Applause rings out across the throne room, booming against the walls. It seems that many in attendance are happy that we had slain the beast. Hopefully, they will be just as grateful once we leave. If I've learned anything over the past few months, it's that fae are experts at deceit.
Rai stands from his throne, throwing his arms out while gesturing at the crowd. “My gratitude swells for you, my loyal subjects, for allowing me and accepting me when I brought the new royalty to us. However, we cannot stay for the feast tonight. We must continually travel to each realm and each kingdom in order to gain the allegiance of all fae. It is the only way to end the suffering of our people as a whole. Lasting peace is finally within our grasp.”
The crowd roars again, this time with much more vigor and enthusiasm. Many women swarm around the thrones, reaching out toward Rai. And embarrassed blush fans across his face when I give him a grin in response to the clamoring women.
Instead of sticking around to see what happens he ushers us both away from his father while giving him a firm handshake in farewell. We move out of the room and down the hall quickly. The horses and our baggage are already waiting for us outside the front gates. A line of commoners stretches across the streets to watch us depart. However, most of them seem to have secret smiles on their faces and admiration in their eyes. Are the commoners more grateful for our presence than the royalty could ever be? Perhaps it is time to eliminate such divisions. The nobility are simply longstanding lines from ancient history that no longer have any meaning, at least not to me.
As the youngest Queen of the Fe, I have no bias. I can make any changes that I wish to, and Rowan will be wholly on board with anything I choose. Whether that be because he is trying to impress me or because he actually values my opinion is to be seen.
“That went pretty well.”
Rai really laughs at my sarcastic tone. “I told you getting the favor of any faking besides the King of the Earth will be difficult. My father may be a good ruler, but he is a disgustingly arrogant man. I can't say that he wasn't disappointed when we all came back alive.”
I heave a great sigh. “I know, but I hope whatever we have to do next leaves me with fewer scars.”
“I can get behind that bandwagon is well,” Rowan says.
We travel the same route back the way we came but are forced to take several breaks in order for me to rest. The burns on the left side of my body are mostly healed, but still aching. Riding on a horse doesn't help them heal any faster. Plus, somehow the heat feels even more repressive than it had before. A sweat broke out not five minutes into the ride and has now thoroughly soaked the back of my shirt. On the fifth break, I can't stand it any longer and tell the others that I'm going to take a dip in the nearby stream. Rowan insists on accompanying me there but promises to keep his eyes to himself. I'm not sure that I believe him.
“Do you promise to look the other way unless I call for you?” I ask again.
“Scout's honor,” he says while holding up his left hand.
“How do you know what scout’s honor means? Surely there are no boy scouts in the fae realm?”
He shrugs. “Sometimes you forget that I lived within your body for the past twenty-two years. You pick things up when all you have to do is listen.”
His words make a sudden uncomfortable feeling fill my chest. Rowan has seen every part of me. The good, the bad, and the ugly. It feels so raw that I force myself to turn away and strip my clothes down near the edge of the creek. Why does he have to bring that up at a time like this? It makes me question everything, while at the same time I wish that I could invite him into the creek with me. It even feels like we're already mates that have accepted each other, accepted the bond.
And yet, even thinking that sends a wash of guilt through my chest as strong as a rising tide. What is wrong with me? I keep teetering back and forth between these two men like a ping pong ball. It seems like the biggest decision in my life. Even bigger than deciding to become the Queen of the Fae and to save the dark fae from oppression. Those decisions felt black-and-white, easier than breathing. There was a right and a wrong choice in that situation.
I'm afraid that in this one I have two fantastic options that I must choose from. And all of us are going to end up being hurt. The harder I think about it, the more confused I become. Rowan in the past had said that choosing your mate is an instinctual, almost primal, reaction. His words had made so much sense at the time, but now that I have so many decisions to make about all of the masters, it seems impossible.
I want to choose my mate. I want to fall into the arms of the man that I love and feel no guilt. Just thinking about it leaves a glorious feeling in my heart. That may be the main reason that I refuse to choose. There are too many people involved that will get hurt by my decision. And if I'm being completely honest with myself, I think while looking back at Rowan, I know who I would choose. While Lucien and I have a bond through spirit that is incredible and sensual, he's just not Rowan. There are too many doubts in my relationship with Lucien. Half the time I'm worried about whether or not I can be a mate that means just as much as his first. And the other half all I can think about is whether or not our love is real or if it's simply because spirit is pushing us together to procreate more spirit fae.
I lower myself further into the water, covering all the vital parts before I shout out to Rowan. “Hey, can I ask you something?”
He remains facing the other way. “Yeah, you can ask me anything, always.”
“Well, I guess I just wanna ask you if you've ever had a fated mate.”
He turns then, and the shock on his face is palpable. “No, I have never had a fated mate. Mother Earth made me for a specific reason. In the past I have belonged wholly to her, and no other woman has interested me. You are the first woman who has ever made me feel something more than lust, more than desire for sexual contact.” He pauses, a sinful grin growing across his features. “But don't get me wrong. I am very much sexually attracted to you, Tiana.”
I blush at his confession. “Why do you always have to make things dirty?” I ask.
“What's the fun in making everything dry and serious?”
“No one will ever know what you actually think if you're being sarcastic all the time,” I reply.
He sobers and the grins slips from his lips. “I make jokes and tease people as a defense mechanism. Being emotionally available isn't exactly my strong suit, I have never had to be anything other than a warrior. I simply wasn't made for emotion. That's what you're getting yourself into.”
I smile at him, tilting my head. “Wow, I never thought that you would actually tell me. But I already knew.”
“How could you have known?” he accuses.
“Call it a woman's intuition. But in all seriousness, I appreciate your honesty. It's refreshing in a world of creatures that tend to not be very honest with me.”
“You know,” he says while pausing to set his chin upon his knee. “you need to accept that you are no longer human. Your canines have grown in and your ears are now permanently pointed. The only reason they weren't before is because you were repressing your magic in the human realm. It's time to embrace who you really are and be honest with yourself.”
Be honest with myself? Who knew that it would be even harder to do that and to hear others tell the truth?
Chapter Nine
We arrived back at the academy days later. Mostly due to me having to stop so many times in order to rest, which I'm also doing right now in the lobby of the main building. The other masters are arriving, and upon seeing me choose to ask Rai about how the trip went rather than me. Do I really look that bad?
Yes, Rowan replies, smirking.
You're the worst.
And yet you love me.
A blush fans out across my face and I look away, but I don't deny it. From my thoughts alone Rowan has probably realized how I feel about him. Hell, he probably knows more about it than I do. Someone that can read your thoughts and feeling
s alwayshas to be one step ahead of you, which happens to be another thing I don't like about our relationship. Another reason not to choose Rowan. Or maybe another reason to be honest with myself and accept the vulnerability that comes with having a fated mate.
Lucien is the last to arrive and he rushes up to kneel in front of my chair. His hands hover over the multiple bandages across my body as he looks back at Adrian. His eyes convey what he doesn't say and Adrian steps forward to check over my injuries to make sure that I don't need any more healing.
“She's good, Lucien. There's nothing else I can do for her. The poison from the Nemean lion is strong and resistant to magic healing. It will cause her to heal in the timeframe that humans do. Thus, her wounds won't heal for another two weeks.”
“Thank you, Adrian,” he responds before turning back to me.
We stare at each other and I say nothing. I feel like I have to confess everything that happened between Rowan and I on the trip. As if I'm keeping secrets from Lucien that aren't fair to him. Rowan knows absolutely everything that has ever happened between Lucien and I—well, besides the sex we had in our dreams. I glance at Rowan as the thought crosses my mind, but his face doesn't change. Is he listening right now? Or is he actively trying to ignore what I'm thinking?
It's still not completely clear what the lines are in our relationship now. Can he still hear my every waking thought? Or does he have to consciously try to listen? That something I'll have to ask him soon. Lucien takes me into his arms gently, hugging me to his chest.
“I was worried about you when I heard from Rai about your injuries. I can't believe you decided to go into the belly of the beast, quite literally.” He pulls back and gives me a small smile.
“I know, it was a crazy plan and I didn't quite realize that until I was already halfway down the lion's throat.”
Octavius laughs. “I know, that seems to be how most of your action plans go.”
I glower at him but say nothing as we all move toward the elevators. At the last moment, Beth comes bursting through the front doors of the main building, with wide eyes and crazy blowing hair. We smile at each other from across the room and she rushes forward, looking me over as she does.
“God, Tiana,” she exclaims, “what in the hell happened to you?
“It's a long story. All you need to know is I fought a lion and won.”
Her eyebrows rise up toward her hairline, but she doesn't ask any more questions as we ride to the top of the tower. Lucien wraps his arms around me from behind, holding me close to his chest. I can feel the same emotions radiating off Lucien that was coming from Rowan the other day. Fear. Hopelessness. Uselessness. All emotions that they shouldn't be having. While they may be potential fated mates, they are not my protectors.
I learned long ago that no man can protect me. I can allow them to love me, to cherish me, but never to be the sole source of comfort. Because that inevitably leads to getting hurt. Even with someone that could be my faded mate.
Fiora is at the top of the building with a full spread waiting for us: pasta with red sauce, garlic bread, and antipasto salad. Rowan smirks at the food before us as he knows that it's all of my favorite dishes. Lucien looks at me as well, and I know that it's him who had arranged for this to be available tonight. The closeness that I continue to have with them both isn’t lost on me.
Instead of sitting by either of them, I take a chair across from them in between Beth and Orin. The meal goes smoothly as Rai gives the masters and Fiora a rundown of the trip. As he talks, servers come in to clear away the food, and my body slumps lower and lower into the chair, exhaustion taking over. Everywhere aches fiercely in a way it hasn’t since I lived in the human world. Any time I’ve been injured here, Adrian has healed my wounds, but now the position can’t be cured with magic, only time.
The left side of my body throbs so badly that I lean heavily to my right against Orin’s shoulder. He doesn’t seem to mind as his conversation with Rai and the others doesn’t subside. My eyes flutter closed every now and then, despite me actively trying to keep them open. Sometime soon I’ll have to sleep, and I’m not sure I want to do so here.
You know, I can carry you back to the dorms where we can snuggle in bed, if that is what you wish.
What a generous offer, my king, I reply with my eyes still closed, but a smile on my lips.
I think my sarcastic nature is rubbing off on you.
Indeed, it is.
He chuckles from across the table, and I open my eyes to look at him. My gaze locks with Lucien’s instead, and the worried look on his face breaks my heart. Would it be a blessing to him if I ended things? Am I ready for that? Even if I’m not, it might be the right thing to do. For every consecutive day that Rowan is in the real world, our bond grows stronger, despite my attempts to deflect it. It’s like we’re becoming fated mates against my will. For God’s sake, I think to myself. This isn’t a hostage situation. I kissed him at the inn, not the other way around. He just has no reservations toward me. I sit up and straighten Orin’s sleeve, much to his amusement.
“Thank you, my queen, for choosing my shoulder to rest your royal head upon,” he jokes.
I roll my eyes. “Hardy har-har. I’m not a queen yet.”
He gives me an exasperated look. “Fake relationship or not, you are a queen. There’s no going back after accepting allegiance with the kings as the rightful Queen of the Fae. No takesy backsy.”
“No takesy backsy? What are you, five?” I say, raising my eyebrows.
The others laugh, and Rai speaks up. “All kidding aside, he’s right, Tiana. You are our queen now, and if I’m being completely honest, you have been for a while. At least to us.”
“How touching,” Rowan says, holding a hand to his heart.
I stand, and keep my tired body upright, even though it takes immense effort. “God, you guys are assholes.”
“We try,” Damon responds, laughing.
“I’m going for a walk, don’t follow me.”
The others let me go, Lucien looking on instead of laughing at their jokes. I had to get out of that room and away from the drama for five minutes. The constant attention coming from the masters and Rowan can be overwhelming, almost tiring. And Lord knows I don’t need any more stress bombarding me right now.
I’m not even sure where I’m going until I end up at the usual clearing I’ve come to enjoy training at. Pulling out my phone, I check to see if Octavius has left any messages for me since I’ve been out of commission the last few days. There are two unread text messages. One from Amy, and the other from him. I tap on the message from Amy first.
Any updates on the dark fae?
No, but I just got back from gaining the allegiance of the air fae king. My body hurts EVERYWHERE! I respond.
Her reply is almost instant. I don’t want to know what that means, but stay safe, okay? Xoxo.
Octavius’s message isn’t anything important, just a simple I miss you that warms my heart. Not in a sexual way, more like a brotherly vibe. Instead of texting him back I lie back in the grass and call him on speaker phone. My muscles cry out in relief at finally being able to relax against the soft grass. The phone rings three times before he picks up.
“Hey, pretty lady. What are you up to?” he teases.
“It’s good to hear your voice, Octavius. By the way, I miss you too. Things are suffocating around here without you as my buffer.”
He laughs. “So, I’m only useful as your middleman? How insulting!”
“No, of course not! You know that.”
“I know.”
We lapse into silence, and I turn my gaze to the midnight sky. It’s so different here than in the human world. Full of endless amounts of stars with no particular order or constellations. Just a jumbled mess of light and darkness standing together, beautiful in its own way. Perhaps that’s how the light and dark fae can coexist.
“What are you doing right now?” I ask.
“Sitting on my father's bal
cony. He’s had me stay in his quarters ever since coming home. He might be onto me.”
“Is that bad?”
I can practically see him shrug. “Not really. He wouldn’t do anything to hurt me.”
“I’m holding you too that statement,” I threaten.
“I know. What are you doing?”
“Lying in the grass, trying to get a moment of peace amidst the chaos.”
“What a poetic thing to say,” he muses.
“Well it is poetic, but it is currently my reality. I feel like everybody wants something from me. Whether it be romance, power, or otherwise it's exhausting. So, which one do you want?”
“Whoa, you called me. I don't want anything in particular from you other than your best effort. And using it in whatever way you see fit.”
“Well now you're just saying what I wanna hear,” I say, smirking.
“Isn't that what all females want?”
“No, we just want you to be honest.”
“Even if honesty hurts?”
“Even then.”
“Well, I'll take that advice with a grain of salt. I have a feeling not all women are like you, Tiana.”
“You're right about that. There can only be one Queen of the Fae.”
“I thought you didn't want to be queen? Now you claim it so easily?”
“I've recently been told that it's my right and my responsibility all wrapped up in one. Funny how that works, right?”
Chapter Ten
The next morning Orin is waiting outside the spirit fae dorms for me to emerge. We're due to leave for the Fire Kingdom in the next few hours, and Orin wanted my company when getting the horses saddled. I expressly told Rowan to stay behind. As for Lucien, we didn't talk much last night. I just needed some time away from everyone. Even myself. How that included talking to Octavius, I don't know. Him and Orin are the only two people that feel easy to talk to. I'm not sure why that is. Perhaps it's because they expect nothing else other than friendship.
High Fae Academy - Year Three: Paranormal Fae Romance Page 6