“Come on,” Shaun said, closing the gap between us. “Let’s get you into a chair.”
He steered me back to his desk and I went obediently, barely in control of my own limbs. I sank into the chair, every part of me shaky and cold.
“Drink this.”
He gave me a glass of water and my hands shook so much that I slopped half of it over the rim. Fuck’s sake.
“Don’t worry, that’s normal. Your body is just reacting to the aborted shift.”
I tried again, and this time managed to get a mouthful of the cool liquid inside my mouth. Shaun watched me in silence from his own seat, and it wasn’t until my shivers had all but given up that he spoke.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have given you false hope about deferring your studies. We– I thought it would help you adjust if you had something else to focus on.”
I snorted, but I didn’t trust my voice not to shake, so I kept my mouth clamped shut.
“For what it’s worth, I know you’ve been dealt a rough hand, and I was trying to help you get through it.”
“By lying to me?” Dammit, I was right. My voice was shaking. “You, and Blake, and everyone else, just telling me what I want to hear, until I agree to play along like a good dog?”
“Like it or not, Jade, you’re stuck here–”
“I’d go with not.”
“–and you’re going to have to find a way to deal with that. You already know why you can’t return to your old life right now. What would have happened if all of that–” he gestured to the wall I’d been braced against, just in case I hadn’t been able to work out what he meant by all of that, “–had happened at UCL?”
I didn’t answer because I knew he was right. That didn’t mean I had to like it, though.
“I know you didn’t ask for this, and what happened to you was deeply unfair–”
“Yeah, no shit.”
“–but sooner or later you’re going to have to decide if you want to keep being a victim.”
“Excuse me? None of this was my fault!” I couldn’t believe he was dumping this victim blaming crap on me. Of all the nerve.
“No, it wasn’t. But you can’t change what happened. You can only change how you handle it.”
I slumped back in my seat, in no mood to sass his obvious logic. His face softened.
“Give yourself a break,” he said. “This is still new to you. You’re doing better than anyone could expect.”
They must’ve had low expectations, then, because I was a mess, and I didn’t have the first idea how not to be.
“How am I supposed to deal with this?”
“Let me ask you something.”
I lifted my eyes from the desk, and he continued.
“Is this really the very worst thing you could imagine happening to you?”
“Yes.” I sighed. “No.”
“Well, that’s something, right? Maybe start there.”
Chapter Thirteen
I fell into a routine after that. A crappy routine that I despised and resented, but a routine none-the-less. Every day after fitness training, a shower and dinner, I’d drag myself up to Shaun’s office, and he would talk to me about adjusting, and I would give him attitude in return. Neither of us brought up UCL again, but on the plus side, I also didn’t try to change into an animal again, so that was something.
On the downside, I didn’t manage to change into one when I wanted to, either. Three weeks in, I still hadn’t managed a single shift on demand. My only consolation was that there were still two other students who hadn’t managed it, either, so I wasn’t alone in my failure. On the other hand, I was still a mundane who’d been bitten, so I was no less an outcast than I had been.
“Alright, everyone. An easy exercise to finish up with. In front of you are three cloths. You’re going to look away and your partner will handle one heavily, one lightly, and the other not at all. Then you’re going to use your sense of smell to determine which is which.”
We were coming to the end of another painful Tracking lesson, and it was clear that Shaun’s idea of easy and mine were very different. But that was nothing new. I turned my back on Dean with a sigh and heard the faint rustle of movement. When it stopped, I turned back to him.
“I don’t suppose you want to tell me which one it is?” I asked hopefully. He crossed his arms over his chest with a smirk.
“I guess not. Fine.” I snatched up the first cloth and pressed it to my nose. It smelled of cotton. But did it just smell of cotton, or was there a faint impression of something else on there – something not quite human? I was damned if I knew. I tossed the cloth down. That one was a maybe.
I tried the next cloth. Cotton. Just cotton. And, well, maybe something else. I wasn’t sure. I slumped in my seat with a groan, balling the stupid cloth in my fist. Maybe my sense of smell would never catch up with everyone else. Maybe bitten mundanes didn’t develop full shifter senses. Maybe this was all a giant waste of time – like pretty much everything else I’d done round here for the last three weeks. I shouldn’t even be here. Dammit!
Dean coughed and arched a brow, and I shook out the cloth with poor grace. A sharp, acrid smell hit my nose and caught in the back of my throat. I pressed the cloth to my nose again. It smelled like… smoke. Burning. Then I saw it. The cloth had a tiny burn mark on it. Someone must have been over-enthusiastic taking an iron to it. I peered at the tiny black circle. Weird. It didn’t look like an iron burn. And I should know, I ruined enough clothing getting to grips with my iron before I moved out and my whole life went to shit.
“Well?” Dean said.
I shrugged and picked up the third cloth. I held the square of fabric to my nose, and recoiled immediately.
“Dude, what the hell have you got on your hands? This stinks.”
“You… you scented it.” Dean stared at me, looking more surprised than was polite. A slow smile spread over my face.
“Yeah, I did, didn’t I?” And there’d been no mistaking it. It couldn’t have been more obvious if he’d painted a bright red ‘X’ on it. That was the heavily handled cloth. I picked up the first cloth again. The same scent, but fainter, layered over the crisp odour of cotton.
“This one,” I said. “You handled this one lightly.”
“Yeah,” he said, his grin spreading. “I did.”
I picked up the third one and held it to my nose again. Just cotton. And that odd burn patch. I tossed it aside.
“Nice work,” Dean said. “Alright, my turn.”
He turned his back, and I reached over and picked up two of the cloths in front of his seat. One I put right back down, and the other I rubbed in between my hands a couple of times. I put it back with the others, taking care not to let them touch.
“Okay.”
“Ready to watch a master at work?”
I rolled my eyes.
“Yeah, yeah, just get on with it.”
It was embarrassing. He didn’t even have to pick the cloths up. He just lowered his face an inch or two towards them.
“Left one lightly handled, middle untouched, right heavily handled. And you borrowed Mei’s hand cream again this morning.”
“Flipping show off. And it’s not my fault no-one will let me go back to the farm to get my own stuff.”
“Okay, everyone, that’s all we have time for today,” Shaun called. “I’ll see you again next week.”
I scooped up my bag, then headed for the door with Dean and Mei.
“Jade, can I talk to you for a moment?” Shaun asked as I passed. I shrugged. It wasn’t like I was in any hurry – we had fitness training next and I could live with being a little late for that. I hung back while the other students left, then Shaun crossed the room and shut the door.
“What did I do wrong this time?” I asked. Might as well cut straight to the chase. If he was pulling me back after class and shutting the door, then I was in trouble for something. May as well find out what it was right away so I could decide whether I
cared enough to make up an excuse.
“Nothing,” he said, and perched on the edge of his desk. Oh. I recognised that face. That was his ‘I’ve got something I need to tell you and you’re not going to like it’ face.
“I’ve got something I need to tell you,” he began.
“And let me guess.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “I’m not going to like it?”
He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. He looked… tired.
“No, you’re not. I only found out this afternoon, and I wanted to give you some warning.”
I swallowed. I didn’t like where this was headed.
“About what?”
“The Alpha of Alphas arrived at the academy today. When you come for your session with me this evening, he’ll be wanting to interview you.”
“Me? About what?” He was right. I didn’t like the sound of that at all. The Alpha of Alphas? The most powerful shifter in the country? A shiver ran through me and I wrapped my arms more tightly around myself. I didn’t want to see him. Not ever.
“About your attack. He has some questions.”
I shook my head. “I don’t remember anything. Just tell him that. He doesn’t need to talk to me.”
“I’m sorry, Jade,” Shaun said, and he looked it. “It doesn’t work that way. If the Alpha of Alphas summons you for an interview, you go. Even if you don’t remember anything.”
I bit my lip. I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to be in the same room as the man who could order my death with just a raised eyebrow.
“It wasn’t my fault I was bitten!”
“No-one’s saying it is, Jade. I promise you, you’re not in any trouble.”
“Not yet, anyway.”
“You’re going to be fine. Just remember what you’ve been taught about etiquette in Cultural Studies.”
Oh, my God. What if I said something that offended him? What if I accidentally made eye contact? What if I sassed the most powerful man in the country? Oh, shit.
“Jade, take a breath. He just wants to make sure they’re covering every angle of the investigation.”
“Since when does the Alpha of Alphas get involved in that?”
The question hung unanswered in the air between us. I frowned, searching his face.
“What’s going on? What aren’t you telling me?”
“I can’t say.”
“Can’t, or won’t?”
“Both,” he said firmly. “The reason he’s involved doesn’t affect you, and it’s a distraction you don’t need right now. You just need to focus on answering his questions as best you can.”
He was right. I was going to be in the same room as the Alpha of Alphas. I didn’t need anything else on my mind. It would be hard enough to avoid screwing this up as it was.
“It will be fine,” Shaun said. “I’ll be right with you the whole time.”
“You will?”
He nodded. “I will. Now, go and run off some of your anxiety and get a decent meal. I’ll see you at six thirty.”
It wasn’t as easy as he made it sound. No amount of running cleared the churning in my gut, and food wasn’t an option, either. I gave up trying to eat after twenty minutes of pushing food around my plate, and slunk off to my dorm, glad to get away from my friends’ well-meaning but grating attempts to distract me. It turned out that was a mistake, and I spent the next half an hour pacing and staring at the clock hands edging round its face. Eventually, I decided it was best to get it over with, and headed for Shaun’s office.
I raised my hand and knocked on his door. He’s just a man, I reminded myself and sucked in a deep breath. Just a man.
“Come,” Shaun invited from within.
Yeah, a man with the power to have me killed or caged. I exhaled in a sigh and opened the door.
“Ah, Jade, you’re early. Come on in.”
I clicked the door shut. Shaun was standing behind his desk, at the shoulder of the heavily muscled, dark-skinned man sitting in his seat. Alpha Draeven.
A shiver ran through me. Even from here I could feel the power and dominance pouring off the man, like an aura of authority. He rose to his feet, and I shrank away, taking a step back before I managed to steel myself. Everything about him screamed danger, and every instinct in me screamed to start running and not stop until I was as far away from him as possible. I didn’t do anything that stupid.
Shaun coughed quietly, and I remembered myself. Shit. I was supposed to show respect as soon as he stood. I dropped into a crouch and ducked my head, glad for the excuse to hide my face. Dammit, Jade, get it together. He’s just a man.
“I see you,” the Alpha of Alphas said, his voice deep and rumbling. “You may rise.”
I rose to my feet, but kept my eyes averted. The last thing I wanted to do was land myself in an accidental staring-contest with the most powerful shifter in the country.
“Please, be seated,” Draeven said, and I sank into the chair positioned in front of Shaun’s desk, fighting the urge to move it back. Draeven sat again, and Shaun stayed standing at his shoulder. He gave me what I was sure was supposed to be an encouraging nod, but it was still taking all my self-control to keep from running screaming from the room.
“You need not be afraid,” Draeven said.
I didn’t snort, proving how seriously I was taking this. Nothing to fear from the Alpha of Alphas? Right, and I wasn’t a shifter.
“Tell me, what do you remember of the night you were bitten?”
I shook my head.
“Nothing. I mean, not much.” I’d been turning it over in my head ever since I’d spoken to Shaun earlier, but much of the attack was still a blur. “I was at the farm, taking my stuff to the barn. It was…”
I’d been going to say ‘creepy’, but knowing what I knew now, that just didn’t cut it. I shivered, and rubbed my hands over my arms, now covered in goose pimples.
“Go on.”
“The wolf attacked me when I was heading back to the car. I tried to get away, but it was too fast. Too strong. Nothing I did made a difference. I tried. I did.”
“No-one expects you to have been able to fight off a shifter, Jade,” Shaun said. I nodded and drew a shuddering breath.
“It bit me. On the leg. It bit me and wouldn’t let go.”
“Just bit you?” Draeven asked.
“Isn’t that enough?” I snapped.
There was utter silence for a moment, and my brain caught up with my mouth. Oh, shit. I opened my mouth to stutter an apology, but Draeven cut me off with a sharp shake of his head.
“You misunderstand me. Did the wolf try to kill you?”
“I don’t know. I don’t remember! I think…” I rubbed my hands over my face, trying desperately to recall something – anything – else about that cursed night. “I think it dragged me. My nails were all torn up from the gravel.”
“And you have only one bite?”
I nodded, glancing down at my leg without meaning to. Only one horrific scar to remember that night by – oh, and a newfound tendency to erupt in fur whenever I got mad.
“Wait. What does it mean that the wolf only bit me once, that it didn’t try to kill me?”
Draeven ignored the question.
“Do you recall–”
“What does it mean?” I was on my feet and shouting over him before I even knew what I was doing. He looked up and me, his face somewhere between shocked and pissed. Really, really pissed. He rose to his full height, towering over me and glaring at me like he wanted to do me serious harm. I stumbled, colliding with the chair, and a pressure burned into the back of my neck, so strong I couldn’t even raise my eyes from the floor.
“Sit. Down.” His voice was quiet, each word slow and precise, and more terrifying than if he’d yelled them. I shrank back into the seat, still keeping my eyes low, and after a moment, the pressure eased and I heard Draeven sit back down.
“Do you recall the wolf’s colour, or any distinguishing features it may have had?”
It was Shaun who answered, earning himself a look of disapproval from Draeven.
“It means whoever attacked you intended to turn you into a shifter.”
“But… why?”
“Why is not important,” Draeven said with a cold finality. I disagreed, because I sure as heck wanted to know why someone had set out to inflict this on someone else – and if targeting me had been deliberate. But I’d come close enough to landing myself in trouble already. I let it drop.
“Can’t you just–” I shot a look at Draeven, then ducked my head again, biting my lip. I wasn’t about to tell the Alpha of Alphas how to do his job. It was just… well, it was kind of obvious, wasn’t it?
“Speak.”
I swallowed and tried to phrase it more diplomatically than I’d been going to.
“Couldn’t the enforcers have just followed the trail from the farm? They chased it off, right?”
“Perceptive.” He inclined his head a fraction, and I thought I saw a flicker of approval on his face before it reverted to its impassive mask. “The scent was muddied, most likely by magic. But no matter. The wolf was injured by my men, and those wounds will not heal lightly. It is only a matter of time until he is caught.”
“I thought shifters healed quickly from any wound.”
“Not those inflicted with silver.”
I flinched at its mention, my eyes flicking to the cuff around my wrist, with its tiny silver flecks, nearly too small to see, but still enough to allow the instructors’ batons to force me back out of my shifted form. I didn’t want to think about what would happen if silver got into my bloodstream. Instead, I turned his words over in my head again. A chill spread over me.
“You said he,” I said quietly. “You know who did this to me?”
“I am not here to answer your questions.”
No. Of course not. Because that might be the decent thing to do, and heaven forbid the mighty Alpha of Alphas treated me like a human being.
You’re not human anymore.
The thought cut me like a silver blade, and I wrapped my arms around myself again. When would this nightmare end? Suddenly, I wanted this whole thing to be over, and I wanted to be as far from this claustrophobic room as physically possible. I ground my teeth together.
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