With Everything I Am

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With Everything I Am Page 49

by Kristen Ashley


  She didn’t, however, hesitate and she walked to the foot of the bed and then crawled up it on all fours, his body between her moving limbs.

  When she got face-to-face with him, his arms came around her and pulled her down on his powerful frame.

  His hand slid into the side of her hair and tucked her face in his neck when he asked, “What were you thinking?”

  Again, without hesitating, she answered, “I was wondering how old you were when you locked in your development.”

  “Around one hundred and ninety-five.”

  Her head came up and she stared at him.

  “You don’t look one hundred and ninety-five,” she told him and he grinned.

  His hand came around to the back of her neck and he gathered her hair in his palm and twisted it into a rope, explaining, “In human years, around thirty-nine.”

  He was coiling her hair around his fist when she noted, “So, you’re still older than me.”

  His face softened with understanding when he replied, “I’ll always be older than you, Sonia.”

  She dropped her head down to tuck her face in his neck again, knowing this wasn’t true.

  It was the cosmos’s last, big, huge, ugly joke.

  He rubbed her hair at her jaw and called, “Baby doll?”

  “Mm?” she answered, not wanting to talk anymore that night or any night if it was on this subject.

  “You can think about it tonight, worry about it, be sad about it but then get it out of your head,” he offered on a command.

  She felt the tears collecting behind her eyes when she whispered, “You’ll always be beautiful.”

  He released her hair and rolled into her so she was on her back, he was mostly on her and he lifted up on an elbow to loom over her.

  Then he announced, “Wolves mate for life.”

  “What?” she asked.

  “We mate for life. We never cheat. We’re never unfaithful. We never leave. We mate for life. Our instinct, everything that makes us, everything that is us centers around our mate, our pack, our family. It’s the only thing that matters. Not beauty, not youth.”

  “Easy for you to say,” she mumbled, her eyes sliding away, “you’ll be forever young.”

  Her eyes came back to him when he stated, “Right now I feel about as old as I am.”

  Surprised at this, she queried, “Why?”

  He looked at her a moment, shook his head and said, “It doesn’t matter.”

  Then he bent his neck to touch his mouth to hers before he rolled again to his back, taking her with him.

  But it was her turn to get up on an elbow and look down on him.

  “Why do you feel that?”

  “Sonia, let’s just –”

  “Is it because you know you’ll have to watch me get old?”

  “Baby doll –”

  She cut him off. “No, really, Cal. Tell me.”

  “I shouldn’t have mentioned it.”

  “But you did,” she pushed.

  “Yes, I did and it was a mistake.” His arm came around his chest and he tried to pull her into his embrace but she resisted and he, unusually, relented.

  She planted a hand in his chest, beginning to feel funny. The happiness was sliding away and the despair was returning at the thought that he’d watch her get wrinkled and gray and weak and stooped while he stayed forever beautiful, tall and strong and, therefore, she demanded, “Cal, talk to me.”

  “It isn’t because I have to watch you get old.”

  “Then what is it?” she pressed.

  His brows drew together as his patience started to ebb, “Just let it go.”

  She put pressure on his chest and insisted hotly, “No, tell me what it is!”

  “It’s because I have to watch you die.”

  She sucked in breath and stared at him. That heinous thought hadn’t occurred to her and she didn’t know what to say.

  “All these weeks we’ve been together, you’ve been thinking that I didn’t want you. Do you know what I’ve been thinking, little one?” he asked softly and she didn’t want to know, she really didn’t but she nodded anyway and he went on even softer. “I’ve been wondering how I’m going to carry on for centuries without you after you’re gone.”

  Sonia felt her breath hitch painfully and, unable to hold herself up any longer, she dropped down, rested her forehead against his collarbone and slid her arm around his chest.

  Then she murmured into his chest, “You can’t love me. I’m so self-absorbed. All this time, all I’ve been thinking about was me. How on earth could you love me?”

  His hand slid into her hair and pressed her cheek to his chest as he said quietly, “Unfortunately, baby doll, we don’t have enough time for me to explain all the ways I love you. That, in itself, would take centuries.”

  She laughed but it was without humor, pushing closer to his body, holding him tighter and tangling her legs with his. His fingers slid through her hair then again and again until, some time later, when his hard warmth and his soothing fingers quieted her rampaging thoughts, she took a fluttering breath.

  “So now you know,” he said gently. “Our time is precious. So we won’t waste it talking of this again. Agreed?”

  She lifted a hand and sifted her fingers lazily through the hair on his chest.

  God, she loved his chest.

  On that thought, her fingers curled and she dragged her nails through the hair there as she whispered, “Agreed.”

  She went back to toying with his chest hair and decided at that moment he needed to know something very, very important.

  “Cal?”

  “Yes, baby doll.”

  God, she loved it when he called her “baby doll”.

  She took in a breath and asked, “You remember when you asked me if I loved you?”

  His body grew still under hers and he answered, “Yes.”

  Quietly, she said, “That time, I didn’t lie.” She felt his still body grow tight and she finished, “Not about any of it.” Both of his arms came around her but she pushed up, pressing her body to his and she whispered her story in his ear, “The first time I met you, my first dream, I felt you slide in bed behind me. You held me in your arms and I told you I was glad you were home. You kissed my neck and I lay in your arms thinking, ‘This is the man I love.’ It was short, just that before I woke up but I felt strangely happy.” She lifted her head and stared in his now tawny eyes and concluded, “In that first dream, I never even saw your face.”

  Both his hands came to her head, sliding into her hair, pushing it back.

  Then he stated throatily, “You love me.”

  Sonia rested her lips against his but with her eyes open and, staring in his, she whispered, “With everything I am, wolf, and everything I’m meant to be.”

  Callum’s fingers tightened in her hair and he rolled Sonia yet again.

  He was kissing her by the time her back hit the bed.

  It took a while before they fell back to sleep.

  And when they did, they were connected.

  In more ways than one.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Understanding

  Callum was sitting in his study, going through a report on some of his investments when he sensed Sonia’s approach.

  She was wearing another pair of her thick socks so her footfalls were soft.

  But that morning before he left her, he’d made love to her and she hadn’t showered. He could smell the essence of them getting stronger as she got closer.

  And he fucking loved that smell.

  It had been a month since she’d finally unburdened her mind.

  It was also only days before their official Mating.

  And Callum couldn’t fucking wait.

  The hills were again filling with tents and the town was again bursting. Everyone wanted to be there, not because the king was formally binding his queen to him but because Callum was formally binding Sonia.

  He’d been to many a Mating and h
e’d enjoyed them.

  But he knew he’d like this one best for their last month together was better than the months before that.

  Infinitely better.

  It was beyond perfect.

  It was a dream.

  However, with Regan’s assistance and Leah’s long distance advice, he was planning a surprise to happen during their Mating. A surprise for his wife.

  He was looking toward the door when Sonia rounded it and came into the room smiling.

  The vision of her pretty, smiling, happy face settled pleasantly somewhere in his gut, he dropped his report, sat back in his chair and returned her smile.

  She made short work of the distance, her cashmere robe parting and exposing her shapely legs as she walked. He noticed, yet again, that she’d put on weight in the last month. As he suspected it would, it had hit all the right places and he was pleased with the result. But he was more pleased that she’d given up her obsession with calories and was simply, as she should, enjoying her food.

  “I told Mara and Callista my claiming story,” she announced when she came around the desk and he turned his chair to face her.

  His brows went up when she seated herself in his lap and then curled up, her knees bent, feet close to her ass, torso twisted to face him.

  “You did?” he asked, his arms wrapping about her small body, surprised at this news.

  She shrugged as if it was all the same to her and she hadn’t been guarding this secret for months.

  Then her mouth quirked in a smile (something she did a great deal the past month) and explained, “They were relentless.” Then her body started shaking before she went on while laughing, “I think they didn’t believe me though. Apparently, wolves are pretty excited during a claiming and they don’t have the wherewithal to do it in multiple positions the first time.” Her hand cupped his jaw and she brushed her thumb along his lower lip before finishing softly, “I think I’ve made you a legend, wolf.”

  He’d been smiling at her as she told her story but at her endearment, he growled before he bent his head and took her mouth in a hard, rough kiss that she returned instantly.

  When he lifted his head, she emitted a fluttering sigh, tucked her face in the crook of his shoulder, placed her hand in the center of his chest and rested it there, something else she’d done a great deal in the past month.

  His queen, he’d learned through a variety of delightful ways, was fond of his chest.

  “I like how you kiss,” she whispered.

  “I know,” he whispered back.

  She shook her head in his neck and muttered, “So arrogant.”

  His arms gave her a squeeze.

  She snuggled closer.

  He loved these times when she’d come to him after breakfast.

  Fuck, he loved every time he was with Sonia.

  “Cal?” she called, her fingers toying with his sweater.

  “Yes, baby doll?”

  “I feel funny this morning.” His arms tightened reflexively at this news and her head came up to look at him. “Not like that,” she said quickly. “No, it’s something else. I felt funny yesterday morning too and the morning before that.” Her eyes went dazed and drifted over his shoulder. “I don’t know how to describe it.” Then she looked back at him. “It’s almost like jetlag, though kind of nauseous but I don’t get sick. It just like, I’m not one with my body somehow.”

  Callum’s arms tightened again and he bit back a triumphant howl.

  “We’ll get you to a doctor,” he told her.

  She shook her head, still looking dazed, her mind preoccupied. “That’s not necessary. I don’t think it’s that bad.”

  She’d be right, since she was pregnant with his pup.

  She hadn’t had her period since she’d been at the castle. He wasn’t that familiar with humans but he did know they had their cycle monthly, rather than every five months like a she-wolf. And since she’d been there over two months, he reckoned she was at least that far gone.

  If not more.

  And he fucking loved that idea.

  “Humor me,” he ordered, her dazed eyes cleared and she looked at him.

  “Bossy,” she muttered but her lips quirked again.

  His hands moved on her and her eyes widened in understanding before they got soft.

  “Cal, the door is open,” she whispered.

  He didn’t fucking care.

  “Don’t worry about it.”

  “Cal –”

  He pulled the robe open, exposing her breast.

  She sucked in breath.

  Bloody brilliant, she was naked under the robe.

  His head dropped and he took her nipple into his mouth and, not leading into it, sucked deep.

  Her mind clearly no longer on the door, her head fell back and her fingers slid into his hair to hold him to her.

  There were a myriad of ways he loved Sonia but one of them was how much he fucking loved how responsive she was.

  He lifted his head, yanked the robe away from her other breast and did the same.

  She shifted her soft ass against his hard cock, a low moan escaping her arched throat.

  His hand went to her knee, pulled aside her robe and slid down the skin of her inner thigh, between her legs to find she was wet, already ready for him.

  Always ready for him, his Sonia.

  She was perfect.

  He touched her, her hips jerked immediately and she whimpered softly.

  He smiled against her nipple then sucked deeper.

  With his hand between her legs, Sonia arched over his other arm and, his mouth alternating between her breasts, he took her there. He listened as she came quietly (for once). She pulled in a soft breath and held it as he felt her sex clutch the two fingers he had embedded inside her and he rolled his tongue around her nipple as his thumb pressing against her sweet spot prolonged her release.

  When she relaxed against him and her hands holding his head became fingers stroking his hair. He lifted his head and stared at his pretty, little queen, her beautiful, heated body exposed to him, her face soft, eyes hooded, gazing at him contentedly and for once he could forget his future and feel at peace with his cruel fate.

  His hand gently slid away from between her legs, he gathered her closer and murmured, “You know I love you, baby doll?”

  She nodded as her hands slid down through his hair so she was holding his neck. “You know I love you, wolf?”

  He didn’t answer, he kissed her lightly.

  “You’re still hard,” she whispered against his mouth.

  “Your sweet ass is in my lap,” he explained, grinning against hers.

  She grinned back before asking, “Do you want me to –?”

  He cut her off. “Later.”

  He had things to do. When she put her mouth on him, he wanted her to take her time which was how she preferred it too.

  “Okay,” she breathed, catching his meaning and her eyes, even after just coming, were again hungry.

  Fucking…

  Perfect.

  He heard Ryon’s approach as did she and she straightened while he pulled her robe closed.

  Then her eyes flew to his and she hissed softly, “God, Callum! I smell like sex.”

  Callum’s grin changed and he said smugly, “Yes, you do.”

  She only had the chance to glare at him before Ryon hit the door.

  When Callum looked at his cousin all thoughts, pleasant and smug, left his head.

  “Hmm,” Sonia mumbled, also looking at Ryon. “This appears to be my cue to go get a shower.”

  She turned Callum’s face to her with a gentle hand at his jaw, taking his mind from his duties and bringing it back to her. Something she also made a habit of doing lately and something that he also liked.

  She gave him a quick kiss and an understanding smile before scrambling out of his lap. Pulling her robe tight around her she tossed another smile at the frowning Ryon as she walked across the room and with one last look at Callu
m, she closed the door behind her.

  Ryon stood at the front of the desk and remained silent, his ear turned partially to the door waiting for Sonia to be out of earshot.

  This, Callum didn’t take as a good sign and he felt his jaw go hard.

  After several long moments, Ryon tossed the two file folders he was holding on Callum’s clean desk. Sonia had taken to keeping it ordered which was a blessing and a curse. A curse because he never knew where anything was. A blessing because he had to find Sonia to ask when he needed something.

  The files skidded and came to rest on the cleared blotter.

  “Both of those came in this morning,” Ryon announced in a low voice but Callum didn’t touch the files. He just watched his cousin silently and Ryon continued, “The results of the analysis of Sonia’s medication came in some time ago. But, in the end, I had to find one of our own to do it. I didn’t understand it but what I did understand made me dig deeper. I gave it to Orphenon.”

  A muscle flexed in Callum’s jaw but he still didn’t speak.

  “Orphenon called me the minute he, personally, finished a second analysis. He couldn’t believe Sonia was being injected with that cocktail and I asked him to research it. I gave him her medical records and he looked into it. Then he did it more, talking to colleagues and even professors he studied under.”

  Finally Callum spoke. “I’m not thrilled that you shared Sonia’s illness with others without asking me, Ry.”

  Ryon leaned forward and put his hands on Callum’s desk. “And I knew you wouldn’t be that’s why I didn’t tell you.” When Callum opened his mouth to speak, Ryon got there before him. “Her illness doesn’t exist, Cal.”

  Callum closed his mouth and his chest tightened.

  “Sorry?” he asked quietly.

  Ryon leaned further into his hands and hissed, “It doesn’t exist.”

  Callum also leaned forward in his chair. “I saw it happen to her. I felt her body. She was burning up. She was fucking roasting.”

  “I can’t explain that,” Ryon replied.

  “It’s rare,” Callum reminded him.

  “It’s not rare, Cal. It… doesn’t… exist. It isn’t in any medical literature. No one’s bloody heard of it.”

  “That’s impossible,” Callum returned.

 

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