The research findings support the notion that gravitas is not reserved for those with certain personality types, but for those who are able to adapt their style with skill. Far from being disingenuous, adapting requires the courage to try out new ways of engaging and the conviction to impact others in a positive way.
Here are some examples of how we can effectively adapt our style to minimize the intention-impact gap and increase our authentic gravitas, all in just one working day.
To build gravitas, the research highlighted three key areas for adapting our style—pace, idea generation, and critique—regardless of our personal preferences in these areas.
CHOOSING OUR SPEED SETTINGS: THE POWER OF PACE
Marco sighed silently as Anita walked into his office. There goes my work, he couldn’t help but think. Marco liked Anita. She was smart, good with clients, and easy to get along with. But she had a tendency to talk on and on, and Marcus liked to get things done. “Yes, Anita, how can I help?” He didn’t need a fifteen-point plan, and he didn’t want dozens of questions. He liked it when people came in and got straight to the point. Smiling, Anita calmly walked in and took one of the two leather chairs on the other side of his desk. “I’ve been looking at how we should move forward on the Monetty case and have come up with three options. The first is that we could go back to the developers . . .” Anita went on and described each option in turn. She walked through her three well-thought-out plans, waiting to get positive reinforcement, hoping that at last she would impress Marco and show him that she could take the lead on the Monetty account. It would be by far her biggest account, and she felt ready to oversee it. Marco never showed her that he was pleased, she wasn’t sure what he thought of her, and some evenings she left the office with a niggling concern that he didn’t like or respect her. After all, sometimes he would walk straight past her without even saying hello. Still, she was determined to show him that she was ready.
Anita: Take One
Having thoroughly explained the three options, Anita was pleased when Marco suggested option three, advising the client to make changes to the plan, which she felt was the best choice. “Yes, great. I was thinking that was the best as well because . . .” she went on happily. “So if we go with this option, should we go back to the client first or check in with Jim in the real estate team? I think Jim could add a lot of value here. Maybe I’ll go and speak to him and come back to you with what he says. Is it best to wait for the next planned client catch-up meeting, or should I meet with them as soon as possible? Or you could, or we could both go? I think this really is the best option for them. It might be a good case study for the firm’s newsletter. I’m looking forward to it.” Anita hoped that Marco would see she was ready and suggest she handle the next phase alone. He didn’t.
Marco wished Anita would live up to her potential. He just didn’t feel she had the gravitas to carry off being the lead on the Monetty account. He wished she was ready, because he certainly could do with having it off his very full plate, and for him, it was a relatively small account.
Let’s give Anita a do-over.
Anita: Take Two
Having briefly explained the options and answered Marco’s questions on a couple of points, Anita was pleased when Marco suggested option three, advising the client to make changes to the plan, which she felt was the best choice. “Great, that’s what I thought. Thanks, Marco.” Anita gathered her things quickly, stood up, and walked back to her desk.
Later, she would find Jim from the real estate department and seek his advice on changing the plans. She’d then email the client to find out when they’d be available to meet. Anita wasn’t sure if Marco would want her to go alone or if he’d want to go, too (or by himself), so once she had the client availability, she planned to send him a brief email asking what he’d prefer. Anita hoped that Marco would see she was ready and suggest she handle the next phase alone. He did.
Marco was pleased. Anita had confidently walked out of his office without taking up much of his time, and when he got a three-line email explaining her actions since their conversation and asking if he wanted to go to the meeting, he realized he didn’t need to. She was ready to be the lead on the account.
Clarity, Brevity, and Haste
Some professionals have a strong preference for moving things forward quickly—both on projects and in conversation. They may appear assertive, direct, and goal-oriented. When working with people who have this preference, it’s easy to make the mistake of simply talking too much. Whether we’re excited about the options or calmly walking through what we see to be many important details, we can be thorough in making our point. If you ever feel like someone is curt in response to you, take that as a red flag—an indication of a possible interaction preference. They may prefer their colleagues to be direct and to the point, particularly if they’re in the middle of something else. It may sound obvious, but it’s easy to miss the signs to stop talking.
You might think, Surely that person needs all the details to make a good decision? Surely it’s okay to keep asking the questions I need answered? Yes and yes. But they’ll ask you for more details if they want them. And they’ll appreciate you just getting the key questions out of the way, and coming back when necessary (and again, in short, punchy interactions—be they face-to-face or by phone or email). When I ask clients with these preferences how they would describe someone with gravitas, they highlight the importance of being to the point and direct and having the facts and figures to support their argument if needed. They appreciate clarity in communication. The way Anita concluded her meeting with Marco in take two made him believe she was assertive, confident in her views, and certain about her ability to carry out the work. Anita’s gravitas, for Marco, was revealed in how and when she walked away.
People who prefer brevity are not careless in their work or decision-making. Far from it. Kathleen Eisenhardt at Stanford University, writing in the Academy of Management Journal, proposed that in high-velocity environments, fast, high-quality, strategic decisions can actually lead to superior performance.5 The findings, from research with top management teams across eight firms, suggest that fast decision-makers used more, not less, information and developed more, not fewer, alternatives. The key was to have as much information in real time as possible and to identify as many alternatives as possible. Eisenhardt highlights that having simultaneous alternatives can reduce the escalation of commitment to any one option given their lower psychological stake in any one position, and it can allow executives to shift quickly if one alternative fails, given they have a fallback position. She found that conflict resolution was crucial; fast teams actively dealt with conflict, whereas teams that made slower decisions tended to delay until external events forced them into action. Eisenhardt describes a simple two-step process whereby a team attempts to reach consensus. If they have it, the choice is made. If they don’t, the CEO and relevant VP make the choice, guided by others’ input.
Adapting your style for others who like speed certainly doesn’t mean rushing and leaving work unfinished or producing lower-quality work than you otherwise would have presented. It’s not an excuse to turn up unprepared in the name of getting a lot of things done quickly. We actually need to be more prepared and systematic to be able to engage in “speed” effectively. And it’s of course not about the pace at which we speak or rushing through conversations. It’s a reflection of some professionals’ strong preference for clear and concise interactions that are focused on moving a project or situation forward. This does not mean they won’t ask for details or want longer conversations at times—especially when those things are needed in order to make the right decisions about how to quickly move things along.
Anita could identify cues to Marco’s preferences for interaction. His communication was direct, straight to the point, and focused on making decisions to get things done. Here are some keys as to how Anita could adapt her style:
Be clear about her goal—ideally just one (e.g., know the one question she most needed answered).
Have evidence and detail to support her argument, should she need it.
Be direct with her objective or questions—share/ask them and then stop talking after a clear, punchy, confident ending: “Great, that’s what I thought. Thanks, Marco.”
Follow up with more minor comments or questions at a later date, unless they can be quickly covered in the meeting.
Let’s look at the flip side. Shouldn’t Marco adapt as well? If he wants to create an environment where he’s respected, bringing out the best in others to bring out the best in the situation overall—to have authentic gravitas—then yes. Anita notices that sometimes he walks past without saying hello, making her feel uncertain about his view of her rather than instilling confidence in her. Marco knows that Anita likes to take time to talk through options and ideas, and he, too, could adapt and proactively manage their interactions to make sure he’s bringing the best out of her and adding the most value (consider the ideas discussed in the “Silent Messages of Value” section in chapter 2 for more on how Marco could adapt his style and proactively manage their relationship given Anita’s interpersonal preferences). He could adapt by proactively managing timing (when they talk) so he feels he is able to slow down and give her the time she wants (how they talk).
Having a preference for “speed” is not a requirement for authentic gravitas. What does help is looking for cues that suggest people have this strong preference, combined with the discipline and skill to adapt if we’re not naturally oriented this way when we work with people who are. Or if we have this preference, to be mindful when working with people who are different from us. It’s about adapting our style, throwing the ball a different way.
GENERATING BRIGHT IDEAS
“So if we don’t move on this without the Acorn deal sewn up, we risk delaying the rest of the project. Okay, let’s hear it. What do you think?” Anita caught only the last part of Rowena’s briefing as she walked in. One of the founding partners of the firm, Rowena was known for her brainstorming meetings—they could go for hours and always involved a lot of coffee, sometimes pizza, and Anita knew numerous people who pinpointed one of these meetings as being pivotal in their career. She knew the context well and was happy to jump in and discuss ideas, quickly getting filled in on some of the information she’d missed.
Shaun: Take One
As Anita took in the room, she saw Jim, and made a mental note to catch up with him afterward. She saw his clear enthusiasm, aware that he loved a good brainstorm and debate. Anita had heard Jim contribute many strong ideas in such meetings. She glanced across at her colleague and friend Shaun, who was clearly not as enthused. Shaun sat quietly, examining the many documents in front of him, rarely contributing. Anita knew he was taking it all in, and was conscious that he was one of the brightest people in the room, but wished, for his sake, that he’d speak up.
When Rowena asked Shaun which of the possible directions he felt they should take, Anita watched him go for it. He talked through the pros and cons of each option, finally contributing, seemingly comfortable to share his take on each. Anita sighed—if only Shaun had answered Rowena’s question.
Shaun felt defeated. He was starting to resent the fact that he seemed to need so much more time than everyone else. He couldn’t just jump in with great ideas and certainly wasn’t prepared to throw out a recommendation when he hadn’t had the opportunity to seriously consider all the options. All he felt he could do was talk through how he saw all the options; but that didn’t seem to be what Rowena (or often others) wanted. He wanted to have time to think through things and oscillated between self-defeat (I just can’t do it; I’m not like them) and annoyance (Why don’t people ever give me time to think things through properly?).
Let’s give Shaun a do-over.
Shaun: Take Two
As Anita took in the room, she saw Jim, and made a mental note to catch up with him afterward. She saw his clear enthusiasm, aware that he loved a good brainstorm and debate. She glanced across at her colleague and friend Shaun, who was clearly not as enthused. Shaun sat quietly, with many documents in front of him that Anita knew he would be eager to go through in detail. Although he wasn’t saying much, she could see that he was fully engaged—focusing his eyes on the person speaking, showing his clear interest in the topic. Anita knew he was taking it all in, and was conscious that he was one of the brightest people in the room, but wished, for his sake, that he’d speak up.
When Rowena asked Shaun which of the possible directions he felt they should take, Anita watched him gracefully navigate what she knew to be his reluctance to make a call when he hadn’t had time to carefully go through the options. He smiled and said, “There’s a lot here, Rowena. We’ve got a lot of options now and I’m mindful that we need to make a decision by the end of today. How about if I make some time to look over the options, do a sense-check of what we have on the table, pull together some of the final numbers to bring back to everyone, and we all regroup mid-afternoon to make a final decision?” Anita admired his ability to make known his desire for time to think through things and simultaneously show he was adding value for the team by taking the weight off others, contributing in a way that suited his strengths, all while being mindful of the real and immovable deadlines. On other occasions, she had seen him directly answer questions posed by members of the executive team and clients, sharing his point of view in a way that he was comfortable with. “I think our second option is the right way forward. What I’ll do is take this offline, go through the details in light of the new information we’ve discussed today, and come back to you by Tuesday morning with confirmation so we can quickly move ahead.”
Courage, Vulnerability, and Owning Your Preference
Can Shaun adapt his style? Though he could choose to give an answer quickly, Shaun is likely to not be able to shift his natural preference from wanting time to go through details and think things through independently to suddenly coming up with ideas on the spot. He might have some ideas but be uncomfortable sharing them without his considered due diligence. So what can he do? In his second take, he adapted by acknowledging and accepting, rather than resenting, the fact that some people, like Rowena and Jim, do work best in this environment. Shaun fought his desire to put his head down and stayed fully engaged in the conversation and ideas, using his body language to show respect for the contributions others were making. He maintained silent gravitas. He knew the brainstorming, on-the-spot decision-making culture of his workplace, and had developed a strategic way of bringing his best work. When there was space for it, he expressed his preference for independently going through the details in order to contribute to the team, while still acknowledging the tight timelines. When he needed to, he did make a call, even though he didn’t feel comfortable, giving himself a post-meeting strategy to ensure he was doing his best work and happy to take full ownership of his recommendation.
Furthermore, he could go to Rowena and others to communicate his preferences for coming up with ideas and making decisions after having some quiet time to think alone. He may feel vulnerable doing so, particularly with people who are different from him in this way. Nonetheless, he could share his perspective on how he can best contribute—recognizing it’s not always possible, but wherever it is, he’d appreciate an opportunity to go through information before group meetings so he can think through the options and be prepared to bring his ideas to a meeting. When that isn’t possible, he would like to take away the information from the meeting and come back with reflections and possibly new ideas—this is the way he contributes best. Without data to the contrary, it’s easy for us to assume that people’s preferences for thinking, decision-making, and interacting are the same as ours. Rowena may never have known Shaun’s preferences if he wasn’t bold enough to tell her and to ask for more time to think through things.
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