Although the tribesmen had packed sufficient rations and water, their journey through the desert was still tumultuous. When Qin Yining rejected Cao Yuqing’s offer to leave and stuck with the tribesmen instead, she’d already resigned herself to death. Whether in body or spirit, they were both stretched to their limits.
Upon consideration and acceptance that this might be her final trek in life, it felt like a string snapped in her mind. The dogged inner strength that kept her putting one step ahead of the next slipped away, and her body grew weaker by the day. Her earlier injuries were all called to the surface again, summoned by the winter desert chill.
The silver lining was that this time, they were in possession of carts and weapons. Constant consumption of provisions freed up space, so after Qin Yining fell sick, worried tribesmen cleared out a cart for her to rest in.
She was bundled in a thick, cotton-padded jacket, lying in the cart alone as she drifted in and out of sleep.
Lu Heng and Uncle Alham flanked the sides of the cart. Each with a shawl covering their nose and mouth, their eyes were narrowed to resist the harsh desert winds as they occasionally glanced at Qin Yining with concern.
“We still don’t know where we’re going. If we continue on like this, I fear the chief won’t be able to go on!” After witnessing the pair’s steadfast loyalty, Uncle Alham had started to call Qin Yining and Lu Heng the chiefs in private.
“Sadly, we just don’t have any other choice available to us right now,” responded Lu Heng. “We already gave her medicine, but the desert’s climate is just too bleak and bad for her recovery.”
“It’s a good thing we have the carts.” Uncle Alham sighed.
Caganbhara spat out some sand that’d traveled into his mouth before speaking, “How about we turn back and let the chief recover outside the desert? The circumstances outside must certainly be better than here.”
“You think I haven’t thought about that?” Lu Heng smiled wryly. “Our pursuers were already hot on our tails when we entered the desert. Since they’re following our trail, they should’ve seen us enter the desert. They won’t dare to follow, but they also won’t dare return to the khan with a failed mission. It’s extremely likely that they set up an encampment outside and are lying in wait for us to come out.”
Uncle Alham nodded in agreement. “Right, and it’s hard to flee while carrying our chief. They’re all elite calvary. As for us, even with food and water in the desert, we’ve used up a lot of strength. If we run into them, it’ll be extremely difficult to escape.”
Chapter 529.1: Caretaking
“But we can’t even see the edge of this desert. When will it all end?” Harbhara felt helpless. Caganbhara narrowed his eyes and looked at whirling winds whipping up mounds of sand. Threads of despair couldn’t help but creep into his heart.
Anyone would lose hope if they had to trudge endlessly through circumstances in which the future was unknown, or lack knowledge on when their journey would be over. Doubts of whether they would really be able to depart this patch of desert had occurred to them more than once. Would the tribe be buried in this desolate wilderness?
Following by the side of the cart, Lu Heng rearranged the scarf that covered Qin Yining’s nose and mouth to protect her from the dust and sand. Sorrow washed over him as he looked at her sleeping visage. Those long lashes fluttered like butterfly wings with every breath, and her small face had grown even more gaunt and pale during this stretch of time.
How should he save her? Even if she didn’t love him, he didn’t wish to see her die in front of him!
His expression was so full of grief and worry that the hearts of those around him couldn’t help but ache as well.
After spending day and night with each other for so long, they were one big family and comrades who had weathered life and death together. Qin Yining could have escaped on her own, but had stayed behind to weather this disaster with the rest of them in the name of fraternity. If they really had to witness her lose her life like this, no one would be able to forgive themselves.
This was especially true for the tribesmen who’d spent more time with Qin Yining and Lu Heng, such as Uncle Alham and the two brothers. They were the ones most likely to know about the depths of Lu Heng’s feelings towards Qin Yining.
The princess consort had fallen ill in such terrible conditions, and there was nothing they could do to help. Even the tribesmen felt anxious when they looked at her, much less Lu Heng who cared deeply for her. Everyone looked at each other, grief welling up from their hearts.
Their group continued marching forward through wind and sand. Today’s sunset was greeted with gratitude, that they hadn’t run into a sandstorm like yesterday.
Qin Yining slept the deep sleep of the gravely ill. When she woke, she looked around blearily and found herself in a tent brightly lit by a campfire and carpeted with soft, fine sand. Outside the triangular tent, sand filled the air, dancing from the strong gusts of wind that battered the walls of the tent.
She shivered all over and her teeth chattered together. However, she didn’t have the strength to rise or even lift her hands to tuck the blanket more securely around herself.
Lu Heng entered the tent carrying an earthenware bowl. When he saw Qin Yining’s half-lidded eyes, pale face, and trembling form, his heart pricked with pain. He carefully walked forward and knelt down by her side. “You’re awake. How do you feel?”
Qin Yining attempted to lift the corners of her lips in a smile. Her pale, cracked lips trembled, but her painfully dry throat was unable to produce any sound. After several failed attempts to speak, her long eyelashes drooped in disappointment.
“Pardon me,” Lu Heng said softly. He raised up the shivering Qin Yining and cradled her upper body in the crook of one arm, while the other brought a spoonful of thin rice porridge to her mouth.
“Drink some of this. You will get better only if you eat and get some nourishment. This is hot and will do nicely to warm you up once you drink it.”
Qin Yining felt a little uncomfortable with the situation, but her body was as weak as a limp noodle. The slightest movement made black spots vie for dominance in front of her eyes. She had no energy to spare for propriety, and could only move her lips to breath out a soundless, “thank you”, before she started sipping at the porridge.
Her face was as white as a piece of paper and the fine hairs on her forehead soaked with cold sweat. Strands of hair stuck to her temples and by her ears, making her already thin face look even smaller.
Lu Heng bent his head to look at the woman drinking porridge in his arms and felt like a sweet layer of honey had been brushed across his heart.
If not for the fact that Qin Yining was shivering violently and obviously in terrible pain, he would’ve wished for time to stop at such a lovely, quiet moment that belonged to only the two of them. If the two of them could keep each other company, he would be more than happy to discard all of his positions and wealth.
As warm rice porridge slid past her aching throat, down her gullet, and into her stomach, the warmth seemed to react adversely to the bone-piercing cold in her body. Her whole body quivered and jerked strongly in reaction.
Lu Heng quickly put down the empty bowl and took out a clean cotton handkerchief from his robes, carefully wiping away the cold sweat on her face and neck. Qin Yining wanted to flinch away, but had no energy to avoid the ministrations and could only close her eyes and bear it for the moment.
“How do you feel? Are you alright? Lu Heng asked worriedly.
Qin Yining smiled ruefully. “I don’t, feel too good.”
That simple sentence had to be split into two by a gasp before it was completed, but was still as thready as the whine of a mosquito. Even after the moisture of the porridge, the sound that emitted from her throat was horse and grating as sandpaper on a broken edge. It was almost inaudible and barely more than a breath by Lu Heng’s ear.
His heart trembled to hear that, and his eyes burned as if tears were
about to fall.
“Don’t worry, we have plenty of grain and water, I even brought you some medicine. You just have to rest well, eat properly, and take your medicine. You’ll get better then.”
Qin Yining smiled tiredly and nodded jerkily, then shook her head, speaking in short bursts, “You don’t, have to be, too stubborn. People, will always, die. Life and death, are fated, cannot be forced.”
Chapter 529.2: Caretaking
Lu Heng felt as if a large, bleeding gash had opened in his heart. Her words struck him so hard that he could hardly breathe. He steadied himself after a moment and forced a smile, then continued helping her wipe off sweat with the handkerchief.
“You’re right. Life and death are fated, and your life will surely not end here. You are fated to enjoy luck later in life, and your family as well as His Highness are waiting for you to go home. In the future you will live a blessed life filled with leisure, children, and grandchildren. You will never need to be on the run or suffer again. Those days are not far away, so you must remain confident in yourself.”
Qin Yining listened to Lu Heng’s placating words, but didn’t fully understand them. Her ears and mind buzzed, and his words also blended into the chaotic jumble. She only knew that the Lu scion must be trying to comfort her.
Thus, she closed her eyes wearily and softly said, “Thank you.” She felt that she spoke quite loudly, but to Lu Heng’s ears, it was almost inaudible.
There was an instant where Lu Heng wished that he could take her out of the desert to find a physician.
However, their route had become more obscured the deeper into the desert they traveled; he almost couldn’t tell which direction they’d come from anymore. This was a hopeless situation that would trap them in the desert forever!
Lu Heng took off his padded robe and tightly hugged Qin Yining, who’d already fallen back asleep. He used the blanket and padded robe to cover the both of them.
Qin Yining’s cheeks and hands were as cold as ice blocks. Even when unconscious, her entire body still shivered uncontrollably. Lu Heng wrapped his hand around both of hers, trying to pass on some of his warmth to her. However, after a while, his hands were chilled by hers, but she was still extremely cold.
Anxiety nipping at his heels, there was no sleep forthcoming for the Lu scion. He got up to stoke the campfire higher and adjusted the tent to make it lower. Then, he carried Qin Yining to a spot closest to the fire before lying down again. This time, he cradled both of her hands and wrapped his arms tightly around her, hoping that his embrace would help her warm up.
In actuality, Qin Yining wasn’t completely asleep. She could no longer determine where she was, whether it was the mountains where she’d spent her childhood or the noble residence that she’d later moved back into.
She was dreaming. In that dream she made a mistake and couldn’t learn the rules the mama taught her, no matter how hard she tried. The old dowager and née Sun made her kneel in punishment and even threw her books into the pond. She couldn’t bear to lose them, so she jumped into the frozen pond even though it was deep winter and the last month of the lunar year.
The water was so cold!
She was so cold that her bones felt like they would freeze over, and her fingers were stiff and clumsy. No matter how deeply she waded into the depths of the pool, she couldn’t catch up to her books. The deeper she waded, the colder it got.
Feeling that she couldn’t take it anymore, Qin Yining wanted to give up on those books. However, when she turned around, the buildings of the Qin residence had disappeared, along with everyone else around her. She was stuck in the middle of the frozen pond and couldn’t find the shore to climb out!
Almost bursting into tears from fear, she kept muttering, “I shouldn’t have come, I shouldn't have come. It would have been better alone in the mountains. I shouldn’t have come back.”
Lu Heng had drifted into a groggy, half-awake state. He heard someone muttering by his ear, but could only make out one phrase, ‘shouldn’t have come back’.
With how much he liked the princess consort, he’d naturally fully investigated Qin Yining and her past. He knew all about how she’d been switched out when young and adopted by someone outside, how she’d survived all alone in the mountains, found her way back to the minister’s residence, and carved out a niche for herself.
Thus, her delirious ramblings hit a soft spot in Lu Heng’s heart. How could such a weak and helpless person be so strong and determined? To his eyes, every bit of Qin Yining shone with hidden qualities awaiting discovery, and she was that distant star to be sealed away for safekeeping.
However, even the most brilliant star would someday dissipate and disappear.
He sometimes really wished that he could turn back time. If he could, he would be the one to find the young Qin Yining first, seamlessly blend into and become part of her life, help her, and nurture her. She wouldn’t have had to depend on hunting and foraging for wild fruits to survive at a young age, and wouldn’t live such a difficult life.
Unfortunately, there are no ‘what ifs’ in the world. He hadn’t been destined to meet her early on in life. Stuck as he was within the wheel of fate, it seemed to be set in stone that Qin Yining would meet Pang Xiao and they would fall in love. As for him, he could only despair that he hadn’t met her earlier. If he didn’t want to lose her completely, he could only silently watch over her off to the side.
Chapter 530.1: Awake
By now, Lu Heng was extremely glad that his irksome cousin had inadvertently given him the chance to meet Qin Yining at this stage in life. Although the princess consort didn’t hold romantic affections for him, he had met her at his best and left a good impression in her heart. He was content.
If he hadn’t met Qin Yining in this period of time, or if they’d met when he was a little older, perhaps they wouldn't have developed the mutual trust they now shared. This is what she means by ‘life and death are fated’, isn’t it?
Lu Heng let his imagination run wild just like that, his tired brows knitted tightly together, and managed to slip into a light doze after a long while.
After some time, he suddenly felt like he was embracing an extremely hot brazier. Lu Heng’s eyes snapped open, his tired face unable to hide his anxiety.
Qin Yining was running a high fever that refused to go down.
It wasn’t appropriate for him to wipe down the princess consort in a makeshift bath. He was already crossing the boundaries in taking advantage of her unconsciousness to sleep with her in his embrace. Thus, Lu Heng went out to look for two trustworthy tribeswomen to help wipe her down and reduce her fever.
Qin Yining’s pale face was flushed sickly red from the fever. Her dry lips had split in several places, and a persistent high fever had turned her previously icy-cold body unnaturally hot. As the women wiped her clean, they discovered that she’d gotten so thin that she was incredibly gaunt. In particular, the bones of her wrist were so sharp they looked like they were about to pierce through her skin.
Lu Heng returned after the women were finished with the dry bath and fed Qin Yining some warm water. She subconsciously swallowed a few sips, but when he continued to feed her something else, she refused to open her mouth, as if she had decided to seek death.
Looking at how frail Qin Yining was, Lu Heng couldn’t help but sigh and coax, “Come on, wake up. You must drink some warm water and eat something. Look at you now, you’re so different from when we first met. You’ve become so thin.”
Although he knew that Qin Yining was unconscious and couldn't hear him, he persisted with his gentle persuasion for a long while.
The princess consort alternated madly between freezing cold one moment and burning heat the next, often shoving away her blanket. Right now, it was as if she were in the middle of a raging inferno; large, pea-sized drops of sweat rolled down from her forehead.
Lu Heng hurriedly used his sleeve to wipe the sweat away. As he looked at her sweat drenched hair, sadness suddenly
overwhelmed his heart. He’d never been an overly-emotional person; when someone had told him that disaster had befallen the Lu family, he faced the circumstances head-on without fear.
However heartless he might be in other situations, the softest and most vulnerable parts of his heart were reserved for Qin Yining. She was severely ill, but he had no ability to help her at all! He hurt as badly as if someone was twisting a knife in his heart.
If he’d known that something like this would happen, he would’ve found a way to abduct a physician to journey with them when they first entered the desert. If Qin Yining’s cold had been treated appropriately from the beginning, she wouldn't be in such a precarious situation now.
Of course, the princess consort had no idea what the people around her were thinking or doing. All she knew was that she’d plunged into the depths of a pitch-black abyss, that there wasn’t the slightest glimmer of light ahead of her. The bottom of this abyss seemed to be a river of magma, so hot that a single drop would be enough to melt her.
It was so, so hot! Qin Yining whined in distress, then unknowingly fell back into a deep sleep. She didn’t even realize when Lu Heng and the others bundled her up in a blanket and carried her onto a carriage.
Over the next few days, her body grew even frailer and she spent increasingly less amounts of time awake. An ominous feeling in her heart slowly grew as well.
When she next opened her eyes after an indeterminable period of time, she was lying on a wooden cart. Howling wind filled her ears with cries of savagery. Vaguely, she felt someone help her adjust her scarf, a warm hand cover her forehead, and a sigh.
“Don’t be afraid, we’ll walk out of this desert. We have enough rations. You don’t need to be afraid of anything…”
She knew that Lu Heng was comforting her again and was very grateful for the meticulous care that Lu Heng had shown her. “Thank you.”
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