by Anne Conley
And then, to Lettie’s satisfaction, he did all the things he promised.
Chapter Sixteen
The next week with Zane was sweet. Since she didn’t have a job to go to, Lettie worked on making Zane’s house as close to what it was before the animals as she could. Lettie would work on his house during the day, then, on his days when he came home, they would visit, watch movies, eat, and then make out. One night, he’d worked and come home needy, and she’d opened herself to him, feeling glad she could offer him comfort that way, apparently the way he needed. He never asked her for anything, though, and Lettie was aware of that. Mostly because she didn’t have anything to give. But most nights, she went home to her apartment. Zane wanted her to stay the night, but she felt like she had to go home and be herself each night.
Losing her job was gutting her. She’d really thought she’d found her niche with the animal shelter. Sure, she was organized and highly capable in management situations, but the people aspect was the problem. She just didn’t like them. She’d been applying to jobs for the last two weeks, but since Lettie’s realization about her feelings for Zane, she’d stuck with the local ones. Her job hunt had bitten her in the ass. The first week she’d looked, Lettie had found the perfect job and sent in her resume. It was a manager position at a no-kill shelter that wasn’t associated with the ASPCA so she didn’t have to worry about ever running into Mr. Hodge again.
Of course, the job was in Austin. And she’d gotten it. No interview, nothing. Apparently, they didn’t need to talk to her, which reinforced the non-people part of things. If she’d gotten the job two weeks ago, she’d already be there without thinking twice about Zane.
But as it was, things with Zane were fucking perfect. Which made it just peachy she’d gotten a job three states away.
Lettie had found she was perfectly content puttering around Zane’s house and mopping, scrubbing, picking up hidden poop, and trying to set things right. Of course, now, on this last day, she was almost out of things to do. The scent of animal was gone, and aside from Otis, there wasn’t really anything to clean up after.
But Zane had been so nice throughout all of it, she felt like she had to give him something in return. That’s what relationships were all about, right? Give and take. She’d cleaned everything she could and tried to put his house back the way it was. And now she was cooking for him.
Because she had to tell him about the job.
Lettie kept herself busy because idleness only made her think about how she was screwing up. She’d had a nauseous feeling in her stomach all day—since she’d gotten the email from the shelter—and the scent of the food she was cooking wasn’t helping.
Lettie was doing the pots and pans and cleaning up after meal prep when Zane came home. She was humming to herself. It was one of her favorites by Etta James, the original crooner, as far as she was concerned. She heard Zane’s keys clank in the bowl by the door and his heavy footsteps as he came into the kitchen. He snaked his massive forearms around hers and rested his head on her shoulder, inhaling deeply against her ear. She suppressed a shiver.
“Something smells amazing,” he murmured into her ear.
Lettie couldn’t help but laugh. It felt good to think about something besides the job. She’d done something wrong with the food she was cooking but had no idea what had happened. “I thought I was making this massive, weird-looking chicken I found in your freezer, but the more I cook it, the less it looks like a chicken. And the weirder it smells.”
He chuckled. “It’s a duck. You like duck?”
She nodded, his explanation making perfect sense. “I wish I would have known. I probably would have seasoned it differently.”
“It’ll be delicious.” His arms were still around hers when she turned.
“Then get it out of the oven, please. Everything else is ready to eat.” She gestured to the table, set and ready.
His eyes lit up, but he placed a kiss on her lips before moving to the oven. Lettie had marveled before at how comfortable things were with Zane, but she did it again because marveling about Zane was quickly becoming her favorite past time. As they moved together to sit at the table—her filling water glasses and him bringing the pan of roasted bird to the table—she felt so damn comfortable. Even though she knew it would be short-lived.
They started eating, and she ridiculed herself for not realizing this was duck and not chicken. She would have gotten up and gotten a jar of fig preserves she’d seen in the fridge, but Zane was eating like it was his last meal. No complaints, only grunts of satisfaction.
She had to tell him. Waiting would only make it worse.
“So … my mom left when I was four.” She began to tell him a story no one knew except her and her grandparents. “Dad blamed her for all his issues after that. I think he always did drugs, but things only got heavier and he started dealing after she left.”
For some reason, it felt right to tell Zane. She couldn’t give him much, but she could give him this part of herself. She twirled a green bean on her fork just to have something to look at besides him.
“It was a classic tale of addiction. They were both having fun until she ended up pregnant. He wanted her to quit the drugs then, but she didn’t. Then she couldn’t handle motherhood. Then he couldn’t handle being a single dad and supporting me on a mechanic’s salary, so he started dealing and was stupid about it and got caught. His parents took me in and raised me.” She shrugged. “They were okay with me not going out much with friends, content to have me stay home where they could make sure I didn’t make the same mistakes my dad did.” She stopped and took a deep breath, preparing herself to continue.
Here was the hard part she really needed to tell him.
“I think that’s why I pushed you away so hard. I’ve never been enough, you know? I wasn’t enough for Mom to stay. I would have been happy with whatever Dad could provide. I didn’t need a fancy house to live in. The apartment we had together when I was little was fine because he was there. But when he got arrested, I didn’t realize it wasn’t me. I thought he wanted me to be different. In retrospect, he wanted to be different for me. I grew up thinking I wasn’t enough to keep him clean, that he needed to escape me and went to drugs. I had no idea how hard his life was. Fighting addiction with a kid at home couldn’t have been easy.”
Zane was looking at her with nothing but compassion, and Lettie realized she had strayed way off topic.
“Ahem. I’m not sure where I was going with all that. Except I never thought I would have to deal with addiction. I mean, I don’t do drugs, so it shouldn’t be a problem, right? Only …” She lowered her voice because it suddenly sounded stupid. “I’m addicted to you. Being with you. And it’s so opposite of everything I’ve ever felt.” She chugged the rest of her water, not looking at Zane at all. “That’s why, last week, I applied for a job. It’s a great job. And then I opened up to you, and we’ve been so much better since then. I got the job, and I don’t want to take it, but I have to because, if I don’t, I’ll just be giving in to the addiction.”
There. She’d said it. Not well. But the words were out there.
Lettie expelled a huge breath and looked up at Zane again, not feeling the least bit relieved. He looked … pissed.
His face was turning red, his cheeks doing that ruddy thing they did when he was turned on, only the fire in his eyes and the slant of his mouth said he was fucking livid.
“Tell me about the job.” His voice was low, practically a growl. Totally contradictory to the actual words spoken.
“Um. It’s in Austin.” Did she mention that when she spewed forth her word vomit about the job? Zane tightened his grip on his water glass, and she was afraid he’d break it. “It’s a no-kill shelter, which I’ve actually been championing for here. I had been working on a proposal since I got here. They gave me the job without even an interview,
citing my qualifications and stuff.”
He was quiet. Too quiet. Face still red, his temple popped as he gritted his teeth together, a vein in his forehead starting to bulge.
His silence was uncomfortable, and Lettie started filling it with crap.
“So I had to tell you this. I don’t want to take it, but I have to. It’s my dream job, Zane. It totally sucks, because I really wanted this.” She made a futile gesture between them across the table.
“What’s this?” He mimicked her gesture, pointing out its ridiculousness.
“Us. I want there to be an us.” Lettie looked him straight in his eyes, falling into the brown depths a little. When she clawed her way out, her voice was gone, but she managed a whisper. “I love you.” It hadn’t been long, but she’d fallen in love with him as soon as he’d volunteered his house for her shelter animals. Even though it hurt to think about that day because it was the beginning of a string of bad choices which led to her losing the best job she’d ever had. Still, she still remembered how she felt about Zane when he’d told everyone—without a second thought—to take the dogs and cats to his house.
Without another word, Zane stood and left the room. Lettie held her breath while she listened to him stomp to his room and slam the door.
Finally, she exhaled.
That hadn’t gone exactly the way she’d expected it to, although she had no idea what she’d expected. She didn’t really know how serious he was about her. She’d just poured her heart out and he’d stomped off. Her temper suddenly sparking, she jumped up and followed him.
“You don’t get to walk away.”
He was sitting on his bedside with his head in his hands. “Excuse me?”
“I was baring my heart to you. And you walked away.”
He stood, his height intimidating her, but she jutted out her chin and refused to back down.
Zane took the steps necessary to get so close to her they were chest to chest. “That was you baring your heart to me?” At her nod, he scoffed. “You broke mine, Lettie.” He turned again and sat back down on the bed.
“I told you I loved you,” Lettie pointed out, sounding dumber than she realized.
“Right after you told me you were moving to Austin, Texas. So what the fuck does love matter?” He started peeling off his boots. “I need some time.”
What the fuck does love matter? His words banged around in her head so loudly she couldn’t even acknowledge he was right about the other stuff.
Silently, she left.
Lettie got as far as her truck before storming back into his house and into his bedroom.
“No. You’re supposed to talk me out of the job. I don’t want to take it.”
“Then don’t.” His words came from under his pillow, where he was obviously hiding from her.
“What do you mean, don’t? Talk to me!” She grabbed the pillow and threw it across the room. Zane sat up, and Lettie had to control herself with the gasp she almost expelled at the sight of his chiseled chest on display.
Focus.
“You’ve already made your decision, Lettie. Obviously, you don’t want to hear what I have to say. You don’t give a shit that I will follow you to Austin, if that’s the job you want. You don’t care that I would do anything for you.” Once he started talking, she dragged her eyes up his chest and saw his face twisted into a tortured mask. For her?
“Wait. What?”
“Yes. You bared your heart. Broke mine. But whatever. You don’t want to take the dream job. Don’t even let me be a part of the decision. Just make it. Tell me what to do. You’re under my skin, and God help me, I don’t want you out. I love you.”
Her knees gave out, and she fell into the armchair piled high with clothes she had been standing next to.
Zane was telling her to tell him what to do. Was this what her grandparents had been talking about? Was this the commitment she’d thought it was? Was he going to give up his dreams for hers?
“Do we have to decide right now?”
He didn’t answer but reached out a hand for her instead. Lettie joined him on the bed, and he tugged her to him fiercely.
“We don’t have to do what you don’t want to do. Just fucking let me in. Don’t think you have to say goodbye to me just because you want to move. Woman, I would walk over coals for you.”
Zane tightened his grip, and Lettie realized this was exactly where she wanted to be. Wherever this was. The job didn’t matter.
Chapter Seventeen
The very next morning, Lettie was ready to kick Zane’s ass when the doorbell rang and it was his mom and dad, followed by carloads of brothers, their wives, and children. She thought there was even an aunt and cousin thrown into the mix, but she couldn’t tell because suddenly there were so many freaking people.
She hid behind him. “I hate you,” she muttered into Zane’s shoulder.
“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything. You were talking about your family, and after that it didn’t seem like the right time.”
“Um … how about after?” Lettie poked him in the ribs. Hard.
“While I was between your legs? I never thought about it, honestly. I typically don’t think of my mom while I’m eating pussy.”
“I hate you,” she repeated before pasting a smile on her face and offering to help his mother with the mountain of groceries she’d brought. “Can I help with anything?”
“No, but you can keep me company while I cook. I’m not very handy, but I can feed all the ones who are.” She pulled out all sorts of stuff for what looked like enchiladas for an army and got busy, Lettie feeling helpless.
After a while, Zane came in and kissed Lettie on the cheek, wrapping an arm around her waist. “You have to make her let you help her. If you want to, that is. She’s one of those strong, independent types who won’t ever admit to needing help.” He was speaking of his mother, but her as well, and the fact was not lost on her. He tossed her a wink before grabbing her hand. “Come on. Everyone’s working, so now is the perfect time to introduce you to everyone.” Mortified, Lettie followed him to the back of the house, where there were stacks of lumber, tools, and sheetrock. He pointed to two guys who looked like they could be twins. “Rafe and Alreck, the losers of the family.”
One of them flipped Zane off without missing a beat while the other dropped the wood he was carrying on his brother and walked over, enveloping her in a hug. “So good to meet you.”
Zane tugged her out of his grasp and walked her around them to where another small group of men was. “This is Lettie. Lettie, Cole and my dad.” His dad didn’t look up, but the others did.
Cole said helpfully, “Don’t mind Dad. He’s so excited Zane finally let him come work on his house. He’s been trying to redo it since he bought the damn thing.”
“Language,” a beautiful woman said as she walked up to Alreck and handed him a bottle of water from the cooler. “I’m Bethany.”
Lettie’s mind was spinning as she was introduced to everyone. Like, twenty people. It was overwhelming, but she pasted a smile on her face and did her best. Her insides were twisted though. She had never had a family this big. Certainly not one that would drop everything and help fix up a house she’d willingly let a bunch of animals destroy.
Zane looked incredibly happy to have his family here. The way he bounced from project to project to “oversee” things, and then came back to her to touch her or slap a peck on her mouth, told her he was enjoying himself immensely. He was showing her off to his family, and all the good-natured ribbing was fun.
Lettie warmed at the memory of last night’s lovemaking pushing itself to the forefront of her mind, totally unbidden. She didn’t want to be standing in Zane’s kitchen, talking to his mom, while feeling the ghost of his cock in her ass. Never mind that the memory of the dark eroticism gave her g
oose bumps. She still felt her tender tissues stretched, full of him, while his mother ladled a delicious-looking sauce over the pans of enchiladas she’d rolled.
Lettie was suddenly overcome with the memory of it all—his caring ministrations as he prepped her, her absolute trust and faith he wouldn’t hurt her, that it would be good. And it was. Lord help her, she had no idea how, but it really was.
She’d decided about the job, too, even if she hadn’t told him. It was her dream job, but it wasn’t here. Which didn’t really make it her dream job. Zane wasn’t in Austin, and while he would follow her there, Katie wasn’t there, Annette and Vivian weren’t there, and Zane’s friends weren’t there. Sure, there were fire departments everywhere, and Austin’s was probably really good, but it wasn’t Pamona Gulch.
Lettie might have gotten under Zane’s skin, but this place had gotten under hers.
Zane’s mother was chattering away, oblivious to Lettie’s thoughts, when her phone rang. Grateful for something to distract her from the discomfort of Zane’s family and the inappropriate turn of her thoughts amid the awkwardness she was feeling, Lettie excused herself.
“Hello?”
The only response was sobbing on the other end of the line.
Lettie heard the alarm in her own voice as she practically shrieked into the phone. “Becca? Talk to me. What happened?”
“I had to leave. But I-I can’t drive. I got as far as The Beestro. Can you come?”
“I’ll be there in ten minutes. Are you okay?”
“Physically, yes, but I think my eyeballs are going to rot and fall out.” Her attempt at levity was lost on Lettie through the tears the woman was still shedding.
Zane’s mother had continued working on her enchiladas but was not being subtle about listening in on Lettie’s part of the conversation. As soon as she hung up, his mom hollered an earsplitting yell.