by L. D. Davis
“Help him out with what?”
“Project Home. I feel responsible that it’s falling apart. It was originally my idea. Granted, my plans were much simpler, but I planted the concept in his head.”
I stared blankly at my brother-in-law. “What’s Project Home?”
He looked up from his phone, eyebrows high. “Only the biggest project of Marco’s career. Are you serious? You don’t know about it?”
I thought about his huge plans for a low-income neighborhood, complete with a grocery store, medical offices, and more. It had been so long since we’d discussed it, I nearly forgot about it.
“Oh. Well, yeah. I know a little about it. I didn’t know it had a name, or that it was falling apart.” I sat down across from him and popped a grape in my mouth. “What’s going on with it?”
“Investors have been pulling out. It started while you guys were still in Italy. He’s gained a few more, but then others are still threatening to bail. Marco purchased all the land that borders this one small building. The guy is a chiropractor, and even though he’s been offered up four times the amount of money his practice is worth to sell and move elsewhere, he refuses. Due to the zoning laws of that particular town, and the plans, he can’t build around the chiro. That isn’t the only problem. There are a couple more holdouts—homeowners—that are in the zone. Also, there is heavy opposition from the other residents and businesses in the area. No one wants the increase in traffic, and there are some concerns about what the development would do to the environment. Even if he can manage to cut through all that, he will still need approval from several agencies, and…well, there is a lot to be considered, and many things can set a project like this back for years, or knock it off the rails entirely. Every day that land sits there unutilized and not making money, Marco and his partners are losing money. A lot of money.”
We sat in silence for a few minutes. Kyle continued to type his email and I ate my food. I had no idea Marco had been having so many issues, and he’d been having them since Italy. Not once had he mentioned it, but then, I hadn’t asked either.
“You said this is the biggest project of his career?” I asked.
“Yes.”
“But it’s just low-income housing, isn’t it?”
Once again, he seemed surprised by my ignorance.
“No. You told him that was a bad idea, so he changed it to mixed-income housing. It’s a bit trickier than low-income or higher income-based housing, but very possible. Some of the nearby residents do fear that by allowing a mix that it will negatively impact their properties and even the city. That’s another thing Marco is dealing with. I wish I can help him more, but my employment with Sterling Corporation presents a conflict of interest. He’s taking it pretty hard, and I can’t say that I blame him.” He slipped off the stool and stretched. “My email’s sent. I need to get some sleep before Amara wakes again. Do you need anything before I go?”
I shook my head. “No. Thank you.”
He offered me a small smile before he went to the guest room. A few seconds later I heard the door close and I was left alone with my grapes, cheese, and thoughts.
Lily, Kyle, and Amara left Sunday morning after breakfast. Marco and I stood out on the balcony watching them as the little family got settled into the Escalade before driving off down the lane. A late winter snowstorm was expected to begin in a few hours. The clouds were gray, and everything seemed still, as if waiting patiently for the snow.
“I think snow has a smell,” I said, raising my face up to the sky.
I felt Marco’s gaze on me. “What does it smell like?”
I tried to think of an answer, but when I couldn’t, I laughed lightly and looked at him. “I don’t know. Like snow.”
The corners of his mouth lifted slowly and carefully, like he was afraid to smile. I didn’t blame him. This was the first casual conversation I’d started with him in months.
“The air smells different than it does before rain, or when it’s really hot. You don’t think so?”
His smile grew a little more. “I never thought about it. Is it a good smell?”
I considered that and shrugged. “Yeah, I think so. It smells like…I don’t know. This is going to sound crazy, but it smells like an ending and a beginning.”
His brows rose high. “Those have smells?”
Again, I laughed, surprising myself and him. “No, or yes. Maybe. It’s just that everything changes when it starts to snow. Everything slows down or stops, and everything gets really quiet. Your favorite outdoor things disappear under a blanket of white. That feels like an ending, but then after the snow has stopped falling and people begin to dig out and kids start to play, it feels like a beginning. I know it doesn’t make sense.”
“No, actually, it does. It makes perfect sense.”
Our eyes only stayed locked together for a few seconds, but it was enough to snatch away a few of my breaths. I glanced away, focused my eyes on the lake, and pushed my hair off my face.
“You didn’t tell me about Project Home.”
He was silent for a long time before he sighed and leaned on the railing. “You have not been very open to discussing anything outside of the necessary things. I didn’t think you would listen.”
My eyes cut over to him. “I’m listening now.”
He made a cynical sound. “So, you get to pick and choose when we can have a conversation.”
I shook my head. “No.”
“Are you sure about that? Because I have been trying to talk to you for weeks, and you have shut me down every time. Now, for whatever reason, you want to chat. Is it because I am struggling, Lydia? Does it please you to hear about my failures?”
I recoiled. “No! Absolutely not. We have our issues between us, but it brings me no pleasure to see you struggling with your work.”
He turned to face me fully, his expression incredulous. “Our issues between us? There is nothing between us anymore. If we had issues, that would be something. We would have points of reference to discuss or argue about, but you’ve seen to it that nothing lies between us. I cannot ask you how you are feeling, or offer to do anything for you, because you immediately reject me. What happens once your curiosity has been sated? We return to living like strangers?”
I gaped at him like he was crazy, but he wasn’t. Everything he said was true, but it was like he’d forgotten what made me act that way to begin with.
“Marco, you hurt me. You hurt me bad. It isn’t just that you hurt me, it’s that you did it even though you knew my history with Gavin. You knew I’d felt rejected by him, that I’d felt second to Lily, yet you still rejected me and put me second to Celia. And you allowed her to plant doubts in your head about the paternity of these babies.”
“Let us not forget that my single moment of doubt stemmed from the fact that you had selfishly and cold heartedly planned to keep the pregnancy from me altogether,” he replied icily. “And I did not reject you. I did not choose her over you. I did not make you second to anyone. I did what I thought I needed to do under the circumstances. We were in Italy to support my brother’s family, and that is what I tried to do. I know now that I was misguided, mislead, and wrong, but despite my dozens of apologies and all I do every single day, it is not enough for you to stop penalizing me.”
I pulled my sweater tighter around me. The cold settling into my bones wasn’t just from the windchill, but a lot of it was emitting from the man before me.
“It’s more than all of that,” I argued. “When you made your poor decisions to rebuff me and admonish me like a disobedient child, you did it in front of your entire family. That was my first time meeting them, and you humiliated me in front of all of them.”
His eyes closed for a second. When they opened, he nodded. “I understand. I am an ass for that—for all of it. Every day I regret my behavior. You have every reason to be reluctant and angry, but your complete disregard toward me is unjustifiable. You don’t have to let me back in your heart, bu
t you’ve given me nothing, Lydia. Maybe that would be okay if you weren’t carrying two parts of me inside of you, and no, I do not need a damn DNA test to prove that. However, I am not permitted to touch you or to share in this experience in the way I should. You’ve relegated me to a mere bystander as far as the babies are concerned. You allow me to play a paternal role with Gavin, Cora, and Mandy, but only within your set parameters. I am well aware of how easy it is for you to take that away from me, too. You talk when you want to talk, and that is not very much, but as for listening, you do not do that. I am to remain silent and distant until you permit or command me to do otherwise. Kyle mentioned that he told you about Project Home, but if he had never mentioned it, you would have never known, because you don’t care about me.”
He moved away from me and walked to the door. Just before he pushed it open, he gave me a look he’d never given me before. It was pity.
“You have always compared me to Gavin, and you have always made him the villain in your story, but maybe you should take a hard look at yourself.”
I watched him go inside and close the door without a second glance at me. Through the large windows, I saw him stop to talk to the kids and his sister, ruffle Cora’s hair and give Gavin a fist bump. One would never guess about the emotionally charged conversation we’d just had based on how he was with the kids and Sofia. He didn’t lash out at them or push them away. I saw the hint of sadness in his smile, but it didn’t make it any less genuine. Love for all of them made him put his personal problems aside, something I had always struggled to do myself.
After a few minutes, he went into his office, but not before his head swung my way, the concern evident despite his harsh words. My breath hitched in a quiet sob as I turned back to the view of the property and lake. Only a few tears rolled down my cheeks, leaving cold tracks on my skin. My sweater was no match for the below freezing temperature that made my leg throb, but still, I stood out there for a long time.
When the first flakes began to fall, I turned my face up to the sky and inhaled deeply through my nose. It smelled like snow, but I couldn’t decide if it was a beginning or an end.
Chapter Twenty-nine
Instead of sulking in my room for the rest of the day, I had a Muppet movie marathon with the kids and Sofia. It wasn’t a complete diversion for my thoughts, but the tightness in my chest loosened some, and I genuinely enjoyed snuggling on the couch with Mandy and Cora and being close to Gav. Sometimes I was so focused on my problems, I forgot to have these moments with my children.
“If I am a Muppet, I will be in love with Kermit,” Sofia said, staring at the frog intently on the screen.
“Muppet or not, Animal is my guy,” I countered.
Cora narrowed her eyes thoughtfully. “I like Kermit.”
Not to be left out, Mandy offered up her choice as well. “I wike Pidgey.”
“Well, that makes sense. You and Miss Piggy have the same temper.” I tickled her side, making her laugh hysterically.
Gavi shook his head and rolled his eyes. “All of you girls are weird. Marco! Tell them they’re all weird.”
I glanced up and saw that Marco had come out of his office. He met my eyes briefly, but I couldn’t read his mood. “They know they are all weird, but be careful, son. We are outnumbered.”
Gavi glanced around at all the females in the room and snorted. “I hope both of those babies are boys.”
I tossed a pillow at him. “Very soon we’ll know for sure.”
“Lydia, Sofia.” Marco gestured to his office with a nod of his head.
She and I looked at each other questioningly. I felt like I was being called to the principal’s office.
“Massimo is on the line and wants to speak to all of us at once.”
Sofia’s face immediately paled in fear and she jumped up without any further hesitation. I had no idea what the eldest Mangini sibling would want with me for their family business, but I untangled myself from the blanket and the girls on the couch. When I went to push myself up, Marco’s hand appeared in front of me, offering support. I hadn’t even realized he’d moved. I put my hand in his and let him pull me to my feet.
“Thank you,” I murmured to his chest, and I meant it. My leg hurt almost all the time now, but especially when I had to put any weight on it.
As if he knew that already, he trailed behind me, not touching me, but I felt his silent support anyway. After all the things he said while we were outside earlier, he still cared. I breathed in a long shaky breath, begging my hormonal tears not to start up again. Thankfully, they didn’t.
The three of us sat on the old couch in his office. I hadn’t spent a lot of time in there, but the couch was one of my favorite pieces in the house. It was practically a piece of junk, really. It creaked whenever anyone sat on it, there were tears in the ugly blue plaid fabric, and it had probably never been cleaned. However, it always reminded me that Marco was more simple and unpretentious than I’d originally thought.
His large desktop screen was turned toward us so we could see Massimo and Tessa. A small camera perched on top of the screen streamed our faces back to him. As he and Sofia briefly chatted, I studied the older brother. He didn’t look as sick as he had when I’d been there, but I wondered if that had just as much to do with Tessa as it did with any medical reasons. She looked happier, too, more at ease, as she sat close to her man, their hands entwined.
“If I speak in Italian, will you be able to keep up?” Massimo asked after a few pleasantries between us.
I bit my lip, unsure, but Marco spoke up. “I can translate when necessary.”
I glanced at him, offering him a quick nod of thanks, and then paid close attention as Massimo launched into his reason for the Skype call.
“I’ve been in communication with oncologists at The University of Pennsylvania. Tessa and I have talked about this extensively and looked at it from all angles, but in the end, we have come to the same conclusion every time. We…” He looked lovingly at her. “We decided to move to the States, at least for the time being, so I can receive treatment in Philadelphia.”
Sofia was clearly excited, bouncing in her seat, making the couch creak. Marco grinned, then frowned, grinned again, and frowned again before his face landed in a neutral expression.
“I will be glad to have you close, Massimo, but what about the children? What do our parent say? Are you well enough to make the trip?”
“I plan to answer all of that. Yes, I am well enough to make the trip, or as well as I am going to get for travel. Mamma and Papà are naturally saddened to see us go, but they understand. Maria is not handling it as well, but she will adjust. Daniel will be coming with us, and to that note, we must ask a favor.”
“Sofia, will you come stay with us for a few weeks to help with Daniel while we get settled?” Tessa asked.
The youngest sibling looked at me and Marco, her eyes wide and questioning.
“You don’t need our permission,” I reassured her.
“Not for this,” Marco was quick to interject. “If you want to stay with Massimo and Tess for a while, it is fine.”
She took a breath and turned back to the screen. “Okay. Yes. I will come help.”
The couple smiled at her. “Thank you. We will be glad to have you.”
“And what about the other kids?” I knew I sounded and looked suspicious but considering who the mother of his other children was, I thought I had a right to be.
“Obviously, Roberto has his own family now and will stay in Italy. Laura earned her way into The University of Barcelona and does not want to give that up, and I don’t want her to. She will only be here for the summer. As for the others…” He paused, and he and Tessa exchanged a glance. “I know none of us has a good relationship with Celia, but aside from that, she truly loves and cares for our children, and they love her back. I will not have the younger children separated from their mother, and I will not be separated from them. Celia will bring Armano and the twins as soon as sc
hool lets out, and she will stay in America as well.”
We all fell silent. I felt Marco’s gaze hit the side of my face, but I purposely kept my eyes averted and stared at a spot on the floor. Sofia shifted uncomfortably. I hadn’t told her anything about Celia, and as far as I knew Marco hadn’t told her either. Laura was her best friend, though, and most likely told her all she knew, which was probably substantial.
“Okay,” Marco said after a moment. “Whatever you think is best for your family, Massimo.”
There was a hesitation before Tessa spoke up. “You will not have to see her. You will not have a reason to see her.”
I gave her a grim smile. “I’m sure she will find a way, but that isn’t your problem. Where are you guys going to live?”
Massimo looked at me like he wanted to say more on the subject of Celia, but he wisely didn’t. “That is something else we need to talk about, housing arrangements. We can stay in a hotel for a little while, but I would prefer a home to rent or purchase for the entire family. Plus, their mother will need somewhere to live. We were thinking maybe she can stay in your apartment there in Philadelphia, Marcello. What do you think?”
There wasn’t even a pause before he answered. “Sure, that’s fine.”
My hands squeezed into fists on my lap, but I said nothing.
Marco retrieved his tablet. He hadn’t been bouncing on his ass like his sister, but it was clear he was excited about his brother’s move. “Would you and Tessa prefer to live inside the city, or one of the suburbs? I have some ideas.”
I didn’t think I was needed anymore—and honestly couldn’t understand why I was needed in the first place. While they began to discuss options for a home, I quietly excused myself and left the office.
Sofia came out a little while after me, smiling and pink cheeked. I was seated at the kitchen table with a cup of hot tea, looking out at the first snowflakes of the storm.