by Marie Astor
***
On her way home from work, Janet picked up a pack of Pedigree for Baxter – her one-year-old Jack Russell Terrier. No doubt Baxter would be hungry and antsy by now. Janet felt guilty about leaving him alone for the entire day. Before she lost her job, before Alex had told her that he just wanted to be friends, Janet used to hire a dog walker to take Baxter for his daily hour at the dog playground. But then Janet and Alex broke up – no – the idea of being friends had not fared well, and Janet had lost her job. She no longer had the income to hire a dog walker, so she became Baxter’s own walker. In fact, it was those early morning and late night walks with Baxter that helped her keep her sanity as she brooded over the sudden change in her relationship with Alex and the circumstances of her being downsized from the DA’s office.
It was Alex’s idea to get a dog in the first place. He thought of it as a prelude to their moving in together. It seemed silly to maintain separate apartments when Alex was practically spending all his time in Janet’s apartment. It was silly, except for one thing – at the office they had kept their relationship a secret. This secrecy was the result of Alex’s insistence. He maintained that announcing that he and Janet were involved could harm them professionally – at least that was the reason that he voiced, and if there were other reasons that Alex had kept unsaid, Janet tried not to think about them. ‘Soon’ was the word that Alex liked to use a lot: soon we will tell people at work about us, soon we will move in together, soon. As it turned out, getting a dog was the only part of Alex’s promised plan that had materialized. One night Alex showed up at Janet’s apartment with Baxter in tow, and Janet was instantly smitten. It did not matter that Baxter became Janet’s sole responsibility – she did not mind taking him for his morning walks and carrying him to routine doctor appointments. She was used to making things work behind the scenes. In fact, looking back, she suspected that her prowess in seamlessly taking care of things had been the glue that kept her and Alex’s relationship together.
They had started dating in their last year of law school. Their paths had crossed frequently during Janet’s first two years at Columbia Law, but even though she had been keenly aware of Alex’s intense dark brown eyes and his closely cropped hair, which so becomingly framed his chiseled features, Alex was hardly aware of Janet. At least he had never let on about it until the last year. Then, in the beginning of the fall semester, she had found herself in the same class with Alex Kingsley, and things were never the same. At first she had thought that Alex was only interested in her studious class notes, which she let him copy, but when he asked her to a movie, Janet began to have an inkling of hope. Alex’s invitation had been casual, but the movie turned out to be a French film with subtitles; afterwards they enjoyed a stroll around the Lincoln Center, concluding their outing with dinner and drinks at one of the cafés across from the Metropolitan Opera. Sometime after coffee, Alex had leaned in to kiss her, making Janet the happiest girl on earth. Alex was perfect – he was handsome, charismatic, and best of all, Alex made Janet feel like she was part of something incredibly exciting by sheer virtue of being his girlfriend.
Janet turned the front door key and heard the tapping of Baxter’s paws, accompanied by his baritone bark, as he raced to the front door to greet her.
“Baxter!” Janet scooped Baxter up into her arms. “I missed you, boy. Have you been a good dog or have you been naughty?” Janet flashed Baxter an all-seeing look. He was a year old now and mostly well-behaved, but as a puppy he had a penchant for chewing up Janet’s shoes (for some reason Alex’s shoes had never appealed to Baxter), and every now and then Baxter experienced a relapse.
Janet started to unpack her bag from the pet store. In addition to the Pedigree, she had also bought some doggie treats, and she started to open the package now to give some to Baxter. At the sound of the wrapping being torn, Baxter trotted next to Janet and sat back, eyeing her intently. Baxter’s sharp nose must have caught the scent of the food because he started to paw at Janet’s legs.
“Here you go.” Janet gave him a doggy biscuit. “But please don’t ruin my work skirt, okay?”
Baxter sat back on his hind legs, delicately taking the treat from Janet’s hand. Then, he quietly chewed the biscuit and looked at Janet in anticipation of more food to come. Janet caved in and gave him one more biscuit.
“But that’s it or you’ll spoil your appetite for dinner.” Although Janet doubted that was likely to happen – given an opportunity, Baxter would eat anything in sight.
Janet headed into the alcove section of her studio, which served as a makeshift bedroom. The alcove just fit a full-size bed, leaving a twenty-inch space from one side to get into the bed. Some would consider the set-up claustrophobic, but Janet had never been bothered by small spaces. In fact, at times, even her tiny apartment seemed too large to her without Alex in it. But then, of course, the space itself was not to blame – it was its emptiness that bothered her. As she took off her work clothes, Janet stole a glance at the caller ID of her phone. No messages. It had been six months, but she still harbored a secret hope that one day Alex Kingsley would call. After more than four years together, he owed her an explanation, and at times, Janet still hoped that the much-fantasized phone call from Alex would bring about reconciliation.
“Come on, Bax.” Dressed in slacks and a windbreaker, Janet grabbed Baxter’s leash. “It’s time for your evening walk.”
Clutching the handle of Baxter’s leash, Janet walked through the lobby of her building and headed in the direction of Carl Schurz Park.
It was the end of September, and the muggy heat of the New York summer had finally retreated for good, surrendering to the glorious autumn coolness. A night like this made one wistful for companionship. When she and Alex were together, they would often take a stroll along the park’s promenade at night with Baxter in tow.
Janet felt Baxter tugging on his leash impatiently and sent him a mental thank you for the distraction. Slowly but surely, she was getting used to being on her own.
Chapter 4