by Ashley Munoz
I stirred, ready to leave, my emotions running rampant, and this time he let me. I left the wine behind but grabbed the blanket and shuffled my way down and out of the castle.
I felt like I was looking at a piece of paper that’d been shredded and glued back together. I couldn’t make out what had happened, but the tremor in Jace’s voice when he’d said he had needed me made me feel exposed…ugly and raw—things I didn’t want to be feeling, not after he had dismissed me so easily in the cemetery.
The darkness wasn’t lessened by the moon shining overhead. I didn’t live far from the park, so walking by myself never was much of a problem, but halfway home, I saw a pair of headlights trailing behind me. They were about three car lengths back or so, but they slowed, following me.
My insides swarmed with anxiety as they crept closer. Where I was walking, there was a chain-link fence for the high school baseball field to my left and the road on my right; I had nowhere to go but forward. I quickened my steps and inhaled steadily through my nose as I took inventory of what I had on me: a blanket.
Well shit.
No cell phone, no pepper spray or anything else to make me safe while walking home at night.
The humming of the engine got closer as the car crept along the road. Suddenly the vehicle burst into speed, heading right for me, pulling up along the curb and shoving a large video camera through the window behind the driver’s seat. “Faith, do you have a comment about your separation from Bryan Vanderson?” someone asked from inside the car.
I blinked at the light attached to the top, which was blinding me.
“Faith, is it true you’re reconnecting with an old flame?”
I waited only a second longer before bolting forward toward the school and away from the reporters, horrified and appalled that they’d tracked me and had possibly seen me sharing wine with Jace. I crept along the side of the school and cut through the back field. Thankfully, there was a side gate that led to a small patch of trees butting up against my back yard.
Tears stained my face as I hurried with shaky legs and a hollowed chest. I kept forgetting that this part of my life wasn’t unscathed by my marriage. It was like a fat ink blob, leaking and infecting everything in its path.
Fifteen
Five years earlier: August
The meeting request came similar to the DVD and pictures: via padded envelope. I was to meet my blackmailer behind the Baptist church at ten p.m. the next day. I hadn’t been eating, and what I did get down came back up. Faith was so worried; her face was permanently pinched. I hated myself for lying to her. Whenever she pressed, I’d lie and say it was just my mother’s health that had me stressed.
I couldn’t tell her. I refused. If I didn’t or couldn’t comply with the blackmailer’s wishes, I didn’t want her to go down with me. It wouldn’t be fair to her. So that night, after I climbed in through Faith’s window, knowing she’d be asleep, I held her as tight as I could.
I fought back tears as I inhaled her cinnamon and sugar scent, swallowing all the words I wanted to whisper into her ear about us and our future, how I’d fix it. No matter what was going to happen with this blackmail, I’d fix it and come back to her. Instead, I just listened to the sound of her breathing until the sun came up.
The next night, I walked with my hood drawn and a gun packed into my jeans. It had been locked in my father’s safe, but with how many hours he worked, I doubted he’d notice it missing.
The breeze of summer had chilled to the point of being uncomfortable. My skin pebbled under my layers as I made my way through back alleys and yards, a low hanging moon my only source of light. Inhaling short breaths, I finally ambled toward the parking lot of the church. There were no stray cars in the lot, no one awkwardly standing around, just the flood light breaking up the dark.
A gruff voice spoke up behind me. “Good, you showed.”
I turned swiftly, trying to control my heart rate, and then as I took in who my blackmailer was, I immediately wanted to throw up.
“I hate that it came to this, but I’m out of time.” He stepped forward.
I was so shocked I wasn’t sure I could speak, but finally I choked out, “What do you want from me?”
Then the world shifted, time stopped, and my lungs failed.
The cost of my choices was a noose around my neck, one I couldn’t get free from because I knew what would happen if I turned him down and just accepted my consequences. Two lives hung in the balance, but only one could continue without me.
So, as I accepted my fate, agreeing to his terms, I tried to plan. I grappled with ideas for how to turn him down, how to fix it, because there had to be a way to fix it…I just needed time.
Present day
“You’re out here early,” John called out to me from over his air compressor. John was a good friend of our family, had worked with my dad at the mill.
I smiled, bending down to pick up a pack of insulation. “Yeah, needed to clear my head a bit,” I replied, moving from the garage to the inside of the house. I had been insulating it little bits at a time, as I could afford it and as I had the time to lay it.
“What on earth do ya need to clear your head for?” John asked, following me inside. He helped me lay the padding in between the beams. We worked quietly for a few minutes while I deliberated over whether or not to spill my situation to him.
“It’s just that Faith came back.” I laughed like it was ridiculous, because my reaction to her returning was just that. John had known me long enough to know the whole history behind my world melting down after she left.
“I see, and that’s not going the way you planned?”
I smiled. “Not exactly.”
John moved down the wall, lifting the lining and shoving it in. “How exactly did you think it would go?”
I considered that for a moment. “I’m not sure, but being a prickly dick to her wasn’t what I had expected. It’s just…” I let out a sigh, taking a break. “Whenever she’s around, something inside me just charges up, like an electrical current, and then zap.”
“You zing her.” John nodded, keeping his eyes on the wall.
“Exactly, and I can’t seem to turn it off. Doesn’t help that I’m still attracted to her, or that she seems to be single now.”
“Is she now?” John’s white eyebrows rose to his forehead as he turned toward me.
I shrugged, hating that I didn’t know her entire situation. Finishing my side of the wall, I pivoted to head back toward the garage, but John stopped me with a hand to the shoulder.
“Look, son, it sounds to me like you owe her an apology. Lord knows there’s a trough full of troubled water between you two, but if you ever want to get out of the strike zone and into the kissin’ one…I suggest you start being nice.” He moved past me, heading toward the garage, taking the last word with him.
I pulled my gloves free and ran my fingers through my hair. I knew he was likely right, but I had no idea how to let my guard down enough to apologize to her. Flashes of how painful it had been when I saw her up on the television, pinned to Bryan’s side would surface, driving me to anger.
I had hoped the day I ever saw Faith again, I’d have moved on and would be happily married. I’d be living in a big house, with my own property and a job I created with my own two hands. I’d be proud and worthy, enough to tell her to go fuck off with her billionaire life.
The problem with letting go and moving on was just that—leaving the spot you’ve claimed while pining and waiting. Whether it was for hate or hope, it was still a fire lit with kerosene…a dire need for completion, closure. Maybe that was what I needed with Faith—not a second chance, but just to close our book, to end it and get it all out, once and for all.
It was nearly dark when I pulled into my driveway, pushing nine at night. I supposed I hadn’t really needed to restock, clean, and organize the entire garage, but I’d been trying to get my mind off the closure situation I was planning with Faith. So, now I was tired, sor
e, and just ready for a shower and some sleep.
I exited my truck and began trudging toward the front door but stopped when I heard a lilt of female laughter from inside. One nice thing about having thin trailer walls was the fact that I could usually get a nice heads-up about what was happening inside—hugely helpful when the parents were in arguments when I was younger.
I knew that laugh, and just like the other day, a protective anger rolled through me. I didn’t want her here. I looked back over my shoulder and realized I had completely missed her dark Rover parked along the shoulder of our driveway. Exhaustion tugged at me as I wiped my face with my hand.
Shame rose up again, because I didn’t want to see her face and have this unspoken reality between us. I was still shit poor and she was still married to a billionaire. I didn’t want her in my life, seeing that I was still in this damn trailer, regardless of my home that was nearly built. We were still just as poor and pathetic as when she left.
I pushed the door open and found Jessie and Faith sitting around the coffee table, a big brown pizza box in front of them. My dad was reclined on the couch, laughing, holding a slice. All eyes jumped to me as I made my loud entrance. Trevor jumped up from lying in Faith’s lap and ran toward me, licking and jumping on me. I ignored how it felt to see him with Faith.
Dad stopped laughing and set the pizza down. “Hey there, son. How are you doing?”
I nodded at him, showing respect, but I could feel my hackles rising over Faith sitting there on the floor, witnessing how dirty I looked, coming home from a day of work, from a job she had joked about taking from me.
“I’m surviving, for the moment.” My eyes flicked to Faith’s and faltered.
Her eyes were zeroed in on my forearms, and then they roamed my torso and legs until finally moving up to my hair and eyes, where they froze. Her face was flushed, and she looked…I knew that look. It was seared into my brain from the first time I ever touched her enough to provoke a response; she was turned on.
“Well, join us. Faith brought pizza.” Dad waved his hand toward the box, and my eyes went to his waving hand then landed on Faith again. She wore a simple grey t-shirt that was loose but still managed to cling to her chest in all the right ways. The neckline was a deep scoop, revealing her collarbone, which—for whatever reason—was sexy as hell.
Her short hair was curled and had a piece pinned to the side. This was what I’d always wanted with her: family dinner nights where she’d just chill with us, where we could just relax and then later go home together.
An ache so far deep into my core surfaced and threatened to finish what Faith had started five years earlier when she married Bryan. It terrified me how much seeing her like this affected me.
I cleared my throat and set down my lunchbox and work gear. “I’ll have to pass. I’m going to shower and then go to bed.”
“Stop that. Come sit down and have some dinner with us,” my dad argued, snagging a piece and putting it on the paper plate next to the pizza box. Heaving a sigh, I reluctantly accepted and took the seat next to him.
“So, Faith was just telling us what it was like to go to some of those fancy spas and how her first time, she didn’t know what to do.” Jessie laughed, biting down on another part of her pepperoni pizza. I didn’t look at Faith, because I didn’t care about her stupid fancy life, or her stupid fancy spas.
“Sounds boring as hell.” I nearly winced, thinking of what John had suggested. Be nice.
“I don’t think so, son,” my dad warned, giving me the look—the one that promised he’d make my life a living hell if I was rude.
Faith dropped her piece and dusted her hands. “No, it’s fine. I have an early morning anyway, so I should get going.”
“Don’t leave because of him,” Jessie insisted, setting her piece down too. I watched both girls and continued to eat my pizza.
Faith surveyed the room, letting her gaze slowly drift to me, then to the pizza. “It’s fine. It’s not him—I really do have to get going. Plus, I don’t want to intrude on family time.”
She moved to grab her purse then my dad spoke up. “Once upon a time you were family too. You’re always welcome here.” He stared at her and nodded. She stared back, one hand on her purse, and I could see her eyes beginning to mist.
My father had always been as much of a dad to her as her own. I knew she loved him, and hell, maybe she even needed to be around him tonight, but I was a bastard and didn’t want her in my space, didn’t want her near what I cherished.
“Thank you. I’ll see ya around. When I get my own apartment, I’ll have to have y’all over.” Faith smiled at my dad and Jessie but refused to look at me. She was about to leave, but my curiosity was piqued now, and fuck if I didn’t need to know what she meant by getting an apartment.
Her getting an apartment locally seemed to almost confirm my ‘Faith is single’ theory. She reached for the doorknob right as I lurched forward for another piece.
“Just hang out, Faith. No one’s tellin’ you you’ve gotta leave. Plus, there’s still too much pizza.”
She paused and looked back at me for a second. Maybe she was remembering my mother’s rule from all those years ago, the one where Faith could never go back home until she’d eaten more or stayed later, always saying there was still too much of whatever we were eating.
Jessie jumped up and reached out to grab Faith’s hand. “Yeah, way too much. Come on, sit back down.” Faith followed and eyed me suspiciously but sat next to Jessie while a new episode of The Office came back on. We all settled in and watched the television as the drama unfolded before us. It felt like slipping back in time, only instead of having Faith curled up beside me, laughing at another dubious idea from Michael Scott, she was down on the floor.
Since I was behind her on the couch, it gave me ample opportunity to watch her hair bounce whenever she laughed, and I could see her toned arms reach behind her to stretch, which made me tense in all the wrong places.
Once the show ended, Faith hopped up and started gathering the empty paper plates and the pizza box to help clean. I joined her while Dad and Jessie stayed put, talking about the semantics of the British version of The Office versus the American one.
“Thanks for cleanin’,” I muttered while facing the sink and washing out the cup I’d used. She stayed quiet behind me, wiping down the counter and stacking the rest of the paper plates we kept above the oven.
“It’s no problem,” she gently answered.
I turned and crossed my arms over my chest, watching her. She had on black leggings that molded to her legs, and that deep scoop shirt exposed her soft skin. I didn’t see any straps on her bare shoulders, which meant she was wearing a strapless bra. Memories of the last time I’d seen her in any kind of bra ran through my mind and made me nearly delirious with need. She’d always had the most perfect breasts, and now that she was grown… I eyed her chest, curious if her husband had made her get them done, like her teeth and everything else that was shiny and expensive about her.
Slowly my eyes drifted up, risking that she might be watching me, but she was busy looking around. Having her seeing my house made me feel exposed, vulnerable. It was too much. I cleared my throat, thinking of a way I could be nice instead of saying something mean, but that charged feeling was just too damn much.
“It’s just that I know you’re probably used to people doin’ this stuff for you.”
She flinched at my rude comment and let out a sigh. “You know what?” Placing her hands on the counter, she leaned forward.
I stepped closer to her, not sure what the hell I was doing. “What?”
Rising up on her tippy toes like she was going to kiss me or whisper in my ear, she carefully placed her warm hands on my chest for balance and murmured, “Sometimes I daydream about putting superglue in your baseball caps then watching you put them on that gorgeous head of yours.” She thinks my head is gorgeous?
She spun in a circle and started to walk away. I tried to clea
r the attraction I felt so intensely out of my throat, as if that was where it gathered instead of in my pants. I saw Faith go back into the living room and say her goodbyes, grab her purse, and head out the door.
Before thinking better of it, I quickly stalked after her, because as I stated, I couldn’t very well clear the attraction because it was currently sitting ramrod straight in my jeans. Also, I thought this might be a good opportunity to get closure. Trevor perked up from his spot, thinking it was time to go to bed. I shut the door behind me, hearing him barking and jumping up on the couch to see me through the window.
The frail, warped steps creaked as Faith jogged down, eager to get away from me, but she wasn’t going to get far. She walked briskly past my fifth wheel, but just as she was nearly free, I reached for her shirt and pulled her back, dragging her into my humble home.
Be nice.
She let out a little yelp as I grabbed her rib cage and maneuvered her inside. Once she was in, I shut and locked the door then spun her around to face me. She was so close her warm breath mixed with mine. Her forehead was at my chin, and all I had to do was take a step back and give her some room and a good explanation as to why I’d just pulled her in here, but I couldn’t. Instead I let my fingers slowly trail up, under her shirt. The feel of her smooth, warm skin under my fingertips was like having someone place an air mask over my face. She was here. With me. My pulse raced as my heart rioted in my chest, screaming, Mine. Mine. Mine.
She let out a hiss and gripped my shirt. “Jace, what are you doing?”
I didn’t answer, just let my fingers trail over her toned stomach and abs, stopping at her bra line. I drew a boundary in my mind, because attraction was one thing, but suicide was something entirely different. She’d already ruined me once. I didn’t want her to push me away, so instead of trying to get the closure we both needed, I asked her the first question that popped into my head.