Yoshiwara

by Eve Kaan

  The sun exchanged places with the moon once again, and yet there's no trace of her still. The event we all are preparing for is tomorrow, but what if she doesn't arrive on time - I will not have the chance to show her my new skills.

  Upon finishing our dinner, Nori suggested going over the choreography one more time before retreating for the night. I don't know where to draw energy for another practice, my legs are heavy like stone.

  ✽✽✽

  Rin

  I had to take off today from this rural area, even though the matter isn't entirely resolved, but that will have to be dealt with from a distance - the big event that awaits me can't be postponed.

  The second night in that cottage was even more terrible than the previous one. It was impossible to breathe because of unbearable heat which didn't cool up in there even at night. More then half of my time I spent awake trying to ventilate the space which did not help at all with that stale warm air sticking like there's a fire burning inside.

  The flood had raised to the knees length in large areas of the field. The damage is very high. Workers were draining the water all night long, and with this, I will be able to save one small part, but I'm still uncertain whether to continue the production or not. Maybe when I calculate everything and get the final results will lead me to a better judgment. I hope this situation will be determined.

  Finally, I arrived. Gina greeted me at the entrance of the Great House. 'You didn't send us a message Rin, we started to worry that you would miss the event. How was it with the flood?'

  She helped me with luggage all the way to my chambers at the top of the staircase. 'We saved a good part of the land, but the damage is preposterous. Fortunately, I managed to arrange delivery of necessary goods from another field at the moment, at least we will save on some expenses for transportation in this disaster.'

  Gina poured me some ice cold sake. 'Well, at least you've got something positive out of that situation.' She passed me the cup, and continued, 'Etsu was planning to sell those fields precisely because of those often floods. Allegedly the business there operated in huge losses. It's the gossip -actually, everyone's talking about it around the house these days, so I've heard those rumors.'

  I pulled the cigarette out of the box and lighted it. 'Gina, aunt Etsu never went there. If she'd made a little more effort, she wouldn't think like that. Of course, it's important to me that we are not in loss. We managed to save enough to be on a positive zero, and that's more than enough for now.' I took a sip of my sake and continued. 'Yoshiwara is our source of income, not the fields. That land is feeding too many mouths, so I can't bring myself not to care about their destiny. Perhaps if she ever went there, she wouldn't be in such huge losses with the goods. Paying some extra workforce to drain the fields doesn't mean anything to me. I don't plan on leaving so many families without an income.'

  Gina became nervous. 'Rin, I didn't mean it like that. I'm just passing everything I've heard on the hallways to you - this is just some gossip.'

  I sat on the futon. 'I know, don't worry. It all went well, and that's the important thing.' I laid down on my back. 'Uh Gina, my back's stiffened from that cottage I had to spend my nights in. If you only knew how awful is there. The futon thin as paper, and that unbearable heat - I've never experienced such humidity before...'

  'Just as I thought. Etsu built houses for herself on every farm or land she possessed, but rarely used any of them and never maintained those she never visited.' Gina then looked at me with a mischievous smile and added, 'Maybe you would like to get a massage, especially if we call Uta to take care of you.'

  I pretended to be serious. 'I'm glad you're entertaining yourself on my behalf, Gina. Maybe I should take you with me next time when a flood occurs so you could have some real fun.'

  She laughed. 'Well you could take me, then Nori would have to massage me for days. Hmmm... I think I like that idea Rin. Well, let's get serious now. Have you been at home or this luggage you brought should be sent for cleaning?'

  I turned on the side and propped my body on one elbow. 'Of course, I went home first. I was all dehydrated and sweaty from the carriage. So I took a bath, and packed some clean clothes and now I'm here until the event occurs.'

  Gina's eyes opened wide. 'Sooo - you'll stay in Yoshiwara?' I nodded in confirmation, and then she took a good sip of her sake. 'You said to settle Uta in the best room here. I didn't know you were going to sleep here.'

  Now I had my chance to get back to her for teasing me. 'You settled her in my room? Gina, have you lost your mind. My room doesn't count as a place for guest accommodation. So then you could settle her in my quarters just as well, it's the same thing.' I laughed turning my head from her eyesight so she doesn't notice I'm teasing her.

  'I'm sorry Rin - we'll move...'

  I interrupted her, 'I'm teasing you, calm down.'

  'You know what Rin, I'll get you back for this... And where are you going to sleep now?'

  I straightened myself up on the futon. 'I ordered to arrange my bed here. I'm spending almost the entire day here anyway, and this room is huge.'

  She looked at me considerably. 'So that's it, hm - you left that room to her, and you're going manage around.'

  I stood up. 'It's not managing, this is luxury. If only you knew what kind of conditions I spent the last two nights in, we wouldn't be talking about this now.' I went to the door. 'Where is Nori? And girls, are they in their rooms for the night already?' We went together down the stairs to check on how the preparations are progressing.

  ✽✽✽

  Uta

  She came!

  We were in the middle of our dance when Rin showed herself at the entrance. Excitement flooded through every part of my body. She was talking to Nori and Gina while watching us dancing. I could only see their mouths opening because of the loud music that is playing for our dance. I have to show her my skills, this is my chance - she is watching me. My body can't let me down now. I have to pull out every last bit of energy left in me. I just have to endure at full power until the end.

  'Uta, you are a perfect fit with the rest of the girls.' Rin said, smiling at me, while I was approaching her after the dance was over. Euphoria overwhelmed me.

  'Respected lady, I wanted to thank you...'

  She interrupted me instantly, looking around us. 'Uta, maybe later, when we have a better chance of talking about the official stuff. Now Nori wants all of your attention to begin her speech.'

  I'm confused, she never cut my words like that, I think she wanted to shut me up quickly. Well, what did I do wrong now?

  Nori thanked us for the rehearsal and gave some suggestions for choreography that we will only be going over one more time tomorrow, before the performance. Girls started to leave, but I wanted to stay near her as long as possible before it becomes apparent that I should go after them.

  'Uta.' She said quietly. 'I'm in the garden if you need me? You didn't finish what you wanted to say.'

  In excitement I took a bath, and dressed the yukata faster than ever, even putting some scented oil in the process. The dark night is circling all around the garden, illuminated only by the bright moon surrounded with scattered stars above the dense tree crowns. She is bent on the grass beside the small river arranging the stones. Through my walk towards the water, she still didn't notice me - those stones taking her full attention. With her sleeves rolled up over the elbows, she is dropping them into calm water at carefully chosen places. Moon illuminated only a part of her face. She must have sensed that her hair became loosened, so she slid a hand through it above the ear. Every movement of hers is sensual, even now that she most likely is unaware of it. I'm closing our distance with my steps. 'You already came, Uta. I'm almost done.' She said, sinking a small piece of rock. Hopefully, I didn't come too early, again. What if she starts to think that I didn't wash. I should've waited a little longer before coming.

  'I didn't rush, always preparing everything beforehand leaves me with less time to lose on c
hanging.' I could feel a slight nervousness in my words, hoping she wouldn't notice it. 'But I took a bath as well.' Now I started to fidget slightly in the place I stood - unable to calm myself. 'Of course, I wouldn't come here all sweaty - and I sweat during the practice...'

  'Would you help me with the stones?' Oh, thankfully she interrupted me. I'm so imprudent, why did I tell her all of this now. I bent down beside her on my knees. I'm terribly embarrassed - I have to learn to keep my mouth shut when I'm nervous. She certainly wasn't interested in my sweat and bath. 'So Uta, you were covered in sweat, then you took a bath.' She had a smile as she spoke.

  'Well, it doesn't matter now. But yes, I'm...'

  'Discipline is essential, it's important to be organized.' Rin commented. Well, It's good I stopped myself this time, I almost went on again with an embarrassing story. I have to get myself together and talk slowly. 'Stone?' She pointed on the one she wanted me to fetch her. 'These are the stones I brought from the trip. Flood encompassed our fields in a rural part of the country, and I picked them after the water was withdrawn.' She took the stone out of my hand without touching me. 'I would like to keep it as a reminder on the meaning of water in our lives.' She is putting it into the stream. 'We can't survive without water. For our lives, it is essential, and if it turns back on us - the power is devastating.'

  'I'm sorry. Hopefully, the damage isn't disastrous.' I tried to have a tone full of compassion while passing her a stone.

  'You can lower it yourself if you want, here look how I do it.' Each of us began to lower their own stone through the quiet surface. 'Damage is huge, but not irreparable.' She looked at me with a smile. 'Don't be worried, it all went well. I see you mastered all the dance steps.'

  'I'm doing my best, this event is very important to me. I wanted to thank you for your invitation, I mean my house as well - for the honor you have presented us with.'

  'I'm glad you justified my trust.' My hand passed through the water. 'I didn't want you to mention in front of the girls that I invited you. Perhaps they would interpret it the wrong way. I believe you haven't said anything to them so far?' The stone dragged me. 'You know, there is a protocol that must be respected for the invitation, but your situation is specific. I wouldn't like for them to think that you have the preferential treatment.'

  I felt that Rin lowered the stone to the bottom. Her hand is beside mine, she's not moving away. I froze. Tempted to touch her. While she slowly released the stone, spreading her fingers, she accidentally started to slide over my skin. We both gazed into the water. I began to follow her action by feeling the tickles inside my belly. I would put my fingers in her hand, but fear is too big of an obstacle. Her fingers are curled in the shape of stone during a slow journey to the glossy surface, my hand is below hers, close enough - almost touching her. Only silk would fit in that small gap between us. Finally, I put the upper part of my hand in her palm, and she didn't flinch. Didn't flinch! I slowly stretched out my fist so that her fingers can interlock with mine. She's slowing down as much as possible her surface journey due to intense touch. I memorized every moment of her gentle and warm skin. Enjoying the magic I looked straight into her eyes, I shouldn't. Suddenly she pulled out her hand breaking the spell. She laughed briefly, then said happily, 'I accidentally grazed you, I hope I didn't hurt you?' She withdrew – withdrew from my touch. I took a few moments for myself.

  'As for what you mentioned about the girls, I didn't say anything.' I started to rise. 'Excuse me, it's late. I don't want to impose on you any longer.'

  'Uta!?'

  She said my name and stopped for a moment. Rin doesn't want me, she has made it clear to me. I'm just humiliating myself. Then she exclaimed, 'You are not imposing on me.' She quickly dropped the stone while getting up. 'It's dark. I'll escort you out of the garden.' Why does she do that? Doesn't she see what she's doing to me?

  We went through the garden, strolling. For a while everything was silent. She breathed a few times as if to start a sentence, but without a sound until she finally looked into my face. 'I'm not good at dancing. I grew up far from this culture,' she began the conversation, probably just avoiding an unpleasant situation. 'Everything in my life, as in yours, was in the service of this job.' She stopped beside strawberries and bowed over them. 'I was looking for pleasure in small things that have nothing in common with Yoshiwara, like gardening.' She is opening up to me. 'I was raised to be rational in everything - to do this job properly.' I don't understand what she's trying to tell me. She became extremely calm. 'They always told me that gold is coming first - and I can't think like that. Happiness should be a priority in life.'

  'I know that you aren't solely gold-oriented- otherwise, I would've been sold by now.'

  'Earning should be the main goal in work. I'm more interested in human feelings. With the field, my business is in a loss, but I can't just sell it. How will all those families survive? Fortunately, I have more than enough family heirdom, which however shouldn't be scattered. '

  She's in trouble bigger than I can imagine, and I'm dwelling on some trivial things like hand touching or a kiss. The responsibility I can only start to imagine is brought on her shoulders. It's impossible for me to truly understand such a pressure - I don't have this kind of experiences. Only the awareness that she needs comfort I perceive.

  'I think you've made a noble decision. Not many people would make a decision like that.' I said full of consideration. For the first time, I looked at her after the rejection.

  Rin got up. For some time we followed the path to the doors in silence. To soften the heavy words of her confession, she masked her emotions behind a false smile trying to go on with a brighter topic. 'I admire your artistry. In Europe, I didn't have much time for improvement in all areas. Especially in dance. I'm excellent only in the waltz.' We stopped.

  'Every work is hard. Your decisions are much heavier than the ones I have to make in my life, honestly - I wasn't in your place, so I think it's difficult for me to comprehend what you have to face. You are the Respected lady here, Yoshiwara is yours. You don't need to allow anyone to question the decisions you're justifiably standing behind. As far as I'm informed – this has always been a good business. One flooded field certainly will not make damage as the single decision to sell the field would to those people.'

  'Thank you for the kind words, Uta.' A glint came into her eyes. I have a need to make her happy. I want to cheer her up and turn her thoughts off the heavy topics.

  'You mentioned some dance from Europe. Is the choreography tough to master? I'd like to learn as many dances as possible.'

  Rin smiled slightly. 'Waltz isn't a choreography. It's a dance performed by two dancers with pretty easy movements. I'll show you, it's simple.' I stretched out my hand as she did. She chuckled.

  'Did I do something wrong?' I stood puzzled, looking at our outstretched hands, then quickly dropped mine.

  'You didn't, no, no. Stretch it up again.'

  Rin put her hand on my palm, gently adjusting my fingers. With the other hand, she pulled me to herself holding my lower back. I started to tremble on the inside, but I strained every muscle in my body to hide the excitement. I am inappropriate with my feelings and thoughts for her condition tonight. I can't move, my legs are like thin glass. Her heat covered every part of my existence. I need to react quickly to break this spell or I'll kiss her, I can't sustain myself, that energy...

  I hurriedly let out the first sentence that came to my mind.

  'This dance is unusual...'

  ✽✽✽

  Rin

  Uta shivered, I noticed while showing her the steps. She commented briefly. 'It's easy.' We moved slowly. 'This is the easiest dance...' She laughed slightly in the breeze of the night wind, apologizing every time she would step on my feet. Uta sounded abstracted, far in her thoughts. I've ruined the previous moment, she must feel something. She hurried her clothes changing and bath for me, to come here. She's always nervous around me. And now, breathing deeply as if she
emotionally feels every moment - Uta went to leave because I rejected her. Maybe she'll never try again. I can't bear the thought that she could decide to forget me. I want that sweet Uta's heart more than anything, anyhow there's no way for me to know if she's honest in her intentions. She had so many kind words for me this evening. I feel that she understands me, does she really understand me? I want to let her take my thoughts to another place like that night I spent with her. She gave me the courage I needed. Actually, she's all I need. I just have to go with a flow, only time can tell.

  Soon we found ourselves on the grass beneath the trees. The garden path is too narrow for such a dance. She mastered the movements, then I started to guide her. The moon is burning with the stars above us. I felt her completely surrendering to my leadership. She leaned her head against my cheek. We are dancing like two intimate partners, and I'm enjoying every gifted moment. She closed her eyes, holding her hand close to my neck. She is fragile like a dried rose flower. My heart is singing the pace of our steps. I have the need to steal away all her kisses. I want to take her into the room, make love to her until the sun rises. Kiss her until my lips grow numb. Fondle her skin, indulge myself in catching each tremble of her body I feel against mine, and listen to her deep breath. Our steps slowed down, and she shifted her head then came closer to me. We gazed at each other - behind our eyes. Now is the moment, I feel the emotion. If I let myself – the return wouldn't be possible.

  I can't. I'm not strong enough. I have no courage to bear the pain if it's all because of the gold. What if there is still a way to see how she really feels, before I allow her to take me whole, without hesitation.

  ✽✽✽