by D.L. Miles
Chapter 12
I stare at myself in the mirror, wondering exactly what to do. I should have called Delilah over to help me, but I’m determined to get this done myself. It is only makeup, nothing to it. My mouth turns into a pout as I stare at the sad display of cosmetics on the bathroom counter.
Pathetic, Ithinara says. I’m not sure if she’s referring to my stash of supplies or the fact I don’t really know how to use them. Probably both.
“It’s just makeup,” I say to myself, “can’t be that hard.”
I feel like I’m not allowed to be a girl because I don’t know what eye shadows will enhance the colour of my eyes. I’ve never worried about trying to look pretty before, because I never had anyone I wanted to impress. With Ithinara in my head, I didn’t want to draw attention to myself.
Not anymore. My heart flutters at the thought of what Cain might think of me in makeup, maybe dressed up. My heart quickly sinks at the thought of him in the jeep, driving in front of that truck.
My eyes squeeze shut at the thought, the pain I barely remember now. He had been driving, I’m certain of it. But his lack of injuries says otherwise, and I try to give him the benefit of the doubt. My face turns bright red, the image of the kiss coming back. Had that happened, or did I imagine it? It’s too hard to tell.
“What’s this?” Dad asks, peeking around the corner of the bathroom. “Is that makeup? Should I be worried?”
“Only that you’ll have a daughter with a clown-face,” I say. “But today I’ll stick with mascara.” At least that can’t go wrong.
With minor difficulty I unscrew the top, and begin to brush through my lashes. Dad watches, and I begin to feel like he’s judging me. “Did you need something, Dad?” I have one eye done when I turn to him.
He glances into the mirror then back to me. “Is this for that Cain boy? Do you like him?”
I shrug, hoping to be nonchalant. “He’s nice. Likes to skip school though, so I’m not sure I approve.” Maybe a joke will quell his worries.
“I just want to know if we need to have a talk about responsibilities,” he went on, “and timing. You’re going to his house this Sunday, I just want to make sure—”
“I’m going to have dinner with his family, along with Delilah and Beth,” I interrupt. I scrunch my nose and begin to apply mascara to my other eye. “I don’t think you have to worry about me being responsible, Dad. I’m very responsible.”
“Responsible girls can go a little crazy when boys like Cain are involved,” Dad says. “So I want you to know that so far he seems like a good kid, but if you want to date him I need to at least have dinner with him. And maybe his family too.”
I drop the brush, swallowing audibly at the thought of dining with Nico. “O-Of course,” I say. “Is this your way of trying to get an invite for Sunday?”
Dad nods, probably mistaking my fear for something else; nerves maybe. I roll my eyes and feign teenage drama with a sigh. “I’ll ask about it. It’s probably no problem.”
Dad gives me another nod, but I feel like something is different. I’m not sure why he’s so anxious; I’m eighteen, you’d think he’d give me a little more freedom. My phone rings with a reminder to get to school, and after giving my dad a quick kiss on the cheek I run out the door.
Today it’s foggy outside, and I can barely see the dim glow of the streetlights. I pat down my hair, willing it not to frizz but knowing it would. My fingers grip the edge of my hood, and I cloak myself against the weather.
I plan on talking to Cain today, but I’m not sure how to start the conversation. Maybe I should apologize for stealing his car, even though that never happened. At the very least it might appease him enough to help me. I wet my lips, nervous. Around the corner I still can’t see very far, but I’m sure Beth and Delilah are already waiting for me. The vague outline of a car sits in the distance, just in front of the gates.
As I approach I notice it isn’t the right shape; the roof and the hood are too round. I get closer, curious about who’s parked there. A small pocket of clear air hits me, and I suck in the freshness. It’s like I’m in a bubble, the fog floating around me but not coming too close.
The car that sits before me is a black Neon. It’s cute, for a car, but I’ll always prefer Beth’s convertible. I peer into the front seat to find Cain there, grinning. He leans over and pops open the passenger door. I don’t move.
“Come on,” he says. “I’ll take you right to school; no detours.”
“I’m waiting for Beth,” I tell him. My entire plan to talk to Cain and get Ithinara from my head is disappearing, much like her voice. She hasn’t spoken a word all morning; it’s a little frightening.
Cain’s face drops when I don’t move, but he quickly replaces it with a charming smile. It’s hard not to step inside. “If you’re worried about the kiss, I promise not to try anything again.” He shrugs. “I thought you were a little more—into it than I guess you were.”
I rub at the back of my neck and look around, wishing Beth would show up. Why were they always late? Delilah, probably.
“I-uh…that’s not it,” I say, though it really is. At least now I know the kiss was real. It wasn’t something I made up while unconscious. Ithinara is pounding inside my head, and for a moment I lose control. She takes over and I’m thrown into the darkness that is my own mind.
“I’d love a ride,” I hear myself say. Cain perks up, but his eyes are suspicious. He narrows in on me as my body moves towards the car. I watch my hand pull the passenger door open, watch as one foot steps inside.
A car honks and screeches to a halt next to us. I jolt out of my head, and lock Ithinara up. It’s hard to breathe; she’s never taken over so easily before.
“Hey, sorry we’re late!” Beth calls, rolling her window down a crack. “Jump in!”
“G-Gotta go,” I yell at Cain. I slam the door to his Neon shut, and leap into Beth’s car. Cain never even gets a word out, at least not one that I hear. Beth drives away, and I still can’t breathe.
“We should have let him drive her,” Delilah whines. “How else are they going to get together if we don’t let them actually see each other?”
I can’t feel my fingers, my whole body trembles. Beth looks at me in the rearview mirror. “Are you okay?”
Ithinara is making too much noise for me to hear if they ask anything else. I tell them what I need to do, and Beth doesn’t like it.
“I have to,” I say. “She took over; I didn’t want to get into the car. She was going to kill him.” Images of Cain bleeding to death flood my mind, thoughts of him dying tragically in a car accident are all I can think about. Because that’s exactly what Ithinara was planning to do.
Pressure builds behind my eyes and I ignore it. The lump in my throat forms, but I’m not going to cry because of Ithinara, not again. I’m going to get rid of her, I think, forever.
Ithinara is growling. You really think so, my child? This is for your own good!
“Killing is never for my own good!” I scream. Beth is surprised, and jerks the car into the wrong lane. Another car honks at us as we veer into our lane again. Delilah grips the dashboard, and Beth’s knuckles are white against the leather.
“Are you sure you wanna do this? Last time…” Delilah can’t even finish the sentence.
I take in a controlled breath, letting the air calm me slightly.
I say, “Yes.” But I don’t really mean it.