by Eve Kaan
'Thank you for everything. The table is wonderful, but I'm not sure I can eat more than two bites. Do you want me to serve you the tea?'
'I didn't call you for that Uta, you had enough misfortune last night. I want you to enjoy yourself. That, what happened to you - none of us could've assumed. That was the first time this unpleasant woman came to us. I hope you are alright?' She asked all worried as if it was important. I forgot it already. She didn't mention the rest of the night we spent together. She must feel uncomfortable about my behaviour - that's the proper lady for you, she doesn't want me to feel embarrassed for that as well.
'I'm fine. Actually, I've never felt better because of...' I started the sentence quickly, in the spur of a moment, almost telling her about my feelings. Yet, I was thoughtful enough to compose myself just in the nick of time. I lowered my head, and further quietly said, 'Honestly, I'm not used to your sake, it was pretty strong, so I remember very little of last night's events.' Silence incurred until we were able to manage with some other topic. Rin came up first.
'They say there's nothing better than these figs from Ameno village, for morning treatment from sake.'
'It's my grandmother's village, where I was born as well. I would gladly recall those days.' I was happy to treat myself with a fig, not sparing a moment to think clearly about mentioning the almost forbidden subject.
'Are you writing to your grandmother? How were the days you spent there?'
I swallowed the evident pain before answering, trying to sound brave. 'Grandma died when I was still a child.'
'I didn't want to inflict pain for you, Uta.' She made some unusual gesture as if she intended to reach for my arm, but gave up.
'It was a long time ago. She raised me, I didn't know of my parents,' I stopped suddenly and added, 'sorry if I'm bothering you, It wasn't intentional, we can talk about merrier themes. And this topic - here, isn't...'
'You have no reason to apologize, I'm interested in your story.'
'I didn't talk about it for a long time... Well, we lived in a small village. There were about twenty houses, or thirty maybe. Grandma was farming the rice field, and I helped her as much as I could as a child. Our life was modest, but nice nonetheless.' Then I stopped, checking to see if she was still interested. Rin noticed it and subtly encouraged me to continue, already captivated by my words.
'We lived modestly in a house full of love, and that was enough for us - for happiness I mean. She was a hardworking woman, doing everything all alone, there was no work grandmother hasn't mastered. She would fill the rice bags and carry them on her back without any help.'
'She really could pick them up by herself?'
'Yes. We didn't have animals, so there was no choice really, but I was always trying to help her, yet now when I recall it... rather than helping I think I was just making it harder for her. I would push the bag with my hands when she carried it, making her laugh each time she saw me. I was pushing with all my strength, looking so proud of it, but if I overdid my capabilities, she would yell at me to get away because she feared I would hurt my little back.'
'Grandma kept you safe. Has she always took good care of you like that?
'Of course! Every night she would tell me some life stories before sleep and cover me gently all the way to my nose so I wouldn't get cold, especially during the winter that could be sharp and freezing, then she would kiss me on my forehead, and just after that, I would be able to sleep peacefully. She fell ill suddenly with the arrival of the rainy season - passing away soon after that.' I suppressed tears in my eyes.
'I am sorry about your grandmother. She was a wonderful woman when she brought up a girl like you. Please don't be sad.' She looked at me with eyes full of understanding as if she had lived my life for me. After a few sips of tea, she tried with brighter themes. 'And your Mother and sister, how are they to you?'
'Utano is my sister, but you could already figure that out from her name,' suddenly I cheered up telling this story to her, 'she is the best sister in the world. I mean - I know we aren't officially sisters anymore, now that the ceremony has passed, but she'll always stay as blood bound to me. Nobody cared about me like Utano after my grandmother. I'm fortunate I found her, ugh I mean - I was given to her.' Rin looked at me as if she can read that I'm hiding something.
'You said that you found her?' I guess she couldn't help herself not to ask me about it. Her eyes gazed at me suspiciously, as the new cigarette in her hand was lighted.
'I didn't mean it that way. It came out wrong. That was a long time ago. My first night in Yoshiwara –' I hesitated with the story.
'Don't worry, no one will find out you've told me. There's just you and me here. I'm listening about your first night in Yoshiwara.'
'They left me in Yoshiwara - the night fell, so I got lost looking for the house numbered 24, and I was illiterate back then, so that was a big obstacle in finding it. Winter was cold. It stung my whole body, making me shiver so much that I still remember the feeling like it was yesterday. The mist had arisen, all the streets looked the same,' I stopped at this part, searching for the lost word, 'I stumbled into the part where women are standing with men outside, in front of their houses. 'Fortunately, Utano found me on the street and then I was safely taken to house 24 if it wasn't for her at that moment winter would freeze me to death.' She still looked suspicious, probably thinking there's more to my explanation, but she didn't want to force it out when this was a sad story as well - the moment just wasn't appropriate. I concluded.
'And what is it with Mother, you didn't even mention her?' Rin became more curious. I didn't know how to describe it. Most of all I wanted to tell her how she mistreated Utano.
'Well, Mother is... The same as any other. Taking care of us, she's almost always at our disposal if any of us needs her. Keeping discipline and looking out for us... I don't know what else to say about her.'
'Uta, are you trying to tell me something? I can feel it in your tone as if some background is hiding behind your words.' She saw right through me immediately. I'm not sure because of Utano, but Rin is the only one who can help us. Maybe it's better to keep silent. I don't want her to think I'm only in gold interested, and me telling her about Utano's troubles would lead to that topic and possibly wrong conclusions.
✽✽✽
Rin
'No, I have nothing to say. That's really all there is. We don't have a close relationship, so I'm not sure how to describe her. She is a pretty normal woman.'
Uta fidgeted over the futon, becoming nervous. Maybe I asked too many questions. Her life is filled with trauma - so she doesn't even pay attention to what she experienced last night. I have a thousand doubts about this little creature that only knows of suffering in her life. She lost everything and was sold on top of it all. I want to protect her from the whole world - hold her in my arms, embrace her as I did last night. I only want to know that she's honest. What previous night means to her? I wonder if she really doesn't remember or just discomfort seizes her? I understand if it's too embarrassing. After all, I refused her in the end. Although my new formed emotions are overwhelming me as we speak, and all that in just this short amount of time I've known her. Everything seems to change, leaving me unable to concentrate on any other thought that isn't of her.
Maybe she really is different, not immediately spending that tip I gave her might mean something.
I want to hug her. I wanted to cure that swollen cheek of hers with kisses, as soon as I saw consequences of an impact. She bravely endures her own pain with eyes that are still sparkling as a night sky. Uta is sweeter than honey - I caught myself with Gina's sentence often directed to Nori in fondness. She's shining with a pasted smile on her lips while talking. I know she went through so much last night but does her heart really beats for me, I can't stop thinking of it, yet she acts as if it's all forgotten.
My thoughts went away, her sentence making me wince. 'All this time it's only me talking. I'm not sure if I may ask you about your life?
'
'Of course, ask anything you want - maybe I won't be able to answer, but I will try.'
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Uta
Rin told me with a sincere smile and a bit of excitement as if she couldn't wait to hear my questions. Now I feel even worse than before because I lied, but her question wasn't leaving me any other choice. 'If you want we can continue our conversation out in the garden, the night was pleasant - enough that we can enjoy in flowers bloom viewing.'
Oh, she said the night was pleasant. Does she mean our night together or night in general? I didn't expect her to mention it, especially not so suddenly. My heart started to beat really fast. I have to calm down. Maybe she said it without thinking. Ahh, too much analysis! Of course, I want to go to the garden, it doesn't matter where we are - I just want to stay with her as long as possible. She stood from the table, letting me go first through the door.
The garden plants are spreading pleasant scents of spring. It's not that large, walls by the house closing it from all sides. Water is flowing along the edges through the small stones. Tall trees standing up along the curved path that spreads through an entire length of the garden. There are several rocks with flowers near the settee hidden beneath the crown of a tree, whilst a crawler is attached to the walls. The freshness of greenery spreads its smell all over the place. 'This is my garden, I have been caring for it since I inherited Yoshiwara,' she said, giving me a hat, 'at this time of the day sun can be very intense, it's better to cover our heads, so we don't come from it with headaches.' She smiled as she bent her hair beneath the hat.
'Your garden is truly beautiful. It's shaped into a harmonious circle with a combination of water, stone, and greenery...' I stopped, despite the fact that I took a breath just a moment ago, looking at her as if asking if it is alright to continue this talk about the garden. She smiled taking me toward the trees. Through our walk, she explained to me a way of circumscribing the branches to make a nice shape. 'The crowns of trees are wonderfully shaped, seems asymmetrical in relation to the lower level of the garden, apropos the part with the bushes, and all that rhythm in color is enhanced by pastel tones of flowers that you grow on the rocks. It has a very relaxing effect as if it never ends because of the crawlers. They are visually spreading the boundaries of garden walls.' She seems pleasantly surprised by my expert analysis, even though she shouldn't – I'm an educated girl after all.
'Thank you on these compliments. They advised me not to put flowers on those rocks, but I said they lacked a colouristic rhythm. I'm glad you noticed it.' Rin explained proudly. 'This garden is the safe zone of mine, that relaxes me from the pressure of everyday duties. I wanted to make it fit perfectly for those needs.' We walked down the path below the crowns. She showed me all the interventions she made in her garden. 'This white stones I brought from Europe myself. When I saw it on Mediterranean shore, I just knew that it would fit excellently into the garden that was being planned in my head even back then.'
'I've always dreamed of traveling to Europe. How is it there? And people? Landscape?' I was exceptionally interested in this exotic theme.
'I traveled only the western part of the continent. Europe is very exotic, one part is gray and cold, and the south is full of sun. I admired the continental part with high mountains that are carrying snow cover on the tops, and the foothills are surrounded by crimson rushes. The water is so clear that every shape of its crystalline bottom is visible.' We came to the settee, and with a dreamy look, she continued, 'I loved to stay in the southern parts. Their sea is warm like our lakes. Everything is surrounded by white stones and thick trees with sharp, long leaves. People are carefree compared to the population in our regions. Women are holding hands even in the busiest streets and not only those wealthy ones but from all layers of society. They are not interested in a formal way of life, there is no one looking at anyone. I would say that freedom prevails there. At the terraces of restaurants, mostly the finest coffee in the world is served. These are the places that serve food and beverages on small open terraces, sometimes tables are arranged even to the edges of footpaths.'
'Ah... there is freedom...' Suddenly I became, in some strange way, sad and happy, all at once. 'I'd like to have such experience.' Then I turned to her sparkling eyes. 'What kind of taste does coffee have? I heard once that people in Europe drink coffee as we drink tea? That's really exotic to me. I've been looking for it here, but nobody sells that coffee - I'd like to try it.'
'Coffee is black and a little bit thicker than the tea. At the bottom of the cup, there's always black sediment left, it tastes all grainy under the tongue. Its scent is inviting, spreading up to a few feet around it. The taste...' She stopped, wrapped in her thoughts, '... a real explosion, woody taste with a bitter note dominating in the background. Black tea is the closest one to compare with, but unlike tea, the taste is more complex, it's not so bitter. Some people drink it adding some milk to soften the bitterness. They like coffee so much that even some cakes are made with its taste.' I closed my eyes trying to imagine the taste in my mouth from her description. 'They drink coffee several times a day. It's obligatory in the morning as a breakfast supplement, yet after lunch, but if it's served in the late afternoon - it causes a restless sleep.' She stopped talking, looking at me with a smile, 'Well then – how do you know about the coffee? It's not well known here.'
'Utano - my sister. She was at one of her client's house, and that lady just returned from Europe captivated by coffee taste. She drank four coups in just one day, that much time Utano spent with her, so she knew. Then my sister tried coffee with milk. She told me all about it then. The scent of fried grain left the biggest impression on her. She said that the whole house smelled of exotic, distant lands...'
✽✽✽
Rin
While Uta was talking in fervour, her little dimples would occasionally appear on her cheeks when she smiled. I wanted to kiss every dimple when it appeared, she is sweet as a little butterfly with clumsy wings. I can feel the heat she was releasing, sitting so close to me. This moment will be burned in my memory. She rested her hands on the settee, grabbing the edge which made her lean slightly forward after sharing the black toned beverage's impression with me. 'Are those the small strawberries?' Suddenly she switched topics in wonder.
'Yes, they just started maturing - I'm examining them every day, removing the weed that is trying to ruin the ripening of juicy red fruits.' I held my hat with a hand and stood up then made two steps bending over the strawberries. 'They are very sweet, it's a special sort.' I picked a handful of fruit with fingers than returned to the settee showing them to her. 'These strawberries are supposedly growing in our garden since the Great House was built. I didn't want to change that - I like such tradition,' I held my hand to her, 'try it, these are just early spring fruits.'
'I've never seen such red strawberries. I'd love to try them. Thank you.' When Uta bit the strawberry, its juice began to slide down her chin. Her other hand was quickly placed underneath the smudgy chin so it would prevent drops from making a stain on the kimono she's wearing. 'I didn't expect it to be so juicy - I'm embarrassed, looking so clumsy...' She really seems uncomfortable, her cheeks blushed, but she didn't remove the smile from her face while wiping the wet trail with the hand. 'And I'm all messy now, please take my apologies Respected lady.'
'There is no reason to be embarrassed, you're bothering with formalities. It's just you and me here.' I restrained from laughter so she wouldn't be more ashamed. 'There's a little stain left still.' I suggested that she was still messy, but was just being polite about it.
'Have I removed it now?' She asked obviously worried. The stain wasn't there anymore. She held half bitten strawberry in her hand partly gesturing with it. 'This never happened to me before, it's really unpleasant of me - I behave like a child.' She's so worried, yet I didn't actually see anything sweeter ever before. I just feel the urge to touch her.
'There is still some left, you missed again.' I glanced at her, br
inging my hand towards her skin, which started to tremble. I looked her straight in the eyes, placing my finger between her chin and lips. Her breath stopped for a few heartbeats. The thrill is overwhelming me as I slowly cross over her skin to wipe something that does not exist off. I lowered my arm. We've been looking at each other for a while now - perhaps just a few seconds passed in reality which seemed like an eternity only to me. 'Here, nothing's left now,' I said, 'this could happen to anyone, you don't have to be embarrassed.'
'Now I'm like one of those Europeans - carefree.' She joked smiling with her little dimples, blushing even more - if it was even possible.
'We are like two Europeans then, you were messy, and I didn't mind it one bit.' I returned the joke, and she was visibly thrilled, then I added, 'Do you perhaps want to treat yourself with another strawberry?' Her cheeks reddening again, she just shamefully shook her head letting me know that she's not interested.
Uta seems to be caught up in her thoughts, after a while she looked at me with interest and hesitantly asked, 'Would you like to repeat that trip? Certainly, it must have been hard to endure the ship and the carriage to those faraway lands?'
'It was hard to endure the carriage, but ship travel is exciting. I didn't think about coming back, and if I had the right to choose – better said, right on my free will, I would have stayed there forever.' I lighted my brown cigar attached on a wooden stick, inhaled a long smoke and released it in the opposite direction of her eyesight.
'How long have you been there?'
'They sent me in Europe on education so I would be able to manage Yoshiwara. My cousins Gina and Nori accompanied me, they were also educated but not for the same job as me. We have spent almost ten beautiful annual cycles there.'
Our time interrupted Madam's voice from the entrance door, 'Respected lady, I am sorry to intrude, but your attention is needed – we have a request for tomorrow.' I excused myself for a moment. After a quiet conversation, I returned but remained standing, not sitting next to her. My words came out gently, 'Uta, unfortunately, I don't have time anymore, duties are awaiting me. I spend with you...' I paused searching for the word. 'Wonderful evening.' I corrected myself '...a nice time.' She got up from the settee to get going. I want to see her again - I don't want to separate from her.