by Ann Denton
I sighed. “Maybe I should just call Willard off. He’s too much of a bungler. And if he’s seeing Jorad; that man would never violate a single rule.”
“I wouldn’t trust anyone that far, Your Majesty,” Ginnifer yanked my skirt so it fell properly. “If one of those two was a woman, you’d be sure they’d try for the crown. Make a mess of it. But try.”
I eyed Ginnifer, “Well, if you do hear of them trying anything, let me know.”
She gave a curtsy. “I will.”
I strode out of the room without letting her put up my hair. Screw it all. It wasn’t as if Willard gave a shite what I looked like. Clearly, I wasn’t his type. No wonder he hadn’t wanted to get engaged. I chuckled as I took Ryan’s arm.
“What?”
“I was just thinking about how terrified Willard looked when he thought I might make him a knight.”
Ryan laughed quietly. “I’m pretty sure Jorad would have cut off his balls before he let that happen.”
“If that’s allowed in the royal rulebook, I’m certain you’re right.”
“Quinn wanted me to remind you his man is still invisible. Willard doesn’t know he’s being followed.”
I nodded and took a deep breath before I pushed open the door to the hall. For all my jokes about Willard, I did want to know which of my nobles might be scheming against me.
There were six provinces in Evaness besides Agatha’s. Duchess Malia was part mermaid and held a good chunk of land to the north, where a lot of our timber originated.
Connor’s mother, Duchess Kycee, held a good bit of land to the south. She controlled a bay where our battle and trade ships were located. For obvious reasons, Connor’s family didn’t make it onto the list of suspects. Their granddaughter would be a princess. They’d have no reason to betray Connor and me.
“What do you think of Duchess Orunta?” I asked.
Ryan grunted, “Money-wasting snob, not unlike Duke Aiden. But she’s bogged down right now. I heard she just lost three ships full of lace the other day.”
“Three!”
“Yeah, rough waters or something. First time I’ve heard about a ship going down in years.”
“Were they able to rescue anyone?”
“No. I think they might have been too far out. They were on their way back from Sedara.”
I furrowed my brow. “Wow. I don’t recall a report that bad since I was a young girl. Three ships!”
Ryan nodded. “I sent an air patrol. They’re gone. Completely sunk.”
“Was there a storm?”
“That far out at sea? I don’t know,” Ryan shrugged. “Probably.”
I turned back to the mirror while Ginnifer put jewels around my neck and on my fingers.
I weighed the other nobles who might have issue with me. The other three provinces of Evaness spread out to the west.
Duke Aiden and his wife held the land just west of the capital.
The Cerulean Forest was overseen by a half-fairy named Fer.
And to the west of her, along Rasle’s borders, an outspoken pixie named Sunya ran her own province, the province that Queen Isla was so eager to get her hands on.
Other than Connor’s family, I felt like I could rule out Fer. I’d spent a fair amount of time in the Cerulean Forest over the past four years. It had been where I’d thought the wizard was most likely to hide. And from what I could tell, Fer’s people were happy for the most part.
That still left me with quite a few nobles who made my list of potential traitors. It wasn’t a good feeling. Thinking about it made my stomach swim. It felt like sickly worms tunneling through me, eating at my confidence.
I faked a calm smile as I met Willard in the hall. Unlike most days, where the slob was wandering through the castle untucked and half-shaved (I honestly had no idea how meticulous Jorad stood that), today Willard was wearing a pressed shirt and his minimal hair was neatly combed.
“Let’s have tea, while we speak,” I said. I led the way down the hall to the small diamond parlor. It was named that because of the carved crystal collection stored there. One of my ancestors had loved the pixie creations and had a fondness for glass unicorns, crystal castles, and the like. I had always loved the room. Partially because it had been forbidden to me as a child and partially because I thought of it as a giant prism. Connor had always hated it. It was too “rainbow-y.”
I settled into a chair. Ryan stood behind me and we let Willard stand awkwardly in front of us. There was no nearby chair for him. I didn’t really care about his comfort. I cared about his information.
“So, Willard, do you have any idea who might have helped get that dragon into Evaness?”
Willard shuffled on his feet. Behind him, the rainbows projected by the crystals reflected oddly. I gave a nod to Quinn’s invisible spy. The rainbows dipped slightly, so I assumed that whoever was there bowed to me in return.
My eyes flicked back to scan Willard’s pasty face. “Well?”
“Your Majesty, I believe it was … Duke Aiden,” Willard gulped as he finished his sentence.
I kept my face neutral as I asked, “Why do you think this?” Inside, I was angry. I’d known for years Aiden was a shite human. A cheater and a gambler. But a traitor?
“He’s got too much money. Last night, he wagered I couldn’t—well, we made a bet.”
“A bet about what?”
Willard’s cheeks and neck grew rosy. “I’d rather not say.”
“I’d rather you did.” I placed my elbows on the arms of the chair and folded my hands in my lap, doing my best to channel my mother. He better not have done something illegal while working for me. He’d already made a fool of himself with the servants. Maybe I’d made a mistake trying him out in the first place.
I was messing up this monarchy bit by bit.
“I … we bet two hundred gold crowns on drinking a bottle of castor oil. Whoever … was ill first, lost.”
“You mean whoever shite his drawers,” Ryan said gruffly behind me.
“Or puked,” Willard amended, staring at a rainbow that danced on the carpet. His eyes traced the rainbow to its source, a dancing tree and maiden figurine that sat on a windowsill.
“And … you lost?”
Willard glanced up. “No. I won. And that’s why I think Aiden’s the one betraying us all. First off, it’s near winter. Who goes spending their reserves like that? Secondly …” Willard pulled a pouch from his belt. He opened it and poured coins into his open palm. Then he stepped toward me. “Secondly,” he repeated, “take a look at those coins.”
I plucked several from his palm. Ryan did the same. I held a coin up and studied it. But it didn’t have my mother’s visage.
“What’s this?” I asked. The coin didn’t show the profile of any of the royals from any of the seven kingdoms. Occasionally, old coins still circulated. Those from my grandmother’s era popped up every now and again.
But Declan routinely gathered and traded out old coins with the annual tax collection. And I knew my grandmother’s profile. This wasn’t it. Was it an old coin from one of the other kingdoms? I flipped the coin over. The back was clearly stamped the burning rose, symbol of Evaness.
I glanced up at Ryan who shook his head. He didn’t recognize the profile either.
“Do you recognize the face?” I asked Willard.
He shook his head, jowls bouncing. “I don’t. That’s the question isn’t it? Is it even real money? Where’d it come from? He’s got loads of them.”
I studied the coin. A woman with a crooked nose peered off to the side of the gold piece, her curls flowing over a tiara that looked familiar, but I couldn’t quite place it.
“He’s been paying with these coins?”
Willard nodded. “All over the place. People see the burning rose and just take them.”
I glanced at Ryan and clamped the coin in my palm.
“Not bad, Willard. Better than I expected.”
Far better than I expected after the dismal
information Ginnifer had given me about his performance with the servants. Willard had actually found something. Duke Aiden’s pockets overflowed with fake coins. But what did he do to get them? Where was he getting them from? Who?
There were still so many questions.
Willard smiled wide, bowed, and turned to leave. I waited until he reached the door. Mother taught me that. Let people think they were off the hook before you gutted them.
“Now I want you to follow him,” I called out just as Willard turned the knob.
Willard turned back, his eyes bulging. If his face had been red before, it was positively on fire now. “Wh-what?” he spluttered.
“I need you to follow Duke Aiden. I need you to find out where the money is coming from. Or is he minting these coins himself?”
Ryan bit one to test the gold. He looked at me and said, “It’s real.”
Real gold. A lot of it. Guiding a dragon through our lands might cost a lot.
“Follow him every day. Attach yourself at the hip. Whatever’s necessary.”
“I—Your Majesty,” I watched the wheels slowly turn in Willard’s brain. “Surely, I am not suited for such long-term subterfuge?”
“Nonsense. You’ve done so well already. Come back in a day or two and let me know what progress you’ve made.” I nodded and waved my hand, dismissing him.
Willard stood gaping just as a maid came in with a tea cart. I grabbed Ryan’s arm and pulled him toward the cart as Willard let himself out.
Once Willard was gone and the maid had left, I collapsed into the settee near the cart, tossing the coins onto it.
“Damn. How did I do?”
Ryan grinned. “Not bad. You pulled his strings well. He’s a good one to practice on. Others won’t break so easily.”
I grabbed a biscuit and shredded it. “What the sarding hell do you suppose that dung pile Aiden is up to?”
Ryan shrugged before grabbing the teapot. “I asked Quinn to have Declan come up and take a look at these,” he gestured to the coins on the cart. “I don’t know if Aiden’s making them or found buried treasure on his land or what.”
I shook my head. “I doubt it’s either of those things. I think he’s taking payment for guiding that sarding dragon through my kingdom. That shite’s selfish and shortsighted enough to do it.”
“You think he was working with Abbas?” Ryan sat next to me on the settee, careful not to jostle a crystal knight with a tiny lance on the side table.
I nodded. “It would fit. I worked at a tavern. He started coming in to spend money a few months before I heard about the plan to send a beast after Avia. The timelines match.”
Ryan grimaced. “You really think he’d turn against Evaness?”
I shrugged. “I know his reputation more than the man himself. Only spoke with him a few times. Slime, though. Most prostitutes refused to serve him twice. And that’s a sign. Those women choose to make good money off the skewed birth rate and male desperation. They probably could have charged double. Most do, for repeat business. And they were turning Aiden down.”
Ryan stared at me. “I’m not sure if I find it hot that you know so much about brothel business.”
I quirked an eyebrow at him. “You liked what I did to your taint earlier, didn’t you?” I winked. “You can thank a girl named Lera for the tip. She used to like to share stories.”
Ryan belly laughed until he got tears in his eyes. Then he swiped at them and set me on his lap.
Declan arrived moments later. “I was told you all needed me? Took me awhile to figure out what ‘the room with all the glass shite’ was,” he used air quotes to emphasize his annoyance. “I know Quinn has a palace map memorized, he could have just used that. Sometimes, I think he just likes to sard with me.”
“He does,” Ryan confirmed.
I scooped up a coin and held it out to Declan. “Do you recognize this?”
“It’s a gold—oh,” he flipped it over and saw the woman, “Interesting. I have a reference book in my rooms. I can look it up.”
“Thank you.”
Declan turned to go and though I’d just used this technique on Willard, I decided to use it again. Because I was still hot and bothered from my session with Ryan. And because two of my knights were in the room, the very two who had a lingering secret.
Just as Declan grabbed the door handle, I said, “Oh, one more thing. The other day you mentioned that Ryan helped you relieve your tension with sex.”
Ryan grew tense beneath me. Declan froze, hand still on the handle.
“I think I might require a demonstration,” I stood, desire lacing my words. “I don’t know that I could adequately ever help you through your panic, without knowing exactly where to touch you.” I stalked toward Declan.
He turned back to face me, his blue eyes wide. I loved seeing his throat bob as he swallowed hard. “Um…”
I reached my blond sweetling and trailed my fingers up his chest. “Come on, Declan. For me? You know I’ve been thinking about you for days now. About what it might look like with Ryan swallowing your—”
Declan squeezed his eyes shut as Ryan said, “It’s not what you think, Little Dearling.”
I turned back to my tall giant, who’d stood to defend his fellow knight.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
Declan’s voice was soft but clear when he answered, “Whenever we helped each other out, one of us took a disguise spell and turned into you.”
My fantasies of seeing the two of them, hot mouths clashing and hands tugging one another desperately, vanished. I took a step back as I gathered my thoughts.
I pictured it. Them in a room together. Declan swallowing a vial and transforming into me. Ryan reaching out and grabbing him by the hips, yanking him forward into a hot, open-mouthed kiss.
No sarding wonder Ryan had been so confident he could hold me up and have me ride him without falling. No wonder Declan had known exactly how to soothe away the tension in my body.
At first, my jealousy flared. They were mine. But I pushed that irrational emotion down. Because I’d left them. I’d left them with no options. They’d only turned to one another in desperation. In need. Could I begrudge them that? Of course not.
Was I going to make that abundantly obvious to them right away? Hell no.
My eyes narrowed as I glanced between the two of them, planting my hands on my hips.
They both shuffled nervously, worried I’d judge them. I shook my head. “Well, no sarding wonder you’re so good at giving me orgasms. You’re cheaters!” I smiled to show I was joking. Immediately, the tension fled from their bodies.
But I was on a roll, “Just look at all the orgasm training you saved me. I don’t have to do all that uncomfortable ‘to the left, no softer, no harder’ shite that every other woman does. I should pass a new law. Grooms should all be required to take a disguise spell and practice before the wedding night. Shite. Forget every mistake I’ve made thus far. I’m going down in history as Bloss-the-Orgasmic.”
Their laughter shook the room like thunder.
I wagged a finger at them. “Don’t think this gets you out of playing together. That’s still on my wish list.” I turned to let myself out the door, because unfortunately, I realized that the sun was setting, and I needed to check on my animal friends. I looked back to find Ryan and Declan both frozen. I wasn’t sure if it was in horror or shock.
I grinned. “I’m not opposed to playing with girls either, you know. So, you just decide which of the two of you is gonna take the disguise potion when we finally have time for that.”
When I shut the door behind me, the loudest argument in the history of Evaness started.
Chapter Twelve
Cerena wasn’t alone when I went to her tower. Ember stood off in the corner of the room as Cerena chased the little bunny toward a box.
“Get in there, you mangy flea-filled little—” Cerena held a carrot like a weapon more than a treat. She waved the carrot at a wooden crate
lined in burlap nearby.
The rabbit dodged her and ran for her bookshelf on the far side of the room, away from her and Ember.
“Shite!”
Ember giggled, her black wings shaking in laughter.
“They giving you trouble, Cerena?” I stepped into the room, my guard holding open the door for me.
“This little bastard leaves a trail of shite wherever he goes!” Cerena jabbed an accusing finger at the bunny, who bolted toward me. I scooped him up and held in front of me, legs dangling. “That’s not very nice of you, Lilac.”
The shitehead pooped.
I skittered back from the pellet holding him out as far as possible. “What the hell?”
The rabbit twitched its ears meaningfully at me. As if I could understand whatever the sard that meant.
“What? Don’t like your name, Lilac?”
The bunny shite again. I dropped him on Cerena’s work table.
“Fine. You can be Shiter then.”
The rabbit shite. I turned to Cerena. “Are you sure there’s a person in there?”
She nodded. “Oh, I’m sure. And I’m sure right now that it’s a man. No woman would be so disgusting.”
The rabbit dropped another pellet.
“Do you think he has a disorder or something?”
She shrugged. “I dunno. I use rabbit innards. I don’t typically keep them around like this.”
At that, Shiter scrambled off the table and scuttled under my skirts.
“If you shite while you’re under there—”
“What if he looks up while he’s under there?” Ember called out. The Raslen fairy nearly doubled over in laughter, pulling at the ends of her blue hair manically, as I lifted my skirts and hopped away from the rabbit.
“Out!” I scolded the thing.
Shiter did not shite. He sat back on his haunches and crossed his bunny arms. He lowered his ears toward Ember as if he were pointing an accusing finger at her.
I narrowed my eyes at him. It made me wonder if he did look up my skirts and was angry at her for ruining his fun. I determined that Shiter was indeed an appropriate name for the dirty little bunny.