by Kit Frick
“Have people …” I swallow. Caden’s right. I can’t understand what the past few months must have been like for him. Sympathize, sure. But I’ll always have my whiteness to shield me from the kind of scrutiny he can’t escape.
“Been outwardly racist?” he finishes for me. I nod. “It’s more like what people haven’t done. Herron Mills fancies itself liberal. Woke. No one’s going to come right out and accuse me to my face. But I’ve been home for weeks now. There hasn’t exactly been a stream of visitors to check on my mom and me, see how we’re doing. No one’s going out of their way to extend their support, like they are to Zoe’s family. I’m not saying it’s Martina’s fault; it would have happened anyway. But she definitely didn’t help.”
“I’m really sorry. That’s so shitty, and—” I feel shame pooling in my stomach. That Caden had to spell it out for me.
“Anna. You don’t have to apologize for them, or for listening to the podcast. It’s fine.” He takes another long swallow from his can.
“Okay. It’s just, I feel like by being here, I’m making things even worse. I thought it was a bizarre coincidence, how much we look alike, but it turns out it’s really not. Emilia let Paisley get involved in the hiring process. I’m sure I only got the job because of her.”
Caden laughs, and the mood in the stable lifts, air particles rearranging. His laughter is light and warm like the first night. “Figures,” he says. “Paisley loved Zoe. Zoe would bring her over here all the time when she was babysitting. When we were in high school, Paisley had the run of the Windermere grounds. She loved Jake and the horses and the pond out front. The place was in better shape then. My mom was in better shape.”
I don’t know what surprises me more: the vision of Windermere in all its glory or the knowledge that Paisley used to spend time here. A lot of time. But before I can dwell on either point, Caden surprises me again.
“We were engaged,” he says. “Most people don’t know that.” He stares down into his drink. Jake lets out a very human-sounding sigh and readjusts himself on the stable floor. “I’m getting tired of guarding our secret. And you’re not from around here, so.”
“I won’t tell,” I promise.
“I like you, Anna. I’m sorry about last Friday. I didn’t expect you to look so much like her. And those cookies …”
“What about the cookies?” My grip on the can tightens, and I’m glad to have something to hold on to.
“It was Zoe’s signature recipe, peanut butter with all sorts of fancy jellies and jams. She used to bake all the time.”
“Paisley suggested them,” I breathe, thinking of the pink index card among its yellowed companions in the Bellamys’ cream stone box. Zoe’s recipe.
“Sure, makes sense. I overreacted.” He reaches out to tap his can lightly against mine in a belated cheers. “No harm done.”
“So you were engaged?” I ask, steering the topic away from my witless blunder and back to Caden’s secret. A secret even Martina Green didn’t seem to uncover.
“Since the summer after high school,” he says. “Only my mother knew, and Zoe’s little sister, Aster.”
“We’ve met,” I say. “She was hanging out with Martina in town last week.”
Caden nods, then leans his head back against the stall door. A cloudy, unfocused look steals across his eyes. “It wasn’t like we didn’t want to tell people. After I proposed, after she said yes, I wanted to tell literally everyone. I thought I might explode with the secret. But we knew what people would think. We were so young, we still had four years of college ahead of us. We weren’t planning to get married until after we graduated. But still, we knew people would either judge us for it or place all these expectations on our relationship. So we kept it private.”
“Makes sense,” I say. “Is it hard now?” I flinch and grip the can until the metal dents. “Sorry, that was a brainless question. Of course it’s hard. What I mean is, do you wish people knew?”
“I think it’s better,” he says, the cloudy look gone from his eyes. He tilts the can back and drains the rest in one long gulp. “I’ve already been cast as the grieving boyfriend or the most likely suspect, depending on who you ask. If people knew we were engaged, it would only raise the stakes, aim even more attention my way. It’s like everyone’s sure she’s dead.”
“But you’re not?” I strain to keep my voice neutral.
“It’s just a hunch,” Caden says. “I don’t know any more than anyone else, no matter what Martina thinks. But we were together for a long time. I don’t have the first clue where Zoe went, or why. But if she were dead, I’d know. I’m sure of it.” Jake’s ears train back toward Caden, but he keeps his muzzle pressed between his paws.
There’s a sharp insistence to Caden’s words that cuts through the heartache. I drop my eyes to the stable floor. I want to believe him. That Zoe is still alive. That her disappearance is as much a mystery to Caden Talbot as it is to everyone else. I raise my eyes again, search for his, but he’s not looking at me anymore. His eyes are closed and his jaw is set in a hard line. A muscle in his left cheek twitches once.
TRANSCRIPT OF MISSING ZOE EPISODE FOUR: FAMILY TIES
[ELECTRONIC BACKGROUND MUSIC]
YOUNG MALE VOICE: The cops? Nah, never heard from them.
OLDER MALE VOICE: From the beginning, the police were nonchalant. They should have started looking right away.
YOUNG FEMALE VOICE: Maybe she has a whole new life, somewhere amazing.
[END BACKGROUND MUSIC]
MARTINA GREEN: Today, we’re back with the fourth episode of Missing Zoe. Sorry I ghosted you for a few weeks there. To say that arranging the interviews for this episode has been a challenge would be an understatement. I have so much respect for the Spanos family, and I absolutely understand their reservations about speaking in a public way about Zoe’s disappearance and the police investigation. But I’m glad they decided to participate in this conversation, and I’m so excited about what I have to share.
Today is Tuesday, March twenty-fourth, and it’s been twelve weeks to the day since Zoe disappeared. Zoe Spanos is still missing. And we’re missing Zoe.
[MISSING ZOE INSTRUMENTAL THEME]
GEORGE SPANOS: Eighty-two days. That’s how long she’s been gone. The longest we’ve ever gone without hearing from Zoe was maybe ten days, and that was during her first set of college finals. We used to talk every weekend. Sometimes she’d call again during the middle of the week, just to tell us some story that couldn’t wait, or ask a question about oven temperatures or laundry.
ASTER SPANOS: Adulting.
GEORGE SPANOS: What?
ASTER SPANOS: That life stuff she was always asking you and Mom about. Zoe isn’t always the best at that kind of thing.
MARTINA GREEN: On Friday, I spoke with Mr. George Spanos, Zoe’s father, and Aster Spanos, Zoe’s younger sister, in their Herron Mills home, Maple Grove. They both seemed tired, a little frayed around the edges. It was the end of a long week. Aster had just come home from swim practice; Mr. Spanos was still answering emails when I arrived. Zoe’s mother, Ms. Joan Spanos, declined to be interviewed for this episode.
GEORGE SPANOS: From the beginning, the police were nonchalant. We cooperated with them fully, checking hospitals, friends’ houses. Of course we did. But they should have started looking right away. It could have made a difference.
MARTINA GREEN: After the second episode aired, I received some questions from listeners about your interactions with Caden and Meredith Talbot on the morning of January first. I stated that you called Caden that morning, and that he told you that he was still in New York City with his mother. Is that correct?
GEORGE SPANOS: It is. When we spoke, Caden told me that he had last corresponded with Zoe sometime in the afternoon of December thirty-first. He had been planning to meet her that night for the party at the Trainers’ house, but Meredith was unwell. He let Zoe know that they’d be returning on the first instead.
MARTINA GREEN:
And those messages were verified?
GEORGE SPANOS: Joan and I didn’t see them, but we’re told that Caden cooperated with police, and that the texts have been entered into evidence. I believe the detectives additionally have record of the Talbots’ EasyPass transactions from January first. I really don’t doubt Caden in this.
ASTER SPANOS: We just love Caden.
MARTINA GREEN: Was that sarcasm, Aster?
ASTER SPANOS: What? No. Forget it.
MARTINA GREEN: I’d really love to hear what you have to say.
ASTER SPANOS: Fine, it’s just, I think you’re right. What you said in your “boyfriend theory” episode. Even if Caden’s story checks out—which, by the way, does no one else think it’s odd that he didn’t call or text Zoe at midnight?—I think they let him off too easy. It was New Year’s. Did he really just sit around in his mom’s friend’s apartment all night? [PAUSE.] I don’t know. Maybe Caden had nothing to do with this. But the fact of the matter is, Zoe has this whole world outside Herron Mills now. Did the police talk to anyone at Brown, or Yale? Did they even try to look at the big picture?
MARTINA GREEN: Aster raises an important point here about the lack of qualitative detective work undertaken by the Herron Mills PD during the course of their investigation. They seemed focused solely on the quantitative facts of that night—the GPS phone data, the missing boat, the Greyhound ticket purchase. I spoke again with Caden’s friend Tim Romer and Zoe’s former roommate, Kelly Ann Bate, to be sure.
TIM ROMER: The cops? Nah, never heard from them. Far as I know, they didn’t come up to Yale. Caden’s one of my best friends. We don’t exactly have the best record when it comes to diversity and inclusivity here in New Haven. Cops asking questions, sniffing around the black kids on campus? It would’ve gotten back to me.
KELLY ANN BATE: No detectives came here, at least not that I’m aware of. It’s not like she was anywhere near Brown when it happened, so I never gave it much thought. Campus was closed for break. But I guess you’re right, her friends might know things about her life that could be relevant to police. Stuff from fall semester that could have shed some light on where Zoe went, if she did run away. Now that I think about it, it’s strange that no one asked questions.
MARTINA GREEN: Unfortunate, yes, but maybe not that strange. Regrettably, as media coverage has shown time and again, it’s not uncommon for three-dimensional detective work to slide or be deliberately eschewed when police are certain about a theory or suspect. I can’t speak to the inner workings of the Herron Mills PD specifically, but based on the public cases I’ve studied, this kind of debilitating, narrow focus is shockingly common. I’ll link to some examples in the show notes.
GEORGE SPANOS: They were convinced from the start that Zoe ran away.
MARTINA GREEN: That’s George Spanos again.
GEORGE SPANOS: The Greyhound ticket, sure, it looks like she was planning to go somewhere. And I can’t account for that. But Zoe had a good life. She was happy. She loved Brown, she had so many friends. Maybe she was a little bored at home over break. There isn’t a whole lot going on in Herron Mills in the winter, and her boyfriend had been in the city all week. Maybe she was planning to visit someone in Philadelphia for a few days, and she just hadn’t told us yet. It’s possible. But stealing that boat? Running away? It’s [BLEEP] absurd.
ASTER SPANOS: Dad.
GEORGE SPANOS: I’m sorry. I am. Joan and I, we’ve been doing our best to keep things together for twelve weeks now. We trusted the police to do their job—what else could we do? But under what circumstances would Zoe cut off all communication with us, with Caden, with her friends? Under what circumstances would she not withdraw any money from the bank, or use her credit card? We’ve kept the accounts open, just in case … in case she needs them. [MUFFLED SOBBING.]
MARTINA GREEN: Indeed, after twelve weeks, there has still been no activity on any of Zoe’s accounts, which indicates that Zoe’s abduction—if that is what happened—was not financially motivated.
GEORGE SPANOS: [CLEARS THROAT.] It is my deepest hope that my daughter is still alive. Zoe, if you’re listening, if you did leave us willingly, it’s okay. We’re not angry with you. We just want to know you’re okay.
But I think, at this point, we have to consider the alternative. Because if Zoe didn’t run away, it means she’s been abducted, or worse. And that person is still out there. [VOICE RISING.] If Holloway and Massey and the rest of them would do their [BLEEP BLEEP] jobs, we might all sleep a little easier. Because this isn’t just about my daughter. This is about the safety of our entire community. [BLEEP.] I’m sorry. I think I have to stop.
MARTINA GREEN: I’m still at Maple Grove. Aster and I have relocated to her bedroom on the second floor. She’s sitting on the edge of her bed and working a conditioning treatment into her hair.
ASTER SPANOS: There are things I can’t say in front of my dad. Dad, if you’re listening to this episode, which I honestly doubt, I’m sorry.
MARTINA GREEN: What kind of things?
ASTER SPANOS: What my dad said? About it being absurd that Zoe would run away? I don’t think that’s entirely true.
MARTINA GREEN: You think the police are right? That Zoe ran away?
ASTER SPANOS: I don’t know. But last fall, she wasn’t happy. Not like she was over the summer, when she was out in California. Not like she was last year. I don’t think my parents noticed. Not anything against them, it’s just Zoe was always cheerful on the phone. She put up a good front, but … When she came home for Thanksgiving, something wasn’t right. She was just … off. She stayed in her room a lot, wouldn’t tell me what was going on. It wasn’t like her.
MARTINA GREEN: Was Caden home for Thanksgiving? Did Zoe spend time with him?
ASTER SPANOS: He was. Zoe went over to Windermere maybe twice that weekend. She swore nothing was wrong, but I’m her sister. I could tell.
MARTINA GREEN: You think something wasn’t right in their relationship? That they were fighting, or having problems?
ASTER SPANOS: I never saw them fighting. Maybe it was something else entirely. She wouldn’t talk to me about it. When she came home for winter break, she was quiet. She really loved Christmas, always went totally overboard with baking cookies and making these super thoughtful presents. This year was no exception. So I can see why my parents thought everything was normal. But as soon as Christmas was over, she kind of retreated to her room again. She said she was getting a head start on the reading for this upper level course she was taking in the spring. Maybe she was.
MARTINA GREEN: While Assistant Detective Massey would not speak to me about the contents of Zoe’s computer, which was searched in the days following her disappearance, the Herron Mills PD did return the laptop to the Spanos family, which serves as a strong indication that they didn’t find anything relevant in her search history or files. If Zoe was devising an elaborate escape plan from her room in the days after Christmas, she left no trace of it on her laptop.
ASTER SPANOS: If I’m being really honest, I hope the police are right. I hope Zoe did run away.
MARTINA GREEN: Why’s that?
ASTER SPANOS: Maybe she has a whole new life, somewhere amazing. Like, Buenos Aires or Monte Carlo. Don’t get me wrong, I’d give her hell for doing this to us if she ever comes home. But consider the alternatives. If she didn’t run away …
MARTINA GREEN: Aster and I concluded our conversation there. The point she raises is an interesting one. I’ve spent this entire podcast series pushing against the police’s runaway theory. And I think that’s warranted—my thinking hasn’t changed. But in a strange way, like Aster, I hope I’m wrong. I hope the police are right, and Zoe did simply, however implausibly, run away. That she has a fabulous new life now, and wherever she is, she’s listening to this and laughing at all of us.
But I really don’t think so.
If you have any information about Zoe Spanos, no matter how insignificant it may seem, please contact the tip line that ha
s been set up by the Spanos family: 631-958-2757.
As for me, there are more interviews I’d like to conduct. More angles to this story that I’d like to explore. I’m not sure when our next episode will air, but you can be certain I haven’t stopped digging. Until next time, I’m Martina Green, and this is Missing Zoe.
[CODA TO MISSING ZOE INSTRUMENTAL THEME]
12 THEN
July
Herron Mills, NY
JUNE MELTS INTO July without warning. The week unspools, each day a glistening pearl on an invisible thread: sunny and bright, but not too hot. Perfect. On Wednesday, we post up at our usual spot at the beach. While Paisley collects shells, my mind travels back to the night before with Caden in the Windermere stable. Before I made my way back to Clovelly Cottage, we exchanged numbers. Those ten little digits burn in my phone. I stretch out under the umbrella and think about texting him, but I can’t come up with anything good to say.
By Thursday, Paisley’s itching to go somewhere new, so we drive to a giant water park not too far from the aquarium. Emilia grants us permission to miss family dinner, so we stay at the park all day and fill up on popcorn chicken strips and cheesy fries on the boardwalk before dragging ourselves back to the car, exhausted, when the park closes at six.