by Mandy Baggot
‘The cute one!’ came the very loud stage-whisper from Trent. ‘The one with the big Amanda Seyfried eyes!’
Seth stared at the ring-tailed lemurs. Was he really looking into their pools of yellowness and deciding on cuteness? Did his profile really need raising this desperately?
‘Little’ meant cute, didn’t it? ‘I’ll take this one,’ Seth said, opening his hands towards the animal the woman had called Jax.
‘Ok, just let me soothe him for a quick second.’ The keeper began smoothing her hands over the lemur’s head, buffing his ears a little until his eyes took on a look of someone who had been hypnotised. This lemur needs to be soothed before he’s handled by a non-professional. Right now, he was so glad Trent hadn’t got him the grizzly bears …
‘Does he bite?’ Seth asked, as he felt his manliness depleting by the second.
‘Do you?’ the handler asked before being taken over by a laughing fit Seth was surprised didn’t split her uniform.
He managed a nervous smile before the creature was handed to him and he frantically tried to work out the best place to put his fingers in order to grip the squirming animal securely, as well as avoiding any orifice that might emit bodily fluids – or solids.
‘Be calm,’ the keeper instructed. ‘No sudden movements or sounds.’ She grinned. ‘He might be little, but we didn’t name him after the lead in Sons of Anarchy for nothing.’
Seth held still, forcing a rather inane expression, really wanting to maim Trent. Jax emitted a growl.
‘I don’t think he likes animals,’ Lara remarked to Susie. They were only a few rows back, behind a large group of teenagers who seemed to have their phones fixed on a twenty-something onstage along from Seth Hunt, who had been introduced as a country music star. ‘He doesn’t look very comfortable holding the lemur.’
‘Give the guy a break,’ Susie said. ‘Have you ever held a lemur before? Anyway, I’m not particularly interested in his animal-handling skills. Instagram-worthiness, that’s all that matters.’ Susie adjusted the hat on her head. ‘And he has that by the bucket-load.’
‘It’s going to wee any minute,’ Lara remarked.
‘How can you tell?’
‘Any minute now …’
She watched Seth release the underneath grip he had of the lemur, as liquid began to squirt from its bottom, drenching his dark jeans. It seemed to be just enough distraction for the animal to seize its chance and it leapt from Seth’s arms, down onto the floor, scooting off the platform and heading for the crowd.
‘Oh God! It’s escaped!’ Susie exclaimed. ‘This is awful! Aren’t they endangered or something?’ Then, more worried: ‘Do they carry rabies?’
Zoo employees were trying to calm down the other animals being held by celebrities, while others tried to get down into the throng to pursue Jax. Lara tracked the animal, its tail making him easy to spot as onlookers either shied away from him, or tried to grab him. Instinctively, she knew where the animal was going to go. Living next to a farm had its advantages. As the first few bars of Frank Sinatra singing ‘I’ll Be Home for Christmas’ began, Lara headed out of the crowd on a mission.
‘Lara!’ Susie called. ‘Lara, where are you going?’
‘Seth! Jeez, buddy! You dropped the freaking lemur!’ Trent rushed onto the stage. His body language said ‘pissed’ – a bit like Seth’s pants – yet his face was still calm-camera-ready.
‘I did not drop the lemur,’ Seth insisted, shaking his pee-covered hand. He whipped the elf hat from his head and wiped his hands with it. ‘The lemur, who, incidentally, is named after a bad-assed motorcycle gang member, kicked me in the ribs and made a break for it.’ He wanted to rub his eyes. Wearing the contact lenses again was making them dry and irritated but with fingers covered in lemur urine …
‘This is gonna turn into the worse profile-raising stunt ever … unless we can get it on one of those blooper shows, or … you go and rescue it.’
‘Rescue it? Trent, I couldn’t even hold it.’ He looked to where the crowd were training their smartphones. They were all now not looking at the country music star but instead focused on the trees at the side of the park. He swallowed. ‘There are professionals here,’ he stated. ‘I’m sure they’ll have the situation under control in minutes.’ He looked back to Trent. ‘Do you think I should say that, maybe on the microphone?’ He dropped the hat to the stage.
‘I think you need to get over there and catch it,’ Trent ordered, giving his shoulder a shove. ‘Or at least look interested! You are one of the faces of Stand for Wildlife now.’ He lowered his voice. ‘Eke out some tears, if you can.’
Thirteen
Lara had been in New York just half a day and she was up a tree looking at the backside of an angry lemur who she was pretty sure was about to let off a fight smog. She’d looked up Madagascar once – not the movie – the real place. The garden centre cafe had ended up with a job lot of coffee from the island thanks to White Van Ron – Mrs Fitch had learned not to ask too many questions – and Lara had been intrigued. Where in the world was it? What was there? The answer had been white sand beaches and rainforests. Blue skies and humidity. A different world. She’d mentioned it to Dan and he said someone at work had been and said the all-inclusive hotels were good. Except Lara hadn’t searched ‘luxury’ when she’d investigated. She had looked at cabins and hammocks and nets and sprays to stop bugs sucking the life out of you, bars with vine canopies and rats running up the walls … and lemurs who fought by inflicting a stench on their predators.
Lara whistled, attracting the lemur’s attention. ‘Listen, it’s my first day here and I really didn’t think I’d be up a tree in the middle of a zoo.’ Why was she talking to it? Her? Him? She didn’t know – or want – to find out. ‘But don’t tell my friend Susie that being up here is preferable to shopping for handbags.’
And what was her plan? She knew the lemur would go up the tree, she had headed up after it, but what came next? Apart from everyone filming her and possibly uploading her eventual demise to YouTube. She was cold, the wind numbing her bare fingers as she gripped onto the trunk with one hand, the other reaching up for a branch nearer to the lemur. Three branches down there had been tinsel and fairy lights, now all there was were boughs devoid of foliage to shelter her from the elements. She needed to do something. The animal obviously only understood French or Malagasy. She didn’t know either.
‘Ma’am, step away from the animal! We have specialist equipment coming to ensure the lemur remains unharmed.’
With the PA announcement ringing in her ears, Lara turned her head to the crowd. This was great. This was the thanks she got for going up here after the creature. Well, now she was up here she was going to make sure she got him/her/it down. She reached out for the bough above her head.
‘Hey,’ a velvet-coated tone said.
Lara missed the branch and clawed for the trunk, hugging it tight. Seth Hunt was only one bough below her, looking every inch Instagram-worthy and then some. She suddenly felt sick for so many reasons. The pumpernickel started to repeat.
‘Hello,’ she responded.
‘OK,’ he said. ‘That totally explains what you’re doing up here.’
‘What does?’
‘You’re British.’
He did not recognise her. Maybe Susie was right. Perhaps she did have far too much of Tina in her profile photo and not enough of her actual face.
‘And that means what?’ Lara answered. ‘I don’t think you’re in any position to be rude when you’re the one who dropped a lemur.’
‘I wasn’t being rude. I just meant, out of all the people here, people who aren’t British and people in uniforms, you were the only one brave enough to go up a tree.’
She couldn’t help but smile. ‘Not the only one,’ she answered. ‘You’re up here now. And you don’t look at all comfortable.’ The wind blew harder. ‘And you have no coat.’
‘All completely on-point observations,’ Seth answered.
> ‘And you’re covered in lemur pee.’
‘That I am.’
He reached up then, pulling his rather lithe frame from the lower bough to the one opposite her. From here, if she hadn’t been totally focused on not falling and recapturing the lemur, there was an amazing view of the whole of Central Park, its wide open spaces spotted with a little snow.
She should tell him who she was. The girl he had tweeted with across the ocean. The girl who wanted to use him to help make her boyfriend jealous to win him back. Well, actually, the girl whose best friend had persuaded her in a moment of drunken weakness she should use him to help make her boyfriend jealous to win him back. It sounded even more ridiculous when she was perched precariously up a tree.
‘Any ideas how we get him down?’ Seth asked her. ‘Cos I know I’m up here and all, but I really don’t know what happens next.’
And if the city’s cameras hadn’t been recording every second since he set foot Santa-stage, Seth would definitely not be up here now. He had clambered up to escape Trent more than for any other reason. Plus, the dark-haired woman with an air of a kick-ass Margot Robbie about her seemed to be a lot better at looking natural while tree-hugging than he was.
‘Do you have any food?’ the woman enquired.
‘Here?’
‘No, in your kitchen at home.’
‘I don’t know. Maybe a Bento box of leftover Chinese food and some cereal.’ He looked straight at her. ‘You meant here, didn’t you?’
‘Yes, I meant here!’
‘No, I mean …’ Did he have any gum? He took one hand off the tree to check the pocket of his jeans. He drew out a stick of Trident. ‘Gum?’
‘For the lemur?’ she stated, shaking her head. ‘I’m not sure you’ve got the hang of this Stand for Wildlife thing.’
‘Again, completely correct.’
‘They eat fruit,’ she said, reaching up for the branch above her head as if preparing to move. ‘And leaves. And sometimes tree bark.’
‘They seem to be taking some time to come with their specialist equipment,’ Seth remarked.
‘We don’t need specialist equipment,’ she replied.
He watched her hoist herself up another bough, the branch quavering a little under her weight. The crowd below them gasped. She stepped again, swinging herself up until she was within an arm’s reach of the escapee.
‘I didn’t have any specialist equipment when I rescued the feral cat and her kittens from the roof of the combine shed.’
‘No?’ He had no idea what a combine shed was.
He watched her reach into the pocket of her short, padded coat and draw something out from its depths. He tried to focus, while scrambling up another bough. ‘Is that … a Pringle?’
‘Shh!’ the girl ordered.
‘Listen,’ Seth began in quieter tones. ‘I want to save this thing, of course I do, but, if the worst comes to the worst, and it doesn’t make it out alive, I’d like it to be a tragic accident rather than a poisoning.’
‘Speaks the guy who was going to give it gum. I’m not going to let it eat it, just tempt it enough to grab it,’ she answered.
‘It’s not that happy with being grabbed,’ Seth called to her. ‘But it does like to be soothed … you kinda ruffle its ears.’
‘I’ll let you do that when I bring it down.’
Taking one last step to the highest branch Lara had anticipated thick enough to take her weight, she boosted herself up, balancing carefully, trying her best not to think of anything but the task in hand. Focus on the now. Just like when she had avoided the soup stand, even though she had been swamped with shock and hurt over Dan’s admission.
She took a breath, willing fearful feelings away, then slowly, inch by inch, she held out the snack towards the lemur just as the music changed to Dean Martin’s ‘Let it Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!’
‘That’s it,’ Lara whispered. ‘This is a real Christmas treat. Much better than tree bark and fruit. Come on, come and get it.’
She really, really wanted to get this lemur down. Despite it looking mean, she knew it was probably just as scared as the hissing feral mother of kittens had been back in the summer. She also knew although it could bite, it had nails not claws, almost certainly incapable of gouging out an eye …
‘Come on, little one, just a little bit closer …’ If anyone from the organisational committee shouted over the microphone now she would be seriously pissed off.
‘I think he’s gonna take the bait,’ Seth whispered, somehow his voice right at her shoulder now.
‘Shh,’ she shushed as directly but quietly as she could. The very second the animal reached out for the Pringle she was going to take her chance …
Gingerly, its hand crept out. Lara didn’t wait a second more. She dropped the Pringle, grabbing the lemur securely, but hopefully not too hard, and swung it towards her, clasping it into her body and steadying her weight against the trunk of the tree. From the ground came excited applause she hadn’t expected at all. It felt a little surreal.
‘Wow,’ Seth stated, sounding impressed. ‘Way to go.’
‘Now I have to work out how to get down again with this one in my arms,’ Lara said, fighting to hold onto the lemur as it began to howl.
‘Shall I call for the specialist equipment?’ Seth suggested.
‘Don’t you dare.’
He smiled, cautiously beginning his descent of the tree. ‘I’m Seth, by the way. Seth Hunt.’ With one hand wrapped around a frost-covered bough he held the other hand out to her.
‘I know,’ Lara answered. ‘You were up onstage getting owned by a lemur … and I think that hand you’re offering me is still covered in its wee.’ She hugged the animal tight with one arm, then used the other to follow Seth’s path through the trees.
‘Are you always right about everything?’ Seth wiped his hand on his jeans. ‘Lemurs, my inability to perform with lemurs …’
‘I’m pretty rubbish with reading my boyfriend right now.’ Lara sighed, swinging onto the next length of branch. ‘But you know that already.’
‘Here he is! Here he comes! With the lemur! Everybody! Seth Hunt saved the lemur! Let’s hear it! Let’s get a chant going! Seth Hunt saved the lemur! Seth Hunt saved the lemur!’ It was a blond-haired guy in a tight suit.
‘God! This was a mistake,’ Seth groaned. ‘This whole thing was a mistake.’
‘Who is that?’ Lara queried, as the group around their tree began to grow, every arm extending a mobile phone, every TV-style camera pointing in their direction.
‘Trent’s my … new agent,’ Seth admitted. ‘My very new agent. He’s a little excitable.’
‘I think he really wants you to take the lemur.’ Lara eased the creature away from her abdomen for a moment, much to its delight.
‘Oh, no. No, no, no, you have totally got this,’ Seth said immediately.
Lara laughed. He was funny, as well as really having that rich, chocolatey voice she’d enjoyed when listening to him deliver sexy but professional bedside manner as Dr Mike.
‘And I’m gonna make sure that everyone who doesn’t already know, realises that it was you who rescued this critter and not me,’ Seth concluded.
‘Seth! Seth, take the lemur! Take the lemur and hug it all the way in to you!’ Trent called. ‘Can you cradle it? Rock it like a baby?’
Suddenly, Lara’s foot slipped as she tried to plant her boot on the last bough before the three-foot jump to the crisp paving. A firm hand grabbed onto her arm and she was quickly able to adjust her footing, the crowd gasping a little, zookeepers appearing.
‘Are you OK?’ Seth asked her.
She caught her breath, the cold air beginning to burn her lungs a little. ‘Yes,’ she answered, recovering. ‘Can’t have a tragic accident when we’re this close to safety.’
‘Listen, I’ll jump down first and then I’ll … catch you both.’
Seth had no idea why he had said that. His catching skills were average at be
st, and that was with a baseball, not a woman carrying a primate. But he had done practically nothing to help this rescue.
‘I can jump down,’ Lara called to him. ‘I jump down from my cab every day.’
‘With an animal?’ Seth asked, preparing for his descent.
‘I had to do it with a pig once.’ She coughed. ‘It was my … brother’s fault.’
Seth braced himself a little then jumped, hoping to land in the space the zoo employees were trying to move onlookers from at the base of the tree. He landed, knees jarring a little, then hurriedly turned around to stare up at his branch companion.
‘Why didn’t you grab the animal?’ Trent was at his shoulder, looking red-faced and sweaty despite the minus temperatures. ‘Let’s get it down in your arms for a photo. We need to limit the damage the escape might have caused.’
‘Trent, there’s a woman still up a tree right here.’
‘Yeah, buddy, I know that,’ Trent answered. ‘And right now, her Jungle Jane routine is costing you feel-good column inches in the first article that gets published about this gig.’
Seth turned away from him and held his arms out towards the first upper boughs of the tree. ‘Listen, I promise you, I’ve totally got this.’ He clapped his hands together, blew into them and then offered them back up. ‘You jump and I’ll catch you both.’
‘Hey, I said the animal, not both of them,’ Trent said. ‘You drop a girl and an endangered species then you can kiss goodbye to any positive press.’
‘I don’t need any help,’ the woman shouted from above him. ‘Just for you to move out of the way.’
‘Let’s get a ladder over here,’ one of the keepers suggested. ‘I’ll go up and get Jax and—’
Then, suddenly, the woman above him started falling through the air.
Fourteen
Lara landed perfectly next to Seth, like it was a dismount she’d done many times before. The lemur had wrapped its black and white ringed tail around her neck and the keepers swooped in, desperate to get the beast into a secure box.
‘Is he OK? Is he injured? Did you feed him something?’