Phil hadn’t been the best husband, but he wasn’t usually so sharp—emotionless would describe him better. That’s why it’s stuck in my memory. I’d gotten him the key then watched as he’d rushed out of the door. He hadn’t taken his briefcase, I’d noticed, nor carried a bunch of papers in his hand. But whatever he was putting inside had to be important, at least to him. I remember questioning him when he’d returned, but he’d said it was something to do with his employment. That would have sounded plausible, except for the shifty look in his eyes. A look I was to become very familiar with.
My marriage had been going downhill for a while, and after that point, it had gotten worse. Phil no longer even pretended to be interested in sex and spent more time in his office with his door not only closed but locked. Something was wrong, but I hadn’t known what, until everything had become clear when the police had turned up to arrest him.
Our safe deposit box was rarely touched. I’d left the key with Beth in case she and Ink needed the deed to the house.
“Patsy?” Lost barks.
I give myself a little shake, realising I’d disappeared into my head. “Sorry, I was miles away.”
“You look like you’ve thought of something? Something you should share?”
I press my lips together, then speak, “I’m nothing to Alder. I avoided speaking to the man, and Phil never discussed his legitimate, let alone his nefarious businesses with me. I know nothing, except that my son is alive.” Lost raises his chin in encouragement. “Therefore, I have nothing of value. Phil and I parted ways, but as far as he was concerned, he went on to better things. I buried,” I glance apologetically at Dan, still having difficulty remembering that day which had almost been for real, “my son. Alder might want revenge on Connor if he were still alive, but he has no reason to take that out on me. He’s risking exposure, surely, by trying to come after me at all.”
Lost raises and lowers his chin. “But there’s something…?”
My face screws up as I reply to Lost. “If Alder thinks I have information he wants, it must be to do with Phil, and that can’t be recent. As I said, Phil and I barely spoke after he left. In recent years, I’ve had nothing to do with him at all. I don’t know if it’s anything or not, but a memory has just come into my head. It’s so long ago now, maybe twenty years back, and could be nothing at all.”
“Anything at this point could be useful,” Dart puts in. Dan’s looking at me quizzically as though thinking back, but he won’t remember as he was just two. As I recall, I’d just put him down for a nap.
I shrug and simultaneously shake my head. “Phil and I thought it would be a good idea to get a safe deposit box when we got married. We put in our birth certificates, our wills, and the documents about the house. When the kids were born, we added their birth certificates too, and some of their baby pics, but never anything else. I’d forgotten about it until Phil wanted the key one day to put something in it. It struck me as unusual. It wasn’t a big one, so we didn’t have room for much else, and I thought we were only using it for the basics. I’d questioned him, but he just said it was some of his employment stuff. It seemed odd then, but I didn’t push it. After he moved out, I added the divorce papers.” I raise and lower my shoulders again. “Phil knew where the key was, I’d told him I kept it in my jewellery box. He may well have taken whatever it was back out.”
Lost looks disappointed. “I can’t think it’s anything to do with a piece of paper stored twenty years ago in a bank.”
“When was it last opened?” Dart asks.
“Not too long ago,” I confirm, realising it’s probably a red herring. “It’s been opened a few times when Beth needed her birth certificate for work. I never noticed anything obvious that I didn’t recognise in there. Sorry.” I grimace, realising I’ve wasted their time.
But Lost’s eyes sharpen. “You know nothing, yet Alder is desperate to find you. You have nothing of his or Phil’s. Did he leave something in your house?”
“It’s been twenty years, Lost.” I widen my eyes. “When Phil left, he took everything he owned. His office was cleared out. The kids grew up, so the house got changed. I’ve redecorated everywhere, changed furniture which wore out. His office was used as a playroom for the kids. There isn’t anything of Phil’s left there.”
“That box, Patsy? Did you take everything out when you last opened it? Could there be something in there that’s been forgotten all of these years?”
In response, I shake my head. “Lost, no. I didn’t take everything out. I know what’s in there so there was no need.”
Dart raises his chin toward Lost. “What if Phil had dirt on Alder that he wanted to keep hidden away, where Alder would never find it? What if, now Phil is dead, Alder wants his insurance policy back?”
Suddenly Dan’s sitting up straighter. “I overheard something once. An argument between Alder and Phil. I’d completely forgotten about it. Phil was trying to get deeper into his business and Alder kept knocking him back. They used to be partners, but Alder was too selfish for that and kept Phil out of a lot of the more lucrative stuff. I was worried at the time as I was still trying to impress Phil and hovered around in case things turned physical. Phil used those exact words. He reminded Alder that he still had an insurance policy.”
“So there was something he had over Alder.” Lost leans back in his chair and links his fingers behind his head. “And one possible place he kept it was in that safe deposit box.”
“Oh, come on,” I tell them, my eyes looking around in disbelief. “It’s too farfetched to think something’s been under our noses this whole time. I’ve never seen it.”
Dart grins. “Wouldn’t hurt to look. You still have the key?”
I nod. “I left it with Beth as we moved in a rush. There’s nothing secret in there, and if she’s going to marry Ink,” I break off and swallow thinking I wouldn’t be there to witness it, “she needed to have access to her birth certificate.”
“You mind her going through that safe deposit box?”
“Of course not. There’s no secrets to me.”
Lost raises his chin at me, then lifts an eyebrow at his VP. He gets out his phone and taps a pre-set number. He puts it on speaker, and places it in the middle of the desk.
“Demon. It’s Lost.”
“Lost, what can I do for you, Brother?”
“I’ve got Patsy, Dan and Dart with me. You’re on speaker.”
“That means trouble if you’ve come out in the open, Dan. You at the compound? Are you both safe?”
“Yes to all three,” Lost answers for my son, staring at the phone as though he can see the man speaking. He sends me a look full of apology as he drops me straight in it. “Patsy picked up a tail yesterday.”
“Jesus.” I blanch hearing Demon’s censure coming down the phone. “She alright?”
Lost answers for me, “She’s fine. She called me. We dealt with it. But it’s not safe to leave them without protection anymore.”
“So that fuckin’ message you got was legit. Shit.”
I start wishing a hole in the ground would open up to swallow me. I shouldn’t have called Beth, however much I wanted to hear her voice and reassure myself she was okay. If I hadn’t, Alder would never have found out where we are.
Lost sighs, looking my way. “Alder’s got eyes all over San Diego. He’s got a network of dealers and users, all primed to get a payout if they spot Patsy out and about. Well, yesterday they did.”
“They know Connor’s alive then.” Demon sounds both resigned and business like at the same time, acknowledging the problem and prepared to deal with it.
“Apparently not,” Lost interrupts. “It’s Patsy he’s after. No reason to believe he has suspicions about Dan.”
“Patsy?” Demon’s incredulity comes clearly down the line, clearly having difficulty understanding why a drug lord would be interested in a woman past her prime.
“Yeah. We’re trying to figure out why, been knocking it around f
or a while. We’ve come up with something. Now it could be grasping at straws, but we could do with your help to check it out.”
“Anything you need, Brother.”
I admire the way Demon doesn’t hesitate without even knowing what task he’ll be assigned. It’s this loyalty and brotherhood that made me happy Beth had found the right man. One for all and all for one never had greater meaning than when it comes to the men in this MC. That it extends beyond chapters is heartwarming.
“Patsy’s got a safe deposit box, goes back to when she first married Phil Foster. Normal shit kept in it, but twenty years back, Phil put something inside, and she doesn’t know what. It’s a long shot, Brother, but it’s possible it’s still there. Beth’s got a key to that safe deposit box, and I was wondering whether you could get Ink to go with her and see if it’s holding a secret? We’re pretty certain Phil Foster had an insurance policy, and we’re not talking house or car. Only thing that makes sense is that Alder wants any evidence of it buried and gone. Patsy’s in danger if he thinks she’s got it.”
“Fuck. You sure?”
“Nah, Demon, I’m not. Could be barking completely up the wrong tree here, but it’s the only fuckin’ lead I got. Alder’s after Patsy, and we’ve got no fucking idea why.”
“Any risk Alder knows Patsy’s with you?”
“No. We stopped the person following her home, and as far as we know, got Patsy and Dan away clean without anyone being any the wiser. But with the network Alder’s got, it was only going to be a matter of time before they got hold of her.”
Demon’s quiet for a moment, then he says, “Be careful, you hear? Lost, I’m well aware you’re taking care of what’s ours. You need brothers to head down your way, I’m happy to boost your numbers.”
Lost smiles, and nods at the phone, then uses words the other man can hear. “Thanks, Demon. I hope we can keep trouble away from our door, but if we can’t, I may take you up on that offer.”
“I’ll be in touch when we’ve opened the safe deposit box. Patsy, you there?”
“Yes, Demon.” I clear my throat. “I’m here.”
“This shit with Beth…” he pauses. “Look, I understand you need to speak to her, but you calling her out of the blue on an unsecure phone, well, that can’t happen again.”
It’s at this point I want to slide under the table. I shrink back into my chair, and my voice squeaks when I reply, “I know, Demon. I’m sorry, I—”
“I can appreciate how fuckin’ hard this is on you. Her too.” He pauses for a second. “Lost’s phone is encrypted, mine too. The clubhouse is clean if Token does as good a job as Cad. We’ll make arrangements for the two of you to talk, okay?”
My eyes prick with tears, both at his understanding, and the promise I’ll be able to talk to Beth soon. I almost miss what he asks next.
“We find anything in that safe deposit box, I’ll get Cad to check it out. You okay with that, Patsy? You got anything personal in there?”
“I’m an open book, Demon. There’s nothing secret about me at all.”
“Okay. I think we’re done here, Lost. I’ll get it sorted from our end. Beth’s not here today, Patsy, but I’ll get her to call you tomorrow, okay?”
I feel like fist pumping the air, but refrain. The smile on my face must say it all, as Lost grins my way. Dan’s mouth is curved, and he reaches across and squeezes my hand. I’m going to be able to speak to Beth again. I feel my heart beating faster in anticipation.
When I’d left Colorado I was supposed to abide by the rules, and I had every intention of doing so. I had known it was going to be hard, but not even my wildest imagination could have prepared me for the pain of being separated from my oldest child.
Beth’s in her late twenties, and it was probably well past time she should have left home and struck out on her own. That she stayed with me as long as she had wasn’t because either of us were incapable, but because we’d had a relationship where we were friends as much as anything else.
I suppose I remained protective of her. Both my children are tall, throwbacks to someone far back in my family as both Phil and I were average height. For Dan it had been an advantage, but a girl shooting up to be taller than all the other kids in her class had made her stand out. Children are cruel and would pick on anyone who was different. At school, she’d been bullied.
I’d been helpless. The school hadn’t understood, Beth stood head and shoulders above the other students, including many of the boys, so surely, she could look after herself? Beth hasn’t got violent tendencies, but in any event, it wasn’t abuse in a physical form that she received. It proved impossible to protect her from the snide comments and jeers. They say words don’t hurt, they’re wrong. The wounds they inflict might be invisible, but they do lasting damage all the same. She’d already been an introverted socially awkward child, now she was ostracised because she was different.
By the time she’d gone to college, her life had changed. Her friends had matured, and she’d grown from an unhappy girl into a confident young woman. But the worry that’s sat with a mom for years can’t simply be turned off. I was happy she’d stayed under my wing.
When Beth met Ink, I had no idea at the start how long it would last. Beth, I knew, had feelings for him, but whether he reciprocated those I wasn’t too sure. The drastic turn of events caused by Dan had shown that Ink really cared—enough so that he was prepared to sacrifice his freedom and go to jail instead of her. Here was a man who I could entrust with my daughter. If it hadn’t been for him, for Mel, her best friend and married to a biker herself, for the whole of the Satan’s Devils club back in Pueblo, I could never have walked away.
Ink wanted Beth for just who she was. I could see how much he loved her, how he was building a new life with her, coincidentally buying her family home. She’d have the security I used to give her, but as is right, given to her now by her man. In time, they’d have a family.
At this point in her life and in mine, we could finally part. My job as a supportive mother was done. I had nothing to worry about leaving her on her own; her future was mapped out. With only such a brief time to consider matters, I hastily made up my mind, Dan was the one who needed me now.
I didn’t realise I’d feel as though I’d been torn in half. I thought I knew, but I hadn’t accepted quite how much I’d miss her.
Of course, children move away all the time, but there’s always a connection via phone calls or visits. In my case, even the briefest of contact was forbidden. It was as if one of us had died with no funeral, no mourning.
I’d been desperate and I’d broken the rules. Now, it appears, I’m paying the price.
“Patsy?”
A scraping of chairs brings me back to the here and now. I hadn’t realised my head had dropped into my hands, nor that said hands are shaking. As Dan stands, he shoots me a worried look, but Lost raises his chin.
Dart’s already at the door, and he holds it open for Dan to walk out.
We’ve been dismissed.
Likewise, I press down on the arms of the chair in preparation to stand to leave.
“Stay,” Lost instructs, his voice deep and soothing. “Stay, Patsy. Talk to me.”
I don’t realise that I’m crying, tears rolling down my cheeks, until Lost passes me a tissue.
When I go to apologise, he stops me. “It’s okay to cry, babe.”
“I don’t know why I am,” I sniff.
“I do. It’s relief. You can speak to your daughter tomorrow.”
I force myself to be sensible. “It’s only a temporary reprieve, isn’t it Lost? I can talk to Beth now, but there’s nothing I can do but stay out of Alder’s way. If you’re right and he thinks I’ve got evidence against him, or can bring him down in some way, he’ll never stop looking for me.”
“We’ll start by getting into your safe deposit box and seeing if there’s anything inside. If that turns up a blank, we’ll start looking for something else. We’ll leave no stone unturned.”
The more I think about something waiting to be found, the more unlikely it seems. “I can’t think there’ll be anything there. I’ll make the most of being able to speak to Beth now, then we’ll contact the marshals and move on.” I straighten my back, trying to convince myself I can cope with talking to Beth and facing another goodbye. “It’s the only way.”
Chapter Thirteen
Lost
I can understand how much it hurt Patsy to leave everything she’d known behind her, her home and her daughter. I know only too well the pain that losing everything can cause. If proof were necessary, the look on her face, the hope and longing that had covered it with just the promise of a phone call with her daughter was all I would have needed.
She thinks to keep her son safe; they need to disappear again.
But how easy will that be? The marshals are focused on keeping Dan out of Alder’s way. They might be mildly interested in what Alder wants with her, but if they want their witness alive, would they want to risk him by also protecting her? Dan’s in the clear, he’s dead as far as anyone knows, so no one’s even searching for him now. Patsy, though, is actively being sought. Would that make her a liability for her son? If the feds got wind of Alder’s desperation, might they want to use her to set a trap for the wanted man?
I won’t let that happen. No. Patsy will be kept out of Alder’s hands, and I’ve no greater wish than to make it safe for her to be back with her family. Both daughter and son.
As she silently cries, I give her space, passing her the box of tissues so she can help herself.
Leaning my head back, I close my eyes and think over what Demon had previously told me. The decision had been made hastily, Patsy having no time to balance her needs between those of her children. I know something Patsy doesn’t, news that up to now hasn’t been shared. When Patsy finds out her daughter is expecting… well, I think it will be hard to witness the pain she’ll feel not being able to be there, or to share all the moments that a grandmother should.
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