“A reward?”
“Yup. And why not? Without good Samaritans such as yourself, justice would be deaf, dumb, and blind. Don’t you think?”
◼︎
Most customers stood patiently in line waiting to do their business, only two stood out. Two men no older than twenty-five, one black the other white or Hispanic, the video wasn’t of the best quality. They came in, engrossed in their own conversation, lingered in a corner observing the long line of customers. The time stamp in the bottom right corner read 5:36. After work must’ve been the busiest time of day.
I eased to the edge of Kem’s futon, both arms wrapped around my waist, waiting for one or both of the men to turn and give me a good view of their faces. It never happened. Or if it did, I wasn’t paying attention.
A key rattled, and the front door swung open. My lover’s face flashed surprise and then affection at seeing me in his living room.
“Hi.”
“I didn’t know you were here. When did you get here?” He was sitting by my side in seconds, leaving the door wide open. “Oh, mami.”
The collar of his jacket brushed against my cheek, damp and smelling of his crisp woodsy aftershave as he embraced me. It was all I could do not to succumb to the warmth of his touch. It was all I wanted, all I could think about, even if I had forbidden myself from acknowledging it. I had other, more pressing, matters to attend to, so I kept my breaths short and focused on the door as it moved ever so slightly with the breeze. Why’d he leave it open? What if someone had left the door to the building open? That would explain the wind. Anyone could walk up the steps and into the apartment. Anyone.
He gazed after me, not bothering to hide the rejection he felt as I turned the locks and set the chain in place.
Mya had come by to check on him for me. She said he hadn’t been home. I didn’t want to think about where he’d been but couldn’t help it as he gazed up at my sunglasses.
“How are you, mami?”
“Fine. You?”
He didn’t have an answer for me. Instead he tugged at the rubberband stretched across his wrist, snapping it against his skin. If I’d followed my first mind, I would’ve descended upon him and freed him from the rhythm of tension and pain, kissed him until he knew none of this was his fault. But I stood frozen like the video on the television screen, unsure of whether that instinct was something to trust or hold at bay.
“You look good,” I said.
“I want you to tell me everything that happened.”
“I went to the bar for drinks. Got robbed on the way back.”
He glared at the floor then at me as if I were keeping a secret. “I do not—I can handle it. Tell me…the truth.”
“That is the truth.”
“Did they…”
“They took the few dollars I had. That’s it.”
He sprung up defiantly, closed the space between us with slow cautious steps, and removed my sunglasses. Once he’d satisfied himself that I was indeed telling the whole truth, Kem’s mouth fed hungrily on mine. He’d missed me more than I expected or maybe he was just grateful that I wasn’t dead. In either case, he left me breathless and aroused as he knelt before me and took my hand in his.
“I will never love another woman as I love you. You are my heart and soul. Marry me?”
Oh, no. No. No. No! Damn it!
“Mami? Say something.”
Now everything was ruined. Those idiots ruined it. Had I dreamed of Kem proposing one day? Yeah, but not like this. Not because he felt guilty.
“I…I really am fine. You don’t…you don’t have to do this. I’m okay.”
“I do have to do this.”
“No, Kem—”
“I do it because it is true. It is what’s in my heart. Loving you, taking care of you is all that I want for the rest of my life.”
“What about—”
“I only want you. No one else. What do you say, mami? Will you let me love you?”
Nikki crossed my mind. Never thought I’d ever think she was right about something, but apparently I was the marrying kind.
The dead of night surrounding Lakeview Terrace held just as many quirks as any other time of day. A woman whose clothes were more off than on cackled from the doorway of her room on the first floor, stopping suddenly as I walked past. A dog made his way across the concrete lot and plopped down before a door that I assumed led to his owner. But no one argued. No one screamed. No one stopped to gaze at the sky either. They lounged about, crowded in rooms with open doors or around trashcans with flaming centers.
The tension seizing my chest reminded me that I was on the clock, so I increased my pace.
At the fullest stage of pregnancy, I’d wrapped myself in a wool cape but was happy to shed it for the moment. Happy also to have my own feet not the monstrous things that had grown so large I had to wear the soldier boy’s boots. Bit by bit, I was adjusting myself to life in my original body. Another month or two, and I’d be back to my normal size.
Mia said she liked the soft me, but she was just a child. Thoughts of her fawning over her baby brother brought a smile to my face, and I flipped the hood on my sweatshirt up, tightening the strings to block the cold from assaulting my ears. She’d begged me enough for a baby sister that I thought she’d start roaring when I told her he was a boy. Although in fairness I wasn’t sure she understood that there was a difference.
Nikki had taken one look at my baby and bit back bitter tears. She meant well. She was the natural between us. She’d been practicing for the mothering role for some twenty-odd years, but her time hadn’t come yet. And Jackie was disappointed. She had been positive I was having a girl. She called herself, ensuring that by performing some ritual she’d heard about involving a string and a piece of jewelry. Well, we had Mia. If Jackie wanted another girl, she could have one herself ‘cause nothing else was coming out of me.
I hurried across the street to the convenience store. The lights were ablaze despite the late hour.
“Well, hello, my friend! Cold?” Arif Abu was a rotund man with a very detailed memory. He managed to remember all of his customers, their names, and most purchased items. He chuckled as I shivered and let the heat of his store penetrate my cold bones. “Let me guess. Milk and diapers.”
I nodded.
“Where is Darien?” he asked, pointing to the middle aisle where he kept the diapers.
“With the kids.”
“I would not let my wife go out at this time of night.”
“Yeah, well, I’m not his wife,” I replied, studying the various brands and sizes.
“I do not understand you women today. In my day, there was none of this having children before marriage, but you think you can do everything.”
I decided on the cheapest brand in size one and headed to the back of the store for a quart of milk. He continued the conversation even though I was only half paying attention. He wondered if it was a cultural thing or an age thing.
“My sweet mother once said—” But he didn’t finish that sentence. The bells over the door rang as it opened then closed with a swoosh.
Whole milk or reduced-fat? White or chocolate? Mia had been a good girl as of late. She deserved a treat.
“Move it, old man! every fuckin’ penny!”
“Why do you do this? I am not rich!”
Clutching the cold container in one hand and the package of diapers under my arm, I dropped to the floor in a squat. He hadn’t seen me.
“Where are you going? You have what you want! Leave! Leave now!”
“Shut up! or I’ll blow you back to Fuck-istan!”
“Nothing back there!”
But his footsteps continued down the right aisle toward the freezer section. Inch by inch, I moved into the far left aisle, praying he was too drunk or high to check the reflection of the mirror positioned in the corner of the ceiling.
The knock-knock rattling of a tiny piece inside an aluminum can filled the space between us. The diaper pac
kage began to squirm under my arm, and I held my breath, waiting to find out if he’d heard it.
Maybe he wasn’t armed. But then why would Arif give him money? He had to be armed.
The sound of an aerosol spray interrupted my thoughts, and I finally understood what the thief was doing at the freezer section.
Arif had come out from behind the counter, enraged. Money was one thing, but he couldn’t stand by and let this fool denigrate his store. It was foolish, his pride, but it was also my opening. A distraction. If I stayed low, I could slip past all three aisles and out the door. I took another breath to steady myself. I would do it. It was the smart move. I bounced on the balls of my feet, preparing mentally for my flight, took the first step, and then…
Bang. The gun exploded. Once. Twice more. An oomph hit the floor, sounding like a sack of flour. And then the spray can continued.
Move, Mya. Go. Get out.
But it was no use. My feet didn’t work. My legs wouldn’t respond. Was I even breathing? Yes. My chest rose and fell. Therefore, I was breathing. I was alive.
The bells over the door let out a delicate melody as the familiar swoosh cut off the wintery winds determined to enter the store. A dark red substance slowly trickled across the grout lines in the floor, searching out safety. Arif!
The diapers fell into the path of the blood, the milk quickly forgotten as I ran to the center aisle. His chest had exploded, but he was still alive, reaching for me and pointing at his wounds. I needed something to stop the blood.
“It’s okay. He’s gone. It’s okay.” I heard my own voice.
So much blood. Soaking into my jeans now, oozing through my fingers. I needed something!
“Don’t go. Don’t leave me.” His fingers latched on to my wrist.
“It’s okay. I’m gonna stop the bleeding. Then I’ve gotta call somebody.”
Blood gurgled in his throat, distorting his words, but it didn’t matter. It was clear. He didn’t want to die alone.
I tried to envision where the telephone was. I couldn’t afford to waste a minute looking for it. But then I heard the sirens. Eight, maybe six, blocks away. It was going to be okay. Someone heard the shots. Help was coming. I smiled at him. It was going to be okay. He’d have a scar or two. Darien and I would visit him in the hospital and joke about how tough the old man was. Everything was going to…
The gurgles came faster, louder, the flow of blood stopped. His head fell to one side.
Do something, Mya!
Left hand over right, I pressed down into his chest….Where did I learn that? Again. Again.
The sirens were getting closer. No free lunch, I heard my daddy say. Folks don’t owe you a damn thing, he’d said.
They’d want to question me. The police. There would be forms to be filled out. Address? Telephone number? I was covered in blood with five bucks in my back pocket. They weren’t gonna take my word for anything. They’d be at Lakeview Terrace, poking around and asking questions, before I could say Mya Ann Morrow. Wouldn’t take them long to put it together. Hookers. Drugs. Felonies and misdemeanors. I was one of them—guilty by association.
The sirens were blaring on top of us now, but I knew the layout of the store. Trembling, I ducked under the counter, squeezed down the corridor and leaned full force on the back door. I broke into the night with only one thing on my mind. Soldier boy. The kids. Our family didn’t work without me. I was the glue.
A blinding white light cut through the night and car doors slammed left and right.
“Freeze! don’t move!”
“Hands on your head!”
“The trick is to even it out with a tad of concealer, not too much.” Darlene tended to my cheek with expert strokes. Cosmetics were her only worldly sin although to look at her you wouldn’t know it. “There. Good as new.”
My reflection had improved so much no one would know. I looked younger, happier, nothing like myself. I wondered if Jean-Louis would find the new me attractive, then quickly banished the thought.
“What’s wrong? You don’t like it?”
“No, I do. Thank you.”
Darlene returned her chosen tools to their rightful places in her kit and began tending to the unseen wounds. “Every marriage has its challenges.”
“The reverend ever hit you?”
She paused briefly and zipped the small pink bag. “No. But that doesn’t mean we haven’t faced our own demons. You know what you need to do. Give it up to Jesus. Nothing is impossible for him. Ask him for the strength to forgive and to save your marriage.” She shuffled around the bedroom tiding up as she went, leaving me to stare at my brand-new reflection.
Each of my sisters looked like Mama, but I never did, not to me at least. I was always rounder in all the wrong places. Flat, squarish even, in some places, but I had Mama’s eyes. And I had her voice in my head. Mama ain’t believe in forgiveness.
“You pray on it last night?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Good. Now that you’ve had a chance to rest and think on it, everything gonna work out just fine.”
It was her way of telling me I needed to go back to my husband. Couldn’t be a married woman living under somebody else’s roof, especially the reverend’s. His congregation was always coming by for one reason or another. They would start asking questions.
“I’m not sure I can go back.” I turned away from my reflection to face her. “I know I should, but…”
She nodded. “Being a good Christian ain’t the easiest thing in the world. I know you know that. Lots of people have taken the easy way out. Foresaking their vows, the commitment they made before God to love, honor, and cherish through the good and the bad.” She knelt at the foot of the bed, tucking in the sheets before draping the blanket on top. Now the bed looked good as new just like my face. “You talked to him?”
I hadn’t. He’d sent flowers. Written a short plea on the card for my return, but I hadn’t responded. Truth was I was so glad the flowers came to the right place. Last thing I wanted was Mama to find out. I guess he knew me well enough to know I wouldn’t have gone there. Couldn’t help wondering though…maybe she knew anyway. Didn’t think Mya would tell her, but I couldn’t be absolutely sure. It was that special power Mama had that came from having six of us. She always seemed to know when one of us was in trouble.
Darlene opened the drawer to the nightstand and moved the Bible from inside it to the center of the bed. Our eyes met, and she slipped out of the room, leaving me alone with my conscience.
“Well, good morning, Mrs. Jenkins. Mr. Jenkins.” The man in the white coat breezed by us, settling into his desk and thumbing through a stack of files for the one with my name on it. “Test results are in.” He scanned the first page, then the second.
Heziah squeezed my hand, nearly crushing my fingers.
“Looks good.”
It was the same comment he made last month. Then in the very next breath said he wanted to test me again in thirty days to make sure the cancer was really gone.
“Yup. White blood cell count looks good. Lymph nodes look good.” He smiled. “Mrs. Jenkins, I think we can say that you’re in remission.”
“The cancer? It’s gone?” Heziah broke into a grin, clapped his hands, and nearly jumped across the desk to shake the man’s hand. “Thank you! Thank you, Dr. Seers! Baby, you hear that? It’s gone! Belinda?”
A gasp broke free from my chest, and I swear the air never tasted so sweet.
“Come on, sweetheart. Let’s get out of here.” Heziah was giddy as a chile. Pulling me into the elevator, ignoring everybody else while he doted on me with kisses. “I’m gonna take you away. A vacation. Just you and me.”
“We can’t afford a vacation.”
But he’d already moved on to making a list of all the places we could go. I smiled, intertwined my fingers into his, and followed him through the crowded lobby. We’d have to tell the girls. Was nice to have some good news for once. My girls needed something concrete to poin
t to as proof that the world wasn’t such a bad place. Now they had it. We had it. I was still young, had plenty of years ahead of me. I’d get to see them graduate, get married to good men, and have families of their own. Be a grandma. A great-grandma! I laughed.
“You like that one, huh? Lake Geneva’s nice. Been there once before. We can go fishing and horseback riding…”
“Whatever you want.” I slipped on my mittens and fumbled with Heziah’s coat’s zipper. “I don’t care.”
“Belinda?”
“Yeah.”
“I…” My Heziah was doing battle with his tears. He was a good man. Done everything right and was still faced with losing me. But now he was free of all that worry. His face tilted down toward mine, brushing his nose against mine.
“Let’s go home.”
Soon as I said it, I knew what I had to do. Wouldn’t be no home if it wasn’t for Clara. She’d saved me. Loved me. Brought out the mama in me. And now that I was going to be around for a while, I would do right by her.
◼︎
Wasn’t right keeping good news a secret, so Heziah and me told the very first folks we set eyes on. Nat and the twins. They couldn’t contain their excitement and set about putting together a party. Leaving messages all over town for their sisters, popping popcorn, slicing up fruit. We managed to scrounge up a few chocolate bars and split them up between the five of us. For our part, Heziah and I figured they could have a nice supper with vegetables tomorrow. Today was for celebrating.
“Mama, it’s Nikki! Can I tell her?”
I took the phone from Jenna just in time. She hadn’t quite mastered the art of surprises. “Hi, baby.”
Proved me right. Good news was badly needed. Nikki got a whiff of it and automatically assumed something bad was about to happen. So I told her flat out.
“Doctor say they got all the cancer. Yup. All gone. Your auntie Helen gonna be over in a little while. We celebrating. So, you bring yourself on home soon as you can, all right? Baby?”
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