by P. Roper
“I’m walking,” I snapped at him.
“Pretty girl, it’s really not a nice day for a walk. You left your phone at home.” His left brow lifted, waiting to see how I would respond.
“I wouldn’t need it.” I was struggling to keep my voice steady. The Nathaniel I had come to know was back and making my leaving feel like an off the cuff, chaotic choice. Just by looking at me like he was.
“What, were you planning to just walk to Boston? It’s approximately a seven hour trek; I don’t think you would have made it.” A smirk ghosted his features before his confusion and frustration overpowered it again.
“No, I was planning on getting to the next town and calling for a cab.”
He shook his head. “It’s New Year’s Day. Nothing is open outside of the city.” His hands slid down my arms, wrapping around my mittened ones. “Come back. Get warm. Fucking talk to me. And if you still want to leave, I will have a car take you wherever you want to go.”
I was frozen to the bone. I knew I wouldn’t make it much farther on foot anyway. I looked around me as frustrated tears dropped to my cheeks and clung to my lashes. His thumbs brushed them away, as his hands framed my face. “Please, Deliah. I would really prefer to not have to start the New Year with you freezing to death, executing a plan that resembles Swiss cheese.”
When I still didn’t speak, he sighed before bending down to grasp my legs. “Fucking put me down, you behemoth,” I shouted, pounding on his broad back. He was unfazed as he pulled open the back door and dropped me inside. Closing the door behind me, he shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. I dove across the back in an attempt to escape out the other side of the vehicle, but wrenching on the door handle did nothing.
Sliding into the driver seat, he chuckled. Patting the dash, before putting the SUV in gear, he spoke. “Highest safety rating means a ton of family friendly features.” He paused, completing a 3 point turn. Then meeting my eyes in the rear-view mirror, he said, “including child locks on the doors.” I huffed and slumped back in the seat.
The three of us remained in silence for the few minute drive back. Noelle slipped out of the car and into the house the moment we rolled to a stop. Nathaniel turned in his seat, noticing me watch her. “Waking to find you missing this morning, hurt her. At first, she burst into my room, screaming that you had been kidnapped. But finding the note you left in the kitchen she just shut down. You left without as much as a goodbye. She’s just barely seventeen.” He paused, pulling his lips between his teeth, “I think I have some sort of grasp on why you’re pissed at me. But how the fuck could you do that to her? What’s wrong with you?”
“I couldn’t stay. Not after that spectacle last night.” Sitting straighter, my voice raised with each word I spoke. “By the way, what the fuck was that, Nathaniel? I thought we had an understanding, some semblance of respect. And then you go and treat me like a fucking timeshare, offering me out to your friends and tossing threats about my future along the way? And to top it off, you had the audacity to hunt me down and bring me back, to talk to you,” my fingers made air quotes. “Yet you didn’t even consider granting me the courtesy of conversation last night? But sure, sit there asking what’s wrong with me?”
His hand scrubbed down his face. “Last night was an amalgamation of things. We’re here now. Let’s have that conversation while we’re both actually sober. First question? What happened to the pasties I watched you put on Christmas Eve?” His eyes narrowed and his head tilted.
I sighed, tears in my eyes. “Your brother fucking happened, Nathaniel! But I assure you, it was not by my choice. I despise that man! How could you possibly believe I would willingly have anything to do with him?”
As my words registered, his face drained of colour and his shoulders squared. “Fuck. Did he -?” Nathaniel asked with wide eyes.
I cut him off putting my hand up between us. “No, he didn’t get the chance. He dragged me into the dark parlour near the kitchen. He ripped the stickers from my nipples, manhandling them. He threatened me. Then had me trapped, bent over the chaise with my dress up around my waist. Your father’s footsteps in the hall made him pause just long enough for me to push him back and escape.” I took a breath as I watched his jaw tick. “I didn’t have time to search for the fucking stickers, Nate.” I took a breath and my voice rose again. “Your brother tried to fucking rape me and then a week later you practically let your friend do the same. Calling it some sort of punishment for what you had mistakenly assumed about the former, based on something your father must have said.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? It’s been a week and had I not tracked you down, I still wouldn’t know!”
“I didn’t want to ruin your fucking Christmas!” I screamed at him through my tears.
He scrubbed a hand down his face before turning and sliding out of the driver’s seat. He opened the back door but blocked the way out with himself. “I’m so, so very sorry, Deliah. Please, stay. Keep your own room, keep your job. I won’t touch you unless you initiate it. I swear.” I started to shake my head. “Please, don’t even do it for me. Stay for Noelle. Be Audrey’s right hand. Pretty girl, please?”
I had never seen a grown man plead before. I licked my lips and closed my eyes. “I will stay for six more weeks,” I compromised. “I won’t disappear on Noelle, I’ll promise to keep in touch with her when I leave. And who the hell are you kidding? Audrey doesn't need me. Not in the slightest.” He nodded. “If you’ll excuse me? I apparently have an unintentionally broken fence to mend.”
He hung his head and stepped back, allowing me out of the vehicle. When I was halfway to the house, he called my name, making me pause. “For what it’s worth, thank you. And I truly am so sorry. I’ll have your bags returned to your room.” I nodded and continued into the house.
I found Noelle in the kitchen. “Baking?” I asked, shucking my outerwear.
Her eyes looked at me full of hurt, but she didn’t speak.
“Noelle, I’m sorry. It wasn’t you I was leaving. I just had to go. But regardless, it’s been decided that I will remain here for six more weeks. You’ll get a proper farewell then, and I will always just be a phone call away. Okay?” I stepped closer to her with each sentence I spoke.
Tears poured down her cheeks. “You left me!” She screamed.
“I know, and I’m so sorry.”
She let me wrap my arms around her, in consolation. As I rubbed her back, soft sobs poured from her. “What about you and Nate?” she asked through sniffles, when she had calmed some.
I shook my head. “That ship has sailed. We fucked up. Him more so, but that’s not the point. It’s better this way. I promise.” I fought to keep my voice stoic. Endings were hard; I was younger than I probably should have been when I learned that. But as much as they hurt like hell, more often than not they led to new beginnings.
The first month of the New Year passed slowly. There was little work to do, as most executives were on their post-Christmas holiday. I wandered through the house, offering aid to Ellen whenever I could. My evenings, I would spend either reading or with Noelle.
True to his word, Nathaniel never touched me. He barely even looked at or spoke to me unless it was business related. But I could still feel him whenever he entered a room. As the hurt of the wicked misunderstanding faded, I found myself lingering outside the doors to his office and bedroom. I wanted to talk to him. I missed our conversations. But I needed to remind myself that I was leaving in a couple weeks.
I had been looking for apartments in the city. Then I wouldn’t have to start completely over. I was also fruitlessly looking for jobs. Audrey had even put out some feelers in the executive world, looking to see if anyone had reception or PA openings. But nothing had come up yet.
Audrey was kept busy the first week of February, planning a pending week of meetings in New York. As such, I busied myself helping Noelle study for her winter term finals and proofreading editorial piece s
ubmissions for her race to become the next editor of her school paper. She would be running against the student who had her beat by a narrow margin for top of her class. The girl was brilliant, but I wasn’t sure she fully realized it.
During one of our study sessions, she rambled about how A and E had elaborate Valentines plans with their boyfriends. Her rambling turned into ranting about how it felt like their relationships were always in her face. She was one of very few day students at the school, most opting to live on campus. As such, her opportunities for socializing were slightly different from those of her classmates.
“I just want to fall frantically in love, you know?” She had begun pacing a full twenty minutes before making that statement.
“I know, Noelle. And you will. But, sweetie, what’s your rush?”
She paused at that, eyeing me critically. “Deliah,” she said slowly, motionless. “Have you ever been in that kind of love?” As the question left her lips, she looked at the ceiling wistfully. “The kind that keeps you up at night in the most delectable ways and makes you whimsically sway to love songs playing in your head? When breathing feels physically easier because you have them in your life.” She paused, clasping her hands to her chest and swaying slightly. The girl was deep in her hopeful ideals of love. Watching her fall in the kind of love she was describing would be a stunning thing to witness.
Her eyes met mine and the longing in them was tangible as she continued. “Like, you need to pinch yourself because you are legitimately baffled that someone’s soul could speak to you on that level? When their voice sends your stomach on a Jurassic level tumble, because butterflies are far too delicate to describe how the sound of them makes you feel? When everything else fades from existence because you’re so desperately wrapped up in one another and your world stops spinning for a moment whenever they fully smile at you. Have you ever been in that kind of love?”
The way she described love made my heart ache. Had I? I replayed her words over again in my head. “Maybe,” I said. But it came out almost as a question, earning me more curiosity from her.
“What do you mean maybe? Deliah, you either have or you haven’t. That kind of love consumes you.” She sat across from me cradling her chin in her hands, waiting out my response. I closed my eyes, silently repeating her words again. I saw his smile in my head and my breath caught.
“Noelle? Are you... Oh, sorry.” His voice had my eyes shooting open. “I didn’t mean to interrupt. I – I, uh, just wanted to confirm my schedule for next week with you. But I can come back.” He was gone as quickly as he had appeared. But my attempts to hide my lingering reaction to his presence were futile against Noelle.
Scrutinizing me for a moment as I shuffled papers, she gasped. “Oh, God,” her eyes widened as she shook her head. “Nooo. No, no, no.” The last no came out as a whisper and she stopped speaking, but continued to gape at me.
I hesitated. We hadn’t spoken in weeks. But the words ‘it hurts because it matters,’ alongside an image of his face looped through my head. “Maybe,” I breathed out before my hand covered my mouth.
“Heaven help us,” she said as her gaze met the ceiling. A heavy sigh fell from her. “You have to tell him.” Her eyes looked into mine.
“No, I can’t.”
“Why!” She exclaimed, her fist pounding the table.
“Noelle,” I started. But she cut me off, exasperated.
“Don’t Noelle me! You two have been dancing around each other here, for weeks! Both of you are clearly oblivious to the tension building by the hour.” She rubbed her forehead, thinking. “Don’t leave while he’s gone next week? Stay until he returns. It’s only a couple extra days. Then I can process this, and I also won’t have to be essentially alone in this big house?”
I pondered. I had nowhere to go yet and Noelle was right, she would be alone if I left as originally scheduled. “I’ll stay for you. He won’t be here anyway,” I said. “But I’m getting his itinerary from Audrey and I’m leaving before he returns. No arguments Noelle, please.” She nodded. Rounding the table, she pulled me from my chair and into a tight hug. I guessed it was time to figure out his schedule one more time.
Chapter 16
I’m not really sure how much sleep I got in the days following my conversation with Noelle. Not enough, that I could discern absolutely though. Monday would be the 9th, making Saturday International Singles Awareness Day. I had spent the month of February so far, juggling Audrey’s usual schedule, while all her time went into planning meetings and acquisitions in New York.
“Up!” Noelle burst into my bedroom, Sunday morning and bee lined for my closet. “Uh, where are all your clothes?” She asked as she popped her head back out seconds later.
I pointed to the stacks of boxes opposite the bed I still lay in. “Suitcases,” I mumbled, still not fully awake.
“Oh, that might actually make this easier!” She flew around the bed and began frantically picking things from each suitcase and swapping their locations.
I sat up, groggy. “What exactly are you doing?” My voice, still not quite mine.
“Oh! Ha! Silly me.” Her honey blonde hair would have made a swoosh sound when she spun to face me, had we been in a cartoon. Her full face, gleeful smile accosted me. The girl looked like she was up to something.
“So, Audrey woke up this morning with a brutal cough. She called me because she knew how little you’ve slept lately.” She raised her eyebrows and tilted her head, emphasising her point.
I rolled my eyes and then my wrist hoping she’d just continue. “Anyway, she called. She won’t be able to go to New York with Nate. She’s seeing the doctor first thing tomorrow morning, but she’s pretty sure she has bronchitis.”
“Damn. Okay? So we rearrange a couple things, no big deal. She has a reliable enough team; she can do almost everything remotely. I don’t see the problem?”
“Audrey simply doesn’t trust anyone else to go with him,” she paused, shrugging as she pursed her lips and inspected her nails. She was waiting for me to – I gasped.
“Oh, fuck no!” I jumped out of bed and rounded it to stand in front of her. “I can’t. Absolutely not. No way. I mean, who’s going to keep you company here? Kate is more familiar with the business. Janie is more up to date on all the real estate. Pete knows the numbers better than his own phone number. Legit everyone on the team is more qualified than I am.”
Her head tilted. “My brother knows every facet of his company better than anyone else. Even Janie, Kate, and Pete, combined. Audrey was going to go because Nate knows the company, but Audrey knows Nate,” she fidgeted a moment before adding sincerely, “And so do you. Plus you know the city better than anyone we have.”
She was right; I had lived in New York for 5 years. I knew the city better than any of the Bostonians on payroll. Many of them hadn’t even left the Boston area for college. I rolled my neck and rubbed my hands over my face. “Okay, so, I accompany him to the city? And do what? I know where to find the best sushi and a solid burger. But I don’t know enough about the meetings or the clients to actually be of any use.”
“Well, I’ve been tasked with getting your stuff ready for you to replace Audrey on the trip. Message her. She said she’d rather not talk because it’s painful.” She smiled and went back to rearranging my suitcases.
“I can pack for myself, Noelle. Stop, I don’t even know if I’m going yet,” I said, grabbing my phone while she shook her head, ignoring my words.
D: So. Uh. What’s happening?
A: I’m so sorry. It came on suddenly. I NEED you to go.
D: Dude, I can’t.
A: You have to.
D: I can’t. You know that we’ve barely spoken in weeks.
A: I know. But you need to go.
D: Why?
A: Because I can’t. Like medically.
D: So send someone else. ANYONE else.
A: Please don’t make me throw weight here.
A: Dee, you’re technically contractually obligated to go. Your amended contract is not set to expire until Thurs.
D: Seriously?!
A: Dead. Helicopter touches down at the pad at 21:00. I’ll email you all the files you’ll need.
D: Audrey…
A: Girl, I know. But it’s only 6 days. And I’ll be a legit message away. You’ll be fine.
Fuck. I put my phone down on the bathroom counter, where I had wandered during our exchange. Staring at my reflection in the mirror, I tried mentally bracing myself for a very long six days.
By dinner, my suitcase was in the foyer and my hair had been freshly washed. Wearing my most comfortable, business appropriate clothes, I strode into the dining room. I hadn’t sat with both of them for a meal in weeks but if I was leaving Noelle and would be spending the next week with Nathaniel, I figured I might as well just accept Noelle’s insistence.