by Sara Hazel
“You don’t have to promise me anything, sweetie pie. Just have fun.”
“If it really bothers you this much then —”
“I said have fun, Juliann,” he says firmly.
“Ok,” I whisper as a feeling of sadness washes over me. He might not think we’ve had our first real fight, but it sure feels that way to me. I just hope he’ll still want to marry me in the morning.
As I’m thinking all this, Zack says: “I love you, beautiful.”
“I love you too,” I reply softly.
*
Once again, I’m out with Francesca at a bar, and I’m not even sure why. But she was so insistent that I come.
I grab Kelsey’s hand under the table and squeeze it as I sit there in silence while Francesca talks about some hot guy she met at the grocery store. After a while though, she finally notices I’m hardly listening. I’m still nursing the same rum and coke that I got an hour ago. Just tiredly sipping away.
Francesca grabs my coke as soon as I set it down.
“You aren’t paying attention. This is your bachelorette party. You need to have fun.”
“Francesca, you’ve been talking about Dylan for the last hour,” Hannah helpfully reminds her. “I think Juliann just doesn’t know what to say about all that, and quite frankly, neither do I. But I’m glad you met a guy you like.”
“Good. At least someone is happy for me,” Francesca replies.
“May I have my coke back, please?”
“I have to tell you something first, and I need the rest of these ladies to leave for a bit.”
“I stay,” says Kelsey. “Juliann needs me.”
Francesca laughs. “Fine. You can stay. Hannah and Paige, get the hell out.”
Hannah and Paige get up and take their drinks with them. I watch as they settle into a booth towards the back of the bar.
“I didn’t want them hearing this,” Francesca says with a sigh. She sounds very serious all of a sudden. “But Juliann, I know he’s not gonna tell you, so I have to be the one to do it.”
“Ok…Maybe I don’t want to know. I should really wait for Zack to tell me.”
“He’s not going to sweetie pie,” she says. I cringe at my nickname coming from Francesca’s mouth. I wish she had never heard Zack call me that, but he does it every day even when everyone else is around.
“Fine, Francesca. Just say it then. I’m getting sleepy.”
She slides my coke back to me, and I take a sip. My heart feels like it’s going a million beats per minute. My stomach grumbles because I haven’t stopped to eat once tonight. And now I’m terrified of what Francesca is about to say.
“Zack was married to my sister.”
“Ok. I know that. You already told me.”
“Yes, but you don’t really know the whole story.”
“Quit building it up so damn much and get to the point already!” I actually slam my fist on the table. Kelsey grabs my trembling hand and massages it.
“Wow, Jules. I didn’t realize you could get so angry. But I’m not really your enemy. I want to be your friend now. Ok? I’m really sorry for everything I’ve done to you, and now I want to help you. My sister Antonia cheated on Zack. She got drunk one night and went to a party without him. He was always at work, and she was falling out of love with him. So she cheated on him.”
“That’s terrible,” I whisper. “And I already knew that she cheated on him.”
“She decided to tell Zack about it. At first, they decided they were gonna work on their marriage, and they did for a while. I guess things were starting to get better, but Antonia slept with the guy from the party a second time. This time she poured her heart out to Zack and begged him for another chance. So he let her have it. But then he really just gave her the cold shoulder every day for nearly a year, and my sister couldn’t handle it. By this point, she’d realized that she didn’t want to leave Zack. I think she was just feeling desperate for something to cling to and he was her husband, so she tried clinging to him and it didn’t work. Antonia killed herself because of Zack.”
“Francesca, I’m so sorry. But I don’t see what any of that has to do with me. I’m never gonna cheat on him.”
“He’ll cheat on you. He already has,” she says. “My brother-in-law is a wounded animal, but last week he came over and had sex with me. He’s been doing it the whole time he’s been with you. I wanted him to be the one to tell you. Preferably before you married him. But your wedding day is tomorrow, and I thought you should know. I’m really sorry, Juliann. But he told me that he loved me. He’s always loved me.”
All the joy of my time with Zack sinks right out of me. I know I shouldn’t let her do this to me. I feel like she’s manipulating me, lying to me. Zack and I have only really been a couple for a short time, so maybe it’s true. Maybe he has been seeing her at the same time. I’m not sure when exactly, but we haven’t been together every night, and on those nights, maybe he’s been with her…
My mind just goes there now. Straight to the dark side. I can’t help it. I sob on Kelsey’s shoulder.
“I can’t believe you did this to her,” Kelsey growls at Francesca.
“Honey, I didn’t do anything to her. Zack did. He’s a player and she should know. And I had to tell her about my sister, so she knows how cold he can be when he wants to. I witnessed Antonia begging him for another chance on multiple occasions, and he kept promising her that she could have it. But he never really gave her one. He didn’t care how depressed she was. He didn’t care about her feelings at all.”
“Get out,” Kelsey says. “Just go be with your friends. Leave me with mine, ok? We don’t need to hear anymore.”
“Fine by me. I’ll just call Zack to pick me up.”
I look up and watch Francesca leave. My heart is broken in a trillion pieces. I don’t know what to believe anymore. I can’t believe he would do something like this, and yet I can. It seems like the world has been planting the seeds of doubt in me from the beginning — making sure I knew that Zack Elliot was a player. And I had heard the rumors plenty of times. But when he told me they were just rumors, I believed him. Like a fool — I fell into his trap and just bought everything he was saying.
“Take me home, Kels,” I whisper.
She does and I fall asleep with my head in her lap. I wake up at six, and Kelsey is still asleep. I quietly get up and grab my phone off the table where I threw it down hard last night. As I turn it over I notice a big crack down the middle of the screen. It’s still usable, but it’s kind of a cheap phone, so I should have expected that slamming it down wasn’t a good idea. But I’ll deal with the screen later. As my eyes adjust, I notice that I have a dozen texts and phone calls from Zack.
But should I even respond? I don’t know what to do anymore. I open my messages and read some of them. All of them are pleading with me to call him or let him know where I am. So I just send back a simple reply:
I don’t ever want to hear from you again.
I hit send. And then I cry, because I realize I sent it in a moment of desperate anger, and I may regret it later. I really should let Zack give me his side of the story. I should trust him. He made me feel like I could. Everything he said to me just lifted me up and made me sure he was the one.
Maybe he still is.
But now the doubt is filling my mind and making my brain feel like it’s on fire. My entire body hurts so much. I collapse onto my floor and sob into my hands.
Kelsey wakes up and soon comes to sit beside me. I feel her hand on the back of my neck. She’s the only reassurance I’ve got in this world. The only person who truly cares about me.
My phone buzzes in my lap. I turned the ringer off last night, and set it to vibrate. I’m sure it’s Zack again.
“Don’t answer it, sweetie pie,” Kelsey says.
“Wasn’t planning on it.” And then I laugh, and just burst into laughter.
“What’s wrong, Jules?”
“Oh, I’m just laughing so
I can stop crying. But Kelsey — what if Francesca is lying and I’m holding something against Zack that I shouldn’t? I feel it in my stomach, girl. I think he doesn’t deserve to have me ignore him.”
“Then I think you have your answer, Jules. Do what your intuition is telling you. I’m a little mad at him for lying to you about his ex-wife, but maybe he’s got a good excuse and you should at least hear it. Though I’m not sure what would be a good excuse for something like that.”
“That’s how I feel. I just have to get the full story from him,” I whisper. “I’m gonna answer.”
I swipe my phone open and hold it to my ear. Despite my newfound confidence in my belief that I should at least hear his side of things, my hand is shaking something fierce. Kelsey helps me to hold the phone up.
“You have a lot of explaining to do,” I say.
“Sweetie pie, I’ve been so worried about you all night. I didn’t sleep at all. What happened? What did Francesca tell you? She called me last night and said you left upset, but she wouldn’t tell me why.”
“I’ll come to you and let you tell me everything. I should hate you right now, Zack Elliot. Probably. But I’m making a conscious decision here that Julian Sweetie Pie Addison might be a shy and sweet soul, but she will not let anyone walk all over her. I won’t let Francesca do it and I especially will not let you do it. But you owe me some serious explanations.”
“You’re damn right I do,” he says.
“Good. I’ll see you in a bit.”
I hang up the phone and take a deep sigh. I feel a lot better having taken charge of the situation for once.
“Wow, girl. I love it. I have never heard you like that before, and I’m so proud of you. I’m always proud of you, but right now — even more than usual.”
“I don’t think I’m getting married today, but when I do, Kels, I definitely want you to be beside me. I would have called you as soon as he proposed to me yesterday, but I got caught up in everything.”
“It’s ok, sweetie pie, and. And of course I’ll be beside you on your wedding day!”
“Thanks, Kels. This is why you’re my best friend.”
“Always and forever, girl. You will never get away from me.”
*
As I arrive at Zack’s condo building, I get that feeling in my stomach that everything is about to drop out. But I take deep breaths and count to two hundred, because that’s how long it takes to calm myself down.
I know I’m being brave and choosing love. I have to give him the chance to prove to me that he’s choosing love too. If his story holds up, then I feel like everything will be ok.
As Zack greets me he tries to give me a hug. He wraps those big strong arms around me, and I just let him hold me against him. But I do not return the embrace. I’m not ready for that just yet.
He lets go and takes a step back. “I’m just glad you’re alive and Francesca didn’t get you into any serious trouble last night.”
“She was fine. The problem is you, Zack. You haven’t been honest with me. Francesca told me the truth about Antonia. That didn’t bother me that much, because it wasn’t your fault, and I know that. But you should have told me the truth anyway.”
I sit down on his couch, and he takes a seat right beside me. I scoot as far away from him as I can manage without falling off the couch.
“Jules, I know this is serious, and I’m sorry. The reason I didn’t tell you about Antonia is because it’s been hard on me. That was the worst period of my life. Even though she cheated on me twice, I still loved her deep down. But I just couldn’t find a way to show it anymore, and it hurt her. I didn’t want you thinking I was a bad person who doesn’t know how to forgive someone.”
“You’re not a bad person, Zack. I know that. Even though this next part is worse. Francesca told me everything last night, including that you’ve been sleeping together.”
“Jules…wait…”
“I don’t want any excuses. I just want the truth.”
He gets down and kneels before me. He holds my hands tight, and despite my effort to pull away from him he does not let me go.
We lock eyes. I try to look away, but I can’t. Something just tells me to look at him — to learn to trust that when he says he loves me he really does.
“I have never slept with Francesca, sweetie pie. Never. We’ve never even come close. She confessed to me that she loves me, but I’ve never had those feelings for her. That’s why she told you that. She told me I was making a mistake in choosing you over her. But I’m not. I love you so much it makes my heart burst.”
“I believe you,” I whisper.
And all of a sudden I feel much lighter. I do believe him. It’s hard, but I do. I don’t think I’ve ever had to be stronger than I am having to be right now. But it still feels good. It’s like I can feel his love pulsing through my veins when he looks at me. That sounds crazy, but it’s exactly how I feel.
“I love you, Juliann. I love you so much. Since I saw you I have not thought about another woman like that for even a single second. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
“You do?” I whisper. “You’re not mad at me for thinking you were capable of hurting me?”
“Of course not, sweetie pie. I would never be mad at you for that. I should have told you the truth, and I promise you that from now on I always will.”
“I promise that too,” I reply.
“Stay right there,” he says.
I wait five minutes while he runs into the back. I even hear him cursing that he can’t find what he’s looking for. When he finally returns, he’s got a big smile on his face. And he’s hiding one arm behind his back.
“So, I lied to you again.”
“Ok, well, I hope you’re gonna be honest with me now. I lied to you too to protect Francesca. Since we’re getting it all out there now…”
“I know, sweetie pie. But I really lied to you this time. Even bigger than before.”
“Uh oh, I’m not liking the sound of this,” I reply.
Even though I have a feeling that something good is about to happen, my nerves act up in the same ways they did when I was on my way over here.
Zack produces a small blue box, and I gasp at the sight of it.
“I lied to you. I told you I didn’t have a ring yet. But I wasn’t really planning to propose to you yesterday. I was thinking I was gonna wait until I had your ring in my hand at least.”
“Zack Elliot…” I whisper.
“I bought this ring a week ago. I knew since the moment I first saw you that I wanted to marry you. At first, it was pretty shocking to me that I would feel that way about someone that instantly. But I couldn’t help it with you. There’s no fighting it. You and I are like pancakes and syrup. We just go together like that.”
“Chocolate chips and pancakes,” I interject. “I’m not the biggest syrup fan. So I want us to be like pancakes and chocolate chips.”
“You sweet crazy girl. That’s what we’ll be then. Pancakes and chocolate chips.”
He opens the box and I gasp again.
The ring is perfect. But will it fit? Looking at the big sparkling diamond in the box puts me into a trance that I don’t know how to snap out of. It’s much too big. I can’t believe he did this.
“You should have gotten me a smaller one,” I blurt out as he takes it out of the box.
He laughs. “Well, I figured you need a diamond as big and bright as your smile. You have a big heart, sweetie pie, and there’s nothing I want more than to marry you and have as many kids as we possibly can. What do you say? Please marry me. I’ll make you happy, I swear it.”
Tears rush down my cheeks. I sniffle and wipe them away. Zack takes my hand and places the ring on it.
“I said yes already,” I reply.
“Say it again then, but louder this time.”
“YES!” I shout with all the joy in my heart.
The ring fits perfectly.
“I guessed your size ri
ght,” he says. “I guess all that time spent caressing those fingers of yours paid off.”
“It sure did.”
He carries me into the bedroom and makes love to me. As we lay there afterwards he stares at me without taking his eyes away from me for even one second.
“What?”
“So, are we getting married today?”
“I want to, but I’ve changed my mind.”
“What? Oh my God, Juliann. Please don’t do this to me.”
“Relax, silly! I still want to marry you. Just not now. I want a big wedding in a church. Somewhere my mama can come and see me get married to the man of my dreams. And I want a wedding cake that you and I bake together, and a wedding band that we can dance all night to.”
He strokes my cheek with a single finger. “Okay, sweetie pie. You got it.”
Chapter Nine
Epilogue — Juliann
*
A year and a half after the night Zack gave me my ring, we finally get married.
The wedding had to wait because it turned out I was pregnant.
But now, the day after the wedding, we’re with our restaurant family at Kitty Cat Strut, and my mama is here too, holding my sweet daughter in her arms. The baby is sleeping through everything, despite the loud adults all around her.
Francesca comes up behind me and taps me on the shoulder.
“Jules, may I hold Charlotte later?”
“Of course, Fran! As soon as her grandma is done with her, she’s all yours.”
“You are gonna be waiting a while, Francesca,” my mother replies.
“Anytime you need a break, Mrs. Addison, I’m ready!”
“I’m in line too!” Kelsey exclaims.
“Ok, well, it looks like I won’t be holding my own daughter for a while then,” I reply. “I’m gonna go make out with my husband in the back room while he finishes plating his secret dessert.”
I sneak off into the kitchen, but Francesca taps me on the shoulder again. I look around and don’t see Zack anywhere, so I turn around and face Francesca.