by Whitley Cox
She smiled at her big brother. He was all she had left, and she loved him. She handed him her wineglass. “You can have a sip. A small sip.”
5
“Mommy!” Mira called out, running down the sidewalk and into the park Sunday afternoon.
Adam’s ex-wife stood up from the spot on the bench and turned to face Mira and Adam. She crouched down and let Mira run full-tilt into her arms, squeezing her eyes shut and burying her nose in the little girl’s soft, chestnut-colored hair.
“Hello,” Adam said, approaching Paige and Mira. “You look well.”
Paige stood up, plopping Mira on her hip. Adam leaned in and pecked his ex-wife on the cheek. He tucked a strand of her hair, the same color as their daughter’s, behind her ear.
Old habits die hard.
He hoped she didn’t mind.
He’d given up trying to get her back. It was simply a gesture of kindness and familiarity.
She smiled shyly and averted her honey-brown eyes. “Hi, Adam.”
“How are you feeling?”
She nodded. “Okay.”
“Still doing part-days at the restaurant?”
She kissed Mira’s nose before looking back at Adam. “Yeah, just three days a week from two until nine.”
“How’s that going?”
Mira nuzzled into her mother’s neck. Paige nuzzled her back. “It’s going well.”
“Mommy, I’m going to dance class now. My teacher is Miss Violet. I made a friend and her name is Jayda. She’s six and I’m four and half. She is really nice. She is in kindergarten. I’ll go to kindergarten soon. Right, Daddy?”
Adam nodded. “Soon, sweetheart. But not too soon. Don’t want you growing up too fast.”
Paige’s smile was small, and as hard as she tried, because Adam knew she was trying, it didn’t quite light up her eyes. “That’s wonderful, sweetie. We all know how much you love to dance.”
“You should come see me dance one day.”
“I’d love to.”
“That reminds me … ” Adam dug into his back pocket and handed Paige a folded pamphlet. “Here is the location of her dance studio. Just in case you were curious to know what she’s up to and if you ever want to pick her up or take her instead of me.”
Paige took the pamphlet. “Thanks.”
“Should we go get a bite to eat?” Adam asked, rubbing Mira’s back.
“I want to play at the park a little first,” she said, with a slight whine to her voice. He could tell she was getting hungry. She should probably go eat before her hangries got worse. Mira slid out of her mother’s arms and beelined it for the swings. “Mommy, push me, please.” She held on to the chains and attempted to jump up onto the seat but couldn’t.
Adam and Paige wandered over, and Paige picked Mira up around the waist and plopped her onto the seat, pulling back, then letting Mira go.
“Wheeee!”
Paige started to push their daughter.
“Still going to counseling?” Adam asked, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans. Even though it was early May, a chilly spring wind whipped off the water and cooled the city, forcing everyone into pants and light sweatshirts.
Paige nodded. “Every Monday afternoon.”
“Good. And it’s helping?”
“Seems to be. My therapist suggested I find a hobby. Preferably something active or artistic where I can channel my feelings. She suggested running or a sculpting or painting class.” She wrinkled her button nose. “Not really my thing though. I know you like to run, but it was never my thing.”
“You still going to yoga, though? Is that channeling your feelings?”
“I still go when I can. But it’s not what my therapist meant. She wants me to get out of my head.”
“Then definitely don’t run. I’m so in my head when I’m running.”
“That’s what I figured.” She lifted her shoulder. “The right thing will come along.”
“Higher!” Mira cheered.
Paige obliged.
She turned to face him again. “I’ve scheduled an appointment with the surgeon to discuss getting my tubes tied.” She faced Mira’s back again.
Adam’s gut hit the floor. “What? No.”
Her profile became tight, her eyes fixed forward. “I’m done having children, Adam.” Her throat bobbed. “Or should I say, I’m done getting pregnant and losing them.”
Adam’s heart squeezed into a tight fist inside his chest. “But … but what if you meet someone down the road and want more children?”
Her eyebrows lifted up just slightly. Her tone was skeptical and definitely cynical. “Can’t really see that happening. And if it does happen, we can entertain the idea of adoption. But my body will never kill another baby again—”
“You didn’t kill them.” Fuck, he hated when she talked like this. Hated it. Because it wasn’t true. And it certainly wasn’t her fault. He felt so helpless, so lost when she spoke this way, spoke about how she wasn’t fit to be a mother because she couldn’t carry a baby to term. He kept reminding her that she’d carried Mira to term, and Mira was perfect. But his pleas fell on deaf ears. She was too far down the well of despair to listen.
Her eyes turned dark. “Don’t, Adam. Besides, it’s not like you have a say in the matter. It’s my body, and we’re divorced.”
Bile burned at the back of his throat. He turned away to hide his face, to hide the tears welling up in his eyes. She was right, of course. He had no say. But he still cared about her and hoped that one day she’d feel good enough about herself, love herself enough to let someone love her back and maybe they’d want to have more children. She was still so young, he just didn’t want her to do something in haste, and grief, that she might regret later.
But right now, she wasn’t okay. As much as she said she was doing better, she wasn’t. He wanted desperately to reach for her, hold her, take away the pain. But she wouldn’t let him. Not after Anthony died. Paige shut down completely after that.
“I’m just going for a consultation,” she said, breaking him out of his deep, dark thoughts of the past. “The recovery is the same as a C-section, so I’ll be off work for a bit. Need to check with the restaurant to find out when I can take some time.” She looked down at her feet. “Seeing as I took so much time already.”
“That was different,” he said softly. “You weren’t well. They understood. They expected you to take time off for matern—”
But the deep-seated pain in her eyes made him cut off his words.
He swallowed and regrouped. “Your boss loves you. Everyone in that kitchen loves you.” A rush of anger pumped through him. “They’re not giving you a hard time, are they?”
She shook her head, her jaw still tight and her eyes hard. “No. They’re all very supportive.” Her eyes softened, holding immense sadness more than anything else. “Just like I need you to be. I need you to support my decision to get this tubal ligation.” Tears brimmed in her eyes, and one slipped down her cheek. “Please, Adam.”
Abandoning his frustration, he went to her, taking her in his arms and hugging her. Letting her know that no matter what, even if their marriage was over, he would always be there, always support her, always love her. They were friends first, then lovers, then husband and wife. They could be friends again.
She sniffled against his T-shirt and clung to him. It felt good to hug her again. She hadn’t let him hug her in a long time. Hadn’t let him help her in a long time.
She hadn’t even let him grieve with her. Kept saying they weren’t their miscarriages, they were hers. Even though they were his losses as well, his children. His wife in pain. She refused to acknowledge that he was hurting too, dismissed his comfort, dismissed his grief, dismissed his pain. He knew the first time she blew up at him, when he called it their loss, that that was beginning of the end of their relationship. Even after all her time in counseling and at the therapy retreat in Colorado she still held on to a lot of anger, a lot of pain. She ref
used to let him back in. Refused to acknowledge that he was grieving too.
His own counselor had helped him through the grieving process. Along with his brother, Zak and his grandparents. He had a support system, thank God. Paige’s parents had also been incredible, taking Mira as often as they could to give Adam a break. But no matter how much he tried with Paige, no matter how much he hoped that she’d finally come around and give their marriage another shot, she wouldn’t. She didn’t. So he had to let her go.
He took a deep breath. “If getting your tubes tied is what you need to move forward, then I support you,” he said, running his hand down her head, her curly, light-brown hair soft beneath his fingertips.
“Thank you,” she murmured.
“I’m hungry,” a tiny voice squeaked next to them. They came apart to find Mira standing next to them. She must have jumped off the swing on her own. “I’m hungry. Can we go eat now?”
Adam and Paige both chuckled, wiping their noses and eyes. Adam broke the hug with Paige first and reached for Mira’s hand. “Of course, sweetheart. Let’s go find some lunch.”
Mira reached for Paige’s hand. “I want to hold your hand, Mommy. Because we’re a family.”
Paige’s smile was tight as she caught Adam’s eyes. “That’s right, sweetie. We are.”
6
Adam held the dance studio door open for Mira and Jayda, and the two little girls skipped inside. “All right, girls, shoes off, ballet slippers on.”
“We know, Daddy,” Mira said with impatience, sliding down onto her bottom next to Jayda.
“Yeah, Mr. Mira’s Dad, we do this every week,” Jayda said with just as much impatience and attitude as his daughter.
Adam chuckled to himself. “Less sass, more shoe changing.” He took a peek through the two-way mirror to see if he could spot Violet, but she wasn’t in the dance studio yet. Perhaps she was in her office. The waiting room only had a few other families in it. He’d made great time after picking Jayda up from school. They were still early.
“Aunt Violet!” Jayda cheered, leaping up from her spot on the floor. “Happy birthday!” She gave her aunt a big hug around her waist. Adam’s head snapped up from where he’d been checking his phone. Where had Violet come from? He wasn’t sure how it was possible, but the woman looked even more beautiful than last week.
Violet hugged her niece. “Thank you, sweetheart.” Her cheeks turned a beautiful shade of red as she lifted her eyes up to Adam’s. “Hello.”
“Happy birthday.” The air-conditioning in the studio must have been on high. Her nipples were hard, so puckered he could even see the outline of her areolas. The neck of her light-pink bodysuit was wide and exposed her clavicle and shoulders. Why did he suddenly have the urge to run his tongue over the indent at the base of her throat?
She squeezed her eyes shut for half a second and turned her head away. Her bashfulness was sexy as hell. “Thank you, but you know, after having so many birthdays, they’re no longer such a big deal. Not like when you’re a kid and you’re waiting impatiently to hit those double digits.”
How old was she? “Is it a milestone?”
Her smile was lopsided before she answered. “The big three-oh. I’m officially out of my twenties.”
Not that thirty was old, but she looked good for thirty. “Ah, it’s not so bad. We’re wiser in our thirties. Make better choices.”
Her green eyes twinkled. “You think so?”
“At least that’s what I’m telling myself. I’ve been in my thirties for seven years and don’t really feel that much wiser than ten years ago. I can’t hold my liquor like I used to, and my back hurts after a four-hour drive, but I can say I am smarter. Don’t do nearly half as much of the dumb stuff I did back in my twenties.”
Her soft laughter encircled him, along with whatever floral feminine scent she was wearing. It was subtle, yet intoxicating. It suited her. “I’ll try to keep that in mind.”
Mira slipped her hand into Adam’s and pulled. He bent down so they were eye to eye. “Yes?”
She leaned over and whispered into his ear, loud enough for Violet to hear. “Can we invite Miss Violet over for dinner for her birthday?”
Jayda already seemed to be in on the secret and was bouncing on her toes, her long blonde ponytail swishing back and forth behind her. “Please, Mr. Mira’s Daddy? Please.”
Violet shook her head. “Ignore them. I’m all right.”
“And I’m sure you have plans with friends tonight … ”
Her lips pursed and twisted. “I don’t. But like I said, I’m not big on celebrating my birthday anyway.”
Jayda and Mira were both bouncing up and down.
“No, you have to come over,” Mira said.
“My daddy isn’t home until tomorrow night. We have no food in the house. We have to come for supper, or we’ll starve,” Jayda said dramatically, throwing the back of her hand on her forehead for good measure.
Violet snorted. “We have food, Jayda.”
“But nothing I like.”
Adam lifted his shoulder. “You want to come for supper? I took out a couple of steaks, was going to make a salad and do up some asparagus. Nothing fancy. I make a mean mac ‘n’ cheese.” He turned to the girls. Knowing Mira would eat it, he settled his gaze on Jayda. “You girls like mac ‘n’ cheese?”
Both girls nodded, then proceeded to jump and down.
Violet glanced up at him beneath her lashes. Damn, she was beautiful. “I honestly don’t want to impose.”
Adam shoved his hands into his pockets and rocked back on his heels. “Not an imposition at all. I’ll take the girls home with me after class, and then you follow when you can. Shall we say six o’clock?”
Her creamy skin flushed an even deeper red. She batted her lashes and smiled demurely; her eyes pinned on his. She nodded. “Okay, six o’clock. Thank you.”
Jayda and Mira cheered.
Adam’s face hurt, his smile was so big. Now he needed to go buy a cake.
Adam watched as Violet closed her eyes, put her lips together and blew.
He pushed down the groan inside him at the sight of her mouth making that perfect little O. She’d changed out of her bodysuit, tights and ballet skirt into a figure-hugging dark purple tank top and flowy lacy white skirt that hit just below her knees. She wasn’t a sex kitten; she was a classy woman who made looking sexy effortless. Adam bet she would look drop-dead gorgeous in a burlap sack.
The girls cheered. “Happy birthday!”
Mira clapped before running over to the wall and flicking the dining room light back on. “It’s cheesecake,” Jayda said, her eyes wide as she watched her aunt remove the candles and the perfect real red roses from on top. “Chocolate cheesecake.” She licked her lips.
“My favorite,” Violet said with a big grin, her eyes flicking up to Adam. “It really is. Did Mitch tell you?”
Adam shook his head. “It’s my favorite too, so I just took a shot.”
She popped her index finger in her mouth and sucked off a blob of icing. Adam nearly had a coronary. “Is this from Emerald City Bakery?” she asked.
He took the cake back into the kitchen. “It is. Best cheesecake in town.”
“I know. I go and grab three of their cheesecake bites every Sunday morning after my run.”
Adam’s face split into a big grin, and he stopped cutting up the cake to grab a small box on the counter. “You mean these?”
Her golden-green eyes went wide. “Oooh, a treat for later?”
He set the box back down and then continued slicing the cake. “Something like that.” In actuality, he’d bought a dozen cheesecake bites of various flavors (all but chocolate) on the off-chance Violet didn’t like chocolate. Now he’d probably just send her home with them as an extension of her birthday.
“Girls,” he called, carrying plates over to the table, “cake’s ready.”
Jayda and Mira had wandered off to Mira’s room after singing to Violet, but at the mention
of cake, it sounded like a herd of elephants were coming down the stairs.
He placed the biggest piece in front of Violet. “For the birthday girl.”
Her tongue ran over her bottom lip before she snagged it with her top teeth. He suppressed a groan.
“Yummy!” Mira announced, climbing back up onto her chair. She and Jayda dug into their cake, the table suddenly very quiet as everyone enjoyed the decadent and rich confection.
“This is so good,” Jayda said, her mouth full and face smeared with chocolate. “Like crazy good.”
“Crazy good,” Mira mimicked.
Violet’s lip twitched. “I agree. It’s crazy good.”
“Can we listen to some music, Daddy?” Mira asked. “We always listen to music at dinnertime.”
Abandoning his cheesecake, he pushed up to go grab the remote for the stereo. She was right. He always had music playing in the house, particularly at mealtime. He must have been so distracted about the idea of Violet coming over, he forgot the tunes. “What shall we listen to?”
“What you used to dance to with Grammy,” Mira said matter-of-factly, before lifting her plate up and licking it.
Adam rolled his eyes. Violet stifled a laugh.
“Ballroom dancing it is.” He hit a couple of buttons on the remote, filling the music with a lively foxtrot tune.
“So, you were raised by your grandparents?” Violet asked, sliding the fork out of her mouth so slowly, so erotically, Adam nearly choked on his own cake.
He took a sip of his water before answering. “I was, yeah. My brother Zak and I. I was seven when my parents died. Zak was four.”
“I’m so sorry.”
He lifted his shoulder. “Thanks. It was a long time ago. I remember them, but not a ton.”
“How did they die?”
“Car accident. Drunk driver.”
Her jaw clenched, and her eyes flicked to Jayda, who was now also licking her plate.
He read her mind. She didn’t want to say anything in front of Jayda to upset her. So he simply nodded. “I know. Your brother told me.”