by T. M. Smith
Several long moments passed as the steaks sizzled while Tony and Blair stared each other down, neither man giving an inch. Tony nodded, his lips slowly curving upward, resembling something closer to Jack Nicholson’s Joker than a smile. “All right, Blair. I can respect your honesty and the fact that you’ve stood here and talked to me, been truthful with me about your feelings. I still have some reservations and a question or three, but we can save that for later. Right now, could you go grab us another beer and ask Sharon for the hot dogs, please?”
“Gladly.” Grinning like a giddy teenager, Blair took the empty bottle Tony handed him and all but sprinted inside.
“You can come out now.”
How in the hell? “Why are you being so hard on him?” Stomping across the yard, Mannie knew he probably resembled a petulant child, but he was irritated.
“Listen, mijo.” Tony slid the tongs onto the handle of the grill as he closed the lid, turning and taking him by the shoulders. “I won’t lie and tell you that I’m one hundred percent okay with this thing between the two of you. But I can see how much he cares for you, so that’s something.”
“Do you think he knew I was hiding out by the tree?” Mannie’s cheeks flushed.
“Yes. He’s very perceptive, your agent, especially when it comes to you.”
“Why do you say that like it’s a bad thing?” Mannie was getting frustrated again. “Why don’t you want me to be happy?” The words fell out of his mouth before his brain could stop them.
Tony flinched, ducking his head. “Dammit!” Mannie kicked a rock across the yard. “I didn’t mean that, I’m sorry.”
“Oh yes, I think you did.” Moving too fast for Mannie to step away, Tony turned and grabbed him, hugging him hard enough to knock the breath out of him. “I love you, mijo. You know that. All I’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy, to move past what you thought you were, to become the man I’ve always known you could be.”
Determined not to cry, Mannie wrapped his arms around his father’s waist. Allowing himself a moment to really consider his words before saying them, he inhaled the deep, spicy scent he associated with Tony, with home, before pulling free and taking a step back. “He’s a good man, Tony—nothing like Bruce or my grandfather. He’s like, this strong macho guy on the outside, but soft and warm on the inside. When he touches me he’s so gentle, moving slowly, because he realizes that I still get spooked if he moves too fast. And when he looks at me, damn, Tony. No one has ever looked at me the way Blair does.”
Tony smiled. “And how’s that, mijo?”
“Like there’s no one else in the room.” When he’d first come to live with Tony and Sharon, still torn apart and bitter, Mannie had asked Tony how he knew he loved Sharon, knew that he’d found the right person for him. Tony had quickly replied, “Because when she looks at me, it’s like there’s no one else in the room.”
“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?” Tony spoke softly, but the words echoed in Mannie’s mind like the beat of a drum, the truth of them undeniable and utterly terrifying. Legs trembling, the world began to spin. “Whoa there, mijo. Come on, sit down before you fall.”
Following blindly, Mannie went where Tony led him, unsure if he collapsed into the lawn chair because his legs gave out or because he was dangerously close to hyperventilating. Feeling the raw emotion, letting the word bounce around in his head, tasting it on his tongue when he was alone was one thing. Hearing someone else say it, out loud—that was another matter entirely. Mouth dry, head spinning, Mannie closed his eyes tight and prayed, riding out the urge to either throw up or faint, possibly both.
“In, out, in, out. Breathe, baby, breathe.” Wait, Blair? Where was Tony? Gasping, sucking in a ragged gulp of air while blinking and forcing back tears, Mannie focused on the person kneeling in front of him. Gorgeous blue eyes clouded with concern, one corner of Blair’s mouth lifted. “There you are.”
“Hi…” Great, it sounded like he’d swallowed the broken glass from one of the empty beer bottles. “I…sorry.”
Blair shook his head, confusion furrowing his brow. “What? Babe, what are you sorry for?”
Some bastardized noise, a marriage of a snort, sniffle, and stifled moan escaped the pit of his stomach. Why was it he could admit to himself that he was falling for this man, but he hesitated sharing the sentiment with Blair? “I’m a fucking mess, Blair. Why would you…”
“No!” Tone firm, Blair cut him off with a wave of his hand. “Do not even finish that fucking sentence.”
Hooking the leg of the chair beside him, Blair dragged it over and sat, taking Mannie’s hands in his while maintaining eye contact. Odd as it was, having Blair’s undivided attention was as equally arousing as it was unnerving. “I know you’ve been through more than any one person should ever have to deal with, Mannie, and that it’s second nature for you to push people away, to shut down and curl inward to save yourself from ever feeling unwanted or used again. But none of that matters to me, babe, none of it.” Leaning in, eyelids slowly closing, Blair kissed him gingerly.
“I know you’re fearful of trusting anyone…”
“That’s just it, Blair. I do trust you, I trust you with my life. It’s just…” Saying the right thing had never been more imperative. Shuffling through the millions of words in his head, Mannie was determined to convey his thoughts to the man watching him with so much concern and care that it was distracting. “You’re right. After Bruce, I told myself that I would never trust my heart to anyone again. I wrapped a chain around it, locked it, and threw away the key. I lost everything to that man, Blair. Everything. I gave him every part of me, and he took pleasure in breaking me, gluing the pieces together haphazardly, and ripping me to shreds all over again. It frightens me to think of giving that type of control to someone, of opening myself up to feel anything close to that kind of fear again.”
Inhaling a deep breath, the familiar scent of Arizona air and Sharon’s roses wrapped around him protectively, calming his itchy skin. But it was Blair’s touch that grounded him, kept him from slamming the door that led to his emotions and bolting, putting as much distance between himself and vulnerability as possible. “And then you come along like a wildfire in a summer storm, igniting the parts of me I thought were snuffed out forever, making me feel alive and wanted, cherished in fact. But there’s still that small voice in my mind forever reminding me of the past, of what I stand to lose.”
“Baby…” Mannie couldn’t help but smile when Blair reached for him, movement slow but steady, cupping his cheek, wiping away a tear with his thumb. “Let’s just take this one day at a time. And with each new dawn, hopefully that voice will grow quieter until it shuts the hell up entirely.” A tiny burst of laughter bubbled up from inside him, warming his heart. Blair’s grin was one of happiness, a light within his eyes spreading out and engulfing both of them like the rays from the sun, warm and comforting.
With more strength than he usually displayed when touching Mannie, Blair grabbed him, embracing him in a way no other person ever had. The words were there, on the tip of his tongue, but there was also hesitation. Whether it was his past or their still-uncertain future that had him holding back, Mannie didn’t know. But until he could share the most important emotion of all with Blair without any doubt whatsoever, he would keep the words close to his heart. “You do realize I’m a basket case on a good day, right?”
The man’s response was immediate. “I do. And while I’m certain you could test the patience of a saint, I’m in this for the long haul, Mannie, and I. Am. Not. Going. Anywhere. So you do you and don’t ever be afraid of speaking your mind or losing your shit around me, babe, ’cause honesty is what’s going to strengthen that bridge of trust between us.” Blair kissed his temple before relaxing in his chair.
Moving swiftly, Mannie climbed onto Blair’s lap, knees on either side of Blair’s hips. “You never cease to amaze me, Agent Cummings.”
The smile he was awarded was lascivious at best. “
Yeah? Well, why don’t you kiss me? Then get off my lap before Tony takes back all the nice things he said about me.”
Chuckling, he leaned forward, teasing Blair’s bottom lip with his tongue, sighing when the man opened up for him eagerly. A throat clearing finally had them focusing their attention on something rather than each other. The look on Tony’s face was one of happiness riddled with exasperation.
Chapter 19
Blair
About a week into his stay in Phoenix, Blair felt he’d finally started to form a friendship with Tony. The two had bonded over quiet conversations while Mannie worked on designs for his business, Tony opening up about his past and his time in prison, Blair giving insight to years of classes and training at Quantico. “We couldn’t have come from more opposite backgrounds if we tried, son.” Tony joked, offering him another beer.
“A person shouldn’t be judged by their past when they spend their time doing everything they can to set themselves apart from it. At least, that’s my philosophy.” Taking the bottle with a thanks, Blair dove right into a story from his childhood about his sister, Rachel, forever using him as her dress-up doll until he grew taller and faster than her. The man was easy to talk to, which was good considering his profession, and Blair welcomed the banter they’d developed.
Having spent the better part of the day mowing the grass, raking leaves, and planting some new flowers for Sharon, he and Tony were stretched out on a couple of lounge chairs on the patio, each with a beer in hand. Familiar footsteps in the grass pulled his attention away from Tony, Mannie’s long, loping stride coming closer. “I’m all done for the day. What do you say we have dinner in town and maybe hit up redbox for a movie?” Nimble fingers slid over his shoulders as his boyfriend leaned in and kissed his cheek.
“Sounds perfect.” Blair stood. “You okay to drive? I’ve had a couple of these.” He waved the half-full brown bottle between them.
Pulling out his phone, Mannie began typing. “Let’s Uber, I want a margarita.”
Two hours later they were on their way back after a surprisingly fun dinner at Chili’s. Having frequented the establishment often, Mannie had formed casual friendships with several of the servers. Their waitress, Tina, gave them stellar service and even took time to stop and chat with them in between bussing other tables.
“Have a nice evening, gentlemen.” The driver nodded when Blair thanked him before closing the car door.
“That was fun tonight, thanks for taking me.”
Mannie smiled as he unlocked the door to his house, shuffling inside and kicking off his boots. “My pleasure.” Turning and leaning against the wall, his gaze roamed the length of Blair’s tall body, eyes blazing with heat. “Why don’t we get ready for bed?”
There was a promise lingering in the question, one that Blair needed to verify before diving in headfirst. Moving closer, he placed his hands on the wall on either side of Mannie’s head, leaning into his body. “Are you ready for bed, or ready to go to sleep?” Lord, but the groan he was awarded when he gently nibbled on Mannie’s earlobe was fucking sexy. The kiss that followed was hotter than hell, and if this wasn’t promising to be their first time delving into the more penetrative part of sex, Blair would have fucked the younger man right there in the entryway up against the wall. A plan saved for another time.
Exhaling a shaky breath, Mannie sighed. “Bed, definitely bed.”
Blair followed his lover down the short hallway to his room, then excused himself and slid into the bathroom to brush his teeth and lose some of his clothing. Staring at his reflection in the mirror, he laughed softly. Nervousness and anxiety were not emotions he dealt with often; his career choice didn’t afford him such liabilities. But the promise of finally consummating his relationship with Mannie, solidifying their bond in a way they hadn’t yet, was heady and intoxicating. “Slow your roll, Agent. You have to be delicate with him,” he whispered to himself before stripping down to his boxers and tossing his clothes into the hamper.
Flipping the bathroom light off, Blair opened the door and took a few steps into the bedroom, his eyes quickly adjusting to the darkness. Mannie lay on his side on the bed, in nothing but a pair of boxers, the moon painting his bare skin with stark shades of white and blue. There was a promise lingering in the silence between them, one punctuated by the bottle of lube and sleeve of condoms on the bedside table. Mannie beckoned him closer with a finger, leaning on his elbows, watching Blair climb onto the bed and crawl over to him. “I want you, Blair. All of you.” Long, nimble fingers slid around his shoulders, gripping the nape of his neck. Swiftly, Mannie jerked him closer and kissed him, parting Blair’s lips with his tongue, exploring his mouth with vigor. It felt as if the man were pouring decades of pent-up sexual frustration into that one goddamn kiss.
Balancing the chaotic hormones radiating off Mannie’s slender frame in waves with tenderness, he held Mannie’s face in his hands, letting him take whatever it was he needed. Mannie straddled his lap and crawled on top of him, deepening the kiss as he slowly rocked his hips back and forth. Goddamn, he wanted to flip them over, hold Mannie’s arms over his head, and lick every square inch of skin he could get his mouth on. Blair reached up and held on to one of the wooden slats of the headboard, fighting the itch in his fingers to grab Mannie instead, giving Mannie complete control of their lovemaking. “Don’t let me stop, Blair.…Please, I don’t know what’s going to happen once you’re inside me, and I need you to know I want this, Blair. I want you.”
“I won’t hurt you, babe, and if you’re in any pain—whether it’s mentally, physically or emotionally; that’s a hurt I can’t abide.” With the only light in the room from the moon outside, it was difficult for him to see the emotions in Mannie’s eyes.
Sitting in his lap, hovering over him in the dark, Mannie still couldn’t hide the uncertainty furrowing his brow. But he acquiesced. “Okay.”
Before they got past the point of no return, Blair had to test the waters to see whether Mannie would sink or swim. He slowly slid his hands up his soon-to-be lover’s arms, rolling their bodies, flipping Mannie onto his back underneath him. A spark of fear danced in his cerulean-blue gaze briefly, but Blair had expected that. Mannie stared up at him, breathing labored, a sexy little grin in the curve of his lips. “If you wanted me on my back, Agent, all you had to do was ask.”
“I thought I just did.” Blair waggled his eyebrows, running his hand up one long leg, lifting and placing it over his hip. “Tell me how you want it, baby. I prefer this position so I can look into your eyes while I bury my cock in your ass over and over again. I want to watch you come apart underneath me.” The temperature in the room was almost stifling, the look of pure lust in Mannie’s now coal-black eyes rimmed in blue an unspoken promise.
“Oh, my God,” Mannie hissed, wrapping his other leg around Blair’s waist and lifting his hips to meet his thrust. “Keep that up and I’m gonna come before we’re naked.”
“Can’t have that.” Blair reached for his boxers, running the tips of fingers under the hem, wanting to tease and tantalize his partner. Mannie’s eyes widened and he cursed when Blair grazed the tip of his shaft. God, he was going to spend hours teasing and seducing the man beneath him. “Let me help you with that problem.” Sitting up, he pulled the silky material down trembling thighs, dropping the boxers on the floor, along with his own before getting an eyeful of a very hard dick. The head was red and swollen, a drop of pre-come leaking from the slit. “Look at the way your body reacts to me, baby.” Blair leaned over and snatched the moist pearl with his tongue, never taking his eyes off Mannie’s.
Mouth agape and quite possibly watering, Mannie stared down at him and while Blair could see apprehension in his young lover’s gaze, he could also see the want and need he too felt. Mannie’s dick jerked when he ran his tongue up one side, then down the other. “Can I…” Mannie reached for him, hands hovering in midair as he squeezed and released his grip a couple of times. “Can I touch you?”
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nbsp; What kind of question was that? “Of course you can. You never have to ask for that, baby.” Despite Mannie’s eagerness to take their relationship to the next level, Blair had to consider the fact that it still might be too soon for him. “Listen.” He sat up, loving the heat he saw in his lover’s eyes. “We don’t have to do it this way. Maybe it would be better for you the first time if you topped?”
“Oh, no.” Mannie shook his head vigorously. “I’ve been thinking about you inside me for days, wondering what it would feel like to have a man that truly cared about me, someone I wanted to be with, making love to me.”
Blair leaned over Mannie, bending and kissing him hard, nipping his bottom lip. “Jesus, I want you so fucking bad right now.” He growled, reaching for the bottle of lube. Once his fingers were coated, he reached between Mannie’s legs, slicking his smooth channel, circling his quivering hole with one finger. “You like that, babe?” Mannie nodded, likely unable to put his thoughts into words. Slowly, patiently, he slid one finger inside. Mannie’s body tightened around the digit, making Blair’s dick twitch.
Taking his time, Blair worshiped Mannie’s body with soft kisses and gentle caresses. And though his lover was receptive, Blair could sense his trepidation. Fully aware that Mannie was straddling a very thin thread that could break either way, he decided now was the time to draw a line in the sand, to separate himself from the piece of shit that had taken pleasure in tying Mannie up in knots, both physically and mentally. “Look at me, baby.” He coaxed Mannie’s eyes open, gently sliding a second finger into his body, relishing the soft moan he received in return. “You like my fingers inside you, don’t you, making you squirm?” Panting, Mannie quickly nodded. “Do you even know how fucking sexy you are right now? Lying here beneath me, trusting me with your body.”
“Oh God, Blair.” Mannie shivered when he added a third finger. Naked and wanton, legs trembling, Mannie grabbed the blanket, gripping it tight, his mouth open, breathing labored.