by Mahi Mistry
His eyes. A small smile appeared on my lips when I stared up at them. They didn’t know which color they wanted to be, at one moment they were dark blue like the ocean or moss green like a forest. They were beautiful.
He was beautiful.
A shudder ran through my body when those dark, feral eyes raked over my body, his cold yet gentle palm sliding down my bare back, touching me skin to skin. I instinctively arched up to him because of his touch, my front pressing up against the smooth fabric of his shirt, and I sighed at the feeling of his muscles stiffening. He hummed, the sound rumbling from his throat making me shiver. His hand dipped down my dress to stay at my lower hip. My hand tightened around his other palm, and I looked away from his piercing, probing eyes.
It felt as if he could read me. Could see through me.
My eyes trailed down to his broad shoulders swathed in a black suit which didn’t help hiding his muscles. He was wearing a crisp black shirt underneath the suit, and the top few buttons of his shirt were open, revealing a hint of tan skin. Blood warmed my cheeks, and I looked away from his body, trying to keep up with his graceful dancing.
Who are you? My mind wondered. Do I know you? I feel like I have known you all my life and not at all.
This strange, handsome man took me by surprise as he twirled me around, almost forcefully, but caught me in his arms. I gasped and searched for his eyes as my palms flattened on his shirt, feeling his wild heartbeat. I could feel him gazing down at me, searching for something.
“Who are you?”
We both asked the same question. His voice was a rich timbre, much deeper than I predicted. My mouth went dry when I trailed my hand up his neck to cup his jaw. He didn’t mind because he was doing the same. We had stopped dancing and were standing in the corner, away from the glowing lights of the chandelier, in the dark where his palm cupped my cheek, making me look at him, demanding his attention. His touch was soft but firm, warming my cheek and neck.
I felt hot and cold when I blinked up at him. “I feel like I know you.”
I know you by my heart.
His arm around my waist tightened, and I bit my lip when my breasts pressed up against his shirt. I shouldn’t be here, standing in the dark corner, leaning up on a handsome stranger. I was about to push him away when his hand lowered to my neck, his finger brushing up on the crook of my neck, feeling my increasing pulse as I felt his heartbeat.
“I have known you for my entire life,” he muttered darkly, his voice rich and smoky, “Haven’t I? I am not so sure anymore.”
Lights flickered on in the hall and I saw him.
That voice. Those eyes. That hair. Those lips.
A sharp exhale escaped my lips and my heart thumped loudly in my chest. I stared back at him, his dark pupils widening. Blue and green eyes gazing at every little inch of my face, my skin.
No, it couldn’t be.
But it was happening.
His heterochromic diamond-like eyes drilled into me as if I was naked and bare and he could see me. See everything that I was feeling right now.
After all these years . . .
I shivered when he exhaled sharply, warm breath caressing my bare neck.
“Ethan,” I whispered.
“Bella,” he whispered as if it was a prayer.
That voice. Those eyes. That hair. Those lips.
Her pupils widened, warm dark brown eyes gazing at my face, her body pressed against mine in a familiar way. The scent of black vanilla and coconut wafted in my nose, and I wanted to press her closer and lean down to bury my face in the crook of her neck and that familiar scent. Her fingers tightened over my shirt, scrunching the fabric when she let out a whisper of my name.
“Ethan.”
“Bella,” I replied, whispering her name like a prayer.
I would have closed my eyes, but I was scared to open them and find her gone, just like waking up from those nightmares I used to have. I slid my palm over her back. She shivered. Her hair was much longer than before, brushing over my hand.
She was truly here. With me. In my arms.
“You are here,” I managed to say, my eyes raking over her stunning red dress. “You look beautiful, Kiara.”
“You look . . .” her soft husky voice paused, her eyes darkening, but she closed them, shaking her head lightly.
I wanted her to finish the sentence.
Gently grabbing her jaw, I murmured, “Finish that sentence, Bella.”
Her skin felt warm under my touch, the pulse in her neck increasing as she opened her eyes and said,
“You look just like I had been dreaming about.”
How is it possible for this tiny woman to say a few words and make me forget about everything?
I wanted to ask her so many questions, yet I stayed silent, still overwhelmed with the feeling of having her back in my arms and whispering those sweet words to me.
Abruptly, she pulled away, her eyes looking anywhere but my face. “I should go.”
I nodded, she should. But a second later, I regretted letting her go when I watched her turn around, walking away from me. My heart was still beating wildly when she disappeared in the crowd. My palms were tingling where I had touched her back and cupped her cheek.
Fuck. Snap out of it, Ethan. It’s been six years and you’re still not over her. I chuckled at my conscience and grabbed a flute of champagne. One does not just get over Kiara Sharma. Especially when you loved her as deeply as I did.
It had been six years since I last saw her, made love to her, watched her cry and then sleep peacefully in my arms. But I knew that since then, both of us had changed. Her eyes were a similar shade of brown but seemed mature. Her hair was longer and there was something about her that I knew she was doing well.
After reading her diary in the airplane, I had puked out my breakfast in the washroom because thinking about what happened to her still made my stomach clench. After three months of refusing to answer my calls and texts, she finally replied to one text.
Me: Are you okay?
She had replied when I had landed in New York for the first time since she left.
Bella: No. But I will be. Take care of yourself, Ethan Kane.
Somehow, that text had made me smile, knowing what she meant. She needed to get better on her own, and she was such a stubborn ass that I knew she would do this on her own. Be okay with herself and get better.
Me: You too, Kiara Sharma.
My hands clenched in a fist. It had been six years, so why was I still stuck on her? I had moved on. But seeing her a few moments ago with her soft voice and brown eyes and that familiar scent of black vanilla and coconut, it overwhelmed me.
I shook my head, no. Nothing is happening. Nothing has changed. I just met my ex-best-friend-slash-ex-girlfriend after six years. No big deal. Drinking down the champagne, I marched toward the hall to distract myself of all the thoughts.
“Ethan?” I paused and turned around to see none other than Jake O’Neal, the man who helped introduce me to modelling. “How’s it going, man?”
I smiled at him as we hugged and patted each other’s back. He grinned at me, his blue eyes twinkling as we talked about the event, the gala, and the fundraiser, and what was going on in each other’s life.
I caught the ring around his left hand and raised my eyebrow, “Getting married, huh?”
Jake looked down at the glinting ring and smiled warmly. Damn, he was whipped. “Yes, we got engaged at the end of May, glad she said yes. We are getting married next month.”
I grinned, seeing flustered Jake for the first time in my life. He had always been confident and charming, but to see his cheeks flush just talking about his fiancée was an odd sight. “Congratulations, I am happy for you.”
“Thank you, you are definitely invited to the wedding,” he said and looked around. “She’s right here, come on, I will introduce you to her.”
With a small smile, I went along with him. It was good to see him after such a long time. He seeme
d more mature than before. I could still remember the time when Elliot had contacted me for the first time for a modelling gig, when Liam and I had made it to the A-Level of qualifications. I had flatly denied. He had sent Jake to talk with me as he was also a basketball player before he focused on turning modelling into his career. He had always been a good man and to see him engaged, with the lovey-dovey look on his face, made me happy for him.
“Ah, there you are,” he murmured. “Babe, meet my old friend.”
I turned to see who he was calling, and my heartbeat stuttered to a stop when I saw his arm wrapped around her waist. She faced me and my gut tightened when I saw her wide eyes, her smile washing away. My eyes dropped to her left hand, and sure enough, there was a diamond ring glinting on her ring finger that I hadn’t noticed before.
Fuck.
“Ethan,” she said my name in a way that she was about to explain this to me, but I shook my head. She didn’t need to explain herself. She had done that enough already.
“Oh, you two seem to know each other,” Jake said, noticing the obvious tension in the air.
I clenched my jaw and looked at him and then fixed my gaze on Kiara.
“She was my ex-girlfriend.”
“He was my ex-best friend.”
I couldn’t help it, a humorless chuckle escaped my lips. Ex-best friend? Right. Kiara’s lips pursed as Jake tried to ease the crackling heaviness between us.
“Oh, well, I will let you guys sort this out,” he said and bent down low to whisper something in her ear, kissing her temple. He offered me a smile before walking away and leaving the two of us alone in the middle of the crowded hall.
I glared at her and looked away. I wanted to be angry, but I wasn’t. Yes, I felt like throwing things around, but I didn’t. Kiara was getting married. My Bella—no, now Jake’s Bella, was getting married to him next month.
Does he call her Bella? What sweet name does he whisper to her when they are alone? Do her eyes light up with golden flecks in them—
No. Stop it.
My anger flared away when her palm wrapped around mine, pulling me from my thoughts as she took me away from the crowd to the open balcony with a gorgeous scene of city lights. Cold breeze brushed my face, and I wanted to thank her for bringing me out here, because I knew I was about to lose my shit in there. Judging by the look on her face, she knew it too. After all these years, she still remembered.
We both stayed silent, watching each other. I could still feel the soft pressure of her hand holding mine, my palm tingling at the sensation, now feeling bereft without her.
I looked away first. Clenching my jaw, I said, “So, you are getting married?”
“I am sorry, Ethan.”
My eyes met hers, “What are you apologizing for?”
She took a deep breath, and I hated myself for noticing the way her chest rose and the top of her dress tightened around her golden skin. She is engaged, asshole.
“For a lot of things,” she sighed and went to lean on the marble edge. “I should have opened up to you about my anxiety . . . about all of it. But I didn’t and left you like a coward.” I saw the bob in her throat as she gulped before adding softly, “I should have called you. Told you about the book. About Jake. Everything.”
I leaned beside her, watching her tuck her hair behind her ear because of the chilly wind. “Yes, you should have, Kiara, but I have come to an understanding as to why you did what you did. You . . . you needed to get better on your own because you are stubborn and wouldn’t ask for help. How is it now? Does Jake know?”
Kiara looked at me, the corner of her lips twitching as she gave me a small smile. “Yes, some nights are better than the others, but therapy helps. Jake knows.” She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head, “I am terribly sorry, Ethan. I should have called you, talked to you, but I was scared.”
“Stop apologizing, Bella. You are in a better place and I can see that you are happy.” Happy with Jake. “Why were you scared?” I asked softly, not liking the sad frown etched on her face.
“Scared that you would be angry at me. Hate me.”
Fuck, I hated the way her voice wavered. Kiara Sharma was a lot of things, but a coward, she was not.
“I can never hate you, Kiara Sharma,” I said truthfully. “I was angry at you first, but then, just disappointed.”
She let out a weak chuckle and looked away. “God, I am a terrible person.”
“No.” I stepped closer, holding her hand and brushing my thumb on her knuckles, “You are not a terrible person. I forgave you a long time ago because I now know that you would have never told me about your anxieties and depression if we had stayed together. You would have bottled it up and let it eat you alive. In a way, I am happy that you left me, because it made you into who you are right now. I . . . I am proud of you, Bella.”
Thousand times. I had imagined us meeting thousands of different times, each scenario different from the other, each word planned out to woo her, see her smile before I see the dimple I desperately missed and take her to see my moms and then kiss her. But never did I imagine this. Seeing her here, with Jake as her fiancé.
“You’re proud of me?” She whispered those words as if she didn’t believe me.
I smiled. “Yes, I am. You published the book.”
“I did,” she whispered and blinked at me. “I watched you. I saw you during your swim trials and when you were selected for the Olympics.” My heartbeat increased when she squeezed my hand, a dimple forming in her left cheek as she grinned at me. “I am so proud of you, Ethan Kane.”
I don’t know why hearing those words from her lips brought the same warm feeling in my chest as when my moms said that to me.
I was surprised and relieved when she hugged me, wrapping her arms around my waist and burying her head in my chest just like old times. I smiled and pulled her closer, hugging her tight and enjoying her lingering scent, black vanilla and coconut.
Her voice was muffled when she said, “I missed you.”
She pulled back to look at me and I watched the tiny gold flecks in her warm brown eyes. I ran my hand through her hair and cupped her cheek, whispering, “I missed you too, Bella.”
Kiara held my palm, a small smile playing on her lips. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to savor the feeling of her lips against mine and see if she remembered the times I would kiss her just because I missed her lips pressing against mine. But I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. She was engaged. We both had moved on.
Yeah, I was lying to myself.
I pulled away from her first and kissed her forehead. “Are you hungry? I heard there’s gulab jamun for dessert.”
And just like that, it felt like we had never lost each other in the first place.
Ethan was right, there were gulab jamuns for dessert after dinner.
Jake invited him to sit with us when the dinner was announced, but he let us know that something urgent came up and he had to leave. Jake brushed it off, but I had spent eighteen years of my life with Ethan. I knew he was lying. He left because he didn’t want to create anymore tension between us, especially as I was engaged to Jake.
“Hey, you have been thinking a lot.” Jake’s words snapped me out of my stream of thoughts, and I turned to him as he drove the car. “You okay, sweetheart?”
We were going back to his house for the night, and my gut tightened into a ball and I didn’t know why. He entwined his hand with mine and kissed my knuckles.
I smiled at him, squeezing his warm hand and adoring the ring on his finger. “I am more than okay. But I never thought I would see Ethan there.”
Jake held my hand as we walked into his cozy house. Pictures of us smiling at each other framed in the bookshelf we had cleared last week, because I was going to move in with him soon, and he wanted to offer me as much space for books as he could.
“If you want to talk, I am here to listen, Kiara,” he whispered, kissing my neck.
I took a deep breath and turned around. His blue
eyes were dark under the dim lights of his house. I tipped on my toes and pecked his lips. “I am going to go take a shower.”
Upstairs, in the master bedroom ensuite, I had kept the door open for him to join me if he wanted to, but he hadn’t. In a way, I was thankful that he didn’t. I needed some time to think.
I met Ethan tonight. Ethan Kane. The boy I loved, who had grown into a mature, handsome man. I closed my eyes, trying to keep my emotions at bay. I had left him. He wasn’t mad at me, he was disappointed, but now he had come to terms with it.
Shaking my head, I changed into one of Jake’s t-shirts and let my wet hair down. I needed to stop thinking about him. Yes, we had a history together, but I was engaged to Jake. I am getting married to him next month, I need to focus on that.
When I stepped out of the bathroom, Jake was still in his suit, removing the cufflinks and talking to someone on the phone. I smiled at him and he smiled back mouthing ‘I love you,’ which made me giggle. He went back to answering the person on the phone while I hung up the dress that I had worn tonight in his closet, now, our closet space as he had helped me clear it up last week. Only my dress, a box of tampons and a few pairs of underwear were here. I would move my things from the apartment next week so that Anya and Andrew would have plenty of time to shift into their new home, and I wanted to help them as well after the wedding.
I was reading a fantasy romance with only the lamp on when Jake stepped out of the bathroom smelling clean and manly with a musky scent. I wasn’t surprised when he gathered me in his lap and kissed me. Cupping his cheeks, I kissed him back. I wanted to cherish his gentle touch on my thighs, his warm breath on my neck when he tasted my skin, but I couldn’t.
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I pulled away from him. “Babe, can we not?”
He looked at me for a while, surprised by what I had just said. He kissed my forehead and placed me down on the bed, “It’s about seeing Ethan today, isn’t it?”