Central to creating a positive footprint are:
Defining the kind of leader/professional you want to be. Write down words you would want others to use if they were asked to describe you.
Knowing clearly how your personal goals align with, and help achieve, your organizational/team vision and purpose.
Fostering self-awareness, reflecting on your own behavior, encouraging others to give you feedback, and knowing what naturally energizes you so that you can be someone who brings energy and resilience to the room even amid the pressures and challenges of organizational life.
Recognizing differences that may arise between your intent and your impact.
Committing to continually grow and learn in both knowledge and skill.
Self-regulating. As my London School of Economics colleague Dr. Emma Soane argues, “The strength and the challenge of self-regulation is ensuring that you have coherence between your personality, your behavior, and your professional goals.” We need discipline to choose action that aligns our intent with our impact. It requires commitment to prioritize action that aligns our intention and impact—not over but through the urgencies, the stresses, the disappointments, the highs and lows of day-to-day life.
My challenge now to every client, whether established or new to their professional journey, is the same question I need to regularly ask myself: Do you know—and are you mindful of on a daily basis—what footprint you want to make? The reality is, people with gravitas lead the room. So be intentional about how you want to lead the room—whether you’re officially a leader or not—because deciding can be the missing step to leading the room well.
“I’M JUST NOT LIKE THAT!”: A QUESTION OF AUTHENTICITY
Deciding on a footprint—this clarity around intention and impact—can make us wary of being inauthentic. When looking to develop gravitas, people often say, “I don’t want to pretend to be something I’m not.” Building gravitas is certainly not about pretending to be someone else.
Authenticity can be thought of as understanding one’s real self (such as deep-level and conscious cognitions, emotions, and beliefs) and acting in congruence with that.6, 7 To put it in everyday terms, it’s about being aware of what we personally really think, feel, and believe, and acting in a way that reflects our values. Researchers describe this alignment between conscious understanding of oneself and behavior as “authentic living.” The quest for authenticity has positive benefits for us personally, with studies suggesting authenticity is one of the strongest predictors of well-being.8 We can be authentic when we have clarity about our values and beliefs, are transparent with them, and—while nobody ever does this perfectly all the time—be intentional about outworking those on a day-to-day basis. Being authentic does not mean being fixed in our habits and the ways of interacting that we’ve (most likely unintentionally) developed over the years.
In this book, we will look at various research-based styles and techniques that my clients have found useful to increase their own gravitas. But this is not about adopting the style of others or pretending to be something we’re not. It’s about developing our skills to put our own personal best foot forward, thereby minimizing the gap between our intention, our action, and our impact. Our intentions stem from our values and beliefs, so in acting to align intention and impact, we should increase authenticity, even though this usually means trying out new ways of behaving.
Discussing the link between authenticity and gravitas recently with my students at the London School of Economics, I shared with them how I discovered (the hard way) that I have a natural tendency to be stubborn. At the same time, it emerged that the outworking of this in my communication style at work was negatively impacting a close colleague, Sarah. I’ll share more on this later, but if being authentic were about being true to my natural style, I would remain stubborn in my future encounters with Sarah. But this is not in line with my values, my beliefs regarding how I should interact professionally, nor my intention: this is not how I want to “show up” with Sarah. The outworking of my stubbornness is not how I want to impact her. Wanting to be authentic was not permission to stick rigidly to my “natural style” or to continue having a negative impact on my colleague. I needed to learn to act in a way that aligned my intention and impact.
A New Natural
One of my clients, Mitan, challenged me on how he could change and be authentic. When I spoke to his senior manager, who had recommended Mitan for coaching, he said Mitan needed “more gravitas, to stand out more in the room and connect with clients more quickly and effectively.” Mitan recognized these as areas he was “weaker” in, though he wasn’t convinced he should be trying to change. “But I’m just not like that,” he pleaded with me. “I don’t want to pretend to be someone I’m not. Other people just click and connect with the clients, and I’m just not like that. I can’t chat the way they can and I don’t get attention the way others do. But my work speaks for itself and I thought everyone was happy with that.” While Mitan certainly was valued for the written work he contributed, being able to connect with clients and hold their attention face-to-face was also part of his role. Thankfully, these are skills he could develop. When we discussed behaving differently, he pushed back on the authenticity front. But when we looked at the impact he wanted to have, his intention toward his clients, and his convictions about delivering the best for his company—in every area of his role—he was open to change.
Mitan was skeptical at first that he could change, but we walked through a few techniques he could put into place, and he was prepared, if somewhat apprehensive, to try them. I asked him to just try some new techniques for a few weeks until we met again. For Mitan, this began with acknowledging the Trap of Expertise, building in time for Space in the Middle, being mindful of his Virtual Gravitas, and committing to the Principles of Wisdom (just some of the techniques we’ll look at throughout the book). We made some tweaks along the way, but over time, these became second nature to Mitan, and his appraisal feedback and subsequent promotion served as evidence to him that he could be “like that”—if he chose to. Rather than sticking rigidly to his natural style and habits of interacting that had developed over time, he came to agree that it was more important to try to adapt. That way, he’d have a better chance of impacting other people in the way he wanted.
Wanting to be “authentic” is not an excuse to be fixed and say, “I’m just not like that.” Yes, one’s personality—distinctive characteristics and patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving—is relatively stable over time. And holding others’ attention, being taken seriously, and connecting with and positively impacting those around them may seem to come more naturally to some people than to others. But people who feel (and potentially fear) that it’s not as natural for them to do these things can implement practices to have more gravitas and the impact they desire.
Being authentic demands clarity and discipline to sometimes move away from old habits, try new things, and be true to your intention for impact. Throughout the book, you’ll find suggested techniques and ideas for shifting your mind-set and behaviors in practice to increase your gravitas. You might not feel that all are appropriate or relevant for your particular context. But if you do choose to try out some new ways of thinking, behaving, and interacting, you might feel awkward or like it’s “not you.” It might be hard, but don’t let negative self-talk or fear of others’ judgment (particularly those people who’ve known you for a long time) let you think you’re being inauthentic. It might not feel natural immediately, but if you’re clear about how you want to show up, what your goals are for your impact on your situations and other people, you’re being true to your intention. You’re being more authentic than people who are just running through life without thinking much about their impact and what they want it to be—not clear or mindful of their beliefs and intentions. And while these practices might need a bit of tweaking al
ong the way, if you stick with it, get feedback, and adapt accordingly, you’ll find a new “natural,” and gravitas—while always a journey—will feel more like you.
CHOOSING COURAGE OVER CONFIDENCE
The next challenge to tackle, when looking to build authentic gravitas, is the Myth of Confidence. People regarded by others as having gravitas are almost universally described as confident. You might feel like confidence is the main ingredient lacking from establishing your own gravitas. So does gravitas require confidence? The surprising answer is no.
Many people with gravitas don’t actually have the confidence we imagine them having. They don’t all wake up thinking, I’m awesome. I’m ready. Numerous clients whom others describe as having gravitas have confided in me that they still have to look at themselves in the mirror each morning and tell themselves, You’ve got this. You can do it. One of my friends who runs multiple large teams, who certainly is valued, trusted, and respected, is consistently making an important and serious contribution, describes how she “team briefs” herself. Others refer to it as their own pep talk. And off they go, showing up in a way where they are widely and consistently taken seriously, valued because of the value they add, trusted, and respected. How do they do it? How do they seemingly choose confidence? Here’s the reality. They don’t. They feel the fear and do it anyway. They choose courage. And as they choose to be courageous and act in alignment with their values, they build confidence. Authenticity breeds confidence—not “I’m going to rule the world” confidence, but inner strength that says, “I know who I am, I know what matters to me, and I know how I want to show up.” As we’ll see throughout the book, this comes with discipline, practice, self-reflection, and humility.
While the virtue of courage has been extolled for a long time, emerging in the management research is now a consensus as to what actually constitutes courage, including these essential components.9, 10, 11
Intentional action. It involves deliberate consideration and a voluntary willingness to act.
A worthy goal. The focus is a positive, important outcome.
Perceived risks, threats, obstacles, or challenging opportunities. There may or may not be varying levels of fear, but it does involve significant risk to the person. In a work context, this could be social or psychological risk as one engages in different activities to take up a new, challenging opportunity. It could be speaking up and standing up to make a positive difference. In the context of servant leadership (in which courage is considered a crucial characteristic), courage is about daring to take risks and trying new approaches to old problems.12
Courage and integrity (which we build as we minimize the gap between intention and impact) were found in research to be the two most important virtuous predictors for C-level executive performance.13 While they are vital for the C-suite, they are accessible to all. Both are choices we get to make.
People who are regarded as having high levels of authentic gravitas may look confident, but actually they are choosing to be courageous. At times, in any given context, they will feel confident, often increasingly so as they become more acquainted with that context and grow in the skills required to add positive, significant value there. They do not, however, feel consistently confident. And with each new venture or opportunity comes a wavering of confidence, but also a continued commitment to be courageous. In line with the essential components, they are (1) intentional; (2) looking to make a significant, positive impact on the situation they are in and the people around them; and (3) in pursuit of a goal that is associated with some risk. For example, they may step forward to take on new opportunities, contribute alternative viewpoints and take a strong position, seek constructive feedback, and try new behaviors when interacting with people at work to better align their intention and impact.
Here’s what’s great about discovering that it’s courage rather than confidence we need for authentic gravitas. As courage by definition involves some perceived risk or challenge, we can see how our feelings of nervousness, anxiety, or even fear are reasonable responses to what we’re embarking on. That’s true whether it’s speaking up to lead a discussion in a room full of new people, putting your hand up for new and unknown projects and challenges, committing to pushing your knowledge base and growing your expertise, engaging in difficult conversations, or trying new behaviors to connect with and influence others. We talk about “confidence,” but what we actually need is self-efficacy. As psychologist Albert Bandura noted, confidence refers to strength of belief, but I could, for example, be “confident that I will fail at this endeavor.”14 What we want to feel is the psychological resource of self-efficacy: the expectation that we can perform competently across a broad range of challenging situations that require effort and perseverance.15 Self-efficacy is fairly stable but can be developed (for example, through successful experiences or role-modeling). Leader self-efficacy involves the confidence to successfully motivate others.16 Of course, we want this psychological resource! I’m certainly not arguing that confidence is a bad thing. Quite the opposite. It’s just that it’s not a prerequisite for increasing authentic gravitas. It may be a positive output rather than a necessary input. Interviewees regarded by others as having high levels of gravitas vulnerably revealed that they don’t consistently feel this in their quests to continue having a positive impact and adding significant value. They are, however, (1) intentional, (2) working toward a worthy goal, and (3) aware of a real risk that they might not be successful. They are, by definition, choosing to be courageous.
In whichever way you’re looking to lead the room, expanding the boundaries of how you add significant value is likely to feel somewhat scary because there’s uncertainty around the outcome. We “see” confidence when we look at people who we consider to have gravitas. But that doesn’t mean they always feel confident. We don’t need to wait to feel confident to have authentic gravitas; we should feel like we’re being courageous.
For those who don’t think courage comes naturally to them, the good news is, courage can be learned.17 To sum up, here are four ways to build your gravitas by learning to choose courage and tackling that feeling that you “need more confidence”:
1. Practice courage. Aristotle suggested that character traits such as courage are made up of habits, which are formed through “repetitious acts.”18 Professor William I. Miller at the University of Michigan suggests that in order to attain courage, one should be courageous: it can only be attained by doing it.19 In new or challenging contexts, confidence is something that can build over time. So waiting until we feel “ready” can hold us back. It’s often in the doing that people build their courage and subsequently find their confidence. Starting from a market stall, the company Innocent Drinks now produces more than a million smoothies a day. I had the privilege of spending time with the company’s cofounder Richard Reed while hosting him at the LSE. Reed had conducted interviews for his book, If I Could Tell You Just One Thing . . . 20 When speaking of his findings, he shared how so many of the interviewees, some of the world’s most influential people from all walks of life, disclosed that they didn’t always feel confident—not just at the start of their journey, but even now. That doesn’t stop them, though. Do not wait to feel confident. Choose to step out and be courageous, and you’ll likely find that your confidence grows along the way. Courage precedes confidence.
2. Beware of the self-fulfilling prophesy of “needing more confidence.” Recognize that confidence is something that comes and goes—for everyone. Being confident isn’t a place or a point in time we suddenly arrive at. It builds over time, but it also wavers. We all take knocks to our confidence. What’s important is not to feel bad about yourself for experiencing a lack of confidence. Many clients in search of greater gravitas have disclosed their challenge with confidence, being self-critical for not having it. They believe they should have confidence, that it’s part of their role to be confident, and they worry
they’re not ticking that box. Telling yourself you need more confidence can be a vicious cycle, with that self-talk decreasing your confidence further.
Some people suggest that those who have more confidence automatically seem worthy of gravitas. They deserve to have a more significant impact; they should be engendering greater respect; they should be taken more seriously. This can trigger a downward spiral of wider self-doubt and a sense of helplessness. But as we’ve already seen, people often project more confidence than they feel—they’re simply choosing to courageously act in line with their convictions. And we all take a knock to our confidence at times. Recognizing this means you choose to see your lack of confidence as a current feeling but not as a self-defeating label. The self-label of “no self-confidence” is incredibly unuseful. It may feel real and justified, but it doesn’t help you move forward. It’s important to rip it off like a Band-Aid and look at what’s really going on underneath—what are the circumstances when you feel this, when do you not feel like this, what might be causing it, are there any other words you could use to describe how you’re thinking and feeling? Only then can you start to generate solutions for how to build, or get back, your confidence, experiencing an upward spiral effect, with energy-boosting positive emotions and a greater sense of powerfulness. If we acknowledge a lack of confidence as a current feeling rather than a permanent label, we have the opportunity to do something about it; we have more control. And a sense of control itself can build confidence.
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