulped. Javi stalked around the dinner table toward me, licking his lips. He leaned in close, and I saw his throat bob as he swallowed. He’s as nervous as I am, I thought, before his mouth crushed into mine and I wasn’t thinking about anything at all.
Javi’s full lips were every bit as soft as I’d imagined, but demanding in a way that left me breathless. His mouth moved against me like we’d been kissing for ages, perfectly molded. His hands were in my hair then, holding me secure as the kiss deepened. Javi’s tongue traced my lower lip and my mouth parted with a moan just for him.
Slowly, I stood, not wanting to break the kiss. My hands moved to his waist, and I could feel the taut muscles I’d always admired under the soft jersey of his t-shirt. His skin was hot and soft as I touched it, stroking every available inch of his abs, his back. Javi moved closer and groaned when he felt the hard ridge of my cock. It strained against my jeans painfully, and I wanted nothing more than to touch and be touched. But that kiss… I couldn’t bear the thought of it ending, either.
He slid his tongue into my mouth and I groaned. Javi began to rock himself into me, a slow and tantalizing pressure that did all kinds of things to the nerves in my cock. He dragged his lips away from my mouth, kissing and nipping down my neck, his hand sliding to the front of my jeans. When he cupped my cock, stroking me through the denim, I hissed and my hips bucked. If he kept this up, I’d come in my pants like a goddamned teenager.
Giuliana gurgled from her playmat on the floor nearby, and we pulled apart; I gulped before bursting out in a high, staccato laughter. I had just made out in front of my daughter. My infant daughter, who had no idea what making out even was, but still. Yet...it didn’t feel wrong. It felt like the promise I hadn’t known I needed, that kiss, and if Javi was going to have any part of my life, it meant Giuliana was a part of us, too.
That didn’t mean I wanted to continue kissing in front of her, though.
“Let me put her to bed,” I said. My voice was low and rough. “Don’t leave.”
I wanted to whine at the sudden absence of his heat, missing the press of his body immediately. Luckily, bedtime had never gone more smoothly. Maybe that was Giuliana’s way of encouraging me, but she didn’t fight the diaper change or the quick bottle before bed. I sang one song, and her eyes were already shut. She didn’t stir when I transferred her to the crib and pressed a quick kiss to her forehead.
I stood at the top of the stairs, forehead pressed to the wall. Was this really happening? Was I about to do this? There was a fleeting moment when old thoughts warred within. All the shit about not having space for someone, about needing to focus on the baby. About not being able to stand the hurt of being left again. But they fizzled out as fast as they popped up.
We’d been going through the motions, Javi and me. Instead of acting on the lust I’d originally felt for him, we’d distanced ourselves. Circled, unsure. Gotten to know each other as friends, first. Which was good—with Giuliana, I couldn’t jump into anything unsure, or half-hearted.
And now my friend was waiting for me downstairs and I really, really wanted to kiss him again.
As soon as I was back in the living room, Javi was o
n me, as desperate as I was. This time the kiss was rougher, one of need instead of want. Our hands didn’t so much search as tug and pull, trying to bring us closer, to feel everything at once. We moved as we kissed until the backs of my knees hit the couch, and I found myself being gently lowered on to it.
Javi’s body draped over mine, feeling so hard and so right. He fit together with me so well, the way our bodies lined up, the sleek and hard lines of him so fucking sexy. I leaned up on my elbows so I could nip at his collarbone, something I’d been dreaming of doing for too long. His happy moan reverberated through me and I did it again, harder, loving how he rocked his cock into me.
“I want to s-suck you,” he panted. “Is it t-too soon for that?”
I almost went blind from the pure ecstasy of the image of his beautiful lips wrapped around my cock.
“Yes. God, yes, please,” I growled, practically humping his hand. His smile was like lightning, sending a jolt from my heart straight to my dick.
He worked fast, unbuttoning my jeans and sliding them down my hips. Javi licked my hip bone, keeping eye contact as he made his way closer to my cock. It lay on my belly, hard enough that it jutted toward my chin. When he licked me from base to tip, I grabbed at the sofa, clawing for purchase. His warm, wet mouth began to suck at the tip and I bit a fist, trying to keep from yelling out.
With expert precision, Javi swirled his tongue around the head of my cock, sliding through the slit until I wriggled from the delicious torture of it. He dragged long lines of wet heat up and down the hard ridge of my cock, coating me, until I was so sure I’d come from the next lick. But Javi didn’t lick me. He poised his mouth, that beautiful, beautiful mouth, above my rigid dick before sucking me in, swallowing as much of my thick cock as he could.
“Oh, God!” I shouted, and then bit my lip, afraid I’d wake Giuliana. Javi’s chuckle was barely audible, his mouth and throat stuffed with my cock, but I fucking felt it. It almost shattered me.
“Is it okay if I take control?” I asked. I liked being a little more dominant, but I’d do anything to keep him sucking me, even if it meant him taking the lead. When I looked to see his reaction, though, my cock twitched hard in his mouth. Javi’s hazel eyes were large and hungry for it. He dragged up my length, swirling his tongue until the last minute before I popped out of his mouth.
Then he smiled and it was gorgeous. “Yes, god, yes,” he said before sliding off of me and to his knees, lips swollen and open, eyes eager.
I stood in front of him, stroking his cheek with one hand while guiding my cock back into his mouth with the other. Sliding my fingers into his hair, I dragged my fingertips along his scalp until he groaned and his butt wiggled in need. That’s when I fisted those black curls and began to fuck his mouth. I did it gently, because it was our first time and because I wanted to savor each stroke. Besides, I was too close to coming for anything more.
He opened for me with effort, his eyes watering when I went too far, but he didn’t stop grabbing at my hips, my ass, clenching at me for more.
I heard his zipper, and when I twisted to look, Javi was jerking himself while he sucked me. His gaze never left mine as he moved his mouth up and down. In return, I leaned over a bit to stare at his gorgeous cock, the head of it leaking precum while his tattooed hand worked over the shaft. It was unbearably sexy, and it had been so, so long since I’d climaxed with another man.
My orgasm swelled, my balls pulling in. “I’m going to come,” I gasped.
Javi sucked harder, taking as much of me in his mouth as he could, and goddamn, I came hard enough to make me ache. He swallowed my load, eyes locked on mine, and it was the sexiest thing I’d ever seen. He kept me in his mouth while he came, his semen coating his hand and the bottom of his shirt.
I sank to my knees so I could grab his face and kiss him. The lingering salty taste of myself was on his lips. Javi curled his body into mine, shaping himself to me, leaning in as the languid aftermath hit him. I trailed my fingers up and down his spine.
“I feel like I should say thank you,” I said, my heart still pounding hard as a boxer training inside of my chest.
“I’d s-say it was about d-damned time,” he replied before flashing me a cheeky grin. “B-but ‘thank you’ works, t-too.”
My hands refused to cease their caresses, eager to know every inch of him. “You didn’t even take off your shirt. I’ve been dying to see how much of you is inked.”
“Mmm.” He put his lips to my ear. “Most of me is. Gives you s-something to look forward to the next t-time.”
“Do you mean in about twenty minutes? Because Javi, it’s been a long time for me, and I’m pretty sure I could go another round.”
His chuckle was warm and soothing. “I have a b-big day tomorrow. You have work and a b-baby, too.” He pulled back, his playful look shifting to something more stoic. “I haven’t really t-tried long-term b-before, Gordo. B-but I don’t want to rush it with you. This feels…” His brows pressed together.
“I know. I feel the same way about you. It scares me, but I’m thrilled at the same time, you know?”
He nodded before pressing a kiss to my cheek. “I’m gonna go,” he whispered. “But that was—”
“It really was,” I agreed. A warm lethargy was sweeping through me, the kind of relaxed satiation that only happens after great sex.
“I’ll see you later,” he said before kissing me again. “Get some sleep.”
The sheer weight of the day crashed into me then, and I barely heard him close the front door when he left. I’m going to sleep on the couch. Right here, covered in cum. Because I don’t think I can move.
As my breaths began to lengthen and slow, my mind replaying Javi’s mouth on me and the way my heart seemed to click into place when he admitted to wanting to make this special, a shriek pierced through the fugue. Giuliana, her wails echoing through the house.
Sleep became a memory, and not one I enjoyed nearly as much as that first kiss with Javi.
16
Javi
Gordo sat close to me, our thighs pressed together. Ever since our first hookup, he’d been like this: needing touch, wanting to be close. Hungry for my affection. Not that I minded at all, seeing as I felt the same.
It was exhilarating, too, to no longer feel strange being at the center with Gordo. It was comfortable, his presence like a warm sweater. The center was my sacred place, but he was becoming someone special to me, and I liked being able to share this part of my life with him.
At the moment, we were going over some of the design ideas Gordo had produced for Mike. They were good, but I was pointing out some areas where I thought it was too complicated. Like a flash tattoo, a good design would need to be eye-catching and memorable, and if there were too many components, I felt like the overall effect was diminished.
“Hey, Javi! Gordo! Good to see you guys,” Mike said as he stepped out of his office. He’d been extra chipper since the tattoo fundraiser and the relay race. Sometimes I caught him whistling and singing bad nineties alternative songs when he thought no one was listening.
“I’m just putting some finishing touches on these,” Gordo said, giving Mike a wave.
“That’s cool. I actually needed to borrow Javi for a second. Javi, could I see you in my office?”
At least this walk didn’t have the same I’ve-done-something-wrong sensation that walking into Reagan’s office had had. Mike was basically bouncing on his toes as he shut the door after me. “I have good news and bad news, Javi. Which do you want first?”
I coughed, surprised and trying to hide it. “How could there be bad news?”
He came around to face me, sitting on the edge of his desk. “We raised enough money between your fundraiser and the relay to keep the center open for another year. I didn’t say anything before, because I didn’t want anyone to panic, but I thought we were going to have to shut the doors six months from now.”
I exhaled hard, hand rubbing at my chest. “Things were
that bad?”
“Yeah.” Mike’s face softened. “But with all of your help, we’ve got a whole year ahead of us, at least. A year of being open can change everything.”
“S-so what’s the bad news?”
“The bad news is that I looked at the references you sent me, and I don’t think they’ll work.”
Knowing that Mike had been short on time, I’d reached out to some local ASL and special education teachers in the area to see if anyone was available for part-time help. I’d received some responses, with one caveat: They all needed to be paid.
I could see where this was going, but had to ask, “Why not?”
Mike shifted uncomfortably. “We have enough money to keep the center afloat, but we don’t have enough to hire someone, even part-time. And without extra help, I just don’t know what I can do about Andrew. It’s not getting better, Javi.”
My mind raced almost as fast as my heart. “We c-can’t give up on him.”
“I’m not giving up on anyone, but I don’t think I can help him, either.”