by Mahi Mistry
“Ethan told me about your engagement, Kiara.”
Kiara tensed beside me, and I squeezed her hand under the table. Her palm was cold.
“Ma,” I said in a clipped voice, warning her not to prod.
Kiara clutched my hand and smiled at her, “Yes, I called it off.”
Lucy, my mom who was observing us, spoke up with a bright smile. “Well, if you must know, I almost got engaged to another woman before realizing how much I loved Helen.”
I sighed in relief when my moms looked at each other, their eyes full of love and adoration, making Eveline giggle.
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I stole a furtive glance at Kiara. She was doing the same. We both let go of each other’s hands at the same time and stayed quiet during most of the lunch.
We had an apple pie for dessert and then Eveline demanded Kiara to see her nail polish collection. I was sitting on her small bed, her room painted lilac purple, while my sister and Kiara sat on the soft rug, going through the various colors of the bottles.
“I think black will suit him the most,” my sister said after a moment.
What were they thinking?
I frowned, “No, I think—”
Kiara gave her the sweetest smile and my heart felt heavy when her eyes glinted with mischief, “Yes, you are absolutely right, Evey! We can use this pink as well.”
Sitting up straighter, I shook my head at them. “Actually, I’d rather not—”
My little sister gave her a toothy grin, taking the neon pink bottle in her hand. “Kiara, you’re brilliant!”
Oh, no.
“Now, if you have had your fun, can you please remove this?” I asked Kiara as soon as Eveline ran downstairs when Mom called her.
Kiara and Eveline had painted my fingernails in alternating colors of black and neon pink, giggling to themselves while I scowled at them. Just after one meeting, they were like best friends, and I was already scared that they might braid my hair the next time or apply makeup.
But deep down, I knew I would let them, just to make them happy and hear their laugh again.
She looked up from my sister’s little bookshelf to my face. A grin tugged her lips when she took in my outstretched hands, my fingers colored in horrifying nail polish.
“You don’t like it? I thought we both did an outstanding job adding glitter here,” she teased, pointing at my middle finger.
“Hilarious.” I deadpanned.
Kiara snickered and took my hand in hers after dabbing a cotton ball in acidic solution. It had a strong smell which I tried to ignore and focus on Kiara’s mild perfume twanged with coconut and black vanilla. While she removed the nail polish, I gazed at the way her eyebrows were furrowed with concentration. She had undone her braid after lunch, so few strands of her hair brushed her cheeks.
I raised my hand which was already clear of the nail paint and tucked her hair behind her ear. She paused for a moment and continued wiping the color from my nails. The pulse of her neck had increased, and her breathing had changed.
“See?” She said, her voice breathy, “It’s all clear now.”
My nails were the same as before, but I was focusing on her, why her neck and cheeks were flushing. Ignoring everything around me, I lightly tugged the strand of her hair and whispered, “What are you thinking, Bella?”
Her eyes flickered up to me, and the intensity of her deep brown eyes caught me off guard. Her hand was still on my lap as we were on the floor when she cleaned up my nails, and she was trying to ball her palm in a fist. When she looked away, I knew she was closing off and trying to hide away from me.
I didn’t want that. I wanted those golden flecked brown eyes on me, to look me straight in the eye, and tell me what she was feeling.
Leaning closer, I felt her take a shuddering breath. I tipped her chin toward me and dug my fingers on her waist, her body tensing at my touch.
I tilted my head, my eyes following the path of her creeping blush, down her slender neck to the cleavage of her dress and landing on the hardened tips of her nipples. My eyes met hers and I whispered, “Are you thinking what I am thinking?”
“What do you mean?” She replied, her voice a soft whisper on my lips. Her eyes were hooded and pupils dilated.
“Do you want me to kiss you, Bella?”
My hand slid up her waist, wrapping around her tiny body and pulling her closer to me. She was almost on my lap, her breasts pressed up against my shirt and her palms on my shoulder, bracing herself. I waited, my eyes on her parted lips, her hazy eyes, her heaving breasts. I rubbed the pad of my thumb on her bottom lip, brushing it lightly and feeling the softness of her pillowy lips.
I want to kiss you.
It was written all over my face. But I waited. Waiting for her to make a move because it was written all over her face too. How her eyes moved from my eyes to my lips, her hands holding my shirt tightly, afraid of letting me go and how she pressed up against me.
She closed her eyes, and I trailed my hand to cup her cheek. I watched the slow bob of her throat and she opened her eyes, her hands touching my neck, angling my face and pulling me close.
I waited.
Her lips parted, “Ethan, I want to—”
“Look what I found!”
Like two frightened teenagers caught watching porn, we both scrambled away from each other when Eveline entered the room. Thank God she didn’t see anything. Kiara’s face was flushed, and she was hiding it with her hair and asking my sister about the photo album that was in her hand. She had found the album of when we were kids.
I ran a hand through my hair and tried to talk with Eveline and be interested in watching young Kiara and Ethan in every picture, but I couldn’t. Because I was dying to know what Kiara wanted to say before she was going to kiss me. I wanted her to complete that sentence. I wanted to hold her in my arms again. Feel her warm, soft body press against me. Feel the whisper of her breath on my skin.
I wanted her to kiss me. I wanted to kiss her.
As soon as the main door of my house locked behind us, I pushed her against the door, her eyes wide with surprise.
“What are you doing, Ethan?”
I dropped the keys and her handbag on the floor. I didn’t care about it at that moment. I wanted to know what she was going to say in Eveline’s room. I caged her against the door, my arms planted on either side of her, “What were you going to say?”
Closing her eyes, she shook her head, her hands pressing up against my chest and pushing me away. “I can’t say that to you, Ethan. It was wrong.”
I followed her in the dim hallway, “What was wrong? That you flirted with me, that you’re attracted to me, you want to kiss me?”
Kiara turned around, tears glistening in her eyes, “Yes, Ethan, all of it. I want to kiss you, but I can’t.”
Taking a slow step toward her, I cupped her face and asked, “Why can’t you, Bella?”
Her voice was barely audible when she whispered, “Because I am afraid I will ruin you.”
“You won’t.”
“How can you know that?”
“Because I want to kiss you too.”
I kissed her.
It was nothing but a soft pressing of our lips against each other. The tight clench in my body released as I pulled her closer, running my hand through her hair and holding her there. She leaned against me, kissing me back with more fervor. Kiara released a small sigh, her hands clutching my shirt and pulling closer as she tipped on her toes to press herself against me. Electrifying goosebumps spread across my body when I licked the seams of her bottom lip, biting it with my teeth.
Kiara moaned, and I pulled away, both of us breathing heavily as we gazed at each other with hooded eyes filled with lust. I pushed her back on the wall, my hand wrapping around her slender throat, and slammed my lips against hers. I wanted her to know how much I craved her and how much I wanted her. I swallowed her small moans, her fingers tugging my hair making me groan between our hot, wet kisses.
The lack of oxygen made me pull away, breathing hard and noticing her mussed hair, flushed face, and gleaming eyes. A tear on her cheek.
I wiped it with my thumb, “Why are you crying, Bella?”
A gasp escaped my lips when Ethan wrapped his hand around my throat, his lips pressing against mine. He swallowed my moan. The intensity and passion of his kiss amazed me, rocked me to my core, making my toes curl in pleasure. I pulled him closer until there was no space between us and kissed him until I felt dizzy in my head. I wanted him to know how much I had missed him for all these years. I wanted him to know that I still remembered our teenage days. The last night of the prom. And the way we had made love during that night. I wanted him to know that I could never forget that or him.
I felt heady after the kiss when he pulled away. My breathing was heavy and my eyes hazed. Ethan’s hair was tousled, his shirt ruffled, but his blue-green eyes were light and clearer than ever before. They were staring straight at me, making my legs tremble.
His thumb brushed over my cheek and he whispered, “Why are you crying, Bella?”
I blinked up at him. Ethan. I kissed Ethan.
“I kissed you.”
“You did.”
My eyes widened, and I looked at his handsome face, his sharp jawline, and cheekbones which I was cradling in my palm moments ago. A shiver spiraled down my body and I pressed my back on the cold wall. I touched my lips and felt the tingles of his lips when they kissed me, biting them.
I shook my head, “I kissed you. Oh, God.”
Ignoring the sudden dizziness, I pushed him away, rushing to my room. He followed me, “Kiara, what happened?”
“I am sorry,” I said and closed the door behind me, my heart pounding in my ears. I stared at the reflection in the mirror. My face and neck were flushed. I cupped my mouth where I could still feel the lick of his tongue, the delicious pressure of his lips on mine, and the soft bite of his teeth.
“Bella.” His voice was soft and almost pleading, “Tell me what happened, what’s going on in your head?”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I am sorry, Ethan.”
“What are you apologizing for? Was the kiss that bad?”
My cheeks heated thinking about moments ago. That kiss was electrifying and had rocked me to my core. I shook my head even though he couldn’t see me.
“That kiss was . . . everything, Ethan,” I replied, not knowing how to put it in words.
“Open the door, I want to see you,” his voice was firm, all the softness gone.
Nerves balled up in my stomach as I unlocked the door and looked anywhere but his face. But I should have known that Ethan wouldn’t want that. He made me look at him, his hand on my jaw, holding my face. His face looked sharp with rough edges under the dim hallway lights, which made him look much more intimidating than before.
I licked my lips, waiting for him to say something or do something.
Ethan gave me one last look before tucking my hair behind my ear. I took a sharp intake of breath when he leaned closer, his lips pressing on my forehead. I missed the warm heat of his body when he pulled away.
“I am taking you out on a date tomorrow. Be ready at seven.”
My eyebrows raised and before I could stop him or ask him about the date, he turned and went to his room, closing the door shut.
I stayed there, my lips parted, as I stared at the closed door of his room. Closing my door, I leaned back and exhaled the breath I was holding. I knew that he meant it. He would take me on a date tomorrow.
What am I going to do?
The date was in the evening, but Ethan had to meet his agent at the last moment, so he had called me and told me he wouldn’t be able to pick me up. I searched for the address of the restaurant he had sent me, and my nerves tightened. He was pulling all the strings right. If his plan was to woo me then so far, he was succeeding. The restaurant was Italian and luxurious where you had to make a reservation a week in advance to get a terrace view table overlooking a beautiful lake.
I didn’t know how to dress up for it. I was confused, conflicted, and overwhelmed. Ethan was pushing me out of my comfort zone, breaking my walls, and pressing all the right buttons. Two hours left till the date, but I wondered if my plan was going to fail or not.
But he was Ethan, he would understand. Or even try to understand. He would do it. He would agree with me. I trusted him.
Take a deep breath, Kiara. It’s all going to work out.
For the first time in a while, I grinned to myself and couldn’t wait for it. I was excited and scared. In the next two hours, I showered, pampered myself, and washed my hair, giving it a blow-dry. I changed into a short black dress with a neck deep enough to show my little cleavage. The dress fabric was thick enough for me to skip wearing a bra, so I did. He wouldn’t be the only one pulling all the strings tonight. As the hem of the dress ended on my mid-thigh, I wore black sheer stockings and hooked them with lace garter belts.
With black sandals, gold earrings, and bold red lipstick, I was ready. I felt and looked great even though I was a nervous mess on the inside. I tugged the dress lower and pushed my wavy hair over my shoulder. I closed my eyes and counted to ten.
I was going to do it. No matter what happened, I would ask Ethan tonight.
When I entered the restaurant, the waiter led me upstairs where Ethan had reserved our table. I noticed a bar in the lower level when I walked to the stairs to go up. The interior was warm with extravagant details in the paintings hung on the dark red wallpaper. All the lights were muted and glowed with a soft light, making the cadence of the restaurant cozy.
My mouth dried when I noticed Ethan. He was wearing a black suit over a crisp white shirt with two buttons undone, revealing a tanned neck. I licked my lips and thanked the waiter when he left us. Ethan stood up. His eyes were hard to read when they roved over my body, staying far too long on my legs and chest. He loomed over me, his face inches away from me. I clenched my jaw, breathing in the musky scent of his cologne, and tried my best not to lean up and lick his throat.
I balled my hand in a fist, trying to stop all the dirty thoughts. He leaned down, brushing his lips against my ear as he whispered and pulled the chair for me. “You look fucking beautiful, Bella.” I took a shuddering breath at his deep voice, “And if we were alone, I would want you laid out as my personal feast.”
My cheeks warmed with blood when he pulled away. I watched him sit across me, looking calm and reserved while I was clenching my legs and already wondering if I should bailout.
No, Kiara. Ask him.
Clearing my throat, I asked him about his meeting with the agent. We both fell in a smooth conversation about work and colleagues while he also talked about Liam. Even though the main course was delicious with the sweet white wine, I couldn’t ignore the low thrumming in my stomach. My legs clenched at the way Ethan looked at me, like he knew I was wet. For him.
But my mind was on something, noticing his good looks, his manners, and the relationship he has with his family. It was confirmed when I spent the day with him and his family yesterday, and that kiss last night was only the beginning.
I took a sip of wine, relishing the sweet burn in my mouth and throat for one last time. I looked at my empty plate and decided that it was time.
My mind went back to my mother, the pain of losing her, the pain of leaving Ethan alone, the pain and hurt of being in London alone. I clenched the fork in my hand and decided that I didn’t want to be alone anymore. I wanted something much more. Especially after the breakup with Jake, I did not want to be alone.
Not anymore.
There was only one way I could achieve it, by having something, someone of my own.
Taking a deep breath, I looked at Ethan. “I want to ask something from you.”
His eyebrows furrowed, but he nodded, his eyes intense.
“I want your baby, Ethan.”
I had thought about thousands of ways on how this date with Kiara would
go, but listening to her asking for a baby, for a child from me was not what I had expected.
My eyes blinked at her because I thought I misheard her.
“What?”
Kiara licked her lips, her pillowy lips, which were painted in red. Fuck, she looks hot. I cleared my brain and focused on her when she repeated,
“I want a baby. Your baby.”
I stared at her for what felt like a minute before a soft chuckle escaped my lips. I had forgotten how Kiara was when she wanted to be, and she was pulling my leg.
But then I looked at her expression, her almond-shaped eyes were not crinkling with humor. They were serious.
“Kiara, what the fuck are you saying?” I asked, shocked, and surprised by her.
She wants a kid. A baby. My baby.
I don’t understand.
Kiara took a deep breath and explained, “Yes, you heard me. I want a kid and I know I sound insane right now but hear me out.”
“I am listening.”
“I . . . I have wanted a baby for a while. Jake and I broke up and I am thankful for that. But then I saw you yesterday with Eveline, and I knew that—”
“You wanted my sperm inside you?” I asked, my brain still processing all of it.
Her cheeks flushed, and she looked down at her plate, her hair covering her face. “Yes,” she muttered.
I stayed silent for a while and frowned. “Why didn’t you try it with Jake?”
Kiara looked at me and tucked her hair over her shoulder, giving me a full view of her cleavage. I clenched my jaw and listened to her, “We wanted to wait for the marriage.”
I raised my eyebrow.
She continued, “We never had sex. We decided together that it would be better after the marriage . . . and you know the rest.”
“You guys . . . never had sex?”
“Yes, Ethan.”
“Huh.”
I leaned back in the chair, staring at her. I could never understand how Jake controlled himself when he was with Kiara. Just sitting across from her made me want to splay her across the table and ravish her.