The girl simply stared down at her hands in her lap, saying nothing.
Jameson shifted his gaze to Lucian. “And you’re all right with this?”
“It’s her life,” he replied evenly. “The decision is hers to make.”
Jameson nodded. “Well, I suppose it’s not impossible. In theory, I understand how it might work, though I fear it could leave both of you permanently damaged. Or worse.”
“But you can do it?” Kesari asked, her voice high and shaky.
“I think I can, but I’m not sure I should.” He ran a hand over his face. “I need to do some research. In a few days, I’ll have more information. For all of you.”
“Does that mean you know how to break this curse?” Amar asked hopefully.
“Not yet,” Jameson said. “But I might be able to figure it out. It will be difficult, of course. No one really knows anymore how curses were created, let alone how to break one. But if we can get your memories back, we might be able to figure out when you were cursed, and why. That would be a start.”
His gaze grew distant, and his words became mumbled as if he were talking more to himself than to the rest of them. “There are some old books on lost forms of magic I’ll need to look through in the palace library, and then there’s the memory retrieval. Of course, going so far back could get tricky.” His eyes flitted to Kesari and Lucian. “Might be helpful to have some assistance, but if the Bond is broken…no, that won’t work. Maybe we could do that after.”
The Tarja was completely lost in his own thoughts now, and there was no point in sticking around to listen to his musings. Amar stood up and motioned to the others. “I guess we’ll be going, then.”
Jameson blinked. “Going? Nonsense! You’ll stay here. I have more than enough room for guests upstairs, and this way you’ll be readily available for any questions I might have or any tests we need to conduct.”
Amar raised his eyebrows. “Tests?”
Jameson nodded enthusiastically. “Think of it as an experiment. Breaking a Bond is complicated enough, but that’s going to be child’s play compared to figuring out this curse. We’ll have to prepare, make sure you’re physically and mentally strong enough to handle this. I’d feel a lot better if I could keep an eye on you myself, the same as I would any of my other test subjects.”
“Test subjects?” Amar was starting to feel more uneasy the longer Jameson talked. Did the man even see him as a person, or just something to be examined and studied?
“It’s exciting, isn’t it?” Jameson said, standing up so quickly his robes swirled around him in a dramatic flourish. “It will be the cutting edge of science and magic, bringing the two together to unravel ancient mysteries that have been lost from the world for centuries.” He headed for the door, grabbing a canvas bag from the table as he passed and then stuffing his stocking-clad feet into a pair of boots near the threshold.
“Where are you going?” Mitul asked.
“To the library, of course,” Jameson said, as if this were completely obvious. “Feel free to settle in upstairs. You can take any room you please. Except for the one with the green door at the top—that’s mine. I’ll be home before supper, and I’ll change the door barrier to let you back inside if you decide to go out. Make yourselves comfortable.”
He was off before any of them could respond. Amar turned and saw his bewilderment reflected in his companions’ faces as they stared at the door through which Jameson had disappeared.
“What an absolutely peculiar man,” Saya said, shaking her head.
Amar was inclined to agree, but Lucian only grinned. “I thought he was absolutely delightful.”
26
Kesari
With Jameson gone, the conversation quickly turned to their lodging situation, and Kesari deftly danced around the others’ questions about whether she was planning to stay with family or anyone else she knew in the city. Lucian shot her a pointed look, and she shifted everyone’s attention back to the wizard’s offer to host them. So it was that a few minutes later, she found herself leading the others upstairs to explore the rest of the tower.
The entirety of the second level was even more disorganized than the first. It had been turned into some kind of laboratory or study, but it was difficult to see how Jameson could get any work done amidst all the clutter. They quickly moved on to the third floor, where they found three empty rooms and another winding staircase that led up to the top level.
Dust and cobwebs covered every surface, but Kesari made quick work of them with a broom she found between two bookshelves. Amar and Mitul opted to share the largest room and let Saya and Kesari take the other two. There were no beds, but they found and divided up a large stack of blankets. The bed Kesari was able to make from these was far more comfortable than what she’d become used to camping on the road. She changed into a fresh set of clothes and set her pack beside her makeshift pillow.
“You know you have a real bed waiting for you at home,” Lucian said.
Kesari brushed a few tangles from her hair with her fingers and shook the dust from Rajiv’s coat as best as she could. It was in dire need of a wash, and there were a few new holes she wanted to mend, but she could worry about that later. For now, she slipped it back on over her clothes, covering up the scars on her arms.
“Did you hear me, Kes?” Lucian prodded.
“Yes.”
He sighed. “But you’re not going home, are you?”
She slipped her boots back on. “No.”
“Where are you going, then?”
“It’s awfully kind of Jameson to let us stay here, don’t you think? I figured I’d get some things from the market and make supper to thank him for helping us. We could surprise him when he gets back.”
“That’s a very nice idea.”
She told the others, and they discussed what they wanted to cook and divided up the various tasks involved. As Kesari was the only one who really knew her way around Deveaural, it was agreed that she would do the shopping.
“I’ll come with you,” Saya offered. “You might need an extra pair of hands.”
“That’s all right,” Kesari said quickly. “I can manage on my own. I’ll be back before you know it.”
She bounded down the stairs two at a time, letting her boots clatter against the wooden boards. If the others were still trying to talk to her, she couldn’t have heard them, and that was for the best. Being back in this city had set her on edge, like there was something inside her screaming and rattling the bars of a cage. She was barely keeping it in, and she didn’t want anyone else around if it escaped. She needed to be alone, Lucian’s company excluded, of course.
The Spirit Tarja retreated back into his lantern as they exited onto the street. Kesari set out for the dockside market, but along the way, she couldn’t resist the temptation to wander by some of her old haunts around the city. She pulled the oversized lapels of her coat up in an attempt to at least partially conceal her face. Her first stop was Bedford’s Bakery, where she bought a fried scone with fresh honey, just like she, Rajiv, and Navya used to do when they were younger. Mr. Bedford gave her a look of vague recognition as he handed over her scone, and Kesari ducked her head while passing him her coins. She didn’t wait for him to return her change before she darted back outside.
They kept going. As she walked, Kesari bit into the warm, sweet pastry with a satisfying crunch. A dribble of honey slipped down her chin. “Mmmm, even better than I remember.” She wiped the corners of her mouth with the back of her coat sleeve. “These were Rajiv’s favorite.”
“I remember.” Lucian said from his lantern. He was always telling me they were the finest delicacy in all of Atrea, better than anything even the king might be served in his palace.”
Kesari smiled. “He used to tease you about not being able to taste them for yourself.”
“He did,” Lucian muttered grumpily. “Scoundrel.”
She polished off the rest of the scone and licked the last sticky sp
ots of honey from her fingertips. Her path took them past the palace with its elegant masonry and tall, spired towers, and Kesari slowed. Several bards competed for listeners’ attention and coin outside the gates, and for a second, she could almost see Navya’s skirts twirling around her legs as she danced to their music. They didn’t like when people stayed too long to listen without tossing some token of appreciation their way, but none of them had ever been able to resist little Navya’s wide-eyed innocence and childish charm. Her high, girlish laugh seemed to echo in Kesari’s ears even now.
She pushed the memories aside along with the ache in her chest. Being here without her siblings made it all feel wrong somehow, off-balance. Before she moved on, she made a mental note to tell Mitul about this place when she got back to the tower. He might enjoy playing here sometime during their stay in Deveaural.
The buildings began to thin out a little the closer they got to the coast, and the sounds of music, carriages, and chattering people were replaced by seagulls’ cries and the gentle rush of ocean waves breaking against the shore. They reached the docks, where ships of all types were being loaded and unloaded in preparation for their next voyage. She tried to identify each one the way Rajiv had shown her. There were agile schooners built with shallow drafts so they could navigate treacherous shoals, sturdy brigs often used as merchant vessels, frigates that were as fast as they were armed and deadly, and even a few hulking galleons anchored farther out to sea. A number of small fishing boats floated between the larger vessels.
Kesari stuck her hands deep into her pockets, closed her eyes, and inhaled the salty air. Of all the places in Deveaural she loved, the docks had always been her favorite. Rajiv’s too. She could almost hear his voice on the wind, as clear as it had been the day their dad brought them here to see an enormous sea dragon some Atrean naval ship had captured.
See that ship, Kes? Someday, I’m going to sail on a ship like that. You can come with me when you’re old enough. We’ll explore the whole world together.
Her eyes burned. She snapped them back open and kept walking. The market was already in sight.
In addition to the typical residents going about their business, this area was also populated by a few hundred seafaring individuals—captains, sailors, fishermen, deckhands, and more than a few unsavory-looking types who may or may not have been pirates. There were even a few people in long seafarer’s coats very much like the one Kesari wore, and she held her head a little higher at the idea that she almost looked like she belonged here, like she was one of them.
Almost. It was Rajiv’s coat, and he was the one who had belonged here, once upon a time. Kesari was only pretending, clinging to scraps of cloth and memory as if that would somehow bring her brother back to life.
She slipped into the bustling market crowd. An assortment of smells and sounds bombarded her senses, and she kept an eye out for the items she needed as she wove her way between stalls and passersby. Her first purchase was a large woven basket, into which she loaded all the ingredients for a flavorful clam chowder her mum used to prepare. She was pretty sure she was remembering everything, though she didn’t have any expectations of the dish turning out half as good as Mum’s. Still, her mouth began to water at the very thought of its rich flavor, served with freshly baked bread and sugared strawberries in cream for dessert.
The shadows had lengthened significantly by the time she finished her shopping and headed back toward Jameson’s tower. She let her feet carry her on instinct, following the quickest, most familiar route from the docks. Her path took her through the city square. She kept her eyes on the ground, ignoring the looming shadow of the bell tower above her. Her grip tightened around the heavy basket.
“Kes?” Lucian whispered. “Are you all right?”
Her breaths felt short and strained. She stopped walking and let her gaze drift up to the top of the tower, now home to that fancy new belfry instead of the old clock that had once been there. That would still be there, if not for…
She tried to swallow, but the knot in her throat was too big. Her mind drifted back to the conversation she’d had with Lucian in Malfram.
How are you supposed to keep running from it for the rest of your life?
Maybe he was right. Maybe facing her past really was the first step toward finding peace. After all, breaking her Bond wouldn’t bring Rajiv back. It wouldn’t erase what had happened here. Nothing could.
She wandered over to a stone pedestal at the base of the building. Two columns of names were engraved on a metal plate there. Fifty-three names, to be exact. Kesari didn’t count them, but she knew. She couldn’t read very well, but she also knew exactly where to find her older brother’s name among the rest. It winked up at her in the gleam of the sun, two-thirds down the first column.
Rajiv Thomas Eves. Dead, like all the rest. Because of her.
She stared up at the tower again and blinked back the tears burning at her eyes, but it wasn’t so easy to quell the sudden thundering in her chest or the churning in her stomach.
A familiar voice drifted from the lantern. “Breathe, Kes. Just breathe.”
But she couldn’t. Her racing heart threatened to explode, and her lungs were so tight she was sure she would suffocate. Ash filled her nose, her mouth, her throat. It burned her from the inside out, dry and coarse. It blew around her in the breeze, lit by tiny embers that threatened to catch her clothes and hair on fire.
The street noises behind her turned into horrified cries. She clamped her hands over her ears, but it didn’t help. She could still hear them, could still feel the heat radiating from the burning tower, torrid against her skin.
Something fell on her shoulder. She pushed it off and whipped around to look for an escape.
Saya’s face hovered in front of her, concern creased into her brow. She reached for Kesari. Her lips moved, but Kesari couldn’t hear what she was saying through those awful, frenzied screams.
She wrapped gentle fingers around one of Kesari’s wrists. Kesari allowed her hand to be pulled away from her ear so she could hear what Saya was saying.
“What’s wrong?” The young warrior’s voice was distorted and distant.
Lucian answered, but Kesari couldn’t make out his words. She looked down at him, his flames lapping against the glass of his lantern.
She tore it away. His flames couldn’t hurt her, but—no, she had to get rid of them. She threw the lantern onto the ground, along with the fiery being inside. The glass shattered. Someone yelled.
The fire was everywhere now. Behind her, in front of her, lapping at her coat, creeping over Saya’s skin and hair.
And then Lucian’s voice again. “Breathe, Kes. You’re safe.”
“We’re going to die.”
“It was a long time ago. No one is dying now.”
“The fire.” She looked around again, blinked a few times. There was no fire. But her heart continued to pound like a drum, and she could still feel the smoke suffocating her.
“You’re right here in Deveaural with me and Saya,” Lucian said. “We’re safe. Can you feel the sun on your face? Can you feel the breeze? Take a deep breath, and you can smell the ocean.”
Her breath came in shallow, panicked puffs, but she tried to focus on Lucian’s voice. She could feel the warmth on her face like he’d said, not from a fire, but the orange glow of the setting sun. A gentle breeze blew strands of hair across her brow, and when she sucked in a deep breath, there was a whiff of salt in the air. Saya was still holding onto her wrist, and she could feel the place where their skin met, too. The screams that had seemed so real moments before melted away, replaced by happy voices engaged in ordinary conversation and the clip-clop of horse hooves on the cobblestone streets.
It wasn’t real. The fire, the danger, the screams—none of it was really happening. It had happened a long time ago. Right now, she was safe.
Her heart was still racing, though not as fast as before, and her breathing became a little easier. She inhaled ano
ther deep breath as Saya led her to a nearby bench. She sat down, and Saya went back for the broken lantern and the basket, which Kesari had dropped sometime during her panic. Lucian hovered beside her shoulder, silent and watchful, but she couldn’t look him in the eye.
She shook her head, trying to clear away lingering traces of the memory. She hadn’t even had a nightmare that bad in months, and this had felt so much more real. The panic and fear had hit her with the same force as the day it had happened, like she was right back there all over again.
She shuddered involuntarily as Saya sat down beside her. “How can I help?”
“I’m fine,” she replied, but her voice lacked any semblance of conviction.
“I think it’s pretty clear that you’re not.” Saya’s voice was gentle, not intrusive or prodding, simply honest and concerned. They sat there in silence for a few minutes, Kesari still trying to regain control of her frantic heartbeat and her scattered thoughts. Flashes of memory kept popping into her mind, and she couldn’t fully get rid of the waves of emotion that accompanied them. She kept seeing Rajiv’s back as he ran into the burning building.
If only he’d come back out. If only she’d stopped him. If only she hadn’t been so reckless.
“What are you doing here anyway?” she asked Saya, more as a way to distract herself than because she actually cared to know.
“We all went out to look for you,” Saya replied. “We got worried when you didn’t come back after a while. I remembered passing by here earlier, the look on your face.” She shrugged. “I thought it might be significant to you somehow, so I came to see if you were here.”
Kesari swallowed. They all went looking for her. They cared enough about her to worry when she didn’t come back. Saya cared enough about her to notice the expression on her face, knew her well enough to realize it meant something.
Knowing all that burst something inside Kesari, and all the emotion she’d been holding in since coming to Deveaural surged out like water from a broken dam. She doubled over, buried her face in her hands, and cried. The cuffs of her coat—Rajiv’s coat—were soon soaked through.
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