“I’ll have my daughter Fiona drop some off for you. Put it on every morning and every evening. It’ll help with the scarring too. Leave your windows open and allow the air to heal you. If you’re cold you could build a fire or your husband probably has enough body heat for both of you.” She patted Georgie on the hand. “Now let’s turn you.”
Georgie concentrated on not screaming, and finally she lay on her stomach again. Her eyes closed. She was so tired.
“You’re going to have to do something about your mother. This is criminal what she did and what she allowed. I don’t think it’s safe to keep her here unless you lock her in her room. I don’t know what else to tell you.”
“I know. It’s just so hard. Let me rephrase that. It was hard, but after what she did to my wife I now know she’s totally out of her mind. I’ll look into the options, Mrs. Hanks. Thank you so much for all your help.”
“You send someone if you need me. I hate to speak ill of anyone, but that doctor just doesn’t care.”
“Let me walk you out,” Parker said.
Chapter Five
Parker was at his wits’ end. How was he going to get Georgie to talk to him again, really talk to him? She replied to his questions with one-word answers. He missed her. He missed the closeness they had built between them. It had been three weeks since Mrs. Hanks had come to check on Georgie. The air did help the wounds to heal, the physical ones at least.
Parker helped Georgie dress and then carried her downstairs each morning. He’d hired a sweet woman named Sondra to cook and clean and to take care of his mother, who was locked in her room. He’d had the wall between her room and the empty one next to hers taken down so she’d have a bigger place to live in. He’d had a few layers of quilt batting nailed to the walls to muffle her screams.
He’d have to put her in an asylum. The screams only seemed to take Georgie back to the mistreatment she’d endured. The angry outbursts were the worst. As his mother’s rage-filled shrieks filtered through the walls, Georgie shook and cringed. One time he found her huddled under their bed. It had brought tears to his eyes. She’d endured such terrible hardships during the war, and it was his mother who had finally broken her.
Meanwhile, he wasn’t getting as much work done as he would have liked. He’d hired more cowboys to help out.
He headed upstairs, intending to help Georgie get dressed. Dismay filled him when he found her rolled up into a ball under the blankets. It was shocking how pale she looked. Sighing, he took his boots off, climbed into the bed, and slipped under the blankets.
Taking her into his arms, he tried to soothe her. After a while, she lay with her head on his chest. He was able to pull the blankets down off their heads. He put his arms around her and held her tight.
“Would you like to take a walk with me?” he asked.
“No.”
Here they went with the one word responses. “Is there anything else you’d like to do?”
“I want… I want to ride a horse and feel the wind on my face.” She lifted her head and stared at him. Her eyes looked so hopeful.
“I’m not sure you’re healed up enough. I could get the wagon and we could go for a ride that way.”
“No. I want to ride with you. I want your arms keeping me safe as we ride. I need to regain myself but it’s going so slowly I’m afraid I’m lost.”
It was the most interested in life and living he had seen her in days. He had to give in. “I’ll help you Georgie, my love. Let’s get you dressed.”
“In a minute. I want to lie here with you. You make me feel safe again.”
He smiled at her. “I’ll always be here for you.”
She laid her head on his chest again. “I appreciate it. I need to be able to stand strong on my own two feet again. Half the time I’m scared. I know your mother is locked up, but still I’m afraid she’ll get out and come for me. She carried a long knife with her the whole time you were gone. I thought for sure you’d find me with my throat cut.”
“I’m looking for a place to put her. I’ve had inquiries sent out.”
She scooted up and kissed him tenderly. His heart ached at the sweetness of it.
“Well I’m going to get dressed.” She got out of bed on her own and selected an emerald green dress from her wardrobe. “You know I’m glad most women have done away with wearing corsets. It makes things much easier.”
Easier for her perhaps but knowing how easily he could undress her was becoming a problem for him. Three more weeks. That was how long Mrs. Hanks had said to wait. It was going to be a long three weeks.
He got out of bed and buttoned Georgie’s dress. “Let me get your stockings.”
“I can do it. Put your boots on.”
While putting on his boots, he watched her put on her stockings and shoes. From the way she moved, her back was healing well. If only he could get her mind to heal as well. He’d seen reactions like hers from soldiers who’d seen too much death and destruction.
“You look lovely. Would you like to come to the barn with me?”
Her chin wobbled for a moment before she nodded. She grabbed his hand and entwined their fingers. Instantly his breath caught.
He led her into the barn and stopped at the first stall. She seemed hesitant.
“This is Mine. She’s the best mare I have.”
Georgie smiled. “What’s her name?” She reached out and petted the side of her face.
“Her name is Mine.”
She chuckled softly, and the sound lifted his heart.
“I’ll get her saddled.”
“What type of horse is she?”
“She’s a mix. I know she has some Arabian in her because of her smaller face. With her dark brown coloring, I just call her a bay. Whatever her mix is, she’s fast and she has stamina.” He was proud of his mare. She’d gotten him out of tough spots before. He grabbed the tack and saddle and got Mine ready.
He led his horse outside and lifted Georgie onto the front part of the saddle. “Does it hurt at all?”
“No.”
Back to one-word answers. He put his foot in the stirrup and carefully hauled himself into the saddle behind his wife. He had her sitting sideways. He wasn’t going to take a chance of her riding astride and hurting anything important. He pulled her back so she was practically sitting on his lap.
“How about now?” He waited for a yes or no.
“It feels very nice.” She leaned against him and sighed in what sounded like contentment.
He kicked Mine’s sides, and off they went. He started off at a walk and then urged Mine into a canter, heading toward a wooded part of his property where they’d be guaranteed privacy. Slowing Mine to a walk, he guided her down a trail that led to a stream. “I think you’ll like this place.”
“I’m sure I will.” Georgie actually sounded enthusiastic. Maybe things were better already. Having her in his arms felt so wonderful, so right.
“Oh! Look a stream. Can we stop?”
He laughed. “Of course.” He swung down and gently reached up for her. It made his heart skip a beat as she slid down his body and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down for a kiss. It started sweet, but she deepened it. The kiss took him off guard, but he was willing to just go with it. Too soon she let go and turned toward the stream.
“I hope you don’t think me too wanton.” The back of her neck grew red.
“No. We’re married. There is nothing wrong when it’s between man and wife. I quite enjoyed it.”
She glanced over her shoulder at him and smiled. “I’m taking off my shoes and hose. I want to go wading. I used to go wading all the time, before life became hard.” Her smile faded but she turned back and found a fallen tree to use as a bench. She was soon ready to go wading and she laughed as she stepped in.
“It’s colder than I thought it would be!” She splashed the water with her feet. “Join me!”
Normally he’d refuse, but he’d do anything to see her happy. He made q
uick work of taking off his boots and socks. He then rolled up his pants. He stuck on toe in. “It’s too cold.”
“Oh my! You get in here!”
Grinning at her, he stepped into the water, and almost instantly his feet went numb. Jumping onto one foot then the other and back again, he eventually grew used to the temperature of the water. “Tell me it’s not cold.”
Her eyelashes fluttered as her smile grew impish. “It’s not cold.”
In one long stride, he grabbed her up into his arms intent on teasing her, but she froze and her body shook.
Letting her go, his heart dropped. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
She swallowed hard. “I’m fine.” She smiled, but it was fake.
He wasn’t sure what to do. Should he pretend to accept her fake smile? Should he get out? Perhaps he should take her home. The next thing he knew she pushed him and he fell. The icy water rushed over him, soaking his trousers in seconds. Sitting in the water, he laughed at her wide-eyed expression.
“Don’t you want to sit on my lap?” he teased.
“I think I’ll pass. You know what? I do believe this water is a bit chilly for me. I can hardly feel my feet anymore.” She quickly scrambled out of the stream.
“You are so right. I have certain parts on me I can’t feel anymore either.” He stood and walked to the bank. Water dripped off him and formed little puddles at his feet. “I guess the only thing to do is to take my trousers off and put them in the sun to dry. Oh, and my smalls are wet too.”
He waited for her to protest but she just shifted from one foot to the other. Then she took Mine’s reins.
“Come on, Mine. We need to get out of these woods and find the sun.” She glanced over at Parker. “Are you coming?”
“I’m right behind you.” If only he could read her mind, he’d be fine.
She found a spot that was both grassy and sunny and then stopped. Next, she took the bedroll he always carried off the saddle and handed it to him. “I’ll turn around so you can take off whatever needs to be dried. Then I’ll lay them out for you.”
His lips twitched and he hurried to get his clothes off. He covered his lower half with a blanket. “You can lay out my clothes now.”
She peeked first before she turned around. After she put his clothes to dry, she sat next to him. “At least your shirt is still dry.”
“Yes, there is that.”
“You’re mad at me.”
Laughter bubbled up in him and it took a bit before he could stop. “My love, why would I be mad? We were having fun. I had a little less fun than you is all.”
“I did have fun.”
After he put his arm around her, he drew her close. “I’m sorry I upset you by grabbing you.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong. I just reacted, and I can’t seem to help it. I think they had me on edge for so long, it’s hard for me to relax. I want to be playful and have fun but sometimes I just freeze in fear. I hope it goes away.” She stared at the horizon.
“You blame me, don’t you?” He held his breath.
“At first I lay all the blame at your feet. You left Taggart here. I figured you must have known what type of man he was. But I heard he’d always been a good soldier and even saved your life. I hated you because my baby died. I wanted to kill you for how your mother treated me. But after you came home, I came to hate you less and less. I honestly don’t hate you any longer. You make me feel protected.”
The words he wanted to hear weren’t said. He wanted to hear that she loved him. “There was a time I thought you loved me.”
She was silent for a long while. “I don’t know if I know how to love anymore. I feel as though that part of me is broken. I’ll be a good wife to you, Parker. We only have three more weeks, and then you can bed me. You’ll have to go slow and gently at first. I don’t want to end up giving you a black eye.” She snuggled against him. “I know that’s not what you wanted to hear, and I am sorry. I do think our friendship is starting to grow.”
Holding her close he closed his eyes. Friendship wasn’t what he had in mind, but at least she didn’t hate him. For that, he thanked God. Maybe she could learn to love him again. But the ache in his heart was his answer. He was afraid she would never love him again.
Georgie got up and turned over his clothes then she sat back down and snuggled against him again. “I’m sorry I’m so needy. I don’t mean to be. I think I’ve changed that way too. I was a strong, independent woman who could face the world and any problems that came my way. I hope that woman isn’t gone forever.”
“I don’t think she’s gone. You’ve shouldered so many burdens it’s time for me to take them off your shoulders for a while. I have a feeling you’ll get your confidence back. When your house burned, and you were the only one there for the slaves, that must have been a lot to carry. Heck, surviving the war meant we all did things we didn’t want to. If you ever need to talk to me about what happened the day your house burned I’m here. Sometimes talking helps.”
She was quiet for so long he thought she’d gone to sleep. But she finally spoke.
“I’m not ready to talk about it now. It does make my heart hurt. Perhaps one day I will tell you the story. It’s not pretty, and I had to do a few things I never imagined doing. Let’s talk about other things.” She offered a weak smile. “I weeded the garden, and I believe we should plant a fall harvest. There is nothing canned in the root cellar. I also need to find fruit to make jam, and jarred meat will be nice for the winter. I do have to say I’m surprised you have nothing hidden away.”
“I don’t?” He blinked in confusion. “I assumed my mother was taking care of it all.”
Shaking her head, she glanced up at him. “I doubt she’d know how. We fine Southern ladies were told to stay out of the kitchen. I only learned how last fall. Since I lived in the cookhouse which we all used, I watched, asked questions and helped. We’ll need to find berries for jam too.”
“I could have Sondra do it you know.”
“Maybe if I run into trouble, I could ask her for help, but I’d like to do it on my own. There is such a special feeling of accomplishment when you do things on your own. I never knew that growing up.”
He grinned.
“What?” Her brow furrowed.
“Many women are bemoaning what they’d lost, but not you. I’m proud to have you as my wife. I just hope that one day you’ll forgive me for leaving you with Taggart and my mother.”
He felt her shiver and tightened his hold on her. “Is it all right to talk about the baby? I mean were you happy about it?”
“Very. I imagined what a child of ours would look like. I came to the conclusion we’d make fine children together. I couldn’t wait to tell you. I didn’t dare tell your mother or Taggart until one day he went to kick my stomach. I screamed that I was with child and he didn’t seem to know if he should continue or stop. I told him to consult your mother before he killed her grandchild.” She swallowed hard and then she closed her eyes and shivered.
Helplessness washed over Parker, rendering him speechless.
“Your mother must have told him to be gentler, but he didn’t know what that meant. She berated him one day when he was particularly cruel. I just couldn’t imagine why you’d trusted Taggart.” She gazed at him, sadness reflected in her eyes. “He told me once he saved your life. That answered many of my questions. I concluded that you didn’t know how he really was, but then you were gone so very, very long.” She sighed and moved away from him. Then she stood and grabbed his clothes, which she tossed to him.
He dressed, slightly amused that she kept her back to him. Then guilt filled him. She wasn’t the same woman, and she was right. He was responsible for squashing her spirit. It was always hard to know what to do. Some preferred to be left alone, but if he left her be; he might never get back the woman he loved.
“You can turn around now. What happened to the gun I gave you when we were on the trail?”
“It d
isappeared.” She stared out at the horizon.
He cursed under his breath. More than likely Taggart had made off with it. “I’ll get you another one. I wish I could spend more time with you. I’ve enjoyed my days with you.”
She didn’t turn and look at him, she just nodded quickly.
“I have a ranch I need to run.”
She turned around. “I’ll be just fine.” She walked to Mine and waited.
He shouldn’t have brought up their baby. He lifted her onto the saddle, and then he mounted behind her. He wasn’t surprised when she tried to hold her body stiff attempting to keep from touching him, but finally she relaxed and he kissed her head. “We’ll get through this. You’ve got more courage in you than ten men. I do think it’ll take a bit of healing, but I want you to know I love you and I’ll do anything I can to help make things better.”
“I wasn’t sure you’d want me now that I’m scarred. I must look hideous.”
He reined Mine in to a walk. “They are but battle scars, my love. They’ll remind me of just how brave you are, and you don’t need to worry, no one but me will see them.” His voice sounded husky and he took a deep breath. “You’re my wife.”
“An unwanted wife.”
“An unplanned wife,” he corrected softly. “But you are very wanted. Please don’t give up on us…or on me. It would break my heart. I now understand why many never want to love again after they lose their spouses or their intendeds. The pain is too unbearable to contemplate.”
“I do want to love you too,” she said with strength added to her words. She was silent for a long while. “I don’t know if I know how to love anymore. I feel as though that part of me is broken. I’ll be a good wife to you, Parker. We only have three more weeks, and then you can bed me. You’ll have to go slow and gently at first. I don’t want to end up giving you a black eye.” She snuggled against him. “I know that’s not what you wanted to hear, and I am sorry. I do think our friendship is starting to grow.”
He leaned down and kissed her neck. It was a start. He’d get back to building their future, and maybe a routine would help her. He still needed to find a place that would take his mother. One day at a time. He kicked Mine’s sides and they galloped home.
Tattered Hearts: Mail Order Brides of Spring Water Book One Page 7