“You’re different; you and your brother said that; like you know me well. I wouldn’t say that about me but,” I press my hands on my chest to settle my heartbeat down, “I like the fact that you think I’m different, because you are different to me as well.”
“That’s what makes you different, the fact that you look at me and this place in eyes that no one here has. You make me see it like it was once before; beautiful and refreshing. I wouldn’t want to lose the vision of this place and me through your eyes,” he presses genuine smile, thinking as he once again looks away. “You take me to times I was once before; I don’t know how you do it but you simply remind me of the feelings I thought I lost long ago, feelings I thought I would never ever would feel once again.”
“Why can’t I know your name? I mean, it would only be fair since you know my name… I don’t even remember telling you,” I mumble my last statement.
“At this point,” he turns to me and holds me still, with his hands on my arms “There is nothing that can make me happy to hear my name coming from your lips,” he says, looking at me in lust and I suddenly lose control over my blush and my heartbeat. I feel my lower lip shaking impulsively as it parts slightly. “It’s for me, not for you. I want to keep these moments, enjoying your gaze and how I see myself through your eyes, as much as I can, for as long as possible,” with his left hand he slowly and lightly caresses me on my left cheek making me gasp air closing my eyes. “I want to be selfish, for I don’t want to lose this,” he adds breathy and I open my eyes once again but meting his gaze.
“B… bec… is knowing… because of… of your name?” I roughly clear my throat, trying to overpower the thought that’s spreading within my body and mind. What I feel for his touch is like a disease, I can’t think straight when I’m nervous. I can feel it concurring me right away, like water from the top, it slides, spreading in and all over me, creating a prickling yet mildly arousing feeling. I don’t know how to stop it if he is persistent to keep his eyes on me, just like this and his hands making contact with my body. “I mean, why would you think knowing your name would make me feel like leaving?”
“Don’t you know name reveals a lot?” he smiles, and I feel my whole world going ping pong miserably.
I swallow hard and like he knows what I am thinking of, he narrows his eyes. Add fuel to the fire, I ponder. He takes a step closer and tilts his head to the right. I can feel his breath and his divine fragrance driving me off the chain. I can’t control my heavy breathing and certainly not my heart. I must do something, or I will die now, I think. His lip slowly spreads sideways slightly and my heart just stops. That’s it. I blow air long and elevate my body up as I push my body up as I stand at the tip of my foot, leaning my body weight on my tiptoes. I stretch my neck to his face as I lean my hands on his chest and I allow my lips to reach to his fervently. I kiss him but surprisingly he just stands still. Did I misinterpret his reaction? I cease on my action in shock. I slowly open my squeezed shut eyes to look at him; I wasn’t able to read his emotions on his face until now, he seems shocked. Fuck! I think I acted too fast! I shrug as I push myself away from him; my hands pressed on his strong broad chest. This is embarrassing, I thought elevating my eyebrows. What in the crazy thought did I just do? Did I bite in hope of kissing?
The shock slowly fades of his face, and he pulls me closer to himself; his right arm around my hip, as he lifts me up and his left hand holding me still, by the nape of my neck; my face proportional to his and too close. I don’t feel cold but I am shivering and my lower lip is showing it well. His body feels too strong and his skin feels rough on my nape but I am not hating it. I slowly wrap my arms around his neck and I press my lip as I swallow eke to control the shaking. I feel his warm breath brushing against my lips, making me want him even more.
“I…” his left-hand thumb swiftly reaches to silence my lips and we just stay that way for a while as he carefully schemes every detail on my face, as if he is engraving me in his mind so he will never forget me, breathing heavy.
I can stay like this forever and I won’t even care about the future, present or anything and anyone. How did I reach this level with a man I just met?
“Do it again,” he whispers, and I frown. “Do it again. Can’t you?” he asks me, breathing hoarsely. His voice is deeper, rougher and sterner than the usual.
Smiling, I assume control of his lips with mine. At first, he simply allows me and then he follows my lead and repeats my action a bit roughly. I slowly push my fingers through his silky soft hair, and he presses me deeper, holding the nape of my neck with his left hand. I slowly allow my tongue to swerve in his mouth and gently, trying to lead him to be easy on me; he would follow for a while, but back on his accustomed kisses. I feel like I am struggling to introducing him to my comfort zone. I feel like running out of air, but I love it. I would even dare to say that I’m afraid I might get obsessively addicted to it.
Suddenly, I feel his entire body stiffening harder, and I feel a fervent trust against my thigh, and I gasp, trying to get a bit away from his annihilating grasp and the touches of his lips.
“I need you,” he hardly whispers, pouting on my lips; his eyes are closed, and he is uttering through his teeth.
“Me too,” I laugh to what sounds like breathing, “but I need to breathe as well.” Opening his eyes, he moves, trying to bend a little lower to help me stand still but as my feet touch the ground, I press him down to my presence and kiss him.
“Follow me,” he bites his lower lip and starts leading the way as I follow him, holding his right hand with my left. We walk through the woods, forward and deeper, walking past the beautiful nature.
It takes us ten minutes to reach in a cave behind the waterfall, beautiful and serene rock shelter. It’s wet here but it’s beautiful; watery and with inwards shimmering waterfall in the middle of the rock roofing, forming natural pool with clean water beneath it. The deafening sound of the main outwards waterfall, that contributes to the big river, is covering the cave like a white transplant curtain. The wall and most part of the ground, except some rocks sorted well, to walk towards some bigger stones with flat topping, are covered with green algae. To make the dark cave even more interesting, the plants here glow in the beauty of their own colour; purple, yellow and green glowing plants are all over the place, lighting the whole cave in the gaudiest festive manner of pulchritude. Every direction is filled with life. Everything my eyes meet is beautiful and I am scheming every corner in complete nirvana. I am both alive and at the same time not sure; I can now tell I travelled long way from home. I feel whole and sunyata.
“Wow,” I finally utter, gasping in complete astonishment and breathless. It’s beautiful and lively in here and I can’t cease but to react and relate easily.
“I knew you would like it here,” he utters hoarsely, with his voice loud and echoing from end to end of the cave.
“This place looks big, deep,” I utter, competing against the sound of the waterfall as I look to the disappearing line of glowing plants, which go all the way down to the deep of the cave, giving him my back as I follow the trail of beauty all the way the caves abyss that my vision can descry.
“Indeed,” he says, as he places his focus on undressing me, standing behind me. I turn to face him as he slides the left side of my dress off from my shoulder.
“Where exactly am I?” I whisper, looking into his eyes and I don’t even know how to explain his gaze up on mine; all I know and all I can ever say about it is the fact that it makes me feel like I am suffocating and dying in ways, but in love. I can feel my chest going heavy and as I grow smaller, frail in his grasp.
As his eyes narrow even deeper and his jaw forms hard lines on both side of his cheeks, his lips slightly part, forming a slight spread. Slowly, he lowers his head to mine and proceeds on his addicting kiss. Pushing me, he makes me take steps backwards and lifts me up in his arms so he will walk me to a flat rock top to a spot that’s drier; surrounded by algae and more
of the glowing plants that light the cave in magical manner.
Such expert in undressing me. Before I notice it at all, he slides my dress off me and drops it near us and on top of a plant. Before he gets his attention back to his coat, I cease his hand on his second button and I proceed on completing his attempt, but slowly, hoping to create an excitement in him. Kneeling up, I bite my lower lip, partially looking into his eyes, as I slide his coat off and revealing his well-structured muscles that were hidden beneath it.
“You,” he utters quietly, allowing the echo in the cave to complete its mocking type of redundancy of his words, mostly his last word. His left hand slowly clears my hair on my left side of my chest to my back, smiling with his eyes narrowed and his jaw forming a hard line. He then slowly clears my hair off from my body with the help of his right hand, collaborating with his left.
“I what?” I whisper, asking him, but staring back at him in love and at the same time with merciful need of his touches up on me.
“You’re too much for me,” he presses a spread on his lip, but this time around, it feels a lot like sadness. “But too bad I can’t cease,” he hoarsely utters, putting his lips on mine; his left-hand grip tightening on my hair as he pulls it down dominantly leaning my neck back and his right pressing me on my lumbar against himself.
I’m not exactly sure if it’s his touch or my feeling for him, but I’m a little too uncomfortable that I am suffocating. I can feel him literally sucking my breath out through my mouth with his and the only way I’m inhaling is through my nose, that I notice that these two holes aren’t enough to breathe well with. But I can feel it, despite my comfort; I can feel the pull in me the way I have never felt before. I am unstable and too weak to what’s exactly going on here, but I am docile, this is embarrassing to say, but perhaps malleable.
His right-hand slides down below my butt and reaches to my femur with an attempt to part my legs. I don’t know if I like what he is doing since the pull on my hair is tighter and harder, as I feel his graceful body bend down at me with dominancy, but I am at the same time, enjoying the kiss that I am quite confused of what exactly I am in need of at this time. As he lifts my left thigh up to his hip, parting my legs, I feel his body starken between me, he then slowly lay me down while he piles on me. Even if I don’t want to proceed, it’s too late that I am assailable beneath him.
Now this feels better, I wonder. We’re taking a momentary break while staring at each other; he transforms his grip on my hair into a pillow as he lays me down and I am comfortable and relaxed now, he is still on top of me but his gaze is penetrating enough for me to pay it back equally… or I feel so, his right hand is still on my thigh holding my left leg still on his hip. He is between my legs, a move and he’s in me, but like something ceased time, as he is just looking down at me, lost. he swallows hard as he thinks for a moment, but a flash back of what happened last night starts disturbing me. I remember how painful it was and even the pain from this morning. Inhaling heavy, I pull myself up as I try to escape him. He tightens his jaw on his cheeks with his eyes narrowed as his right hand pulls me down and still beneath him and his left hand grips my hair. I don’t want this but I can tell I’m too late, again, to change my mind on this. I am panting as I am doing my very best to push him off me, but he is too strong and strong enough that he isn’t even moving. His left hand once again lets my hair go and holds me still on my nape.
“Hush,” he whispers, as he pulls himself up and back to the previous position. He takes his hand back to my head and grips my hair once again, and I can see clearly, in his eyes, that he would go for it anyway.
Why can’t I say anything? I swallow hard and in fear since the image of last night is still haunting me disturbingly. I exhale, vibrating, staring back at his cold and at the same time seductive stare down. I once again swallow hard and manage to shake my head from left to right and once. It’s easy to understand this…or I hope so.
“Rest assured, this is not, this…won’t. Hu…rt,” he tightens his jaw as he thrusts in me with full force and his left hand keep me still, joined to his hip. This is too much, too much that I can feel him in me, all the way to the end of my corner that I gasp and then scream loudly involuntarily. I clench my teeth in his right shoulder’s skin as my fingers trusts in his back of his flesh. “I shall raise here as I desire to stay,” he utters, ceasing on his move, too deep in me. He lifts his head up from between my shoulder and neck and looks into my eyes.
Something is off, about him and I think, I am waking back to my senses, because of the pain, that I just realise it. the only sensible thought in my brain is to be obedient to all his wishes, complete opposite to what I need. Narrowing his gaze at me, he pushes himself even deeper and I feel my body growing in intensity as my finger nails dig deeper in his flesh, the vessels on my neck growing harder beneath my skin as I suppress air and my screaming in me, and I can’t hold back my tears any longer.
His body temperature is confusing. In me, he is ice cold, too derf, too big, his body is too stiff and flamingly hot. His skin looks too smooth, but it feels rougher and bigger than he looks. He’s striking too slowly and I can feel every part of his hugeness moving in me, creating a rough path to his satisfaction.
After a while, I feel numb down there, like the coldness takes every pain away. All I can see is him moving gracefully on top of me and I cease on my tears and he smiles. Leaning down to me, he proceeds on his kiss and I gasp breathlessly. My fingers loosen up as my hands holds him closer to me. I don’t know if this is right, but I am trying my best to seem as if I am enjoying what’s happening. This is it, my chance to try and enjoy consuming on the type of love he is offering me. This may be new and confusing, but as long as I am here, I should be able to learn how to enjoy this in as much as I can.
***
Membere isn’t normally like this; her medium length with scattered grey hair is all messed up, her deep-set eyes tear-lines are red and hurt, with too much tears, the tip of her nose coloured from too much rubbing, her thin lips too dry. She’s in a long tawny brown dress, wrapped in a black gown, more like she is hugging herself with her arms She is huddled on the three-person seat sofa, weaving from left to right, lost in her thoughts, picturing her daughter smiling and walking around the leaving room, filling the atmosphere in happiness, as usual. She used to dress up and groom herself well since she has to appear great before her expensive customers that she deals with to sell cars to.
Those who consider themselves as an expert, in her problems, have been suggesting their theories, telling her stories that they believe might relate to her Adha. She has heard enough stories connected to medical related as well superstitiously disappeared peoples coming back. Neighbours, friends, distant relatives, even peoples from media personnel are visiting them lately. The story of her daughter’s disappearance is being told and peoples are helping in the search.
For over a month or two, she tried explaining things to their friends and neighbours, about her daughter. She tried to explain what type of girl she is; she listened to every story hoping she might simply show up like those who she heard did, but today, unlike her usual self, she is quiet, lost in her imagination of her daughter’s presence.
“Look at her now, this is unlike my wife,” Mr Bamlakfekad, her husband says, feeling sad as he talks with Sergeant Befekadu, who’s obstinate on finding their daughter.
“To be honest with you, I have never faced a case like this before,” he says, pressing his lips as he looks in the house through the wide-open door and to Mr Bamlafekad’s wife, who looks lost from the time he saw her before. “I will not rest till I find her,” he says, biting his lower lip hard.
To look for a young girl who can make her own decision is a bit difficult since he couldn’t find anything that would lead to her harm or disappearance. Her situation feels a lot like she is gone. Sergeant Befekadu believes infallibility is unlike human nature; sooner or later he will find something that would lead him to her; weather she
disappears on her free will or she is taken, he will find something that will lead him to her. For now, it feels like looking for a needle hidden in a haystack.
“Ten months,” Mr Bamlakfekad says, as he walks away to look away to the neighbours and friends that are walking into their house compound, carrying anything in their hand that they think will help them at this time, leaning on the woody handrail to the porch he blows long hopeless air out. “It’s been ten months since my daughter’s disappearance and we heard nothing from her,” Bamlakfekad fears what the end to this silence might turn out to be. “I fear what this is starting to feel like.”
“For now,” he follows him with two steps. “All I can tell you is that I am the one on this. Even it’s been ten years and I am still alive, and she’s still missing, it will not change anything on what I want. And what I want, is finding her, dead or alive.” He blows air out through his nose, pressing his lips.
Mr Bamlakfekad looks at him, thankful, nodding and Sergeant Befekadu starts walking his way out the compound. It’s not an empty promise, but how he is and he is not going to give up on this. As a father, all Bamlakfekad wants to know is what happened to her and why, since he is willing to do whatever is possible to whoever that took her. He is already starting to believe she might not be alive.
Their house is unusually filled with friends and family, trying to be here for them during their difficult times as they would be here to share their happy times as well. That’s how culture in Ethiopia works, like an orbit everyone is used to; one will be there for the other during difficult times and good times; vice versa you would do, since life is all about matters and no matters are easy. It’s not about who’s passing through too much or not, it’s about how easy one can make by sharing each other’s pain. It’s not about who’s rich or poor, or about who can offer what to whom, not about what we have or not, but about I am here for you since in the end we are all human and we’re all destined to face the same faith, but for now, till that day comes, I am here for you just as you would be here for me, is what matters and helps the day pass.
Hell Again Page 6