by A. J. Wynter
My heart fluttered. “Fine.” I pretended to be annoyed, but this sudden take charge Leo had caught me off guard, and truthfully, I was a little flustered but wasn’t going to let him know it.
I kept my eyes on his back until he disappeared behind the gazebo, and an unexpected flutter between my legs made me writhe in the driver’s seat. When had Leo’s body filled out? He had been one of those tall, skinny kids who could eat a pack of hot dogs for lunch and not gain any weight. Had he started working out? He used to make fun of the guys who took their off-ice training as seriously as their on-ice work.
Was Leo turning me on? That was impossible. He was like a brother to me. Until tonight, I had felt overwhelming disgust each time I even heard his name.
I started the truck, adjusted the heat, and waited, trying to think of anything but Leo’s shoulders and the way his arms felt wrapped around my body. I kept my eyes trained on the space in the darkness where he’d disappeared and didn’t realize I had been holding my breath until he emerged. My heart thumped a little faster with each step he took, and that’s when I knew I was in trouble.
I couldn’t fall in love with Leo. He was my best friend and I’d just gotten him back in my life.
“Got it.” He handed the hat to me as he got in the passenger seat and jabbed at the button to turn on the interior light.
The big buck pins that Leo had seen were there, but also, plain as day, was the pink thread I’d used to reattach the string where it had fallen off. I ran my fingers around the brim. “Did he say where he got it?”
“I think I scared him. He wouldn’t say where he got it, he just handed it to me.”
“I’m going over there right now.” The hat felt heavy in my hands. He used to embarrass me by wearing it when he picked me up from school. Now, I would give anything to see him strolling down the sidewalk wearing it with his matching vest, the pockets bulging with survival gear. “Let me see if he’ll talk to me.”
“Faith.” Leo grasped my wrist. “I think that’s a good idea, but wait – wait until it’s daylight, and let me come with you.”
“No. I have to find out right now.”
“He disappeared into the forest after he gave it to me. It’s dark, it’s raining, he’s scared. I promise. I’ll come with you tomorrow and we’ll get him to talk.”
I looked at his strong fingers and then his eyes. How do you know when someone truly cares about you? There’s something in their eyes, something indescribable. But I’d seen it when my father used to look at me, and now I saw the same thing in Leo’s eyes.
“Tomorrow?”
“You bet. I just have plans in the morning and then an afternoon practice.” Satisfied that I wasn’t going to bolt from the truck, he released my wrist. “What time are you finished work?”
It was subtle, but I saw Leo’s gaze drop to my chest, before quickly looking away as if he had just witnessed a murder scene. I glanced down, and the combination of my soaking wet shirt and lack of bra had come together to give Leo a grown-up version of a wet t-shirt contest. My breasts were hard, and I guessed that my cheeks were as pink as the nipples that pressed against the linen fabric. I pulled the shirt away from my chest and turned off the light as fast as possible.
“I-I have…” I stammered but recovered. “I have a meeting with the painters at the Yates’ cottage at four o’clock, but that shouldn’t take too long.”
“Okay.” Leo had his gaze firmly trained out the passenger window. “Faith?” He paused.
“Yeah?”
“I’m going to help you find your dad. You know that, right?”
“I do.” I nodded and drove out of the park.
“Does this mean we’re friends again?”
Friends. He said it, not me. “Friends.” I nodded but felt a lump in my throat. Leo and I being friends again was something that I never thought would happen, so shouldn’t I have felt happier? I stole a glance at him. His hair had started to dry, and curls had formed at the nape of his neck. How had I never wanted to touch those curls before?
He turned to face me, and I wondered if he was a mind reader. “Friend.” He smiled. “I missed you.” He gave me a light punch in the arm, and I smiled back even though I wanted to cry. Our declaration was sealed with that punch, we had totally friend-zoned each other.
I pulled out of the park and headed home. “Wait, aren’t you going to drop me off?” Leo jerked his thumb pointing to the other direction.
I didn’t want there to be any questions about whether or not I was on board with this friendship thing. “Mel D will have kept the lasagna warm...”
“Oh, God.” Leo arched his head back. “Your mom’s lasagna…”
And with that, Leo and I were back.
Ten
Leo
The fresh sheet of ice glowed under the arena lights. The first skate strokes on a fresh sheet of ice are one of the best feelings in the world – but I didn’t take them today. Gunnar and I took our place at the end of the lineup to get on the ice.
“Not going to poach the ice today?” Mike raised his eyebrows at me from behind his face shield.
“You take it.” I pointed to the ice with my stick.
Jasper and Mike jostled with each other to get through the boards and onto the ice.
Gunnar gestured to the ice with his glove. “After you.”
The team did a few laps before Coach joined us on the ice. We all congregated around the bench.
“A little bird told me that you guys had some fun the other day.”
I glanced at Gunnar. The showboat contest had been my idea and I didn’t want any of the other guys to get in shit for it. Andy, the Zamboni driver, had to be the rat.
“It was my idea, Coach.” I skated forward.
“That doesn’t surprise me.” Coach didn’t seem pissed, he actually seemed the opposite. “You have good leadership instincts, Lion.”
“Thanks.” I wasn’t sure where he was going with his compliment.
“It gave me an idea.” Coach smiled and paused, seemingly for dramatic effect.
I looked at Gunnar who shrugged.
“The exhibition game is coming up. We always do it…”
Another pause. The suspense was killing me. The exhibition game was the biggest hockey event of the summer and everyone from Laketown showed up. This year we were playing one of our biggest rivals, the Bobcats. It was almost as big of an event as the playoffs. It was a fundraiser, and since a retired National League player owned the Otters, the prizes were top-notch: signed jerseys, trips, and one year, a car.
Coach looked like the Cheshire cat. I watched him intently. It was going to be a big announcement; I could tell by the look on his face. “I spoke with Jake McManus and he’s agreed.”
Another pause.
“Coach?” Dylan, the only guy who could speak up against the coach, groaned. “What is it?”
Coach leaned back, clearly enjoying torturing us. “We’re going to add another event the night after the exhibition game. I wanted to tell you sooner, but it’s just been confirmed. Five Otters are going to be chosen to play in a skills competition against five National League players.”
Jasper elbowed me. A murmur of excitement ran through the team.
“I thought that would get your attention.” Coach still had a shit-eating grin on his face. “Over the next practices, Pacey and I are going to be paying attention. What you’ve done up until this moment in time, doesn’t matter. Just because you’re the captain or a hotshot, doesn’t secure your spot.” He didn’t have to point the players out. I was the captain, and Dylan and Gunnar were the hotshots. “Every one of you has a chance to make it. As of right now, a clean slate, equal playing field, fresh sheet, whatever you want to call it. Only the guys who hustle and who want it the most will make it. Don’t kid yourself. If you think the scouts will only come to the exhibition game, you’re a fool. This will be your time to shine.”
Gunnar leaned in. “Do you think this is real?”
Coach blew his whistle, interrupting the excited chatter on the ice. “Now, let’s get to work.”
Steam billowed out of the showers and the excited voices of my teammates echoed against the concrete walls a little louder than usual. Everyone had tried just a bit harder that day. As far as I could see, there were two open spots for the skills challenge. The first three were going to be taken by Gunnar, me, and maybe Dylan. The last two spaces were up for grabs.
“I saw that you finally got your truck towed,” Gunnar mentioned as he zipped up his hockey bag.
I sighed. “Yeah, it’s down at the marina. Dylan’s buddy is taking a look at her, but he told me not to get my hopes up.”
“Do you need a ride?”
Gunnar and I had always been friendly, as in we weren’t assholes to each other, but ever since I’d given him Faith’s shoe, he’d been acting like we were buddies. I didn’t want to get a ride from him, even though he was a good guy. I didn’t want to look at the hands that were going to be touching Faith – if they hadn’t already. I felt a twinge of jealousy as I imagined her in his hockey jersey. But I also didn’t feel like riding my bike. “Sure. Thanks, dude.”
As we were leaving the dressing room, Coach yelled my name from his office.
“Yes, Coach?” I leaned in the doorway and Gunnar hung back.
“Can I talk to you for a second?” I looked back at Gunnar and he nodded.
“I’ll be at the car,” he said quietly and slipped past me, disappearing down the hall.
DVDs of old games lined the shelves behind Coach’s desk. Two monitors placed side by side were running videos of Otters games in slow motion. Coach folded his hands on his desk. I set my bag down and went to sit in one of the worn brown upholstered chairs in front of Covington.
“No need to sit, this will just take a second.” Coach shuffled some papers and then slid on a pair of reading glasses that I had never seen him wear before. I tried my best to wipe the surprised smile off my face, but I didn’t do it fast enough.
“Yeah,” he chuckled. “Reading glasses. I’m in the beer league now.
“What’s up, Coach?”
Coach picked up his pen and used it to point at me. “Leo, I’ve seen a change in you.”
He must’ve seen the surprise in my eyes. I thought that I had been pulling my weight just fine. He set down the pen. “I should say, I’ve seen a good change.”
I tried to let my breath out quietly. “Thanks, Coach.”
“Don’t get ahead of yourself, Leo. You need to learn when to talk and when to listen.”
I opened my mouth, but then closed it and nodded.
“You’re a natural leader. The guys look up to you. And you’re a natural player.”
I think he was expecting some kind of a response, but I was holding my lips together with my teeth. He looked at me and laughed. “Cat got your tongue, Lion?”
“But…” I blurted. “You said not to talk.”
He rested his eyes shut and when he opened them took a deep breath, like he was trying to calm himself down. “I said, you need to learn when to talk and when to listen. There’s a balance.”
“Right,” I said. “Balance.” I wanted to ask him what the hell he meant and that my balance was just fine, but I had the feeling that’s not what he meant.
“You’ve got everything it takes to make it to the National League. Everything, except…” He tilted his head. “…discipline. No, that’s not it. Drive. That’s not exactly it either.” He folded his hands on his desk. “Leo, I know that you want to make it to the National League, and I know that if you do, you will be a star. But I have to know that you know you want it.”
My head felt like it was about to explode.
“Coach…” I put my hands in the pockets of my jeans. “I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”
Coach leaned back in his swivel chair. “Leo, I need to see a little heart out there. That’s all. You’re good. You don’t have to try. We get it. But think about it.” He leaned forward and steepled his fingers together. “Think about what could happen if you did try.”
As much as I hated to admit it, Covington was right.
“I’ll pick it up, Coach. I’ll give it my all the next practice.” I heard the boilerplate hockey interview lines coming out of my mouth.
Coach pursed his lips and nodded. “If you don’t, I’ll have no choice but to have you sit out of the skills competition.”
“But…”
He held up his finger.
“Heart, Leo. Heart.” He pushed the pause button, and the players sprang to action on the TV screens. As the light flickered on Coach’s face, I knew that the conversation was done. I wanted to tell him that he was wrong, and that I deserved to be out on the ice for the skills competition, but part of me started to wonder. What would happen if I really tried? A feeling rose in my body, like the tingly feeling of adrenaline after a goal. What would my life look like if I was as dedicated as someone like Gunnar?
“Thanks, Coach. Heart… Got it.”
Coach gave me a thumbs up but didn’t look away from the screen. As I walked through the echo chamber beneath McManus Place, imagining Leo the Star, I realized that I felt two things. The first made sense; I felt fucking excited. If I really tried, I could be a star and make tons of money doing something fun. All the Laketown kids would look up to me and see that a townie could make something of themselves; I could take care of my mom. The possibilities kept growing, along with the other feeling, one I didn’t like.
Fear.
What would happen if I tried and I didn’t make it?
In the parking lot, Gunnar was waiting in the car, the windows rolled down and trunk open. “Your bike should fit in the back.”
I laughed, but then realized that he was serious. “There’s no way my bike is fitting with our hockey bags.”
“Trust me.” Gunnar laughed but didn’t look up from his phone.
He was right, the two hockey bags and my bike fit in the trunk with some room to spare.
“Whew.” I slid into the car, and the leather seats might as well have been on fire. “Let me guess, no AC?”
“That stopped working years ago.”
Gunnar’s phone pinged and he grabbed it from the cupholder. He smiled and texted something, then set the phone between his legs, which I thought was a little odd – but so was Gunnar.
“Have you got some time? There’s something I have to do right away.”
I checked my phone. “Sure, as long as it doesn’t take too long. I have to be somewhere around five.
“Good, then we’ve got an hour.”
I should’ve known Gunnar was going to trick me into walking one of those damn rabid dogs. As soon as he turned into the industrial park I knew exactly where we were going. “Oh, come on man. I don’t want to walk dogs in this heat.”
“You can wait in the car then.”
The sad eyes of that dog, Moofie, tugged at my heartstrings, but instead of doing what was good and right, I did the opposite. “I’ll wait in the car.” I crossed my arms and huffed.
“Suit yourself.” Gunnar disappeared into the blue building and I fanned my face with my hand. The temperature inside the car quickly rose to sauna levels and I opened the door and stood in the parking lot. It was worse out there in the blazing sunlight.
“Leo!” I heard Gunnar shout. “Get him!”
I looked up from my phone and saw the devil dog running towards me, leash clattering along the pavement behind him. Meanwhile, Gunnar was holding onto a dog that looked like a Yeti, straining at his leash.
“Shit.” I shoved my phone in my pocket, ready to spring into action, but I didn’t have to. Moofie ran full speed and then launched himself at me, his monstrous paws landing on my shoulders. He was panting; his eyes slightly wild. I grimaced, waiting for him to bite
off my ear or something, but he gave me a big sloppy kiss instead, his tongue swiping the side of my face before he returned all four monster feet to the ground and sat on his haunches at my feet.
I picked up the end of the leash and held onto it, although it was completely unnecessary. The dog wasn’t going anywhere. His ribcage expanded and contracted, banging against my leg.
“Looks like you’ve got a friend.” Gunnar was slightly out of breath as Big Foot pulled him towards us.
“Here.” I handed Gunnar the leash, but he didn’t take it. Instead, he led the massive furball past me and guided him into the back seat of the car. “What are you doing? Are you taking that dog home?”
Gunnar took the leash from my hand and led Simba into the back seat as well. He hopped in like he had done it a million times before. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. What’s going on?” I pointed to the panting mess in the back seat of the car. “I hope you’re not giving me that dog because I can’t have a dog in my life.”
“Why?” Gunnar asked.
“Too much work. I’m just focused on hockey right now.”
Gunnar smirked. “Sure you are.”
My instinct was to punch him, but I took a breath and tried to calm down the angry ball of fire in my stomach. Where did he get off talking to me like that? “What the hell does that mean?”
“Looks like I struck a nerve.”
He certainly did.
“No, you’re just being an asshole. Now, take that dog back into that building. I can’t commit to anything right now.”
Moofie seemed to be following the conversation, his brown eyes looking from Gunnar to me as we yelled at each other.
Gunnar wasn’t listening. He got into the car and started it up. “Relax, Leo.” He leaned over so I could see his face. “We’re taking them to the lake for some exercise and bringing them back here.”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously. Now seriously get in before we all roast up in here.”
Cicadas hummed and I swore that I could see heat waves coming from the pavement. I got in the car and put on my seatbelt. “Dude, your car is going to stink when those dogs get wet.”