Breaking Down Her Walls

by Erin Zak

  “Why were you passing through town? Drugs? Don’t you dare bring drugs on this ranch.”

  “Jesus, lady, I’m not a drug smuggler. What the hell?”

  “Then?”

  “I was getting out of the Midwest, out of Chicago. And without that car you won’t let me talk about, I can’t really keep going,” Julia finally answers.

  “And where were you headed?”

  “You don’t strike me as the kind of person that really wants to know.”

  Elena’s eyes stay glued to the horse’s side, and she clears her throat. “I guess you’re right. I don’t really want to know.”

  Julia lets out a puff of air because of course she was right about this woman’s inability to actually be interested.

  “I hope you realize that as soon as that car is finished, you need to be on your way. Understand?”

  “Yes,” Julia answers and holds back an eye roll. She really wants to ask why she would want to stay in such inhospitable conditions, but she refrains.

  A silence falls between the two women as Elena continues to brush the side of her horse. Her hair is still in a ponytail, secured at the base of her neck, but it’s looser than it was earlier in the day, and there are wisps of hair that have snuck out, framing Elena’s face. She has this intense expression that Julia is sure she has never seen on another human being before, and she’s not sure what to do with the feeling it’s causing in her stomach. She hates that she’s letting this woman get under her skin, but it’s clear this is how she functions with everyone. And while it may be irritating and intimidating—considering they barely know each other—Julia decides for once in her life it’s best to not rock the boat.

  Elena clears her throat and looks over Samwise’s haunches at Julia. “What is your last name?”

  It’s not a strange question, but it’s one that no one else has bothered to ask, and coupled with Elena’s intense stare and dark eyes, it throws Julia off guard. “I’m sorry, what?”

  “Your last name. You do have one, don’t you? Don’t tell me you’re one of those millennials that decides to go by a single name like you’re Madonna or Cher.” Elena makes her way to the other side of her horse and looks directly at Julia, an eyebrow arched to her hairline.

  Julia shakes her head and immediately feels like an asshole. “It’s Finch. Sorry. I just, people don’t typically care what my last name is.”

  “Finch?” Elena asks, still looking at Julia.

  “Yes, like the bird.”

  “Are birds your thing, then?” The question is sarcastic, but there’s something in Elena’s eyes that makes Julia think maybe she really does want to know.

  “Yeah, I mean, I guess,” Julia replies.

  “Any particular reason?”

  “They’re free.” Julia’s response is so quick and matter-of-fact that the look that washes over Elena’s face is something Julia wants an explanation for. In that fleeting moment, Elena seemed like an actual person, and it was frightening. And insanely stimulating.

  “Are you not free, Miss Finch?”

  Julia doesn’t think she should answer the question. Regardless of what this woman has said, it isn’t any of her goddamn business. But she finds herself compelled to respond. She opens her mouth and answers with, “I am now.” She waits a beat before bowing her head and slipping the gloves from her hands. “Thank you for this, for helping me out, Miss Bennett. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  And with that, she turns and heads away from the stall.

  Chapter Three

  Julia manages to open the door to the small cabin while carrying a box, a duffel bag with some of her belongings, and a bag full of cleaning supplies that Elijah gave to her. She kicks the door open with her foot, cringing as it slams into the wall behind. As she reaches around and tries to find a light switch, she’s hit with an old, musty smell. The light comes on with a pop and a soft whirring as she walks completely into the cabin and takes in her surroundings. The entryway is small with hooks for hats and coats and a bench with space under for shoes. Actually, probably for boots. In the living area, all of the furniture is covered with white sheets except for a small table in what Julia assumes is the dining room off to the left. It looks a little like something out of Little House on the Prairie. Or something the Boxcar Children would have lived in.

  The windows all have the shades drawn, and the light that is sneaking in through the small spaces is catching the dust particles in the air perfectly. She takes a few steps inside the living area and drops the box and her duffel bag, which causes a huge billow of dust to form. A coughing attack later and she’s going around to all of the windows, pulling up the blinds, opening the windows, and pulling the sheets off the furniture.

  Julia looks around the living area and forces a smile. She imagines what it would feel like if this were her house. What if this whole thing was what she’s been running toward since she took off from Chicago? What if all of this has happened for a reason?

  A laugh cascades out Julia’s mouth.

  Who the hell is she kidding? She will never feel as if this could be a place to stay or actually find a spot to belong.

  It’s not out of the realm of possibility, though. Staying. Putting down roots. Aside from the town being maybe the weirdest spot in America, people seem to be ready to help out. Julia’s certainly never encountered that before.

  She shakes her head as tears start to form, and she quickly gets back to unpacking. She goes over to another box she brought in and finds her laptop, flips it open, and connects it to her wireless speaker. Once her music is playing, she feels a little lighter, a little more like being productive instead of standing around moping about her shitty life and the shitty people who just pass through it.

  There’s a knock on her door, and before she can rush over from where she’s at in the small kitchenette, she hears the screen door creak and open.

  “Hello?”

  Julia rounds the corner to the door and sees Cole standing there holding a box from her car. “Cole, hi! What are you doing here?”

  “I just wanted to offer my assistance…Help you with your things,” he says, handing over the box. He’s so tall standing there in her doorway, his dark hair a mess and his clothes still dirty from the day’s chores. “You travel pretty light, huh?”

  “Thank you so much,” Julia says as she plops the box on the floor. “Yeah, I didn’t want to be too cramped in my car.” It’s not really the truth. The truth is sad and lame, and who wants to hear that those few boxes and duffel bag are everything she owns?

  “Do you need help with anything? I’m done working the ranch for the day. I don’t have any homework.” Cole smiles. “I’m a real great help in the kitchen, too.”

  “Oh, are you now?” Julia takes off toward the kitchen and motions for him to follow. “Maybe you can help me clean up in here. Sweep the floor?”

  Cole’s face lights up. “I would love to do that!” He lets out a laugh, his voice cracking, again from puberty, but Julia just lets them both think it’s from excitement. “Sorry, I guess that sounds pretty desperate, doesn’t it? What teenager likes to clean?”

  Julia tosses the broom she found in the small pantry to him, and he catches it with ease. “Don’t apologize. I’m glad to have the company,” she says. “It’s been a while since I’ve had it.”

  “The company?” he asks, running the broom over the old, yellow linoleum.

  “Yeah.”

  “Same here.”

  “What about Caroline? And Elijah? And Ed, when he’s not on vacation? I haven’t met him yet, but I heard he’s nice.”

  “They’re great. And even when Toni and Agnes stop by…It’s all fine.”

  “And your mother.”

  “Of course. Yeah. Mom, too.” Cole clears his throat. “So, your car broke down?”

  Julia knows the subject change tactic all too well, so she goes along with it. “Yeah, and I’ll tell you what? It’s not really helping my situation.”


  “What situation is that?”

  “Well…I don’t really know? I mean, I just needed to get out of the city. And now I have to work off paying for my car. This whole thing has put a real big dent in my whole plan.”

  Cole stops sweeping. “You actually had a plan?”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “You just don’t seem like the type of person that has a plan. No offense.”

  Julia wants to take offense, but Cole is right. Her plan is normally to not have a plan, to fly by the seat of her pants, to not let anyone else run her life but herself. “Yeah, well, whatever.” She shrugs. “I guess you have a point. Guess I should just go with the flow?”

  “Duh,” he says while laughing. “I feel like you get let down a lot less that way.”

  “You’re absolutely right about that.”

  They fall into a gentle silence. The only sound in the room is the music coming from Julia’s portable speaker. She kind of hates that this sixteen-year-old boy has a point. There’s no use in fighting this. Her situation is what it is, and fighting it will only make her more miserable, right? “So, Cole, what’s up with your mom?”

  “Why?”

  “I mean, she seems like she’s kind of drill sergeant-ish, but I figure she has a good side, right?”

  “I think she does. I haven’t seen it in a while.”

  “Everyone has bad moods.”

  “That last for years?”

  Julia isn’t quite sure how to respond. She wants to ask what the hell Elena’s problem is, but she knows it probably isn’t a good idea to badmouth the boss in front of her son.

  “It’s just nice to have someone else around.” He glances up at her again. “You know what I mean?”

  “I actually do get it,” Julia replies, because she really does, which makes her like him even more. “Speaking of your mom, though…”

  “What?”

  Julia continues to wipe the countertop when she says, “Is she always going to seem so, y’know, irritated with my general presence?”

  “Probably. But it just means she kind of likes you.”

  “You are blind, kid. She absolutely does not like me.”

  “Yeah, but that’s Mom. She doesn’t really know how to be super nice.” He stops sweeping and finishes his thought with, “I mean, she’s not mean. But she’s just—”

  “Abrasive?” Julia says. “Bitchy? Rude?”

  “Passionate,” Cole comes back with, a finger in the air to denote his point. “She’s passionate.”

  For some reason, and Julia wishes she could push it out of her system, the thought of Elena Bennett being passionate about anything makes her entire body warm up. “Yeah,” she replies before grabbing another disinfectant and continuing to wipe down the countertops.

  “You’ll see.” Cole kneels down to sweep the dirt into the dustpan and then looks up at Julia. “Do you have anything you’re passionate about?”

  “Oh, I don’t even know anymore,” she answers before she even has a moment to think. “I was passionate about getting the hell out of Chicago and writing a new chapter for myself. But it seems the higher powers have a different story for me in mind. I won’t be passionate about this job. That’s for sure.”

  “That’s what my mom wants me to be passionate about. This place. The ranch.” Cole sighs and dumps the dustpan into the trash can. “I wish I was.”

  “Not what you want to do for the rest of your life?” Julia leans against the countertop and watches Cole as his face changes from sad to something else entirely. He resembles his mother so much in this moment that Julia is finding it a little hard to look at him, but the expression on his face and the gleam in his eyes makes her hang on for what he’s about to say.

  “I want to go to school to do architecture. I’ve been reading all these books from the library, and oh, God, Julia, it all seems so cool. Y’know, when you told me that you’re from Chicago I was so excited because the University of Illinois in downtown Chicago has one of the best programs, and the city has some of the coolest buildings. I mean, well, the pictures look really cool anyway. It’s, like, my dream school.”

  “Well, yeah, they are pretty cool. They have this really awesome architectural river tour you can do.”

  “Shut up, for real?”

  Julia laughs at Cole’s excitement.

  “Man. That’s so awesome. The idea of being able to draw buildings and bridges and homes and then see them come to life. I can’t even tell you how excited it makes me.”

  “You don’t have to tell me. I can see it all over your face.”

  Cole’s cheeks flush a deep red, and he ducks his head. “It’s just a pipe dream, though. I’ll never be able to leave the ranch. Mom’s pretty particular about that. She’s been saying it since I was old enough to remember.”

  “Hey, kid, things change,” Julia says.

  “Do they?”

  Julia doesn’t know what to say. She knows it’s hard to see sometimes how quickly things can change, but boy does she get it now. She knows his circumstances might not change, but maybe, just maybe, they will. She smiles at his dark eyes that look so much like his mother’s and his dimples, apparent even though he isn’t smiling. “You never know. Don’t forget, you still have time to help her see the good side.”

  “True.”

  “When are you done with school?”

  “Soon. I need to start applying if I want to get in anywhere. But…” His voice trails off.

  “What?” Julia asks.

  “I’d have to do it behind my mom’s back. And I just can’t do that.”

  Julia shrugs. “Taking risks is what living is all about, my friend.”

  Cole’s eyes lock on to Julia’s, and he smiles. “I guess you’re right.”

  “Yeah, but if you ever say I was the one that told you to do it, I will deny it. All the way to my grave.”

  Cole’s laugh is so deep and contagious that Julia finds herself laughing right along with him. She pushes herself off the counter, grabs the remote for the speaker, and turns up the Madonna song. “I think that calls for a dance break!” Cole laughs harder as Julia dances around the small area, wiping the countertops as she sings “Like a Prayer” at the top of her lungs. Julia spins around, lost in her own world, and sees Elena standing in the doorway watching. “Holy fuck!” she yells while clutching at her chest; she somehow finds the pause button on her remote control. “You scared the shit out of me.”

  “Miss Finch,” Elena says, “do you think it’s appropriate to curse like a sailor in front of my son?”

  “Mom, I hear it all the time from Elijah—” Cole is cut off by a wave of Elena’s hand.

  “Cole, don’t you have homework?” Elena asks, her eyes never leaving Julia’s face.

  “No, I finished it all. And I finished the work with Elijah earlier. I promise. I was just helping Julia.” Cole clutches the broom.

  Elena looks from Cole to the speaker and then to Julia. “Madonna?” She purses her lips.

  Julia thinks she sees the beginning of a smile there, but it’s gone before she can be too sure. “Well, I mean, it is the best way to unwind after a hard day on the ranch.”

  “I see,” Elena replies. “When do you think you’ll be able to go into town with Elijah to get different clothes?”

  Julia looks down at her cut-off shorts and her dirty red Chucks. “I have no idea. I don’t really have a lot of money to spend on new clothes.” She leans against the counter. “I was perfectly fine today.”

  “Just wait until a horse steps on your foot in those. Or your foot slides through the stirrup.” She motions to Julia’s feet. “You won’t be fine anymore.” Elena folds her arms across her chest.

  Julia glances back at Cole. “Is she always this much fun?”

  Cole’s eyes go wide, but he can’t hide the smile that starts to form on his lips. “Yes,” he says, still trying to not smile.

  “Mm-hmm.” Julia looks back at Elena. “You want to
stay and help clean up in here, Miss Bennett?”

  Elena’s right eyebrow is arched to her hairline. Obviously, it’s not normal for an employee to speak to her in such a manner, and Julia is feeding right off Elena’s surprised expression. “No.” Elena’s tone matches her posture, straight-laced and harsh. “Don’t be too late, Cole. You have lessons tomorrow with Caroline.”

  “Okay, Mom,” he says, his voice shaking with excitement.

  “What the hell?” Julia asks after hearing the front screen door slam shut.

  “Don’t say that around my mom.” Cole laughs. “She’s being super nice to you. Probably best to just go with it.”

  Julia glances at Cole. “That was super nice? I seriously almost peed down my leg. She hates me!”

  “Jules, she does not hate you.”

  His familiarity with her and her name is something Julia didn’t expect, but she kind of likes it. It suits her. “How can you think that?” Her voice is an octave higher than normal, and she realizes she’s screeching. “You’re crazy!”

  Cole smiles at her as he pulls the remote for the speaker from her hand. “I know because she didn’t make me leave.” He smirks before he presses play on the remote. He starts to dance around, mimicking what Julia had been doing earlier. And even though Julia was inwardly obsessing about Elena’s inability to be nice to her, she can’t help but laugh at Cole’s complete lack of rhythm.

  Chapter Four

  “Elijah!” Julia shouts from the corral. “Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck! Elijah!”

  Elijah comes running from inside the barn just as Sully and Scout are galloping at full speed out of the corral. “Oh man, what the hell happened?” he asks, his hands on his hips, pure irritation all over his face.

  “I don’t know!” Julia rushes over toward him, her Chucks skidding across the dirt when she comes to an abrupt stop before him. “I was getting ready to approach Sully to take him back to his stall when something spooked him. He started running around the corral, and the other gate swung open—which apparently wasn’t locked properly, which I want to point out was not my fault—and he took off out of it. And, of course, Scout decided to join in on the fun.”