by Hart, Emma
“If it lasts that long,” Reagan added, ever the beacon of positivity. “This is a bad idea, Ava. You need to think this through.”
“I have. I just need a distraction, and me and Butler never said we’d never get back together.”
Halley groaned. “Ava, I love you. We both love you. But he made you miserable. What do you think you’ll actually achieve by having dinner with him?”
I opened my mouth to answer, but nothing came out. I didn’t know. They were right, as far as it went, but I didn’t know what I was doing.
I wasn’t perfect. I wasn’t going to pretend I was or that what I was doing was a good decision.
I just wanted to not think about Ethan for one night.
If going out with Butler did that…
Well.
“It’s not going to happen, all right? It’s easy for you guys. You’re both in relationships. You’re not living with the guy you’ve been in love with for years but can’t have.” I pushed off the counter and grabbed my stuff. “I know going out with Butler is a bad idea, but so is just about everything else in my life right now. Don’t pretend you know how I feel because you have no idea.”
“Ava, wait!” Halley jumped up, but I was already shutting the door behind me.
I knew they meant well, but sometimes, I didn’t want them to mean well. I didn’t want them to tell me all the things I was doing wrong.
Sometimes, I just wanted someone to go along with a bad idea.
This was one of those times. My emotions were everywhere, and I knew this was a terrible decision, but that didn’t change the one I’d made.
And the truth was that Halley and Reagan had no idea how this felt. They had no idea what it was like to be in my position.
If they did, they’d probably make a shit choice, too.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN – ETHAN
Green Isn’t Everyone’s Color
I tapped my fingers against the side of my beer bottle. I hadn’t seen Ava all day, and the messy, handwritten note attached to the side of the fridge with this week’s date on said she was working until ten-thirty tonight.
I had four more hours to sit and feel fucking sorry for myself.
Texting her last night was stupid.
We’d almost fixed things. We’d almost gotten back to normal, and then I’d texted her. From the other room. And I’d upset her even more.
I was a fucking idiot.
A prize fucking idiot.
There was no way to make this better. She’d made her position clear—I wasn’t the only one who had some feelings that needed to be worked out. She had feelings for me. I didn’t know what they were or how deep they ran, but they existed.
They were real.
And she wasn’t interested.
She’d told me to fuck off.
She had every right to. She didn’t owe me anything. I was the one who’d fucked up and made it all awkward for us. I was the one who’d been unable to keep my hands to myself. My words, too.
If she wanted me to never speak of it, I wouldn’t.
I tossed my phone up and caught it again. Everyone was at Lucky’s tonight, but since Ava was working, it wasn’t exactly a place I could go. It was pretty much off-limits.
Not that something being off-limits had stopped me once this week.
Fuck.
I scrubbed at my scalp, rubbing my fingers through my hair. Being stuck in the apartment wasn’t doing me any good. All it was doing was making my brain go crazy.
I shot a quick text off to Noah to see if he was still at Lucky’s and if not, where he was.
NOAH: Luckys w the guys, Halley, and Reagan. You coming down?
I sighed, staring at it. Everyone was there. It was Sunday. The football games were on, and even being in the same bar as Ava had to be a better situation than sitting here moping like a fucking lovesick idiot.
Especially since I’d put myself in that position.
ME: Yeah. Be there in 10.
I changed out of my sweatpants into some jeans and grabbed a clean t-shirt. A quick check of Mr. Prickles resulted in his water being refilled courtesy of the bottle on my nightstand. I took a minute to throw his ball across his cage before I tickled beneath his little chin and made my way out of the apartment.
I ran down the stairs and outside. The cool, fall air was a welcome drop in temperature. God knew how long it would last, but I appreciated it anyway. It made the walk across town to the bar much more enjoyable than it would have been otherwise.
Not that it was entirely enjoyable. I was all too aware of the fact that I was willingly putting myself in Ava’s path—something I didn’t think she’d be too pleased about.
I also had to contend with Halley and Reagan. Not that I had anything against them. No. I’d known them as long as I’d known Ava thanks to growing up here, but I knew they were loyal to a fault.
Even if they did run their mouths to their boyfriends.
Problem was, I had a feeling they’d done that because they knew Noah and Preston would talk to me. After all, if anyone knew exactly how Ava felt about me, it was those two.
They probably knew better than Ava herself.
I took a deep breath as I turned onto the street where Lucky’s was. The lights from the bar lit up the area, and cars filled the parking lot off to the side. A roar escaped the building as I got close, and I rolled my shoulders as I made my way toward the door.
Warmth enveloped me the second I stepped inside. It was a mixture of the building’s own heat and that of all the people. Barely any chairs were left empty. The bar was rammed, and people were standing up everywhere.
I slipped inside, scanning the heads for my friends. I pushed through three big groups of people before I spotted the beacon that was Reagan with her purple hair and headed right for them.
“Ethan!” Halley raised her hand and waved.
“Hey.” I stepped up to the table and side-hugged both her and Reagan. “Where is everyone?”
“At the bar,” Reagan answered. “Hold on.” She clambered up onto her chair, tugged up her jeans, and waved her hands above her head. I frowned, but it obviously worked because she motioned for one more beer to be brought over.
“Thanks,” I said when she sat down. “It’s busy tonight.”
Halley nodded. “There was apparently a bachelor party nearby last night. Their flight got canceled, so they came here and took over half the place.”
I looked out. It was easy to see them—they took up four tables and, as people on bachelor parties usually did, they looked like absolute pricks.
“What’s up?” Reagan asked, pulling a rogue empty chair up to the table for me. “I was surprised you weren’t here earlier.”
“Ava’s working,” I answered. “You probably already know we’re not talking.”
They both nodded. “Mm,” Halley said.
“What’s ‘mm?’” I asked.
“Nothing.” She cradled her wine glass. “It’s not directed at you, for what it’s worth.”
“Who is it directed at?”
“This prick of a referee,” Preston said, sliding into the seat next to me and putting a beer in front of me. “She’s been complaining about him all night.” He winked when Leo took his seat on the other side of the table.
“You’re confusing me with yourself,” Halley said, snorting at her boyfriend. “You’re the one whining like a little bitch.”
“I will second that.” Reagan touched her wine glass to Halley’s.
I smirked.
“Thought you weren’t coming,” Leo said as Noah took his seat.
“Got bored,” I replied, keeping my answer as vague as I could. “What’s going on?”
Preston tilted his head to the side and rested his arm over the back of Halley’s chair. “Pats are winning as always. Nobody cares about the other games.”
Standard Sunday night, then.
“Was that the shout I heard coming in?”
“Yeah,” Noah answered
. “They should have had a penalty for a false start, but the touchdown stood without review. Bullshit refereeing.”
Standard weekly operation, then.
Leo swigged his beer. “Is that Butler at the bar?”
Everyone’s head turned toward the bar. Ava was standing behind it, smiling. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail, and she was dressed all in black with her V-neck t-shirt cutting low when she bent over.
“I think so,” Halley said slowly.
“But there are so many guys in here,” Reagan added, kicking my foot.
“Ow! Why did you kick me?” I asked, frowning at her.
Her eyes widened. “Sorry. Accident.”
I smelled bullshit.
I let it go.
Leo didn’t. He narrowed his eyes. “It is. It’s Butler.”
Noah’s gaze flashed in my direction. “It’s Sunday night. He comes in here, right?”
“Yeah, but he’s not leaving the bar. I thought they broke up.”
“They did.” Halley squirmed in her seat. “Maybe he’s trying to get her back.”
My stomach clenched. I knew all about Ava’s unhealthy on-off relationship with Butler Ferris. It’d spanned a long ass fucking time before she’d finally called it off earlier this year.
The idea that he was interested again, and she was allowing it made me feel sick.
“Nah,” Preston interjected. “She wouldn’t go out with him again.”
Reagan cleared her throat, and Halley shot her a look that could kill.
Leo watched it all happen. “She’s dating him again?” He turned his eyes on me. “She mentioned it to you?”
“Why the fuck would I know?” I replied.
“Because you live with her.”
“She doesn’t tell me shit.” I rocked my head side to side to stretch out my neck. “I don’t know what she does in her free time.”
Leo grunted. “He’s a dick. Why is she entertaining his bullshit?”
That was a great fucking question, wasn’t it?
I finished my beer. “I’m gonna get a beer. Anyone want one?”
“Bring a bucket,” Leo said, eyes firmly fixed on the bar.
Halley moved her hand over her throat in an axing motion, but a bucket sounded good to me.
I pushed my way through to the bar, stopping a few feet away from where Butler was grinning at Ava.
My nostrils flared. What the fuck was he doing here? As far as I knew, she wasn’t interested in him anymore. Yet, as she moved across the bar to serve someone who’d gotten here before me, she returned his smile.
Anger shot through me.
What the fuck was I watching? Was I really standing here, watching my roommate and the woman I had feelings for getting back with her ex?
I wasn’t going to watch it. Not for a second. The stomach-twisting that was happening in my gut was almost unbearably painful, a continuous tightening of cramps that demanded I fix this situation.
I never should have come here.
“Ava!”
She jerked her head around, her eyes widening with shock as she parted her pink lips.
Butler turned his head and glared at me.
I motioned for her to come over. She had no idea that I was here and even less idea that I was going to bullshit my way through this conversation.
Ava apologized to a customer and came to me. “What?”
“I left my key in the apartment. Can I use yours?”
Her eyebrows shot up. “Really?”
“Yeah.” I shrugged. “I realized when I was gonna drive here. Can I use yours?”
“Ugh.” She sagged. “It’s on my keys in the back room. When are you leaving?”
I checked my watch. “An hour? I haven’t been here long.”
“I finish not long after that. Can’t you just wait?”
“And see you say goodbye to your boyfriend? No, thanks.”
She glanced at Butler. “He’s not my boyfriend, and you know it.”
“No,” I said, my gaze trained on hers. “I don’t.”
“Do you need anything, or are you just here to annoy me?”
“Bucket of beer, please. If Leo has a tab, put it on his.”
She made an agreeable noise and turned away. Butler was still staring at me, but I made a point of pulling my phone from my pocket and scrolling that until Ava put the ice-filled bucket in front of me.
“No tab. Thirty dollars, please.” She held her hand out, her bright eyes focused on me.
Slowly, I pulled out my wallet and handed her the money. I made sure to let my hand linger on hers as I handed the money over. Her fingers all but wrapped themselves around mine as she took the money from my hand.
“I have a ten-minute break in five minutes,” she said, slipping the bills away from me with a flourish. “Come back then, and I’ll get you my key.”
“Thanks.” I half-smiled and grabbed the bucket. “As long as I don’t interrupt your conversation with your boyfriend.”
Rage flashed in her eyes. “Go. Now.”
I carried it back over the table after weaving in and out of people. Halley shot me a look and Reagan smirked, but it was Leo who questioned me.
“Did she talk about Butler?” he asked, plucking a bottle out of the bucket.
“No. I left my keys at home,” I lied. “She said she has a break in five minutes, so I’m gonna go get her key.” I peered over my shoulder at the bar. She was now completely ignoring Butler and serving a large group of guys.
I grabbed a beer and settled into my chair. I didn’t know what I was going to say to her in those five minutes while I got the key I didn’t need.
The only thing I knew was that I was not fucking comfortable with the dick that was her ex-boyfriend being so close to her. While she fucking smiled at him.
Nah.
Not happy.
Not at all.
Not that it mattered. I had no right to feel how I did either way. All I was allowed to feel was the annoyance that she hadn’t yet returned the insoles to my shoes, and I was wearing the world’s most uncomfortable sneakers.
At least you could mix and match socks. I hadn’t taken all the left ones, after all. I’d taken them at random. That didn’t apply to insoles. The damn insoles were fitted to each shoe specifically.
Both Reagan and Halley sent questioning glances my way. I ignored them both and focused on the game. I had no fucking idea what was going on, and I really didn’t care. I just needed the clock to time down the next five minutes
Not that I had any idea what I was going to do. If I’d even do anything at all.
“You know they had dinner earlier, right?” Reagan said, looking at Leo. “On her break.”
Leo’s expression tightened. “Why? They broke up ages ago.”
Reagan shrugged. “We tried to tell her it was a bad idea, but she didn’t listen to us. She’s got a stick up her ass about something and she’s digging her heels in.”
Halley wrinkled her nose up. “She’s being stubborn as hell.”
My jaw clenched. I knew what Ava was doing. She was trying to make some kind of stupid point—I knew she didn’t want to date Butler. I knew she had feelings for me because she’d told me, but then again, was it my business?
I was the one who said nothing could happen.
I was the one who’d made that decision.
I answered my own question: I had no right to feel the way I did.
But that was the problem with feelings—they didn’t fucking care about your rights.
“I’m gonna go get the key,” I said, standing up.
I pushed my way back to the bar where Ava was serving someone. She finished up and caught my eye, motioning for me to follow her. She slipped out from behind the bar and guided me to the back where she pushed open a door marked with ‘Staff Only.’
I followed her inside and to a smaller room that was empty. There was a table and chairs and a sofa, and Ava’s purse was on the floor next to it with two
others.
“How did you forget your keys?” she asked, picking hers up.
“Wasn’t thinking,” I lied. “Reagan said you had dinner with Butler.”
She froze but quickly shook it off. “What of it?”
“Really? That’s how you’re playing this?”
Ava looked up from searching inside the suitcase she called a purse and gave me a dark look. “Who I have dinner with is none of your business. Never has been, never will be. You made that abundantly clear.”
I sighed, looking away from her.
“Is that what this is?” She put the purse on the table. “You want to interrogate me about what I’m doing? You don’t want me, but nobody else can have me? Is that it?”
“Jesus Christ, have you listened to yourself? You had dinner with the guy to make some kind of stupid point. You don’t want to date him.”
She yanked her keys out the purse with a jingle. “Have you heard yourself, Ethan? You sound like an idiot. You can’t make your mind up what you want. You can’t say what you said to me last night, then come in here like a fucking jealous ex. That’s not how it works. You don’t want to act on your feelings for me, then fine. But I told you last night: shut up.” She pulled the key from the ring and slapped it against my chest. “There’s the key you probably made up needing so you could have this stupid conversation with me.”
I grabbed her wrist, stopping her pulling away from me. There was a fire in her eyes, one I’d seen so many times, and I stepped closer to her even though the chance of me getting burned was high. “You’re right,” I said in a low voice. “It’s not fair of me to do this, but I don’t know what else to do. If you’re honest with yourself, you don’t know what to do either.”
Her throat bobbed as she swallowed.
“You don’t want to tell your brother how you feel about me any more than I want to tell him how I feel about you.”
“It doesn’t matter anyway,” she replied, her voice a touch softer than before. “I’m not going to go back and forth with you, Ethan. Not anymore. I don’t think you know how much it hurts. Make a decision and stick to it, for God’s sake.”
She looked at me for a lingering moment before she tugged her hand out of my grip. I let her go, and the key clattered to the floor between us.