With Everything I Am

by Kristen Ashley

  “Callum,” she whispered.

  “You’re here,” he whispered back, his eyes, full-on tawny, roaming her face, his fingers sifting through the hair at the side of her head. “In my arms, in my bed, in my home.”

  She had to stop him. She couldn’t listen to this, couldn’t witness it again and want it just as much as she knew he’d never give it to her.

  “Callum. I feel strange.” His head cocked to the side at her words and the warm look on his face vanished as his brows shot together. “Not that,” she said swiftly, she couldn’t bear his false, loving concern, not again. “Just, I think jetlag or something. All that food. Everything went so fast yesterday. I feel weird. I think I need a shower and more coffee –”

  She stopped speaking because his face relaxed and he touched his mouth to hers.

  “Take a shower, baby doll,” he allowed (would she ever get used to him telling her what she could and couldn’t do and when she could and couldn’t do it?). “I’ve got a few things to do but I’ll come back and take you on a tour of your new home.” His head bent and he nuzzled her neck a moment before he marked her hair with his temple and lifted his head again. “You’ll take it easy a few days, get acclimatized. Is that good?”

  Was he asking like he cared about her answer or was it a rhetorical question?

  She answered the only way she could. “That’s good.”

  He grinned at her.

  She loved his grin just as much as she told herself she hated it.

  He pushed away from her and exited the bed.

  She looked at the big room and called out to him, “Callum?”

  He glanced down at her, brows raised.

  “Um, where’s the bathroom?”

  She really hoped it wasn’t on another floor or something. That would be awful, climbing down those winding, stone steps should she need the facilities in the middle of the night.

  He smiled, planted a fist in the bed on either side of her, touched his lips (again!) to hers, pushed away and then walked across the room and opened a door that was in a tapestry. The tapestry was affixed to the door in a way that it looked a seamless part of the bigger tapestry all around it. The doorknob, too, was hidden in the tapestry’s design.

  It was very neat and super clever.

  She didn’t share this with Callum.

  She just threw back the hides (really? who slept under hides?), got out of bed and headed to the bathroom.

  Callum stalled her progress by hooking an arm around her stomach and she twisted her neck and looked up at him.

  “I’m anxious to show you your new home, honey,” he murmured, before kissing her forehead and finishing by ordering gently, but definitely kingly, “You have an hour.”

  Then he was gone.

  She was glad for the reminder that he was king.

  And the reminder that, even if she was queen, and not of his people, she was still nothing but a subject.

  * * * * *

  The bathroom was (almost) as nice as the bedroom. The walls and floors were still that stone but there was a big, brass towel warmer, a huge circular tub in a very pretty shade of rust and a shower cubical tiled in rich-colored tiles. The ceramic basin was rust-colored and set in more of that mellow golden-red-brown stone. There was a set of shelves inset in a wall with stacks of fluffy, neatly folded towels. The shelves also bore pretty stoneware boxes and trays that Sonia would love to fill with her girlie bits and bobs. There was a huge, round mirror over the basin surrounded on the top half with brass lights. And last, twin, narrow, thin handsome cabinets on the walls on either side of the recessed basin.

  Seriously, so far, Sonia could see why everyone was so happy in this castle.

  She tried to hate it, she just couldn’t.

  She lugged her cosmetics case into the bathroom, found her stuff, took a quick shower and did the best she could do with her hair and makeup when she didn’t know where anything was.

  Luckily, there was a blow dryer (as hers didn’t have the right plug) and fortunately, when she was ready, she didn’t look a fright as one wouldn’t want to look when one was possibly meeting their new subjects as their new queen.

  She decided not to wait for Callum (he hadn’t ordered her to stay in the room) and she started wandering on her own.

  The bedroom was the best of all but it was also the best room Sonia had ever seen in her life. But the rest was still really, really good.

  It was all decorated in warm, rich, manly shades. The furniture was handsome and comfortable looking. There were lots of pillows and snug throws and hides tossed everywhere, all of it inviting as well as beautiful. There were tons of circular fireplaces in other rooms, not to mention wavy walls and diamond-paned windows.

  It was magical.

  Sonia wanted to hate that too but she couldn’t.

  In her new life she’d have Regan and probably Maraleena and of course Ryon and Caleb and maybe Calder, though he hadn’t been around as much and sometimes he could be surly so she didn’t know what to make of him yet.

  And she’d have the castle.

  That just wasn’t enough.

  But, she decided, it was all there was going to be.

  For, she decided, she’d tell Callum she’d do her duties as his queen but she wouldn’t be his mate.

  Last night was the last night they’d have.

  Forever.

  She was standing in what she guessed was a living room though all of them kind of looked like that. Or at least as far as she got except she found a library and what appeared to be a knitting room as there were huge skeins of wool in big, wide-woven baskets by the comfy chairs. She was staring out the window at the landscape (mostly tall, rolling, snow covered woods, as far as she could see) when Callum found her.

  She tensed, expecting him to be angry that she’d started the tour on her own but he just strode right up to her, shifting to stand at her back. His arms wrapped around her and he pulled her to his front and dipped his head to kiss her neck.

  She told herself she shivered because she was cold (though that wasn’t the reason).

  And she decided now was as good a time as any.

  Sonia opened her mouth to speak but Callum beat her to it.

  “Have you liked what you’ve seen, little one?”

  “Yes, you have a lovely home,” she told him and then went on, “Callum –”

  He interrupted by correcting her, “We have a lovely home.”

  “Yes. Right. Cal –”

  He cut her off yet again, informing her, “We’re planning a victory celebration first. I owe it to my men. All the warriors who fought will be arriving over the next few weeks and my guard returning home.” He gave her a squeeze and his voice dipped low. “Then, two weeks later, we’ll have The Royal Mating.” He rested his chin on her shoulder and asked, “Are you okay with that?”

  As she didn’t know what A Mating was, even though she heard a lot of talk about it, she couldn’t exactly say.

  As she didn’t feel like there was anything to celebrate, though, the answer was “no”.

  “Callum –” she began again.

  “There you are.” She heard a man say and both she and Callum (though Callum didn’t let her go) turned to the door to see Drogan entering while smiling.

  He started to drop to a knee but Sonia blurted out, “No!” and his head jerked up as Callum’s body went solid.

  Oh good goodness.

  She’d done something wrong.

  Drogan looked questioningly at Callum.

  “Keep your feet,” Callum told him, his voice purely kingly and sounding annoyed.

  Sonia needed to cover.

  “I did something wrong,” she stated to which neither man replied so she ventured forth. “It’s just that, in your… I mean our home, it should be casual. People should feel comfortable and not… you know…” she trailed off and twisted her head to look at Callum before asking, “Shouldn’t it?”

  Callum looked as annoyed as he’d sounded
(and as kingly).

  He didn’t speak.

  Sonia’s heart started beating madly.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m just not used to people bowing to me and it makes me uncomfortable.”

  There was a long moment of silence before Callum sighed.

  He let her go and looked at Drogan. “Your queen doesn’t want you to take a knee in the castle, inform Mara and Callista.”

  “Of course, your grace,” Drogan said but his mouth was twitching and he thankfully changed the subject by informing Callum, “There’s an urgent call from Duke Ryon.”

  Callum nodded, curled a hand around her neck and brought her close for a kiss on the top of her head before he started to the door. “Sonia needs coffee. Can you show her to the kitchens so Mara can get her some? Have Mara bring her to me in my study when she’s done.”

  He didn’t wait for a reply as he disappeared out the door.

  Drogan came forward and held his crooked arm out, inviting, “Let’s get you some coffee.”

  She took in a breath, let it out and slid her arm through his.

  He escorted her out the door as she announced, “So far, I’m not good at being queen.”

  “Oh, I don’t know,” he replied and she looked up at him to see he was grinning. “His grace seemed very pleased this morning with the reports we heard that, during the battles you’d taken our women into your home, kept them company and tried to keep their spirits up even as your own mate was fighting.”

  Sonia told herself that the warm feeling that bloomed in her belly was not the feeling of pride at his words (when it was).

  “Okay then, I think it’s all the royal stuff I’m not good at. The rules and the protocol,” she went on.

  “Don’t worry. I’ll get Mara to explain it to you. She’d love that,” Drogan told her.

  If Maraleena was the talker she seemed at their first meeting then Sonia was pretty certain she’d love it too, so would Sonia.

  “That’s a great idea.” She smiled up at Drogan.

  They’d gone down two flights of stairs and were in a hallway when Drogan stopped her and stated, “You should know, Cal doesn’t like all that official stuff either. I only call him ‘your grace’ in company. I’ve been in his service and the service of his father for so long I never bow anything but my head to him and neither does Mara or Callista.”

  She stared up at him in astonishment, not believing a word he said and also shocked because he, too, looked old enough to be Callum’s brother, not to have served his father.

  “But he was just so… so… annoyed in there,” she protested.

  “You’re his mate and my queen. It’s my duty to kneel before you and, I’m sorry, Sonia, I know it’s different amongst your kind, but it’s Cal’s right to tell me that I don’t have to do so.”

  Now how had she forgotten that?

  “Of course,” she murmured.

  “You’ll learn in time,” he said kindly, patting her hand and then went on to say mysteriously, “Or he will.” When her brows shot up, he chuckled and finished, “Let’s get you coffee.”

  He took her to the friendly, warm (both in looks and in temperature) kitchens (three rooms!) where she met Callista who was less chatty, not as tall, but definitely as friendly as Maraleena. Drogan left after depositing her with the women. They gave her a tour of the kitchens, Sonia had a cup of coffee and then all too soon Maraleena led her back to Callum.

  His study was also a beautiful room with inviting furniture but included a big, heavily carved desk with two huge chairs facing it. There wasn’t a circular fireplace in the middle but a cavernous one behind his chair at the desk in front of which stood a tall, intricately wrought, iron grate.

  Callum was seated in that chair. He was on the phone but the minute she walked into the room, his eyes came to her and his arm went out to the side.

  He wanted her in his lap.

  She had to admit she’d been getting used to the lap business and, in the end, liking it.

  She didn’t like it anymore.

  “See you later,” Maraleena whispered and then walked out, leaving Sonia alone with her mate.

  With nothing for it, she approached him and sat silently in his lap as he talked on the phone, obviously to Ryon. She knew this because he kept saying “Ry”, not because she was a sleuth that deciphered it from clues in his side of the conversation.

  When he finally rang off she instantly wished his attention was on the phone again for it came directly to her.

  Both of his arms wrapped around her and he pulled her closer to him.

  “Have you been taking your injections twice a day?” he asked, surprising her with his subject.

  “Yes, Regan told me you told her that Dr. Mortenson said I should.”

  “Did you take them only when she was there?”

  She nodded and tried not to clench her teeth at his domineering. Seriously, he acted like she’d never taken an injection before he stormed into her life.

  “Have you taken one today?” he queried.

  Her body jerked and she stared at him.

  “No, I didn’t think. My clock is off. I don’t even know if it’s due,” she told him stupidly for it had to be due. It had been hours since the last one.

  “We’ll go up and do it in a minute,” he stated, luckily without anger then went on to ask, “Did Dr. Mortenson get the test results back?”

  She shook her head. “Not that I know of. He didn’t call. It can take a while sometimes.”

  Callum looked away and muttered, “I’ll call him.”

  Sonia took in a deep breath and then opened her mouth to speak.

  He turned back to her and again beat her to it.

  “Don’t do that again, Sonia.”

  She snapped her mouth shut.

  Then, even though she knew to what he was referring, she asked sharply, “What?”

  “It was explained to you that my people defer to me when we’re together. They will defer to you when you aren’t with me but I give the commands when we’re together,” he told her patiently. “You don’t need to keep silent anywhere but during official business but you don’t make a command like you did today with Drogan when I’m at your side.”

  Sonia forgot the subject she wanted to talk about and decided his subject was an excellent one to be on.

  “And I explained to you that I thought that was medieval.”

  A muscle jerked in his jaw, indicating, perhaps, he was no longer patient when he replied, “Yes, you did. And I believe I told you at that time that it was the way of my people.”

  She straightened in his lap. “Yes, and I believe that it was also once the way of my people to treat diseases by using leeches but they found another way that works a whole lot better so now they’re doing that.”

  The gold started to penetrate the blue in his eyes when he stated in a low, vibrating tone, “Baby doll, a warning, you want rough play, for once, I have the time to give it to you.”

  She’d learned what that meant and there was not going to be any of that.

  “I don’t want rough play. I don’t want any play,” she announced and the gold shot forth, obliterating the blue as his hand trailed up her spine.

  “Now, that sounded like a challenge.”

  Oh no! Now what had she done?

  She had to think fast.

  She managed it just as his fingers slid in her hair and put pressure there to bring her mouth to his. “It wasn’t a challenge, Callum,” she whispered. “Last night was…” She fought for a word and found it. “Vigorous.” His tawny eyes instantly lit with humor upon hearing her word (and they also lit with something else entirely) and he grinned before she finished, “I ache a little bit.”

  At once, the humor swept from his features. His hand in her hair kept putting on the pressure but only to tuck her forehead into his neck.

  “Poor baby,” he murmured. “Jetlagged and misused by her king.” His hand slid to her neck and started massagin
g and she told herself it didn’t feel good (when it did). “I’m sorry, honey,” he went on softly. “After a battle, one like that…” She tensed at his words and he sighed. “Being away from you was not good.”

  She wished she could believe him.

  She really, really did.

  He bent his neck to kiss her forehead and then said, “We’ll give you your medicine, I’ll show you your new home and then I want you to take it easy for the rest of the day. Yes?”

  Again she wondered if it was a genuine question or a rhetorical one.

  She learned it was rhetorical for he lifted her off his lap and took her to their bedroom. He located her medication and gave her the injection and she found, as much as she hated to admit it, that she missed emerging from the burn in the strong safety of his arms.

  He spent some time showing her her new home and it was obvious as he did it, in the pride that was evident in his words and his features, that he loved this castle. Then again, there was a lot to love not only in how it looked and how much there was of it but how it felt.

  They went to the library where he ordered her to find a book which she did then he took her back to his study.

  He deposited her on the big, fluffy couch which was under a diamond-paned window, just as the snow started to fall outside.

  He threw a big, fluffy, warm woolen throw over her body and tucked it tight around her hips and legs and arranged a pillow behind her head. After he settled her, he picked up the phone and ordered Maraleena to bring them lunch.

  He went to his desk and made calls, went through mail and eventually started writing notes. She set her book aside and stared out at the snow wondering how she managed to find herself trapped in a fairytale castle with a fairytale king when all of it was real but none of it was true (except, of course, the castle).

  Callum ate lunch at his desk.

  Sonia defied his unspoken command to clean her plate and picked at her food because she was nowhere near finished processing her enormous breakfast.

  Callum didn’t have the chance to confront her for she curled up on the fluffy couch under her fluffy woolen throw with her hands under her cheek and fell asleep.

  So she was asleep and missed it when her king glanced her way and his face grew soft.