by Logan Jacobs
“Ilandere, this is not a suitable environment for you,” Elodette remarked icily as she averted her eyes from me and Florenia.
“I can decide what is--” Ilandere began.
“I know, I know, Princess,” Elodette interrupted with a sigh. “I will just have to accompany you for now. You will change your mind eventually, and then I will escort you home where you belong.”
Ilandere giggled at the expression on her handmaiden’s face. “You don’t have to worry about me, Elodette. I’m still a virgin, you know.”
Willobee finally chose that moment to emerge from the carriage and remark unhelpfully, “Which is quite a rarity with this lot, I tell you.” He looked from the muscular black centaur to me and asked plaintively, “Are you really letting her come with us, Vander?”
“Why, Willobee, that is not very friendly of you,” I scolded him.
The gnome’s reaction amused me. He had been thrilled by the addition of each of the other three women to our traveling party and took endless delight in their beauty even though he had told me that gnomes only mated with other gnomes. And even next to the likes of Lizzy, Ilandere, and Florenia, Elodette was strikingly pretty, in her own slightly terrifying way. But it looked like shooting Willobee’s hat off his head had soured his opinion of her.
I looked around and found the velvet cap with its ostrich feather lying nearby. I picked it up, plucked the arrow out, and handed it to the lavender-bearded gnome. “There you are. Now please put on your hat as well as your manners, Willobee.”
“We should get some sleep,” other me said. “We will be riding all day tomorrow, and we will catch you up on the situation then, Elodette. If you want to, I think you’ll be able to help us a lot. But even if all you want to do is protect Ilandere that will still be a great help to me.”
Lizzy curled up by the fire, just far enough away that the sparks wouldn’t land in her fur. Willobee, who looked a little more content now that his hat was back on his head, went back over to reclaim his cozy spot nestled against her belly. He pulled her shaggy tail over his round stomach and was soon snoring.
The two centaurs went off a little way, folded their legs under them and leaned their torsos down in the same way that I had seen Ilandere arrange herself on the bed at the inn, and rested their heads on their arms with their faces toward each other. I could hear them quietly whispering to each other and I supposed they were catching up on the latest events in each other’s lives since they had last seen each other.
I kept watch over the fire, and all the members of our little camp, in one body, Polliver sheathed at my belt. In the other body, I lay on my side, holding Florenia’s back tightly against me, my arm across her stomach and my chin resting on the top of her head. We were warmed partly by the fire and partly by each other.
Chapter Eight
That morning I was woken by a shout of, “I have a hell of a lot more of a right to be here than you do, horse!” and I leapt up with the thought that Lizzy must be bullying poor Ilandere again, never mind that the little centaur had never so much as said an unkind word to her.
But that was not the case.
Instead, I saw that the wolf-woman, reduced by the morning light to human dimensions and to complete nakedness in the absence of her fur, was lying on her side glaring up at the enormous dark centaur, who had an arrow aimed at Lizzy’s head. Lizzy’s wolf-ears were pressed back, and her human teeth were bared in a snarl.
“Elodette, put that fucking thing away!” I yelled and was completely and utterly ignored. I called out, “Ilandere, tell her to put it away.”
The silver dappled centaur trotted up and cried out, “Elodette, do as he says!”
Elodette turned to her, sighed, and lowered the bow. “Princess, it is your blood right to rule, and yet you squander this gift by catering to the whims of a human man.”
“Lizzy is our friend!” Ilandere exclaimed, which I thought was awfully generous of her considering the way the she-wolf had constantly demeaned and threatened to eat her since the moment they met in that stable by the inn. “You could’ve killed her!”
“Your friend? But I’ve never seen her before,” Elodette said with genuine surprise. She looked Lizzy over and wrinkled her sharp little nose. “She looks like a half-breed.”
Lizzy opened her mouth and guffawed. “That’s rich ain’t it, coming from a creature with human tits and a horse twat.”
Elodette flushed with anger. “The bloodlines of our herd are pure and stretch back centuries. We may bear a superficial resemblance to both species, but we are neither horse nor human. We are a separate species entirely that has always had our own form. The perfect form. Whereas you…”
Lizzy got up and sauntered over to her neat pile of clothes. Even with the dangerously arrow-happy centaur ranting on and on and with Florenia standing silently right next to me, who was the most objectively beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on, I couldn’t help but be completely entranced by the rolling alternation of the way Lizzy’s full round buttocks flexed as she walked, her shaggy tail completing the picture with the way that it brushed lightly over them and provided just a teasing shred of concealment.
Elodette was also fixated on the tail, for very different reasons. Her expression of confusion relaxed into one of contempt. “Ah,” she said. “So you are the wolf.”
“I,” Lizzy replied to the centaur as she leisurely began to don the surcoat I had given her, “am the great-granddaughter of a mighty and fearless warrior who went out on a hunt with his tribe to kill the most fearsome wolf in the land, which had been devouring entire herds of sheep along with a few small children here and there. It ripped each of his hunting companions to shreds one by one until only my great-grandfather survived. And then, instead of shooting the wolf down from a safe distance, he wrestled it into submission with his bare hands and fucked the bitch silly till it rolled over belly-up, became his dog-wife, and bore him a litter of fine sons and daughters a few months later.”
“That’s the most disgusting thing I’ve ever heard,” Elodette said icily. “And you just admitted that you are a product of bestiality and rape.”
“Lizzy can’t help what her ancestors did,” Ilandere interrupted. That was the second time she had come to the defense of the she-wolf. I was touched by her generosity of spirit. “None of us can. I can’t help that mine rose to dominance over the herd. I didn’t ask to be a princess.”
“Well, you very much look the part, my dear,” Willobee contributed unhelpfully. “You are an exquisitely lovely girl. All of you are, in your own special ways. And I do wish you would stop trying to kill each other.”
“It’s all because of Vander,” Florenia said serenely.
“What?” I yelped.
“Oh, yes. It’s a temporary problem of supply and demand. Lizzy explained to me that you will be able to gain more bodies soon, once you conquer more temples, and then there is no reason for us not to get along. Your soul is vast and can encompass all of us in your divine love. But each of your bodies can only penetrate…”
I coughed. “I think the social and cultural dynamics here are a little more complicated than that, Florenia. And I definitely don’t think Elodette has any interest in… you know…”
“That is the most accurate statement I have ever heard you make, human,” Elodette hissed.
“Well, she herself is not yet aware of her own desires, but of course she does,” Florenia said matter-of-factly. “Vander, look at you--”
“Who wants breakfast?” I yelled cheerfully.
As I pulled out the remainder of all the bread, cheese, jerky, and dried fruit from both of my packs, I remarked, “One of us is going to need to bring down some game today or tomorrow.”
“I can do it tonight,” Lizzy offered as she strapped the last of her daggers onto her long, lean thigh and then placed her skull necklace over her head.
“Vander needs one of us to kill an animal, not rape it,” Elodette said poisonously. “I shall do it. As
much meat as we can eat before it spoils.”
“Great, I’m so glad everyone wants to help,” I said before Lizzy could make a retort. “You’ve got the job, Elodette. Lizzy, you’ll help me guard the camp.”
I had a feeling most of the group would prefer to eat meat that wasn’t dripping in wolf slobber, and I also knew that Lizzy would be much more agreeable to have around at night than Elodette would.
As soon as I finished spreading out the remainder of our food stores on a napkin for everyone to share, Florenia peered over my shoulder and asked innocently, “Oh, is that for the ponies?”
I blinked at her uncomfortably. I still didn’t know exactly what her family background was, but I’d gathered from hints that she was from some kind of nobility. And I had a pretty strong feeling that her family did not typically dine on stale bread, smushed cheese, and jerky so tough that it was really only suitable for people with wolfish teeth or gnomish digestive enzymes. “Er, no, it’s, ah… it’s all we have left to eat for now, I’m afraid, Florenia.”
“Oh.” Florenia didn’t make any rude comments, but her hazel eyes looked extremely wide. Wider than they had, in fact, when Lizzy and I were talking to her order while still soaked in the fresh blood of the bandits that would have killed them, or when the whole camp was getting pelted by Elodette’s arrows just the previous night.
“Don’t worry, darling, I have plenty of money and I will buy you the loveliest meal you could ever ask for just as soon as we get to someplace where they serve such things,” Willobee reassured her.
The money belonged to me, and I almost reminded him, but I remembered that although he had started out with a pouch full of gems from my temple which he still had not returned to me, it was true that he had increased that wealth substantially through his dubious gambling tactics.
“Here,” Elodette said unexpectedly as she handed Florenia a piece of honeycomb. Then the dark-haired centaur proceeded to withdraw several more pieces from the bulging saddlebags she was wearing and hand them around the circle. At least, I thought of them as saddlebags, on account of the way she was shaped and all. She certainly wasn’t wearing a saddle, so I guess she might have defined them more as packs. Regardless, she hadn’t been wearing the bags at all last night, so I guess she must have stored her supplies in the woods before she launched her attack. Then, Elodette pulled out a ripe red apple and tossed it to Ilandere. “For you, Princess.”
The centaur’s doll-like little face lit up with such pure joy that I made a mental note to stock up on apples at the next market we came to.
“I also have mushrooms and some root vegetables that we can cook tonight with whatever meat we catch,” Elodette informed us.
“Thank you for the honeycomb,” Florenia said. “It’s delicious.”
“You’re welcome,” Elodette replied. “It’s good for a quick burst of energy when you need it.”
“What else do you have in those bags?” Florenia asked curiously. “Herbal contraceptives, perhaps?”
“Herbal what?” Elodette repeated.
“To prevent us from getting pregnant when Vander fills us with his--”
“We also need to find a clean source where we can refill our waterskins today,” I interrupted Florenia.
“Ah, Wendy said something about a stone bridge on the way to Ferndale, didn’t she?” Florenia asked me. “So there ought to be water underneath, or that would be a rather irrational architectural construction.”
“You are not sleeping in my fur again until you clean all that honey out of your beard,” Lizzy told Willobee sternly. Indeed, the gnome’s curling lavender beard, which had looked so silky and luxurious when I first met him, now looked like an extremely bedraggled rope of indefinite color and was starting to attract flies. I knew that we all needed baths, but I didn’t know when we were going to get them. I hoped the village of Ferndale would have a nice inn that was up to both Florenia’s and Ilandere’s standards.
“Alright, let’s hit the road,” I said and started helping everyone pack up our things and harness the ponies.
A few minutes later, the carriage wheels were rolling again.
I knew that, if the vestal Wendy from Ferndale had given us accurate directions, then we still had another two-and-a-half days of travel left before we reached her village. I might have been able to beat that estimate if I were alone on horseback, but certainly not with Willobee’s carriage and my now-five companions in tow.
As usual, I took the driver’s seat as well as a seat in the back, wedged in with Lizzy, Florenia, and Willobee. But now two centaurs instead of one trotted alongside Luna/Damask and Chrysanthemum/Diamond. I marveled at how much more massively physically powerful the black-pelted brunette was than the little silver-dappled blonde, and yet Ilandere was the one who apparently held all the authority in their relationship. If Elodette could look bigger and stronger than any destrier I’d ever seen, and I had seen a few in my life when noblemen stayed as guests at the temple, then I wondered what male centaurs must look like. Maybe someday I would meet one who could become my battle buddy. Together, we’d surely be invincible.
“Will you sing us another song?” Florenia asked Willobee. “The one that you sang yesterday about the seven gnomish women, each more beautiful and less virtuous than the last… it was utterly extraordinary. It nearly brought a tear to my eye. And I didn’t think I even cared for music.”
“How I wish that I could sing to please you, my lady, but alas, my heart is dashed to pieces, and my voice is choked in my throat,” Willobee replied glumly.
“What the hell are you talking about, gnome?” Lizzy demanded.
“I am talking about the black centaur, the shadow of doom that has fallen upon us,” Willobee answered dramatically. “She has parted me forevermore from my darling Ilandere. I had wished to ride upon her silver back and dry my beard a little in the sunshine, and I know that the beauteous princess would not have denied me, but I also know that her handmaiden’s disapproval would have cut us both like knives and ruined the mutual enjoyment of our friendship.”
“Wouldn’t have cut you like knives, would have poked holes in you like arrows,” Lizzy snickered. “And, probably not both of you. Probably just you.”
Soon after that we reached the first fork in the road.
“Which way are we going?” Ilandere asked me.
“Right,” I answered from where I drove. “The vestal said there would be two forks and to go right both times.”
“Well, if the way is as simple as that, I will scout ahead for a while,” Elodette announced. “I cannot abide creeping along at the pace of a pony. Ilandere? Would you like to come?”
“I-- I suppose so,” stammered the little silver centaur.
“You do not have to run anywhere if you do not wish to, Ilandere,” I said with a warning glance at her dark companion.
“Oh, I don’t mind stretching my legs for a little while, I guess,” Ilandere replied a little more confidently.
“Well, come back as soon as you want to then,” I said.
Ilandere smiled at me. “I will, Vander. I promise.”
Elodette rolled her eyes, and then they were careening off in tandem, two black and silver streaks of lightning.
Florenia stuck her beautiful head out the window. She still wore her pink vestal robes, but she had not refastened the face veil since parting from Nillibet’s order. “Were those the centaurs, Vander?” she called out to me. “What are they chasing?”
“Put your head back in and talk to me inside,” I advised her. “It’s safer.”
“Oh. Sorry,” she said to the one of me that was across from her. “I keep forgetting that it’s… well, the same you, do you know what I mean? That you know just as well from in here what’s going on out there. It’s marvelous, of course-- no, godly, but it’s still… odd.”
I laughed. “Don’t worry,” I said. “You’ll get used to it. And as for your question before, Elodette said she was scouting, but I think partly
she just felt like going for a run. Or perhaps she just wanted to get Ilandere away from me to try to convince her to go back to their herd again.”
“Ah. Well, I have not really spoken with her much yet, but the poor little thing seems much too fragile to run around with a herd of Elodettes,” Florenia remarked. “Is she really a princess? She doesn’t seem like one.”
“What do you mean?” I asked as I stroked Lizzy’s head behind her ears the way she seemed to like. The she-wolf was lying down on the carriage bench with her head in my lap, and her long bare legs propped up against the side of the carriage. They were really glorious, leanly muscled legs, and I fought against the urge to run my fingers up and down them since Willobee was sitting across from us next to Florenia.
“I mean that she doesn’t seem nearly spoiled enough,” the aristocratic brunette replied. “Not spoiled enough to be any kind of princess, but especially not spoiled enough to be a pretty one. Trust me. Any real princess who looked like her would be absolutely insufferable.”
Florenia looked at Lizzy and me and seemed to guess that my thoughts were far from princesses at the moment, so she cleared her throat. “Well, Vander, would you mind telling… yourself to stop the carriage for a moment, so I can go sit up front with you? I think I’d like a little fresh air.”
“I will not stop the carriage,” I said.
“Oh?” Florenia raised one elegantly arched eyebrow. “And why not?”
“Because it isn’t necessary,” I replied.
“Vander, there’s something you really must understand about me,” Florenia said as she raised a suggestive eyebrow. “There’s a very, very fine line between what I ‘want,’ as some might term it, and what I need.”
“Well, come on then, my lady!” I said as my other self yanked open the door.
She stood up and let out a little gasp when she saw my other body running next to the carriage. “But Vander, who’s driving then?”