by Bella Jewel
I care far more than I realized.
Just as I’m about to turn and rush out, his eyes open and meet mine. For a moment, we just stare at each other. I don’t know how to react. I don’t know what to do or what to say. Our eyes remain locked, and I let my feelings burst forth. “You’re a pig.”
I turn and run out, my whole body about to erupt in a fit of emotions I don’t understand. I make it halfway down the hall when a hand wraps around my upper arm and I’m pulled to a stop. I spin around and angrily, I see Mykel standing, jeans still half undone, his face tight. “What the fuck was that?” he demands, his voice rough and husky.
I hate that.
I hate it because it means it felt good.
Knowing that makes me want to scream.
“Get away from me,” I snap.
“What, I repeat, the fuck was that?”
His voice is harsh now, demanding.
“Go fuck yourself, Mykel. If you were going to use me, you could have at least warned me first.”
I shove at him so hard he stumbles backwards. My small body might not have a lot of force, but when I put all my might in, I can make someone move. I shove him, and then I do it over and over again, hitting his chest until he lashes out and before I know it, I’m slammed against the wall, his hand around my throat.
I’m completely stunned and shocked as he leans in close, so close his mouth is almost touching mine. We’re both panting, both wild with rage. He’s hanging onto me tightly, but not tightly enough that I lose oxygen. He’s completely silenced me in this one movement, completely rendered me voiceless. He bares his teeth in rage and growls, “Have you lost your fucking mind?”
“Does anything that happened between us mean something to you, or were you just using me for a bit of sex? Because I sure as hell thought it was a bit more than that,” I spit, reaching up to grab his wrist as my breathing becomes a little labored.
He leans in even closer, growling, “I never claimed that we were anything. Not fuckin’ once. I told you after the first time it was once, and then you came back. You asked for me. You fuckin’ wanted to sample another taste.”
“You never said no!” I cry. “You were sharing things with me! You made it seem like it was worth something. If it wasn’t, you could have made that clear. You could have warned me you’d be sticking your dick in other people while sticking it in me. You’re a god damned asshole!”
“I promised you nothing. Not once. If you wanted prince fuckin’ charming, then you were lookin’ in the wrong castle.”
Oh my god.
“You’re so broken,” I whisper, shaking my head. “So fucking broken.”
“Yeah,” he snarls, letting me go. “Yeah, I am. Don’t act like you didn’t fuckin’ know that.”
With that, he turns and strides off.
I press a hand to my throat, trying to catch my breath.
I don’t know what the hell just happened.
All I know is it took my feet out from beneath me.
The air from my lungs.
Mykel just effectively crushed me, without even trying.
He fucking broke me.
15
WAVERLY
I rub at my throat for hours after my little encounter with Mykel. I try to figure out what happened. Over and over, I try to understand how we went from getting along to that. What did I do that made him so damned angry? What did I say? I have missed something; I just don’t know what it is. The pain in my chest is bigger than I could have imagined, feeling like it runs to my very soul.
It hurt.
What he did tonight hurt.
What he said tonight hurt.
He went out of his way to cause me pain—I just don’t understand why.
I get home and it’s late, so late I feel like I’m going to pass out from exhaustion. Yet again, today was horrible and caused me more trauma than I’ve prepared myself for. I think about those girls. I think about the plan. I think about everything that could go wrong. It’s going to blow up, and I’m scared of being in the firing line. I’m scared of the people I love being in the firing line.
I don’t expect Mykel to come home, yet I find myself waiting for him anyway. I want to know what happened. I need to know why he lost it so badly. I also need to get the hell out of this house because I can’t live here anymore. I know it’s the safest place for me, but Alarick doesn’t understand that slowly, it’s eating away at my heart.
I need to be anywhere else.
I’m sitting at the kitchen counter when the front door opens. I turn, surprised to see Mykel coming inside the house. He’s drunk—I can tell the moment his eyes meet mine. I also know this because behind him is a woman, a gorgeous woman. Not the woman he was with tonight. This one looks a little more classy, like he’s picked her up from a bar, not the club. She’s wearing a tight dress, she’s blonde, and she’s so damned pretty my heart plummets into my chest.
Is he purposefully trying to hurt me?
“I’ll be up in a minute,” he murmurs, and the woman takes herself up to his room.
I guess this isn’t her first time here.
When she’s gone, Mykel looks at me, and our eyes stay locked together for long, intense moments.
“Are you going to talk to me?” I ask, my voice low.
“Nothin’ to talk about,” he tells me, walking in and throwing his phone down on the counter.
I can smell the whiskey on him, and it only makes me hurt that little bit more.
“What happened tonight?” I push, because I’m done with him not speaking to me, done with him not sharing things. He’s got a problem with me? Fine. He needs to say why.
“You lost it—that’s what fuckin’ happened.”
“I lost it?” I laugh, bitterly. “You can’t be serious? You had me by the throat.”
His eyes dart towards me, and they’re wild. “I didn’t hurt you, Waverly.”
He’s right.
He didn’t.
But still.
“What changed?” I demand, crossing my arms. “What changed from this morning to tonight?”
His jaw ticks, and I know I’m right—something is annoying him and I want to know what it is. “Nothin’ fuckin’ changed.”
“Oh, for god’s sake!” I snap, slamming my hand on the counter. “If you’re going to be pissed at me, at least man up and tell me what the fuck your problem is.”
Those are the wrong words.
I know it the moment they come out of my mouth.
Mykel slams his hand down onto the counter now too and leans in close, barking, “You wanna know what’s fuckin’ wrong? You. You’re what’s wrong. You’re a goddamned sneaky bitch and you thought I wouldn’t fuckin’ find out.”
What is he talking about?
“You’re going to need to be a little more clear than that . . .” I seethe.
“You broke into my room, went through my things, broke into my locked room and took a fuckin’ photo of my wall. Then you had the fuckin’ nerve to let me show it to you, and act like you gave a fuck. You’re a goddamned liar.”
Oh, shit.
How the hell does he know I went into that room?
“Mykel . . .”
“I don’t trust you,” he barks. “And I don’t fuckin’ want you here.”
That hurts.
Goddammit, that hurts.
“You haven’t wanted me here all along. You’re just looking for a reason to make me go,” I yell. “You’ve never liked me, Mykel, you’re just finding reason now because you had none before!”
“I was lettin’ you in . . .”
“And one slip up is all it took to ruin that,” I scream. “I should have known better than to ever let myself trust you. I’m just a fill-in, a time waster. I’m just the girl you’re using because you’re hung up on someone else! I’m so fucking stupid.”
“What?” he whispers, his voice a low, angry hiss that has me shivering.
“You’re in love with Briella.
You have been since I’ve known you. I’m so goddamned stupid, because I knew that and I fucked you anyway.”
“My business has nothin’ to do with what you did to me,” he growls.
“No, you’re right, it didn’t. I went into that room because I wanted to know what made you so goddamned broken. I wanted to know what made you hate me so damned much. I should have told you when you took me in there but I was so happy that you were sharing something with me, and nothing was worth taking that away. I’m sorry I betrayed your trust—believe that. I’m not sorry that I feel the way I do, though.”
His jaw tightens, and he says nothing. He just stares at me with an expression that’s so hard, it makes my heart hurt. I want to go over to him and just grab him, pull him into my arms. I want to tell him that if he’d just let me in, I could make him feel better. But he’s not going to let me do that.
He’s not going to give in to me.
I step forward anyway, because what the hell have I got to lose?
I get so close we’re nearly nose to nose, both of us panting. “You’re broken, Mykel, but that was never my problem. My problem was you decided who I was before you ever gave me a chance. You never let me in, and you never trusted me. Don’t come in here now and try to make out like that’s my fault.”
His eyes hold mine, and my breathing hitches when he whispers, “I’ve never told another fuckin’ person what I told you. Never shared that. Never showed anyone.”
Oh god.
Oh no.
“I’m sorry,” I say softly.
“You need to get out of my house before I say something I’ll regret.”
I can’t stop it—a single tear rolls down my cheek, and in a tight voice, I say, “You have said so much already. There’s nothing else you could possibly say or do right now that would break me anymore.”
He jerks a little, like I’ve slapped him in the face. I hope it hurts. I do. I hope it makes him feel the same way he’s making me feel right now.
“I want you, Mykel. I hate that I do, but it’s how it is. I reacted tonight because you make me feel something . . . something I don’t understand. So, you can imagine just how much it fucking hurts to know that I mean absolutely nothing to you. That I’m nothing more than a fuck to bide your time in between partners. I’m worth a whole lot more than that.”
I step back and turn, swallowing the lump in my throat as I hurry up the stairs and into my room. I shut the door and lock it, and then I go over to my bed, sit on the end of it, and drop my head into my hands.
That was horrible, in all the ways it counts.
I just wish that man could see what I see.
Maybe then he’d let me in.
Instead he continues to push me away.
I hope he regrets that.
He might not be prince charming, but I was never looking for that.
I was just looking for something real.
Is that so much to ask?
“YOU’RE CLEAR ON WHAT you need to do?” Alarick asks me, and I feel his gaze one me, but I keep mine locked onto the table I’m sitting at.
I don’t want to look at Mykel.
I don’t want to look at the members of the club.
I just want to get this over and done with so I can leave—so I can go home and never come back here.
“Waverly?” Alarick calls, and I slowly lift my head, numbly meeting his gaze.
“Go in, find out where the key is, disable the security system, and get out of there,” he says. “It won’t be easy. It might take a bit for you to find the system, but like Samson showed you, there are ways to disable it from the inside without knowing the code. You’ve got cutters, you’ve got a gun, and you’ve got your phone. Need to know you understand exactly what’s at risk here?”
I stare blankly and nod slowly. “I get it.”
“Once it’s done, you get Dax out and keep him out for as long as you can. We’ll let you know when we’re done. Then that’ll be the last time you’re seen there with him. That clear?”
I nod again.
“Waverly, you good?” Cohen asks me, his voice a little concerned. “Lookin’ like you’re not with it.”
“I’m fine,” I say, softly. “I’m just ready for this to be over.”
“We’re goin’ to have you covered,” Kendric tells me. “We’ll make sure that nothin’ happens to you, and you get away from this safe. You feel me?”
I nod again.
“Mykel will drive you to the location where we’ll be waiting so you can see it, and you can enter Dax’s house from there.”
“No,” I say, my voice a little harder this time. “Anyone else but him.”
I don’t look at Mykel when I say this. I can’t.
I can’t handle any more pain right now.
“Bohdi then.”
I nod, and then stand. “I need to get some things ready. I’ll be back here at the agreed time to do this.”
“Waverly?” Alarick calls when I reach the door.
I turn back and glance at him.
“We appreciate this more than you’ll ever fuckin’ know. What you’re doin’ for us takes guts, and you’ve proven yourself one hundred percent true.”
Yeah, I have.
What fucking good has that done for me?
I leave and go home, where I take five minutes for myself before everything goes down. I need to clear my head; I need to figure myself out; I need to be strong for this. If I’m not, then I’m going to end up letting the entire club down and quite frankly, I’m not willing to have that happen.
I take a long, hot shower, and then I make sure my phone is charged, I’ve got my gun loaded, and that I’m ready for the next twenty four hours of my life, because they’re going to be intense. I’m in the bathroom, brushing my hair, when the door behind me opens. In the mirror, I see Mykel enter. He meets my eyes and for a second, I’m confused. What is he doing here?
Better yet, why is he in the bathroom?
I go to ask, but he steps up to me, takes hold of my shoulder, spins me around, and then he’s kissing me. He’s kissing me with such ferocity he renders me breathless. For what seems like minutes, I stand there completely stunned. The kiss he’s giving me right now, it’s unlike every other one we’ve had together.
It speaks more than any words ever could.
After what seems like an eternity, my body finally works and I kiss him back. I let my lips move against his, and I relish in it. I burn into my mind the way his tongue feels against mine, the way his lips are so soft but his beard is so rough. I take in how one hand is resting on the small of my back, and the other is around the back of my neck, holding me close to him.
I take every single moment and lock it away.
Because it’s likely going to be the last one.
After a few more blissful moments, he pulls back and without a word, he walks out of the bathroom.
He leaves me standing there, completely confused and yet feeling so much better.
He didn’t need to say anything, because he told me everything I had been desperate to hear in that one passionate kiss.
It gives me a spark of hope.
A tiny little light in this ever-growing darkness.
I’m grateful to him for that.
More than he’ll ever know.
16
WAVERLY
“I was wondering if you’d come back . . .” Dax says when I arrive at his house later that day.
He’s looking a whole lot more together right now, like he’s not going to just lose it and do something stupid. He’s wearing a suit, his hair is clean and brushed, and he looks well-presented and incredibly powerful. If I had to guess, I’d almost say he was preparing for something huge. My heart slams against my ribcage because I’m scared. One wrong move, and this is all over.
I take a deep breath and force myself to smile up at him. Tonight, I need to put on the best damned show of my life, because it’s essential I get him out of this house, and the only w
ay I’m going to do that is to give him something that’s far better than what he’s planning here. I have to do what I have to do. I have to offer parts of myself to him for the good of everyone.
“Of course I was going to come back. Why wouldn’t I?” I ask, innocently.
“I have showed you a lot in the last few days. You must be overwhelmed.”
“I’ve seen worse out there,” I lie.
He reaches out and strokes a finger down my cheek. “I’m sure you have, my strong girl.”
“Is Peter coming tonight?” I ask.
“Tomorrow morning. He’s away on business right now.”
“Have you got enough buyers for those girls?”
Dax’s eyes scan over my face. “That’s not for you to worry about, my angel. Tonight, we’re just going to enjoy each other.”
“Speaking of enjoying each other,” I say, trying to make my voice sound lusty, “we should go somewhere. Dinner, maybe a nice hotel . . .” I let my voice trail off and I look down as if I’m feeling shy about what I just asked him.
He takes my chin in his hands and tips my head back. “You’d like to be with me?”
He doesn’t sound shocked—just surprised.
“I . . . I think I would yes.”
“Being here with all these girls is making you uncomfortable, isn’t it?”
“A little,” I admit.
“My angel,” he murmurs, running his thumb over my bottom lip, “I’ll take you anywhere you want to go.”
Oh, thank god.
“There’s a new Italian restaurant in town. That might be a good place to start . . .”
He grins, slow and a little wicked. “I like your thinking. I’ll find a nice room, something worth your while. I’ll make it a night you’ll never forget.”
Ditto, buddy.
Ditto.
“Do you need me to do anything here before we go out?”
“I have a phone call to make; I’m going to the study. After that, we’ll take a walk, and you can help me prepare some food for the girls to get them through the evening.”
That will be the perfect time to get the key.