Two Wicked Nights

by Quince, Dayna

“I don’t know,” he ground out. He spun away and began to pace the hall. All he wanted was to tell the truth, the truth had always served him well. He had to have faith it would lead him true now. “You’ve been distant, and I let you. You became angry with me when I offered for Anne.”

  “It wasn’t your place to make such a sacrifice.”

  He ground his teeth. “I can make my own decisions.”

  “But that decision doesn’t just affect you, it affects me—and your family. I know what Anne wants, and it isn’t a marriage of convenience.”

  He stopped pacing and faced her. “That’s the whole reason for the party. To marry the lot of you off, conveniently.” Wrong word. Bloody hell.

  She clenched her fists. He’d gladly accept a punch from her as his due for that comment.

  “So you wish to be rid of us, is that it? And now it’s so much more difficult, with Anne pregnant, and me too much trouble to bother with. What man would have us? Certainly none of these men who tease me relentlessly about you, and why you’re always hovering over me.”

  He shook his head in frustration and began pacing again. “Don’t start with that again. We’re friends, or at least, I thought we were.”

  “I don’t think I can be your friend anymore. We’re too old for this bickering.”

  He pivoted to face her, freezing where he stood, a sharp cold pain lancing his chest. “What are you saying?”

  Her whole face turned pink and her eyes watered.

  “We’ve both changed. It’s time to—to put some distance between us so we can both do what we’re supposed to do. I see that now.”

  His heart stuttered and his throat thickened. “I have no say in the matter?”

  She shook her head. He approached her, his feet moving before he realized his intent. His heart thudded with every step toward her. He took her by the shoulders, his intentions at war, comfort her, kiss her, whatever he had to do, he couldn’t just let her go, let her turn her back on more than a decade of friendship.

  “Don’t make such an impulsive decision right now. I promise I won’t hover anymore. I won’t let you throw away a lifetime of friendship over this.”

  “And I won’t let you marry my sister.”

  “She already refused me,” he reminded her, but even if Anne hadn’t, he would not marry her, not now, not ever. For Bernie, for Roderick, for himself.

  “But you’re a stubborn man,” she returned. “You’ll do anything to help someone, even if they don’t want it.”

  He hugged her, surprising himself. She was flush against him and could surely feel his heart pounding. He closed his eyes, setting his cheek on the top of her head. The scent of her hair filled his nostrils, lemon verbena and salt from their picnic on the beach. It seemed so long ago now. He wanted to stay like this forever, keeping her close, if not closer, to always know she’d be right here where she should be. Protected by him, treasured by him.

  “Whatever happens, I will always try to protect you and your sisters anyway I can. It’s simply who I am. Things will always change, but that will remain the same.”

  He forced himself to pull away. Now was not the time to barrage her with all his new feelings. “Tell Anne the truth,” he said. “He’s too drunk for her to speak with right now. It will have to wait until he’s coherent, and I don’t know what good that will do. You and I will have to keep up appearances.”

  “Appearances,” she repeated, her tone far away.

  He tried not to focus on it. “No one else has to know what’s really happening just yet.”

  She nodded and turned toward the stairs, pausing to look back at him. He did not hide the fact that he’d been watching her. What did she see in his expression? All his pent-up emotions? She didn’t say anything more so he might not ever know. He stood there until she disappeared down the stairs.

  Chapter 6

  Bernie returned to Anne, shaken by her conversation with Chester. She paused outside Anne’s door, not ready to go in and appear normal. She wasn’t normal, she was…in love, and it shook the foundation of everything she thought she knew about herself. She tried to focus on what she was supposed to tell Anne about Roderick, but all she could hear was Chester’s voice in her head.

  “Whatever happens, I will always try to protect you and your sisters anyway I can. It’s simply who I am. Things will always change, but that will remain the same.”

  When she’d looked back at him from the stairs, she’d had the sensation she might fall, but his gaze had held her, the crystal blue of his eyes shining in the dim light of the hall. He’d looked so handsome, and she could believe he had meant every word. Her heart had committed itself to him right then. She was lucky it hadn’t popped out of her chest and rolled to his feet like a loyal dog.

  What the devil was she going to do? He’d offered to marry Anne, for heaven’s sake.

  But then Bernie felt hope, like a lone star on a moonless night. Chester said Roderick was in love with Anne. If Roderick married her, assuming he got over his pride, then Chester would be free of his promise. The idea bolstered Bernie just enough that she could take a deep breath and face her sister and their present disaster.

  She opened the door and Anne glanced up expectantly. Violet had stopped by to check on Anne and said Roderick was ill, but they’d thought she was hiding something. It turned out they’d all been hiding something.

  “He’s too sick,” Bernie said.

  “I thought the sickness was a lie?” Anne asked, frowning.

  “He drank a significant amount of whiskey, and now he’s severely ill.”

  “He’s drunk!”

  Bernie wrung her hands, her heart pounding as she prepared to defend Roderick’s actions. “I think he is beyond drunk, given Chester’s concern.”

  “Beyond drunk? What is that?” Anne asked angrily. “I thought he’d changed. I thought he cared more about me than his drinking.”

  Bernie walked to the bed. “He’s upset about the baby, Anne.”

  “What did you say?”

  “Chester said he was upset. I didn’t see him. We spoke outside his room.”

  “He’s…upset?” Anne got out of her bed and stood.

  Bernie watched a kaleidoscope of emotions wash across her sister’s face.

  “Oh, God. Who else knows?”

  “Only us so far,” Bernie assured her. “Chester and I are going to rejoin the party to keep everyone from growing suspicious.”

  Anne nodded. “I should to. We can’t both be ill.”

  Bernie took her hand, praying what she said next would give Anne hope and help her forgive Roderick for his actions. “Chester thinks Roderick loves you. That’s why he’s so upset.”

  Her sister did an odd dip at the knees. Bernie feared she might faint.

  “So it’s my fault?” Anne asked.

  “No,” Bernie squeezed her hand. “You didn’t betray him, you didn’t know about his feelings when you…met the other man. But I think I understand how he could be hurt by it, regardless. If he’s been holding onto secret feelings for you, he must feel like he’s lost you.”

  And Bernie was going to lose Chester if this didn’t work. “I know you’ve been adamant that the father not know or be held responsible—”

  “It’s Roderick.”

  Bernie was silent and then, “What!”

  “Shhh!” Anne clamped a hand over Bernie’s mouth. “Do you want everyone to hear you?”

  “Bloody hell, Anne!” Bernie said, her words muffled under Anne’s hand.

  “It was Roderick who seduced me the morning after Violet’s wedding. He kissed me the night before, and then in the morning before you woke, I went for a walk. It wasn’t even dawn yet, but I couldn’t sleep. I’ve loved him for as long as I can remember but he was just so…”

  Bernie pushed Anne’s hand away. “Terrible?” She couldn’t believe what Anne was saying. She’d love Roderick all this time? Did she know her sister at all? A litany of curse words filled her head as Anne kept
talking.

  “Exactly. But when he kissed me, I couldn’t stop myself from wanting him. And then I found him in the garden, and he said such lovely things. He recited poetry to me, and he kissed me again and—oh Bernie—I couldn’t stop myself. I love him, and I thought it was the beginning of something special, but then when he didn’t take the carriage home with us and didn’t visit afterward, I learned he didn’t even remember our encounter.”

  “How could he not remember?” Bernie wanted to march back to Roderick’s room and slap some sense into him.

  “He was drunk.”

  Bernie threw her hands up in the air. “How can that be!”

  “I don’t know. But he doesn’t remember being with me. He remembers kissing me the night before and nothing else.”

  “So.” Bernie fisted her hands on her hips. “He’s upset your pregnant, but he doesn’t know it’s his child?”

  “In a nutshell.”

  “And you didn’t tell him or any of us?” Bernie clutched her head. Her forehead felt hot and the pressure building between her eyes warned that she might explode at any minute, or at the very least go mad. Damn her family and their secrets, and their bloody fertility.

  “I was convinced he would never believe me. And even if he did, just a matter of weeks ago Roderick was the last man I would ever marry, even though I love him.”

  “But all that’s changed is his drinking.” Bernie wanted to scoff and storm out, beyond exasperated, but she didn’t because her sister still needed her. What she wouldn’t give to lie down and have only her own heart to cry over.

  “Exactly. Without the influence of spirits, he’s so caring and kind. Think of how he’s been these last few days. He’s worked so hard.”

  “And undid it all in a matter of minutes,” Bernie said, unable to hide all of her scorn.

  “We came here to find husbands and I’ve found mine. I know the man he is capable of being. There is no other man for me.”

  Bernie wanted to cry or hit something, whatever would release this shaky, roiling pressure inside her. “Do you really think you can go downstairs and pretend nothing is wrong?”

  “I’ve been doing it for weeks now. There is no other option. If I sit here, I’ll go mad.”

  Anne’s tone soothed Bernie somewhat. It was all Anne. Stern, unmoving. Anne was going to do this no matter what. Anne was the steel that held the Marsden family together, and she wasn’t going to backdown now.

  Bernie hugged her. “Tell me what you want, Anne. For so long you’ve taken care of me—of all of us. What is it you want, and I’ll make it happen if possible. I can’t work miracles.”

  “When the time comes, I’ll need to speak with him alone. I love him, and I want to marry him.”

  Bernie nodded. “I can make him marry you.”

  Anne laughed. “I don’t want you to make him.”

  “He’s going to marry you, regardless of whether he remembers seducing you, or he will he bludgeoned to death by nine women. The choice is up to him.” Bernie pulled away.

  “I love you, Bernie, but I can’t allow you to kill him,” Anne said with a grin.

  “Fine. I’ll only maim him.”

  Chapter 7

  For two whole days, Bernie put on the act of her life. If she’d ever aspired to be an actress, she now knew she was terrible. While she gave a passable performance, there was no way she gave a credible performance as herself. She simple couldn’t look at Chester the way she had before.

  Every time he entered the room, hair windblown from riding across the hills between the castle and Kirkland Manor, her heart hammered excitedly. Her tongue would not function and her hands seemed to forget their general purpose.

  It was so not like her to lose her head over a man, but then again, no man had ever made her feel like this.

  Like an idiot.

  Or like she’d been dreaming and all of a sudden she was awake and experiencing a whole new life she didn’t recognize. Everyone else looked the same, her sisters, the other gentlemen, but somehow Chester was taller, the breadth of his shoulders made her feel breathless. He walked with a different stride, didn’t he?

  She’d questioned everything about her own knowledge of reality for two whole days after Chester strolled into the drawing room with a swagger that made Bernie want to melt into her slippers. And then he’d bent over to retrieve a dropped book for Jeanette and his backside—well, Bernie had never thought a man’s derriere particularly interesting but… There his was, taut muscle beneath tight kidskin breeches. She’d spun away in alarm, her cheeks flaming, her body tingling in ways she’d never known a body could tingle.

  Was this how men felt all the time? Was this lust?

  It was all deuced uncomfortable, and nothing like she imagined it to be. She’d pictured excitement, furtive glances, stolen kisses.

  Not bodily possession.

  She could not control her senses, her thoughts, or even her dreams. Wicked was how she felt, tormented by the minutes that passed, hungry for a glimpse of him, and then overheated when he arrived. There must be an antidote to this. How did people go on?

  She didn’t have an answer, but at last something good had happened, at least for Anne. Roderick was well enough to speak to her, and they now waited to go meet with him. Anne was a bundle of nerves as they left her room to meet Roderick in a private parlor of Violet’s. Coming down the back stairs, they entered the hall in the family wing and there Chester stood. Bernie nearly tripped over her own feet at the sight of him.

  “What are you doing here?” she asked.

  “I’d heard Roderick and Anne were meeting here.”

  “Are we to have an audience?” Anne asked.

  “I’m only trying to protect you,” he said, “and he needed help getting here. He’s still rather weak.”

  “I don’t need protection from him,” Anne argued. “We need privacy. There is a lot that needs to be said.”

  He folded his arms. Anne folded hers.

  “Anne, go inside, Chester and I will remain out here,” Bernie intervened.

  Chester frowned at her.

  Doesn’t he want this? An engagement between Anne and Roderick would free him from his promise.

  “This has to happen regardless of whether you want it to,” Bernie said.

  “She shouldn’t be alone with him,” he pressed.

  “She’s capable of deciding that for herself,” Bernie returned.

  He looked between the two women. Bernie bristled.

  “Leave us alone, Chester,” Bernie said. “You need a new hobby. Watching over us has consumed you.”

  He scowled at her, and Anne slipped inside the room. He didn’t speak but reached for the door as Anne tried to close it.

  “Don’t,” Bernie whispered. She blocked his hand from reaching the knob and held it. The door clicked closed and rattled as if Anne had tried to lock it.

  “They should not be alone.”

  “She loves him,” Bernie said.

  He stilled.

  “She said this?”

  Bernie nodded, her own heart heavy. “After we talked outside his room, I told Anne everything and she revealed the truth to me. It’s Roderick’s child. He’s the mysterious suitor who seduced her, but he was too drunk to remember it.”

  His jaw tightened and he nodded once.

  Was he hurt? Had he begun to have feelings for Anne?

  Bernie could not stand the tension any longer.

  She took a deep breath. She didn’t know what she would say to him, but honesty had always been her best quality until now—until she’d begun to keep so many burdensome secrets.

  “I—”

  A sound from inside the room cut her off. They frowned at each other and then both moved toward the door, pressing their ears to it.

  She held Chester’s gaze. “I can’t hear anything,” she mouthed.

  He set his hand on the knob and slowly, silently turned it. The door opened a crack and Bernie’s eyes widened. But sh
e couldn’t stop herself now. Chester stepped aside and they both peeked through the crack. The words were still muddled but they could see Anne and Roderick holding each other, kneeling on the carpet.

  Bernie’s heart pounded, her eyes stinging with joyful tears.

  “Yes,” she heard Anne say.

  Chester closed the door again.

  * * *

  “She thinks it’s locked,” Bernie whispered.

  “We’ll wait here and ensure they have all the privacy they need,” Chester said, the knot in his chest he’d been carrying the last two days unraveling, releasing soothing warmth and filling him with giddy lightness.

  “But not too much. We know how much trouble they can get into,” she said with a grin.

  He smirked and looked away, afraid of the intoxicating effects of his relief. He wanted to sweep her into his arms and hold her like Roderick was holding Anne, and more.

  Her sigh filled the silence in the hall. “You don’t have to marry her now.”

  “You sound relieved,” he murmured, peeking at her and stuffing his hands in his coat pockets.

  “I am,” she said, a blush staining her cheeks.

  He caught her gaze once more and couldn’t look away. He closed the distance between them, drinking in her face, the longing in her eyes. Did she want him? Did she see him as more than a friend at last? What had changed? Never mind, it didn’t matter. He wasn’t going to waste precious seconds analyzing her when he could just ask.

  “Why didn’t you want me to marry her?”

  “You shouldn’t have had to sacrifice your heart for her. No one should. She is meant to be with him.”

  “But that isn’t all.” He prayed it wasn’t all. She didn’t speak, but her eyes, the trembling of her lower lip said everything.

  “What were you afraid to lose?” he asked, pressing one hand to the wall next to her shoulder. Drawing closer, the tension between them was not strained with anger or frustration but possibility, desire.

  “You.”

  “You’ll never lose me,” he said. He’d never wanted anything so much as he wanted to take her in his arms right this moment, but he held back. He had to be sure she wanted him in return, that she felt this crazed need as he did.