by Brea Viragh
His head snapped around and he faced me. “You remember?”
“Everything,” I admitted.
Something in my voice must have drawn him. He observed me for a moment longer before placing a hand over mine and tugging to get my attention.
“I found you here, standing there in front of our portrait as if in a trance. I didn’t know what to do, so I just stayed quiet and watched and waited. Where did you go?”
I knew what he meant, just as I knew he recognized the change in me. The return of my memories amidst a flood of guilt and grief.
“I went back in time, more or less.” My heart cracked and my mind conjured up the image of the ballroom. “To the night of the ball.”
I told him what I’d seen in excruciating detail, from the moment I found myself in my old room—the same bedroom he’d led me to the first night—to the point where I cursed myself for what I had done.
My head was pounding so I leaned back against the wall and I rested there, eyes closed, wondering if what I had to say made any difference to him now.
“If only you’d believed me,” he said. His breathing was ragged, his voice harsh. Promising retribution. Covering his hurt. “I tried to explain to you what happened and you did nothing but react irrationally. You didn’t stop to hear. You didn’t stop to see.”
I saw it now, and a large part of me wanted to reach up and cup his cheek, keenly aware of the man behind the monster and recalling everything. The good and the bad. Especially the bad.
Adrenaline stirred in my blood as I slowly straightened, shaking my head. “You were right about me on several fronts. What you said about me before? Yes, I was cold, cruel. Consumed with ambition and willing to use my natural gifts to get what I wanted. Never from you, though,” I said as gently as I could. “Did I ever explain to you about my brother?”
Groaning, I strained to stand, using the wall to help myself rise. I turned my attention back to the portraits. “After my father’s death, the bank took everything we had, and I knew my mother’s health would not get any better. Each day was a steady march into deeper despair, our staying at the inn taking most of the coin we had left, and with Thomas so small…” I almost choked on a sob. “I loved you, Merek, I did. I also loved that I would finally be able to take care of my baby brother in the way he deserved. A way no one would ever question or try to take from me.”
Merek turned away from me with a low growl. “You are a liar.”
“I have lied to you in the past,” I agreed. Blinking as more and more pieces fell into place and kicking myself at how long this process had taken. How long it had taken me to get back to myself. “But I’m not the only one who kept secrets.”
“You’re talking about the other woman.”
“Lady Sinclair,” I supplied, and I could not keep the hateful tone from my voice.
A ghost of a smile formed on his mouth. “Ah, yes. Lady Sinclair.”
“You kissed her.” The words tasted like ash in my mouth. I stared down at him, wanting to touch him, his body so warm and familiar—
“You should have listened to me. You should have trusted me, because the night of the ball…she kissed me.” He jerked to his feet and stepped back from me. “It wasn’t the other way around. No matter what you thought of me—think of me—and no matter the issues we had, my heart has always belonged to you. From the first moment I saw you, I knew you were the one.”
His words sounded strained. Far away and distant. Like I heard them from a remembered dream.
“I don’t see how you could love me. I was horrible. Horrible to you, horrible for you. I might have loved you—I did love you—but I was not kind to you or to anyone else. I wasn’t kind to myself.” I hung my head in shame.
My eyes widened when his hand fell on my shoulder. “You were learning to love me. At least, I thought you were. And I know despite those layers of ice, you would have done anything for the people you care about. Reila, tomorrow is my twenty-fifth birthday. We have no more time to overcome this obstacle. That part is over. But let us agree, here and now, to make peace, you and I. If I’m going to stay this way then I want to have at least one person at my side I know I can be honest with. Do you agree?”
How could I not?
But then again, how could he not see that I really did love him? Then, now, it didn’t matter what he looked like. Only that he looked at me.
Merek didn’t pull away when I moved toward him, hesitantly reaching out to lay my hand on his chest. The first time he’d allowed me to touch him since our first night when I’d dressed his wounds. My body remembered his, however, the same way it had remembered the song on the piano, and heat warmed my limbs no matter what he looked like.
Everything about him was familiar in a way I now understood.
His hand rose to stroke his thumb over my chin, careful not to let his claws peek through. After a moment of hesitation, he slid his arms around me. “This is a bad idea. Do not tempt me with something I cannot have.”
“Who says you cannot? We can never go back,” I agreed, those tears still ready to break through and doing a damn good job of trying. “We can never get back to the way things were. And honestly, if given the choice, I’m not sure I would do it again. I made mistakes, but from those mistakes I have learned. I’ve grown as a person. You have to know I am so sorry for what I did to you, Mer.”
Though he growled in warning, his body angled closer. “Don’t call me that.”
His breath ruffled my hair. “What? Mer? It’s what I’ve always called you.”
Astounding, really, how past and present collided. Part of me felt completely numb to the moment, while the other…knew it was a step in the right direction.
“Not in a very long time.” One hand rose to tangle in my hair, the other gripping my waist to keep me in place as he allowed his brow to press against mine. The jutting jaw and the long canines didn’t bother me, because if I closed my eyes, if I listened to his breathing and the beat of his heart, I knew.
I knew who I held and I finally knew what he meant to me and why I’d been drawn to help him.
“There has only ever been you, Reila, because we are two pieces of the same terribly woven tapestry. Both at fault, both to blame,” he whispered. “Both capable of redemption.”
“Let’s be done with the blame, then,” I offered. “It does us no good to focus on it anymore, on who did what and what happened next.”
Our breaths mingled as our eyes locked. What I wouldn’t give to lose myself in him. Merek swallowed hard and I followed the motion of his throat.
“And I am sorry it took me this long to remember how much I have always loved you, Mer.”
Knowing he would probably hate me for my next move and hardly thinking about what I was doing, I shifted to close the distance between us and I kissed him, pressing my lips to his for the first time since the magic curse twisted my love and affection into something horrid.
Beast or human, it didn’t matter to me. I wanted him as much for our past as for the present and the kindness he’d shown me. He had rough patches; we both did. But our actions had to count for something.
My fingers twined through his fur to keep him close and my thoughts traveled back to the first time I’d thought to do this. How I’d wanted the feel of his body and the sensation of those lips on my skin…
Though Merek shuddered at my touch, I couldn’t stop kissing him. At long last he gave in to the kiss and slid his tongue between my lips on a low moan. I might have lost myself in him had a flash of blinding light not ripped from me.
Tearing us apart and sending me flying backwards.
Chapter 19
I scrambled to right myself, shielding my eyes against the light that looked as though I’d captured the sun and formed a tiny supernova in the middle of the room. Wind swirled, draining the energy from me. A howl filled the room centered around that glowing star, and as much as I tried to fight against it, tried to take a step forward without falling again, I
couldn’t move. I found myself frozen in place with my arms outstretched to save him.
“Merek!”
I screamed to be heard above the roar. The wind died down after an eternity and left a sudden vacuum in its wake. I fell to the floor and for a long moment I stayed there, trembling, on my hands and knees as I tried to catch my breath again. Blinking against the spots dancing across my vision.
“Merek,” I called finally. “Are you all right? Talk to me. Please.”
What had I done this time? Had I hurt him again? Something had gone wrong, surely, and my magic had reacted in the exact way I’d feared. What if I’d killed him this time?
Slowly crawling, I moved toward the figure lying prone. So still and silent.
“Oh my God, please don’t be dead,” I whispered as I approached. “Merek, say something. Look at me.”
A groan answered me and I’d never felt such relief at a small sound. Alive, thank God.
“Mer, I’m so…” I trailed off at what my eyes told me I saw.
Nothing surprised me more than seeing the man in place of a beast. Though his eyes remained closed, I remembered what color they would be. Deep forest-green with a thin circle of chestnut-brown around the iris. The same eyes I’d peered into and loved from the moment we met. Long hair—not fur—trailed down past his shoulders, a rich brown, flowing past muscle and skin—skin!—amidst a smattering of dark chest hair. The shirt and pants pooled, too large, around his body.
Merek groaned again and I scurried closer, helping him up into a seated position. Seeing a man. A man.
My body pulsed with energy as I took him in, his mouth sinfully sensual, his chin square and strong and dusted with a layer of stubble. A straight nose led up to arched eyebrows. I ran my gaze over his hard stomach, his hips, back up to those heavy-lidded eyes.
And when he opened them—
The breath left me.
“Reila,” he croaked. His hand found mine and our fingers linked.
“You’re back,” I managed to get out, peppering kisses along his cheeks and forehead. “You’re back!”
“Don’t you get it? You said you remember.”
His voice took me by surprise, rich and deep and gruff. As though a hint of the beast remained behind. It burned something inside of me and immediately I felt overheated. My body flooded with need for him, stoking a fire I’d almost let die.
“What do you mean?”
“You cursed me so that true love was the only thing that would break the spell.” His grip on my hand tightened and his smile was breathtaking. “We…still love each other.”
We still love each other.
“The kiss!” I brought my hand to my mouth and felt a shiver of pleasure. A realization that our fates had not been sealed by my dark deed, but merely postponed. At the last minute, one day before his birthday, we had broken the curse. Five long years later, but we had finally broken it.
Cue the hysterical laughter.
“Maybe it took two monsters to bring out the humanity in each other,” he said, a happy grin tugging at the corners of his lips.
Okay, I couldn’t hold it in anymore. Giggling like a maniac, I allowed him to draw me under the crook of his arm.
“Why did you run off that night, Reila? Why didn’t you stay and let me explain things to you?”
My laughter died at once and I stiffened at the mention of that night as a hint of the old anger resurfaced. Not the time, not the place.
“I was…afraid,” I admitted haltingly. “I was hurt. I didn’t want to hear what you would say because that would make it real. I thought you didn’t want me. The truth of it was like a knife to my very core.”
“And the last time you ran off?” he half teased.
“Because someone gave me the coldest welcome of my life and nearly strangled me, of course,” I teased back.
He’d saved me in the forest, brought me back when I had tried to run away. Pawed through the snow when I asked him to help me gather potion ingredients and still managed to trust a witch who gave him nothing but empty promises. Although I’d surely meant to follow through on them.
I went completely lax when Merek drew me toward the cradle of his hips. His mouth claimed mine a moment later, his free palm cupping the back of my neck and drawing me to him in a kiss. A kiss of claiming.
Lord, to be touched again like this. By Merek. He was still the only man I’d ever loved, the only one who’d captured my affection and thawed a piece of my frozen heart.
But my heart wasn’t frozen anymore.
Even as a beast he’d managed to rip it wide open and save us both. We had wounds that would probably never fully heal, but at least we had each other to help with the healing process.
A million questions still burned in my mind and I managed to hold them all back, enjoying the kiss. Enjoying the way he captured my lips with his own and somehow managed to unravel all the years between us.
The walls we’d both kept erected shattered the longer we held the embrace.
I finally broke the kiss, shaking my head as I pressed my forehead to his. “I want you to know I never saw you as a beast, Merek. You have always been a little selfish and a little demanding—ah ah!” I pressed my finger to his lips before he could object or scold me. “But you are generous and kind. A gentle spirit. I’m the one you had to strive to see the good inside. I’m the one who needed a reminder that power does not equal goodness.”
“You have goodness in you, Reila.” He tightened his hold on me. “You came back for me and I made things miserable for you.”
“No, you didn’t,” I objected. I ached to press the point further but shut up when he kissed me again. As though he couldn’t get enough of me.
I nibbled on the side of his neck, my body responding to his immediately. Liquid fire coursed through my veins until I burned for him. Wanting Merek to the point where I would have done anything to have him then.
Simple human touch. No one had given me what I craved the most, even a simple hug, outside of my brother Thomas. And poor Merek had endured five long years of the same longing, the same yearning for companionship and understanding. We’d both been denied these things for too long, but now the curse was broken and in our mutual suffering we’d found each other again.
A connection, real and true.
“It’s been such a long time,” I moaned against his skin when his fingers entwined with mine.
“You’re telling me.”
His unique scent filled my lungs and the guilt shrank away the longer we stayed like that, my eyes skimming over his mouth, the pert lips and the hunger there. “There’s been no one but you. No one. I couldn’t stand the touch of anyone else.”
“I would have killed him,” Merek growled, “had anyone else tried to claim you.”
“No, you would have killed me. I am sure of it. Don’t think you can guard me against your own hurt feelings. I know you too well.”
Another long, powerful silence took hold and I peered down at his hands, his human hands. Noting how slender were his fingers, how artistic, remembering how he’d deftly played the piano even when they were more like paws. I shuddered again at just how much I’d damaged him with my curse. How would I ever make it up to him?
He caught me staring at him and I blushed. Merek sighed and dropped his forehead to mine once again. One of the old gestures of affection I’d missed terribly, where our noses touched and it felt as though our energy mingled and became one.
I pressed both hands to the sides of his face and held him there. “Let us get something straight, my love. When I feel I’ve been wronged, I tend to hold a grudge, and yes, I can be a little bit mean when hurt. So I propose a truce. Perhaps from here on we should both agree to talk out our differences rather than risk going off the deep end with one another. Are we agreed?”
My breath hitched and a lump formed in my throat as I awaited his response.
“I plan on doing whatever I want to you,” he murmured. “And you are going t
o do the same. I agree to your truce happily.”
“Whatever I want?”
His voice went husky and his chuckle had me shivering. “Well, within reason, Reila. No more curses.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it.”
Every nerve ending lit as he kissed me, over and over. I had always loved his dominance, the way he could command a room without even trying. I loved his charm and charisma. And if I disregarded my hatred of how I used to be, I loved the way we’d loved each other. That at least hadn’t changed, no matter what kind of magic I’d wrought, no matter how I’d tried to kill those feelings with curses.
“I’ve waited too long for this,” he whispered as he kissed me again.
“With me?”
“Always with you. It didn’t matter how much I hated you for what you’d done. My body will always need you. And my heart. My mind. My soul.”
Every press of his mouth to my skin sent flames dancing through me. No more demons riding us. No more petty jealousies.
Nothing but love.
He had to know that I was a different person now, but it didn’t matter when it came to loving him. I would always give him everything I had, nothing holding me back, nothing but working together toward our future.
And I expected the same in return.
“You are still the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.” He slid a hand down toward my waist.
“Then prove it to me and take me.”
“Not yet,” he managed. “There is time later. So much time later.”
All the time in the world now for the two of us to get to know each other again. Or so I hoped. My eyes closed as he continued to touch, to kiss, to show me just how much he’d missed me.
The man I loved. The man I’d accepted even when I didn’t remember that we already had a past. Accepted him even as a monster. I loved Merek and Merek loved me. Monster or not—and I included myself as well—that was enough for me.