“Joseph, you do know, she’s too young to understand that, right?” Shawn asked as Nicole started crying because Robin was.
“Oh, come on, not you too,” Joseph whined, wanting to go back to bed and start over.
Walking in while rubbing her eyes and wearing one of Arthur’s t-shirts, “Give me Nicole,” Vicki said, then reached out and just took her. “Why did you wake Robin up? She gets up early and she doesn’t like being woken up,” Vicki informed him.
“He shook her awake,” Shawn corrected.
Rolling her eyes, “Oh, shit,” Vicki said, pulling Nicole to her chest and carrying her out. “You’re dealing with Robin today, Joseph!” Vicki snapped, heading downstairs.
“I’m sorry, I thought I might have rolled over on her and hurt her,” Joseph said, taking a cue from Vicki and pulling Robin to his chest to try to get her to stop crying.
“You don’t roll over on Robin. Ask Andrea, she bites your ass if you do!” Vicki shouted from downstairs.
Joseph turned to see Shawn looking out the door in shock, “What now?!” he cried out.
“Vicki cussed,” Shawn mumbled. “I didn’t think she knew how.”
“I’ll write her a note that says she can. Can you help make Robin stop crying?”
Turning to Joseph, “Do I look like Momma or Pops?” he asked, but didn’t wait for an answer. “That’s who she listens to. The only other person Robin listens to just went downstairs with Nicole, as you well know.”
Moving to the door to at least trade kids with Vicki, Joseph stopped when Shawn grabbed his arm. “Vicki is starting the day of taking care of kids. You know she starts with the babies. You try to give her Robin, you’ll be doing double chores,” Shawn told him.
Seeing that Joseph didn’t believe him, “I know you’re their son, but I can damn sure guarantee you when Vicki gives you double chores, Momma and Pops will expect you to do them. If you don’t, Pops adds shit. Ask Todd. You don’t want to do the shit Pops adds.”
Patting Robin’s back as he bounced her, “Well, you’re right there. I had to put cow shit back in the field after collecting it, with my hands because I didn’t do what Mom said,” Joseph confessed.
“Give her here,” Jo Ann said, getting up and stretching.
Thankful some help was offered, Joseph gladly passed Robin over and was shocked when she went willingly, even latching onto Jo Ann. “Shh, it’s okay,” Jo Ann cooed, and Robin stopped crying but was babbling, and it didn’t sound nice at all.
“What did you do to her?” Jo Ann asked as she started rocking Robin side to side.
Before Joseph could answer, Shawn did. “He shook her awake.”
“You didn’t stop him?!” Jo Ann shouted.
“He wasn’t listening to me!” Shawn shouted back.
Turning and looking up at Joseph, “You’re dealing with Robin today,” she informed him.
Getting up and picking up Noah, “I suggest you go and drink some coffee,” Sally advised as the twins headed for the door. “Why didn’t you take us downstairs when Momma and Pops got home?”
“Guys, they aren’t back yet. It was date night,” Joseph said, like that explained everything.
“They aren’t back?!” Jo Ann asked, spinning around in the doorway.
“Will everyone relax? I’ve known Mom and Dad to stay out until noon the next day on a date night, but we have work scheduled so they’ll be here before seven,” he told them.
Seeing that Joseph wasn’t the least bit worried satisfied the twins and they just headed downstairs. Turning to grab some clothes, Joseph saw Shawn wasn’t satisfied with that. Walking over to his nightstand, Joseph picked up a cellphone and handed it to Shawn. “Did they call it?” he asked, and Shawn tapped the screen to check recent calls but didn’t see any.
“No, but they might not of had the chance. Can we call them?” he asked hopefully.
“You can, but I’m warning you, ‘because you’re worried’ isn’t a good enough reason. They’ll tell you it is, but trust me, it’s not.”
“I’m just worried,” Shawn mumbled, handing the phone back.
Putting his arm around Shawn, “Little brother, you have got to have faith like our twin sisters do,” Joseph laughed.
Hearing Joseph call him ‘little brother’ perked Shawn up, making him grin. “I’ll take your lead then, big brother,” he said, still holding the phone out.
“Keep it on you, just so you have peace of mind,” Joseph said, grabbing his pants. Grunting as he put on his pants, “Why the hell does my back hurt?”
“Duh, big brother, Robin slept with you. The last time she slept with me, I woke up with bruises on my legs where she kicked me while she slept. I hate to admit it, but I’m glad she sleeps with Pops the most now.”
“Won’t do that again,” Joseph vowed, and Shawn just snickered.
“Said the same thing and lo and behold, that night she was sleeping with me.”
Pulling on his shirt, “Why?” Joseph asked.
“Robin was asleep in Pop’s bed and I woke her up. Pops made me deal with her and she went to my bed to go to sleep,” Shawn informed him, and Joseph let out a groan. “She may be little, but I really think she did it, just to prove to me, don’t wake her up. She’ll get up on her own. I will say, that was the last time Robin slept with me.”
Clipping his pistol and magazine holsters to his waist, “Does anyone wake Robin up?” Joseph asked.
“Yeah, Momma,” Shawn said. “Robin tries to run to Pops and tattle, but Momma won’t let her. Not even Pops wakes the little nudist up, only Momma.”
Just giving a sigh, “Mom has thrown water on me to get me up,” Joseph admitted, putting his arm across Shawn’s shoulders as they walked out of his room. “I can understand why Robin doesn’t piss her off.”
When they were downstairs, Joseph didn’t take his arm from Shawn’s shoulders and guided him to Arthur’s office. Moving to the desk, Joseph dropped in the chair and started tapping away on the keyboard.
Barging into the office, “Where the hell are Wendy and Arthur?!” Sarah shouted.
“Will you chill the fuck out?! I just got up, and had my ass kicked by a two-year-old nudist last night!” Joseph shouted.
Stomping her foot, “I was just asking a question, ass wipe!” Sarah shouted back.
Andrea and Todd both came in. “Momma and Pops aren’t here,” Andrea informed everyone.
Pushing away from the desk, “God damn, can I go back to sleep and get a do-over on today?!” Joseph cried out, and Andrea backed under Todd’s arm.
“Bro, take a chill pill,” Todd grinned, hugging Andrea to him.
Moving back to the keyboard, “Todd, I’m the oldest sibling, so that means I outrank you,” Joseph said, typing away and opening up programs. “All of you may be adopted, but you’re my brothers and sisters. So tell the oldest sister to chill the fuck out.”
“If that’s the case, I’m the oldest sibling and sister,” Sarah snapped. “I’m a year older than you, Joseph.”
Spinning around in the chair to face Sarah, “You, I have not accepted into the extended family, much less the primary one. I would as soon as have Skannish for a brother than you for a sister,” he told her, and Sarah’s face turned three shades of red.
“I’ll tell Wendy and Arthur you said that!” Sarah shouted.
“I rest my case,” Joseph said normal voice and with a grin.
As Joseph went back to typing, Sarah moved over to Andrea. “What the hell did he mean by that?” she whispered.
“Sarah, you don’t even call them Momma and Pops. Why the hell do we want you for a sister?” Andrea scoffed, and saw a very hurt expression on Sarah’s face. Swearing she could see tears welling up in Sarah’s eyes and feeling very bad, “Sarah, maybe one day you’ll be our sister,” Andrea offered.
“The day I leave the family,” Joseph sang out, and the hurt expression vanished and the tears dried up, never leaving Sarah’s eyes.
“When I’m t
he oldest, you’re doing double chores for a fucking year!” Sarah screamed, storming over to the desk and standing behind Joseph.
“Fuck, they fight like a brother and sister,” Todd mumbled to Andrea.
Looking up at him, “How would you know? You didn’t have one,” she said.
“Oh, but I had friends that did.”
“There!” Joseph cried out, and everyone turned to the desk and on the main monitor they saw a picture of Arthur’s Blazer coming through the south gate. “The game camera Dad has on the gate has a time stamp of 0427 when they got back.”
“Then where the fuck are they ‘younger brother’?” Sarah sassed.
Shaking his head, “Oh, I’m so not in the mood for you two bitching at each other today,” Shawn moaned.
“She fucking started it and I’m not the younger brother, skank. Because if I was your brother, I would throw you out of the motherfucking nest,” Joseph said, getting up from the chair but Sarah didn’t even make an attempt to step back.
“Go ahead and try, I’ll tell Wendy,” Sarah smiled.
“Aw, great, she’s a tattletale,” Todd moaned.
“Every family has one,” Andrea added.
Turning to them, “Well, she’s not ours,” Joseph informed them. Shifting his gaze back to Sarah, a grin sprang upon his face and Sarah did step back from that. “You’re a quisuilian fissilingual pediculous exophthalmic ructabunde sharmoota,” Joseph swooned.
“What the fuck did you say?” she growled.
“Oh, why don’t you look it up, but since you just learned how to use your opposing thumb, that might be difficult,” Joseph chuckled.
Looking away and repeating the words in a mumble, Sarah started looking around the office for a dictionary, having seen Joseph use one in here.
Tilting his head back and looking up at the ceiling, “So, if Mom and Dad are here inside the perimeter fence, can I get on the radio and call them?” Shawn moaned. Now he just wanted them back to break up Joseph and Sarah.
“Shawn, I wouldn’t do that,” Joseph advised.
Spinning around to Shawn, “Which radio do I use to call them?” Sarah asked.
“Oh, by all means, Shawn, show Sarah the radio and the channel to use and let her call them,” Joseph said very eagerly.
Just hearing that Joseph wanted Sarah to do it, took the desire from Shawn very fast. Turning back to look at Joseph and seeing him grinning, “Um, no, I’ll wait,” Sarah said in a low voice.
“I’ll show you the radio, Sarah, and even show you how to use it to call them,” Joseph offered very kindly.
Stepping away from Joseph, “Fuck that!” Sarah cried out in a panic.
With a very sincere expression, “Sarah, I’ll call them for you and tell them you want them here,” Joseph more begged than asked.
Backing up and moving behind Shawn, “No, thank you, I’ll wait,” Sarah replied meekly. There wasn’t a doubt in her or anyone’s mind, to call them was very bad.
“Um, Joseph,” Shawn mumbled. “What are they doing then?”
Rolling his eyes, “Really, Shawn?!” Joseph cried out. Dropping his eyes back to Shawn, “It was date night, date night always ends in freak nasty. I told you that.”
“What the hell is ‘freak nasty’?!” Sarah cried out, and Andrea turned around to bury her face in Todd’s chest, snorting with laughter.
“Aw, little Sarah doesn’t even know common terms,” Joseph cooed. “She’s ugly and dumb.”
Fire filled Sarah’s eyes as she went to move around Shawn and charge Joseph. She was willing to attack and let the cards fall where they may.
Throwing out his arm, Shawn stopped her. “Sarah, they’re having sex,” Shawn told her with a deep blush.
Pulling her face from Todd’s chest, “Oh, thank god,” Andrea moaned with joy. “Momma was getting uptight. It was getting close to the point I was about ready to beg Joseph to send them to the barn again.”
Staring holes into Joseph, “You ordered your parents to run off and have sex?” she snapped.
“You’re goddamn right I did, stupid fifth cousin to our third brother-in-law of our adopted aunt, distant boot-licking relative,” he snapped back.
Dropping his arm to just let Sarah pass so they could duke it out, “I need some coffee,” Shawn said.
Shawn walked past Todd and Andrea, shaking his head. Seeing Sarah and Joseph glaring at each other, “Should we stay in case they do fight?” Todd whispered.
“We sure aren’t pulling them apart,” Andrea said, grabbing Todd’s hand and pulling him to the kitchen.
“Where’s the dictionary you were using?” Sarah growled.
Shaking his head, “You don’t even know how to spell, why would you need it?” Joseph snarled. Spinning on her heel, Sarah stormed out. “I so fucking hate her,” Joseph sighed. “I’m asking Mom if I can move into the old house.”
Walking into the kitchen, he weaved around the bodies to the row of coffee pots and grabbed a mug. Pouring a cup, he headed for the backdoor because Sarah was in the dining room and Vicki was set up in the living room now, and he didn’t want to make Little Momma any angrier at him than she already was.
Stepping outside, he saw Donald and Daisy laying down on the patio. “Yeah, I think I might start sleeping out here,” Joseph told them.
Coming out with his cup of coffee, Shawn saw Donald and Daisy and then looked over but didn’t see Arthur’s Blazer. “Well, they’re close,” he admitted, taking a sip.
“Shawn, Dad taught Mom, and he can plan for anything. Only get worried if you see me get worried,” Joseph told him.
“I’ll try, but they’re the greatest,” Shawn mumbled, thinking it sounded babyish and Joseph saw him as a brother.
“Oh, they are. All my friends in school loved coming out here because of Mom and Dad.”
Grinning, Shawn loved being around Joseph and didn’t mind Sarah. But he was willing to babysit Robin for a year while doing double chores, if he didn’t have to be around both at the same time. “I know Pops isn’t worried because I’ve seen him kill people before, but the world has changed. Aren’t you a little worried about them?”
“Shawn, I flew halfway around the globe. I knew if either were alive, they would make it. To be honest, I didn’t expect Mom to make it because she was on the cruise, but Dad? Shit. He’ll stay up here at the house forever. I really thought he wouldn’t get exposed, but he did going to get Nicole. I’m just thankful. But no, they made it past the impossible part to me. Anything else that gets thrown at them, I just feel sorry for it.”
Hearing the certainty in Joseph’s voice put Shawn at ease. Hearing an engine, he got excited and fought not to run around the house. “Um, you won’t tell them I was worried, will you?” Shawn pleaded.
Lifting his mug and taking a sip, Joseph gave a wink. “I’ll tell Mom because she’ll like it, but I won’t tell Dad,” Joseph said.
The Blazer pulled around the house and they both saw blood covering the hood. “They hit people with the truck?” Shawn gasped.
“No, there’s no blood on the brush guard and winch, goofy. Dad probably threw dead bodies on the hood to hang around the area,” Joseph laughed as the Blazer shut down.
Stepping out with a towel wrapped around his waist, Arthur reached back inside to grab an armload of stuff. Tip-toeing around the front of the Blazer with a towel wrapped around her body, Wendy weaved around while trying not to step on the sharp rocks. “Really, skinny dipping?” Joseph laughed.
Jerking his eyes to Joseph in shock that he’d accused his parents of skinny dipping, Shawn turned back to Wendy to see her reach the concrete patio. “Yeah, it was my idea to end date night on,” Wendy said walking past them, and Shawn nearly fainted that Joseph was right.
“What are you two doing out here? Seeing if we were going to show up?” Arthur laughed, walking over and they saw his arms were loaded with their clothes and gear.
“Please,” Joseph scoffed. “I was getting away from Sarah, and l
ittle brother was just joining me.”
Dropping the clothes on the patio, they let off a wet slap. “God damn, the sun isn’t even up and you two are already at it?!” Arthur cried out.
“Hey, talk to her, not me!” Joseph cried out. “The only mistake I made was waking Robin up.”
Narrowing his eyes, “What the fuck did you do that for?” Arthur growled.
“You never said she turned into a little demon if you woke her up. I’m sorry, she crawled into bed with me and I didn’t know it. I was scared I had rolled over on her.”
With the reason explained, Arthur’s expression changed fast. “Well, that would be a good reason,” he admitted, then looked up at Joseph. “But you’re still dealing with her today.”
“Dad, I’ll let Robin crawl up my ass if you tell Sarah to get out of my ass,” Joseph offered.
Stepping back and giving a nod, “Deal,” Arthur said, and headed for the house.
“See what I mean?” Joseph laughed, then turned to Shawn but saw him staring down with wide eyes. “What?”
Glancing down at the clothes Shawn was staring at in shock, “It’s not their blood,” Joseph pointed out.
“Even their tactical vests are soaked!” Shawn cried out.
“Yeah, so?” Joseph huffed. “I hope you notice, the smaller one isn’t soaked, it’s drenched, and that one belongs to Mom. So, what does that tell you?”
Not sure what he was feeling, Shawn just shook his head numbly. “Momma is a badass bitch.”
Patting Shawn on the back, “Very good,” Joseph said, and guided Shawn to the house.
Before they reached the door, Todd busted out. “You should hear the radio!” he cried out. “Everyone is talking about the Caravan Man attacking three different groups last night. One was in the middle of nowhere and they were found. The Caravan Man went in with another and took out the entire gang with knives!”
“Oh, I believe it,” Joseph laughed, and Shawn just nodded with wide eyes.
“They even chased a car down on the interstate that tried to get away and shot them up!” Todd told them.
“Hey, it was date night and Dad went all out,” Joseph laughed and Shawn noticed, Todd was excited but he didn’t act surprised in the least. “Go and check out Mom’s gear. It’s drenched in blood.”
Miracles Page 28