by Emma Hamm
That wasn’t how life was Above. There were no fostering of emotions, no expectations of love. That wasn’t something that anyone felt but for their family. You loved your parents and your siblings, but anyone other than that did not deserve the responsibility of holding something that precious.
It was daunting to know that she was changing her opinions this easily.
As she sat across from Ruric and watched as he picked apart the food into bite sized bits so that she could easily eat before him, she wondered how fate had chosen this for her.
He leaned across the table with a slice of fish speared on his claw, sharp toothed grin telling her he was baiting her. He thought she wouldn’t lean forward to slide the fish off with her teeth, yet that was precisely what she did.
Ruric knew very well she had no idea what she was doing. A goblin male could only be complimented by knowing that his female was well satisfied. That meant that he had done his duty as her husband, that she was well fed, and rested. To take food from his hand was the highest respect she could give him. He knew she did not understand that, could not possibly know their customs.
It still seemed to set his body on fire.
“What did Micah have to say?” He asked while he grabbed another slice of food for her, this time a small watery vegetable that grew beside the streams deep in the mines.
“Not much really, he was just checking in.” She didn’t want to tell Ruric that she had been asking about him. Jane felt slightly embarrassed that she had been asking another about him. She didn’t want to admit knowing what he thought of her was important or that she was embarrassed to ask him for the answer.
Ruric took it for face value and they finished their meal in laughter. He teased her by pulling the food back. She teased him saying that she wasn’t going to let him eat at all.
By the time they left the hall there were many other goblins that were smiling. The two of them had a brightness about them that others found infectious. It was good to see such happiness in the caves again.
They quickly settled into a new kind of rhythm. Every morning they would get up together, go to the bathing caves and take their time. Some mornings they headed back down to Ruric’s secret cave. They would bring food with them and waste the days away talking about what they wanted out of life, teasing each other for strange expectations.
Jane had always wanted a family of her own, she made that clear to him. She wanted a daughter with blonde hair and a strong attitude that would follow in her mother’s footsteps. She wanted a son who was strong and confident, but smart like her brother was.
He admitted that there had never been a time when he had thought he would have children. To think like that was daunting.
“I never considered that I would be a father someday.” He admitted to her as they lay curled on top of the moss together.
Her back was nestled against his front, pressed against his heart and held firmly by his hand that was splayed across her stomach.
“You’ll be a good father I think.” She said quietly as her fingers traced the lines of his.
“How can you be sure?”
“You’re very kind and you have a soft touch.” That was important as far as she was concerned. A man with a heavy hand would become a father with a heavy hand. She had seen that kind of life before and she didn’t want that for her own. “Those things make for a good parent.”
“Is that so?” He seemed surprised. “I think I would like a child, though it has been many years since I have seen a young one.”
“What do you mean?” She laughed.
“There are not many children anymore.”
“You brought me to see some Ruric, surely you all have seen children.”
“Those are from other tribes.” He said, running his claws along her ribs to tickle her. “They were never here as… what is that you call small ones?”
“Babies.”
“Babies?” He shook his head. “That is a strange word.”
“Well what would be the translation for what you call them? Young ones?”
“Yes.”
“That is a strange thing to call them.”
“It is what they are!” He responded, exasperated at her teasing.
“Well…” There was nothing she could say to that. Laughter bubbled up in her chest until she let it fly free. “You’re right I suppose.”
“Of course I’m right.” He replied. “You humans have such strange customs and words.”
“Are you saying humans aren’t usually right?”
“I’m glad you agree.”
The cave rung with her laughter as she tried to convince him that wasn’t what she had said. But somehow, the strong warrior had lowered himself enough to tease her. He would have thought this beneath him before her. Laughter was not important enough to work hard to hear.
Her laughter sounded like the chime of bells to him. The most beautiful music that goblins could ever create would never sound as lovely as the sound of her. He could die happy knowing that he had heard the musical call of her happiness.
On the days that they were not in the cave, he took her through their home. There was much she had yet to learn, and now that they were feeling some sort of happiness, he wanted her to love it as much as he did.
They scaled the high walls of the caves, disappearing into the small nooks and crannies that were created naturally and not by goblin hand. Together they squeezed through the smallest openings they could, sometimes getting stuck in the small crevices.
In the beginning she was terrified of it all. Claustrophobia would set in and he would have to talk her out of the small space that he had coaxed her into.
The more she was exposed to it though, the better she became. Within the span of a week she was the one pointing out other small spaces they could be exploring.
He had never thought she would do anything else. His Jane was a brave soul. She would always rise to a challenge, particularly if it was something that she could not do. All he had to do was say she was incapable of doing something. It was more difficult to get her to wander new caves. Jane was still nervous about cave ins now that she had seen one in person.
She had argued until he explained to her the truth of the matter. The tunnel that had caved in was goblin made. It was carved out of stone until it had grown angry with them. Forcing stone to be that thin always raised a chance of it caving in and the goblins had known that when they first dug that mine.
Where they were going was created by the earth itself. These tunnels had been here for centuries and were not moving anytime soon. They were safer than any goblin made tunnel because of that.
She was quick to believe him and even quicker to launch herself into learning their ways. Together they discovered small bits and pieces of the earth that perhaps no other eyes had seen before.
Gemstones ran like veins through the stone walls in some of the caverns they found. She was stunned by their beauty and haunted by the thought that humans would kill every last goblin to get these. But in the end, she turned back to him and was pleased to find that she found Ruric much more interesting than the stones.
Throughout it all, he was with her every moment and she did not tire of his presence. It seemed the two of them had a lot of catching up to do. There were so many things they did not know about each other or about the other’s world.
She asked him question upon question about goblin customs and how they were to behave. He asked her many questions about the human’s machinery and how their lives were. Both were so fascinated by the other that they frequently stayed up far too late asking questions into the dark.
With him by her side, she was not afraid to sleep in the utter dark of the caves.
Once he asked her why she prefered to have the lights on and she found that her answer shocked him.
“It is never this dark Above.”
“What?” He rolled in the hammock to look down at her, shock reflec
ted on his face. “Is not darkness the same everywhere?”
“There is always light, Above. When the sun goes down, the moons come up. Even when the moons cannot be seen, the stars are bright enough to light the way. I have never seen darkness as though I was blind.”
He leaned back down, his arms automatically pulling her to wrap around him. “What are your moons like?”
“We call them the Sisters of the Night.” She said quietly. “They are like the sun, but silver and much softer. I think perhaps you could be outside when they are out, but they might still be too bright for you.”
“They cannot be seen sometimes?”
“Every few years they line up so that the earth’s shadow falls on them. It is rare though. I’ve only seen it twice.”
He shook his head. “Your world is strange.”
“You think yours is not?”
“My words makes sense. Yours seems very confusing.”
She laughed. “Ruric, your world is confusing to me. This place is very different and none of it makes sense! You grew up here, of course you think it’s not confusing.”
“The goblins make sense.” He brushed his hand over her cheek and jaw. “If you would open your mind and stop thinking in the human way, you would see that.”
She shook her head against his chest, rolling her eyes. “Then let’s sleep in the dark tonight you silly man. It feels as though it is death to me.”
He took one of their blankets and threw it over the globe that had lit up the room. Engulfed in darkness, she had to swallow hard to quell the panic.
“It is not death.” His warm voice sent shivers down her spine. “It is the warmth of a mother’s womb and the loving embrace of a dear friend. Sleep well, Jane. I am here.”
He most certainly was. Curled in his arms she found that the darkness was not that bad. She couldn’t see anything, but she could hear very well. The steady sound of his breathing lulled her into sleep.
It was a better sleep than she was used to here. Without the light to distract her, she slept deeply and without dreams. She only woke when he stretched beside her, his hands roaming as they tended to do. It was good to know that goblin and human men tended to be the same when they woke up.
From then on they slept without the light of the globes. She slept well unless there was news of her siblings. Then she tended to dream.
There was news twice more from one of the humans they sent above. The young man was sweet and unassuming, the perfect person to ask questions without being asked them in return. He was quick on his feet and had a memory that reminded Jane of her brother Luther.
Unfortunately there was never much news. They had left the mining down, their transport had returned home safely, all passengers had disembarked. There was nothing else that he could find the third time he returned.
The shrug from the other human had made Jane weak kneed. Her life had become a series of pleasure and wonder, with moments of hope and disappointment as she waited for the news of her family.
She wanted them to send a human to the City, surely they could find some more information about her siblings there. Yet Micah always told them no. He said the City was far too dangerous a place for a human that had accepted the goblin way of life. The officials would find them and then they would all be in danger of being found.
In her head she knew he was right. Jane understood the dangers of sending anyone up there. She didn’t want the goblins to have to fight a war, nor did she want them to have to come out of hiding simply because she was telling them to find out information.
Luther and Willow were safe and happy in the City. That was what everyone was promised when they were sent there. Surely that was the truth. A life of splendor and knowledge was all that she could have asked for. In the end, Luther had given them a better life than Jane ever could have provided. That was good and it should have made her happy.
But part of Jane wanted them to be happy with her. It tore at her heart that they did not know she was alive. It made her want to scream and tear at her hair that they did not have the ability to contact her, to tell her what it was like. She had taken up the role of mother for both of them. To know that now they did not need her was a blow to her ego.
The night that the man came home with no information, Ruric held her as she cried. It was the helpless sort of crying that could not be controlled or stopped.
He tried to ask her what was wrong, though he knew what it was. He had seen the pale wash of her face when he had not returned with the slave. He had seen the way she reached out slowly for the wall when he told her there was nothing that the man could do to find out more information.
Perhaps he should have waited to tell her that they would not be sending him Above again. He knew how important it was that she keep some kind of connection with the people that she loved. But there was nothing that he could do. Truth had always been the strength of their relationship.
Instead he had gathered her into his arms, his heart breaking as he heard the sound of her sobs. He had known it was going to be hard on her. She wanted to be with them, not here. It was the way of things that he had accepted at this point. And though it pained him that she was upset, he also knew that tears could heal.
It was good that she was feeling and not simply holding it all in.
He brought the both of them to the hammock, settling so that it was a seat instead of a bed and they could both remain upright. He could already hear the wet sniffs as she gasped in air and thought that it would be better if she did not choke on her tears.
“You are upset?”
“I miss them.” She said through watery tears, not sure how to tell him that she wanted to go home. Not forever. This place was becoming more home than the mining town was. But she wanted to see her family. She wanted her brother to meet the goblin she was quickly starting to realize she had strong feelings for. She wanted her sister to see this world and fall in love with it as much as Jane.
“Of course you do.” He said quietly, leaning back slightly so that he could start to swing them in the hammock.
“Did you know Jane, that goblins are sent from their families very early on in their life?”
She let out a huff of breath. “No.” In her sorrow, she didn’t really want to hear about the hardships of goblin life. She wanted to pity herself for a while.
“We are taken from our homes and placed with another. It is a way to teach everyone that a goblin is your family no matter where you are. It is difficult for the young ones when they are first taken. Some cry for many days because they feel as though they are alone.”
Jane nodded. That was exactly how she was feeling. She was completely and utterly alone here. And even though there were a few humans, they weren’t interested in talking to her.
“But they learn very quickly that they are not alone. Once they are brought to a new tribe they are considered the child of all that are there. There is no one in these caves that does not love them as their own. It brings us all together. We are forced to realize that everyone around us is part of our family no matter what.”
“I am not a goblin, Ruric.” She had tried to remain quiet while he talked, though every now and then a hiccup of a sob would escape her mouth.
“You became a goblin the moment you were bound to me.” He whispered, leaning forward to catch her tears upon his lips. “When are you going to realize that the goblins love you and have accepted you as one of their own? You are our family just as much as those Above.”
“I don’t want to be loved because I’m female.” She said, a slight hint of anger in her voice even though his lips were on her.
“You aren’t. You are loved because you are one of us and we accept you for that.” He pulled back to brush his thumbs over her cheeks, wiping away the last remnants of tears that his lips had not caught. “I have hope that someday you will realize that this place is just as good as where you came from.”
She hoped the same, th
ough in this moment she resented every second that she was here. She wanted her family, the sun upon her skin, the sound of people chattering in her own language.
Most of the time she was happy here. Most of the time she could find solace in his arms when there was something wrong. But now? She wanted to be on her own.
Home was calling her. The memories of sand brushing against the edges of her mind until she could think of nothing else. Instead of sending him away from her, she lowered herself to press against him.
His heartbeat reassured her, his scent reminded her that there was something good here after all. And that no matter what, she was here because she chose to be here.
It was the lie she told herself so that she could sleep easily that night.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
SHE WOKE TO the sound of warbling. The agitated sound of many goblins together as their feet stamped towards her. She had never heard them make these sounds before. They prided themselves on remaining quiet and collected. The sounds made her nervous.
The hammock swung violently as she vaulted out of it. Ruric must have placed her here last night. She was embarrassed that he had seen her like that. Jane didn’t like to fall apart, though it appeared that was all that she did here. Being away from all that was familiar was slowly turning her into a person that she didn’t recognize. She wasn’t certain whether or not she liked this new version of herself.
The sounds continued to grow louder.
She snatched the woven blanket off the hammock and wrapped it firmly around her shoulders as she rounded the corner of the cave where they slept.
The sounds seemed to be coming from outside. She could count on one hand how many times she had heard the goblins raise their voices. This was on the same level as when the binding ceremony had encouraged people to bring out their drums.
Her hand curled on the flap and pulled it back so that she could see what was happening. The sight that greeted her was shocking.