by Barbara Lohr
“Thanks. The shampoo is my own concoction, lots of lavender and shea butter. Think I might market it.”
“Heck, I would.” Even the conditioner smelled heavenly. “What are you going to call it?”
“Orgasm,” Phoebe said with no hesitation.
When Diana laughed, the bandages on her face pulled at her skin. “Stop,” she said. “No more of that. Laughing hurts my face.” Still, inside the laugh felt really good.
Wrapping a towel around Diana’s head, Phoebe stepped back. “Didn’t they tell you to take those bandages off once in a while? When my brother got burned working at a gas station he gave it some air.”
“Yes, every three or four days and I do. But I sure don’t want them off all the time.”
By the time Phoebe gathered her supplies together to leave, Diana felt like a new person.
“Carolyn will pick you up tomorrow for book club,” Phoebe said at the door. “Six forty-five. You be ready or I’m coming to get you myself.”
“Oh, I don’t know.” Was she ready for that raucous group?
“No excuses now. They’re all asking about you.” Giving Diana a careful hug, Phoebe said, “Remember, we’re all in this together. They want to know you’re all right.”
The words eased their way into Diana’s heart. How lucky was she to have friends like this? “Thanks. Truth is, I’m getting cabin fever.”
“You know this group will blow the doors right off,” Phoebe said with one of her sassy grins. Joking around, Diana had forgotten for a second that she was scarred for life. Her friend left. Feeling better, Diana straightened up, tossing deli containers and junk mail into the black plastic trash bag hanging on her right arm.
Then she passed the mirror and that horrible bandage stared back at her. Her skin had been so smooth. But there wasn’t much she could do about it. What did Grandma Kit always say? “No use crying over spilt milk.” She was making a life for herself here in Gull Harbor. The past few days, people had shown her nothing but support. Time to look forward instead of back.
The following evening, she pulled on her jeans and an aqua hoodie with bell sleeves that could fit over the bandages on her left arm. She’d planned to change her dressing the next day but one glance in the mirror and the plan changed. Her generous use of eye makeup showed on her bandage.
With only fifteen minutes before Carolyn arrived, she rushed to set out her supplies. Diana was peeling the dressing from her arm when the bell rang. Rats.
“Sorry I’m a little early,” Carolyn said when Diana opened the door. “I stopped at Clancy’s but the shopping didn’t take that long.”
Closing the door on the chilly November breeze, Diana said, “I decided to change my dressing. Actually I could use some help.” It wasn’t easy to apply the tape with only one hand.
“Sure. No problem.” Slinging her shoulder purse onto the sofa, Carolyn followed Diana to the counter where fresh gauze and tape were laid out, along with the ointment.
“I hope this doesn’t gross you out.”
“I’m a big girl, Diana. And I teach high school, remember? You wouldn’t believe what the seniors pull their last day of class. Does it hurt?”
“A little.” The bandage stuck to the fine hair on her arm. What hurt more was just looking at the huge blisters that had formed. “Ugly, huh?’
“Yeah, but it’s temporary.”
“Don’t know yet. It’ll never be the same. I’ll never be the same.”
After rinsing the soap from her hands, Carolyn twisted the water off. “Nothing ever is. Just as long as the important things stay the same, like the people in your life. How has Will been through all this?”
“He’s been great. Wants to help with everything.” Diana blew out a breath, and Carolyn handed her a clean wet towel. First she blotted the skin with warm water. Then she went over it with a dry towel, being oh so careful. “Look, I know this could be worse. I could have been caught in a terrorist bomb blast or crushed in a hurricane. My house could have burned down or flooded with river mud. Those disasters happen around the world, and I feel terrible for the people involved. But...”
Okay, so she was turning into a whiner.
“This is your personal disaster,” Carolyn said softly. “And I totally understand, but you’re not allowed to make it into a catastrophe. Got it?”
Diana exhaled. “Got it.” Carolyn’s sensible approach was definitely what she needed right now. She applied the ointment carefully, and then Carolyn helped her tape on the gauze.
Her face was next. The cheek stung as Carolyn slowly peeled back the tape. “Not bad. You’re lucky.”
Hope in her heart, Diana dashed into the bathroom. The reflection in the mirror crushed her. “It’s huge.” Like her arm, the skin had blistered.
Coming up behind her, Carolyn frowned. “The half-moon is dime-size. Some people would pay for a tattoo like that.”
“On their face?” Diana sputtered. “Come on, Carolyn. I look totally disgusting.” Her hands shook as she went through the cleansing ritual, anxious to have the burn covered again. From the half-moon, as Carolyn called it, three small dots dripped in a graduated line.
“Burns take time, right?” Carolyn said softly. “Didn’t you ever splash yourself with grease or oil when you were growing up?”
“No. My grandmother didn’t even want me near the stove. I never learned to cook.”
“If you can read, you can cook.” There was that common sense again. “Anyway, I spattered myself plenty growing up. You learn to have respect for oil and fats. The scars fade.”
“Wish I’d known.” She tucked the gauze and ointment in a drawer. No using fussing about this any longer. “Have I made us late?”
“Nope. Come on. Let’s go.” Waiting at the front door, Carolyn jiggled the doorknob.
“Do you think I look all right?” Diana looked down at her jeans. Carolyn was wearing a mini skirt over tights. “Those black boots are to die for.”
“You look fine. Sometimes you sound like Mercedes. This is Gull Harbor, not Manhattan or Chicago. But you might want a jacket over that hoodie.”
Diana snatched a green quilted vest from the closet, and Carolyn helped her pull it on.
“What you need is a night with the girls,” Carolyn said as they headed up the highway to Phoebe’s place in the woods.
“I think you’re right.” Getting out felt good. Work was one thing but this was fun with friends.
Laughter and conversation met them when they burst through the door at Phoebe’s. “You came!” Chili called out. “See I told you, this is one tough chica!”
Nothing had changed with the group. They were rowdy and fun. Sarah had brought a baby book, and Kate was looking through names. This early, Kate didn’t know if the baby was a boy or a girl, but Sarah was already planning a baby shower. Plans were going full steam ahead.
As the evening unfolded, Diana relaxed. How amazing. Her book buddies accepted her just as she was and didn’t pester her with questions.
But it wasn’t the girls Diana was worried about, it was Will. The sweet, steady man who hadn’t called her beautiful since that terrible Sunday.
Chapter 16
By mid-November, the bandages were off Diana’s arm. But the pink scars itched, and her arm and hand looked like they’d been splashed with Pepto Bismol. She wore long sleeves now, with ruffles if you could find them.
Her face was another thing entirely, and Diana left that bandage in place, religiously changing the dressings and hoping for a miracle. The half-moon plus three small dots beneath her left cheekbone were still horrifying. “The markings will fade,” Dr. Harris, the dermatologist that Dr. Jordan had recommended, told her on her last visit. “There might be a scar, Diana. But nothing major. It will shrink and fade with time.”
She left the office feeling relieved but still kept Will at arm’s length. When he suggested going up to St. Joe for dinner or to the restaurant at Tabor Hill Winery, she always had an excuse. No way was s
he appearing in public or facing Will across a table. At work, her hands were always on display, and she learned to live with it. She kept her face bandaged.
Desperate to find a solution, she even made a trip to Phoebe’s Place one evening. Sitting her down in the black vinyl chair, Phoebe had fussed until Diana wanted to scream. “Nothing is going to work,” she finally groaned.
Squeezing Diana’s shoulders, Phoebe made eye contact in the mirror. “Look, you are a beautiful woman. Sure, I can cut your hair into something shorter that will swing more, but it will never cover your cheek, darlin’. You’re going to have to learn to live with this. It’s not as bad or big as you think.”
Diana gently fingered the bandage. “Darn thing itches like crazy.”
“Do you mind if I take a peek?” Phoebe asked softly.
“Okay,” Diana whispered, settling back in resignation.
Padding to the front door in her flip-flops, Phoebe changed the sign to Closed before returning to peel back the bandage. Diana studied her reaction. Phoebe’s full lips formed a plump bow. “You probably don’t want to hear this, but it’s not bad and could be sexy.”
“Sexy. What are you smoking?” Sometimes Phoebe was totally off the wall.
“Why not let this baby have some air? I think what’s itching is the latex from the tape. Did you ever have trouble wearing Band-Aids when you were growing up?”
Diana thought back to the Sleeping Beauty Band-Aids Grandma Kit bought for her when she fell on the playground. The ones that drove her crazy. Phoebe could be right. Diana skated one hand lightly over the angry raised areas that bracketed the actual scar. “That might help but... “ The thought of exposing this ugly mess made her stomach churn.
“What did the doctor say?”
“She said it would fade in time.”
Phoebe shook her head. “You don’t want to mess with that darlin’. We gotta learn to play the hand life deals us.”
But Diana’s face had been the one area of her life where she felt like she held a full house. The one thing that worked for her.
The smile faded from the hairdresser’s face. “Look, lady, where is that sassy gumption I’ve seen in you? You are gorgeous, and that isn't to going to change.”
“Oh, I think it already has.” Diana thought back to the “Hi, beautiful” that she never heard anymore from Will.
“I have a cousin who does summer stock up in Saugatuck.” Phoebe tapped a finger against her lower lip. “Mickey uses some kind of heavy makeup she swears will cover anything. One of the actors has a port wine stain on his face, and he uses it offstage too.”
Hope fluttered in Diana’s chest. “Really? Where can I buy it?”
“I’ll find out, but I still don’t think you need it. Shit happens, Diana. And there’s nothing we can do about it.” Her eyes turned distant, like she was thinking of the past. Phoebe never talked about herself. She was too busy fixing everyone else’s problems.
Driving back to her bungalow that night, Diana tried to put the whole thing in perspective. Thank goodness Phoebe had noticed the welts. Maybe latex free bandages would help. She wasn’t ready to take the covering off entirely.
November darkness shrouded the road ahead. How she wished she could dial summer back to those first carefree days with Will. But Phoebe was right. Some things you just can’t change.
When Will called later that night about the weekend, she put him off.
“I’m hosting my book group next week,” she told him. “Haven’t read a page and have to look over appetizer recipes. So sorry.” How lame was that? He knew she hardly ever cooked.
Will must be watching football. She could hear a crowd roar in the background and wished she was there with him, eating popcorn the way they had during Monday Night Movies. “Please don’t push me away,” Will finally said.
“I’m not,” she said softly. Oh, how she wanted to feel his comforting arms around her. But not when she still looked like this.
“I miss you. Don’t let what happened separate us.”
His words clutched her heart and twisted. “I miss you too, but I need some time, okay?”
“Your looks don’t matter to me, Diana. We have so much more than that.”
She didn’t believe that for a minute. Still, she squirmed with uncertainty. “You’re a good man, Will, but I just...”
The hiss of his breath cut across her nerve endings. “I never should have let you go back into that kitchen. We had to declare the accident, you know. State will be back.”
That put a whole new spin on it. “Oh, Will. I’m so sorry.” Had she ruined his professional life too?
“It’s all right. I can handle the state.” He paused. “But I can’t handle not seeing you. I want us to be fine.”
What could she say? They’d been so good together before the accident. He’d accepted her past mistake, even made her see it differently. But now this.
After they hung up, she picked up her electronic reader. Three pages later, she couldn’t remember what she’d read. Who would she be without her good looks? The question haunted her.
Growing up, life hadn’t been easy. She’d been teased plenty about not having a father. Things only got worse after her mother skipped town. “The girls are jealous because you’re so pretty. You know I don’t give out false compliments,” her grandmother told her, braiding her hair. “Pretend it doesn’t bother you a bit. You’re going to have a bigger life than Monica Lewis or Betty Sue Page.”
The very next day, Monica and her friends cornered Diana in the bathroom and snipped off her braids. Junior high had been the pits.
Furious, her grandfather had visited every parent. The bullying stopped but the friendships never developed. Well, those girls back in Newtown were now saddled with a slew of kids and husbands who hung out at the Dew Drop Inn every night. Diana was the girl who’d gone to school in Indianapolis, the Big City, as everyone called it, as if there wasn’t another one in the entire country. Jaws must have dropped when her grandmother told everyone about Diana’s store in Chicago.
But now this. She’d survived her past. Would she let this defeat her now?
Lying on the sofa that Saturday night, she tried to concentrate on the mystery for book group. She read the words but nothing registered. Finally, she gave up. Her body and soul ached for Will, and what they’d had before this happened.
Under the stark light of the bathroom mirror, she ran the flat of her fingers over the pink splotch on her cheek. The welts were going down. Afraid to risk anything, she bathed the cheek in cool water and then dried the scar and covered it with ointment. What would happen if she didn’t bandage it? Maybe it was time to find out.
Over the next couple days, the swelling seemed to ease. The half-moon remained. If customers noticed it, they said nothing.
The night of book group, she heard the girls giggling on her front porch before they even rang the bell. Diana threw open the door.
“How’s the patient?” Kate asked, giving her a hug.
“Guess I’ll live.”
“I’d say so. Atta girl.” Pulling back, Kate studied the burn. “Sorry that happened, Diana.”
Chili crowded Kate out of the doorway. “Ah, caramba. Pobrecita!” She almost choked Diana with a ferocious hug then held her at arm’s length. “Not so bad, eh?”
“I think she looks sexy with that half-moon,” Phoebe chimed in, bringing up the rear.
“Trust me, I do not feel sexy.” But it felt good to talk about it, just like taking off the bandages.
“How are you feeling, Kate?” she asked, hustling into the kitchen area and bringing back the brie wrapped in phyllo dough, still warm from the oven. What a relief to find this easy recipe on the Internet, her kind of cookbook.
“Tired.” Kate fell back on the sofa. “Mercedes came into the office last week and found me sound asleep on the plans for the Holiday Walk. Guess I was snoring.” They all laughed.
Returning to the kitchen, Diana grabbed the bowl of
bread rounds. “That’s normal, right?”
The bell rang and Sarah charged in, her hair a mass of frizzy curls. “What did I miss?”
“Me complaining about feeling tired,” Kate said with a yawn. “And this nausea. When does this stop? I can’t even look at a cheese crown. That’s serious.”
The bell chimed again and Carolyn stepped inside. “Hey, how are you doing, lady?” She hugged Diana. “Need any help?”
“Want to open the wine?”
“Excellent.” How lucky she was to have this group. Carolyn followed her into the kitchen area, where Diana handed her the opener.
Carolyn’s eyes skimmed her face. None of the women looked at her arm. “Is it improving?”
“Yes, but it’s not disappearing,” Diana whispered.
“Gotcha.” Carolyn got to work on the wine.
As usual, they discussed the book for about fifteen minutes and then moved on. The conversation focused on the expectant mother, which suited Diana just fine.
“And what about you, Diana?” Sarah finally asked. “How are you doing?”
Setting her wine glass on the coffee table, Diana swept back the hair over her cheek. “Getting used to it. What do you think?”
“Looks like it’s coming along,” Kate said.
“Burns probably fade.” Sarah reached for more bread and Brie. “My cousin burned his arm, and in a few years time, you could hardly see it.”
A few years? Diana cringed.
“What was Will’s reaction?” Kate asked softly.
“He’s being, ah, great about it.” Not the time to let everyone know she didn’t want to see Will. Lordy, she missed him in so many ways. It wasn’t just the sex. She missed his smile. His great sense of humor. And she missed dancing with him on Sundays. Jan had called to say she could return when she was ready. She wasn’t ready. Not yet.
“Will’s a good guy,” Chili spoke up. “He’s not a man who’d feel differently.”
“Oh, no. Of course not.” She waved the concern away with more confidence than she felt.