“What’s preferred is not allowing this to be a habit,” he sounds serious.
“Yes, I’m sorry,” she answers, her voice lower and sadly. I don’t know why, but some of the ladies are a bit happy to hear that coming from him. Zhai stands among them and looks up at our direction.
“Her wish you shall leave by, she is the one,” he looks at me, pulling me closer to him, he holds me by my waist. I don’t know why I feel so small near him and his touches are too huge and too strong.
Is this a privilege? I think to myself. Not that it doesn’t feel like that; some of the ladies aren’t really happy and the rest are confused, but Zhai and I are smiling as we stare at each other. I think we are both thinking the same thing; we are definitely going to use this privilege to what will fall to our benefit.
This is how everything starts but for me the night has just ended and while I am standing right where I am with him, with the winner feeling. I turn to him and stretch myself a little closer to his ear. “Who are these ladies?” I whisper, and he fully turns his attention to me and holds me with both his hands on my shoulders. I think I am about to hear something and that something is going to be bad.
“I will not deceive you,” he says quietly. “You won’t like what you will hear.”
“I want…” I cease on my words and lick my lower lip closing my eyes. “I need,” I change my word, but I utter it through my teeth, “I need to know,” I open my eyes and look into his. I think I know what his answer is.
“And so, you shall have it,” he says and stands straight, tucking his hands in his trouser pockets. “They’re mine,” he says quietly, and I frown. “They’re my women. They are here because I choose them,” he said quietly, and I turn to see them. Honestly, I turn to count them.
That’s it, everything ends, and I stay still. Zhai’s words keep running in my mind over and over again.
Human here…is just they…slave, women like you and me too. My heart is racing in ways never before and I can feel it take control over my body. …many like you and me. I’m not all right, but I’m persistent not to fall down and miss many things I don’t want to.
“If it’s your wish, I will stop visiting any of them, which by the way, I never saw them for more than one…” it takes him a while, staring at the shocked and half dead me, to say what he just start saying and I stay still for a long time.
“Stop,” I cut his sentence before he completes it.
“I am willing, anything you desire…”
“I don’t care,” I do, I’m such a liar. “We should get to the dinner,” Damn me, I’m not even hungry, I just can’t wait till I get to the bedroom and cry about this stupid news. I anyway add, trying my very best to act like I am fine with what I just heard.
He gets close to me and tries to hug me once again on my waist, but I technically push him away…more like slip my presence away from him and I walk to Zhai. I think the reality that I walk to her isn’t pleasing news for the few of the ladies. They are staring at her like she means bad news, but then again, they haven’t meet me yet.
“What happen?” she asks me whisperingly.
“How dare he say I share him with everyone here.” Wait, did he say that? I’m really not feeling okay.
“I didn’t,” he says, as he walks right past me and start leading the way to where we all followed him; me and Zhai holding hand in hand; her hand tightening on mine, to calm me down.
“You know what,” I cease on my walk and Zhai holds me tighter and I close my eyes. I mean, how am I supposed to change the tone of my voice and what I want to say after screaming suddenly.
“Say it,” he says quietly, and he doesn’t even turn to see me.
“She wants me to...”
“Baozhai.” I can sense disappointment in his tone. She then turns to me and give me a clear leap reading of sit.
“Yes, I want her to dine next to me,” I utter and he ceases on his steps. I look at her, trying to look for confirmation at the words I just used; I don’t know if it is what she wants me to say. Simply, she presses her lips and points me to a circle dining table prepared near a French door. I think he expects me to dine with him alone on that table where there are only two chairs, placed parallel to one another. There is a long dining table behind the table that’s waiting for us; it’s too obvious to miss the fact that it’s there for the ladies. “Yes, I want her to be with us… I mean, if that table near the French window is…um…” I don’t want to conclude on what I thought.
“I would like us to be alone for tonight,” he says and he doesn’t even turn to face me. I turn around and look at everyone who are staring at the drama that’s going on.
“Alone?” I can’t help the sarcasm. “Alone is a little too much for tonight,” I add, patting my thighs hard. I think I will lose it if I sit alone with him.
“I said,” he turns swiftly, and I secretly feel jumpy. I can read his disappointment on his face, clearly. His jaw is clenching hard that the bone is forming rough and bold lines, the cobalt colour looks a little too bright, displayed in those deep-set eyes that looks unusually deeper, forming shadow lines. His pale skin seems to fight to change colour to view his disappointment.
Somehow, making eye contact with me seems to calm him down; perhaps he sees how shocked I am. I anyhow feel a bit lost that I run out of words.
“Would you…” he closes his eyes and breathes in and out long and opens his eyes once again to meet mine. “Would you reconsider?” Zhai takes a step back and I hold her hand tighter so she would stay.
“I feel good with her around,” I utter quietly. “I would like you to consider having her around me.” I look around and see the ladies with my eyes only and I press my lips in a thin line. “Please,” I add, as polite as I can be. For a moment, everything goes tranquil. Not that it’s peaceful and not that it’s not either, but it has some sort of disturbing feeling that comes along with it. His gaze is fixed at mine and though mine is more relinquished in anticipation of his response favouring mine, I can’t take it away from him.
“If you…put it that way,” he says, and she clears her throat as I sigh in relief smiling. “I can’t deny you anything you wish for, anyway,” he says, walking forwards as Zhai walks to a chair from the long dining table and starts to relocate it to the table that he is leading us to.
To get to the table, it takes four tread with a shining black ceramic landing that rests the table with the two chairs and now three with Zhai’s chair.
The last time I ever went to a proper dinner; with a groomed reserved table just for me was with Teddy. I remember it was his thing; cleanness, special events, special trips, special many things. Well, though this dinner arrangement reminds me of my times with Teddy, none of this is like those golden days.
It’s sad that it’s hard to descry the good thing while we have them. We would wake up when it’s too late to take times back and show how much valuable they are. Actually, we come to realisation, in the first place, when it’s already too late to go back; when things we trade them with wins in lists of bad than the good.
I hope I’m not too late to say how sorry I am. At the very list, to Teddy. I wonder to myself in concern.
Before we head to the table, I pull Zhai back in hope to check on her and she solidify her steps for a moment. “Are you okay?”
“Yes,” she says quietly. “Go ahead op me,” she adds, and I take a step ahead of her.
“Are you sure?” My forehead is arched at her and my eyes are bulged out, staring at her. I am really worried, it was bad, it seemed bad. I have seen the depth of her wound and the pain on her face was too clear. I can’t just sit back and act like it never happen; I have to check on her. After all, we are friends in this world. She really is strong; If it was me... I can’t even imagine how I would be acting like.
“I won’t lie about it,” she presses a smile. For a moment, her face lights up and I can see she’s happy. I think she is because it’s been a while among these ladies, w
ho are staring at us like we are something totally terrible, I can perceive the hate towards us... towards her. I think I am sensing envy now, but it’s not had to tell she is not their favourite.
I lock my left arm with her right and we walk to the table, where he is already waiting for us by; he is looking to our direction and I can see that his handsomely curved lips are brushed by presence of a ghost-like smile.
We walk tread after tread all the way up to the landing, but I was wrong to think it is ceramic. It’s different and I doubt I know what it is; it’s too smooth and too comforting. The moment I step on it, comfort takes over my presence; feeling that graces me with the thought that I can fall all I want and I won’t get hurt, a sudden feeling that makes me feel too safe. I am in a stiletto but the moment I step on it, I feel like it instantly transformed into a ballet flat; the toe box feels free, the insole more comfortable and snugger and like there is no heel at all, my hip gets well rested. I simply nod with my eyebrow once in response to the sudden comfort and I press a smile, meeting him in his eyes.
“I’m glad there are things you can enjoy,” he says, offering me his hand and I take it and skip next him, pressing a forced smile. He turns to the ladies and then turns back to me. “Would you like me to have them in other rooms for dinner?”
Are you kidding? Gasping, I stare at him quizzically. “Why would you ask me that?”
“Adha,” he says and exhales long. “It’s hard to know your need, hard to read you…”
“You wouldn’t have me here in the first place if you care that much. Besides, I am not going to let you manipulate me in staying here.” I press my lips in a hard line. I take steps closer to him and stand closer, until I feel his breath. “Nothing is going to make me want to stay here,” I utter through my teeth.
Shit! I wonder. This is not what I was planning on, but it is what’s happening. His right hand presses me tighter and closer to his presence as his left hand presses the nape of my neck hard; my lips meeting his, a little too rough that it wakes my entire senses to live.
“Except parting from me, I will grant all your wishes,” he says, putting his lips on mine.
Fuck, I need more. I thought to myself as I inhale his breath in my mouth from his and spread in my body. My heart is racing, and my legs are jelly weak. “So, tell me, would you like them to dine in their…”
“Stop,” I bite my lower lip hard. “Don’t make me go there, I won’t,” I whisper. “Besides, they’re already here.”
“I will not do this again,” he says, as he helps me stand on my own. He takes reasonably proper distance from me.
If there is again. I answer to him in my thoughts. I will not let it be.
“You may dine now,” he proclaims and everyone in the room walks to a chair by the long dining table. They are murmuring and mumbling.
Everyone looks so beautiful to the point that I am wondering what he sees in me that he brought me here after leaving with these beauties. I can’t even choose a good colour that can brightens me, I am stubborn as a mule and not sure of what I want. I feel inferior among these ladies and powerless in his arms, I hate everything here and I love it at the same time. I am unstable.
My eyes jump from one girl to another, all in long dresses. Short, long lose plait hair, beautiful heart shaped face with immaculate chocolate skin colour, probably Filipino. I follow her all the way to a chair with another young lady whispering in her ears; long platinum blonde wavy hair, long neck, beautiful smile and she could be a model. Another one holding hands with the Filipino lady; black but taller than any of them, amazing shape, especially around her hips, curly short hair that makes her long neck longer and broad shoulders. They sit together and whatever they are talking, about they seem to enjoy it. They laugh now and then but they are at their best not to be loud. They’re even dressed the same in colour, except in style.
My gaze gambols to another group; five ladies and they look similar. Intentionally dyed Nesert brown bob haircut, medium height with so little differences, dressed in different styles and colours. They’re not talking but they keep glimpsing over their shoulders at my direction, I can tell they don’t like me already. Following them from behind, I see seven ladies. I can say they are all scared and with no intention to make friends with one another. They seem to just want to find their seat for dinner. All seven of them are groomed beautifully and they are all beautiful.
The other five ladies are standing still, looking to our direction. As if they’re sharing feelings, their cheeks are blushing roughly; disappointment seems their check point. They whisper one to the other ears over and over again, as their eyes skip from Zhai to me. I think I officially have figured out our enemies. They’re all tall and elegantly dressed but more like Greek ladies…perhaps a little too open, showing off their beautifully curved bodies and immaculate skin. Just as they start walking to a chair, I look at a real statuesque figure, standing behind them; pale skin and long rose (Bastet) red haired lady standing near the chimney. She is staring at the flame that’s dancing in there. She is in red wine-coloured floor length wrap dress with long sleeves. She is too beautiful; Its undeniably acceptable to say that she’s a craft of divine power, as if each part of her is carefully sculptured with extra care, every part of her is well built and curved. The terrifying part is that she looks like she knows it as well.
She turns fully to our direction and starts walking towards us. She’s taking extended elegant ‘show on and off walk’. She’s the only one with her hair loose. Her heavy lower lip, dabbed with oily taffy pink lipstick, is curved in a partial smile. Her Nordic blue upturned eyes are saying something loud, as they stare at him in pleasure under the beautifully long eye lashes. She is impossible to ignore; straight nose, big eyes, well curved cheekbones and glamorous long neck displayed on bold collarbone. Hourglass body shape and she’s long… I should stop describing her or I might like her, instead of envying her. I hate the way she is eyeing him.
Oh, shit!! I press my chest with my right hand, supporting it with my left arm that’s holding my belly. It feels a lot like my heart is about to burst through my skin, like words are fighting to make their ways out through my tongue, I feel the struggle strangling me from within.
“Katrin,” Zhai whispers a name…I suppose her name, into my right ear and I load my chest with air.
“Evening,” she utters once. She bends down a little from her knees. She sounds calm…too calm; like she enjoys everything, this is home for her…it seems Her smile and relaxed mood are too obvious to deny her comfort, with no deniable joy here…here, I mean in this world and among these odd creatures.
“No,” he says quietly, and I turn to look at him. His lips are curves sideways with his gaze fixed at her. I then look to Zhai, who is looking at Katrin and then him.
“What’s going on?” I whisper, asking her.
“She wants to dine with us,” she smiles sarcastically. I guess he refuses to have her on the same table, but the odd picture is the fact that she is still smiling.
“Oh,” I gasp. “Is she like us…” I point to her and then to me and Zhai smiles innocently.
“She and epery one,” she answers to me. I look at every one, once again and realise that every woman seems to have come from different part of my world. I swallow hard and look down to myself, wondering what we did so wrong to get here.
“Some of them stay, happy and in lope, with him,” she adds.
“Like Katrin?” I whisper to her and she nods in response.
“She’s real danger,” she presses her lips in a hard line. “She is them.”
“You mean?” I frown, turning fully to face her.
“She is bad, and dipren…she wants to be like them. Ladies in the woods.” As she mentions it, a flashback disturbs me, and I shake my head and turn to face him and see that she is already walking to the dining table. Even from her back, she is elegant, and I can see his attention is still on her…even mine.
“You humans…”
“What about us?” I snatch his word and he gasp in surprise, but he smiles.
“Shall we?” he says, pointing to a chair and I walk, take it, facing the window. He then takes it on my right side, facing Zhai to my left.
“Thank you,” Zhai utters and he smiles, looking at her. “Thank you por letting me dine with you two,” she adds, and I frown, looking at her. I don’t understand why she has to be particular about it; after all, I just found out that I am the twenty first lady of his choice.
Just as we take seats, the whole house falls under a solemn silence and the moment start to feel like hours. My eyes are fixed at the French window’s glass’s reflection to the dining table behind me. The reflection is not that clear but I can see just enough. Katrin is sitting facing to our table, but she is also looking at me, through the French window glass. She is sitting comfortably and gracefully, with her right leg crossed over her left as her right arm elbows the chair’s crest rail. She must be really tall, I thought noticing her bare foot.
In line, some creatures start walking into the dining room all the way to our table, with plates in their hands and my attention totally shifts towards them. Their look forms a curve on my lip as I am excited; they have inverted pyramid face shape, too big circle safari blue eyes, snow white skin that glitters, big ears that of an elephant, heart shaped with bold borders lips and too long neck for their chubby short body. Their presence is pleasant and it is making me childish, seeing them walking around to serve us.
I don’t even realise that I am smiling, nor can I control my enthusiasm. I can’t help it but to feel exhilarated. Their presence is exerting, uncontrollable, intoxicating in ecstatic impression. They look so clean and so active in their walk. It’s hard to hate this place, as it is hard to love it. I look up to Zhai and she smiles.
Hell Again Page 18