by Nichole Rose
"My family," I say around the lump in my throat. "It's my family."
Lana reaches for my hand, squeezing it in hers. "They missed you," she whispers, her voice soft. "And they love you."
"I know," I rasp, bringing her hand to my lips to brush a grateful kiss across her knuckles. I pull in behind my dad's SUV and park.
"You deserve your spot in their lives," Lana reminds me when I make no move to get out. "And they deserve their place in yours. That's why they're here."
The doors on the SUV open and Savannah pops out, waving wildly. She's bundled up in a pink parka like we live in Alaska, little more than her cherubic face and flashes of her dark hair visible beneath the furry hood. A second later, Saint climbs out behind her. He's less exuberant as he steps up beside her.
He looks different…good. His hair is longer. His beard is neatly trimmed. He's packed on muscle. His usual smirk and confidence are gone. In its place is a quiet reserve and hesitation I've never seen from him before.
Saint has always been loud and full of life. People love him because he's always teasing and having a good time. He's a practical joker and has been his entire life. As a kid, he was forever in trouble because he couldn't sit still. He spent more time causing mischief than anything else.
He lifts his head, meeting my gaze. It might be my imagination, but I think he swallows. Even in the fading light, I can see the shame and guilt burning in his eyes. He looks at me as if he's afraid to face me. That kills me a little.
How the hell did we get here? I can't help but wonder.
How the hell did we both get so fucking lost?
"I can distract them if you need a minute," Lana says, compassion brimming in her voice. And I know she'd do it. She'd hop out and face my family on her own to give me a minute to pull myself together and rebuild the walls she sent tumbling today.
This magical little elf would usher them inside and ease my way without hesitation if I asked it of her. She would be brave and strong and let me retreat back behind the barriers I've put up between myself and my family. And she'd do it without once casting judgement or feeling disappointment.
For the thousandth time since I met her, I fall in love with her.
"I'm good, little star," I murmur, her quiet acceptance giving me the courage I need. Her love giving me the strength to let the last of those walls collapse into ruin. Just that easily…I let it go.
I turn the truck off as my mom and dad climb from the SUV, waiting patiently for me to come to them.
"Wait for me."
Lana nods her agreement, watching me carefully as I climb from the truck and circle around to help her down. My family watches in silence as I lift her from the truck and slide her down my body. I can practically feel Savannah and my mom's excitement though. I've never wanted to introduce a woman to my family, but I can't wait to claim this one in front of them.
Once my little star is on her feet, I grab her bag from the back. She's putting up a brave front, but I can tell she's nervous to meet my family. I brush strands of hair back from her face and smile at her before tangling our hands together.
"I love you," I remind her.
Her expression melts and I know she's okay with meeting them here and now.
As soon as I shut the truck door, Savannah pounces.
"Surprise!" she yells, shuffling forward to fling her arms around me. "I missed you so much!"
I release Lana's hand long enough to squeeze Savannah as tightly as I dare.
"I missed you too, brat," I whisper in her ear, my throat tight with emotion. "I'm so sorry for everything I've missed."
"I know you are," she whispers back. "Please give him a chance. He misses you."
"I know." I swallow and admit the truth. "I miss him too."
Savannah's hug turns fierce before she finally releases me. Pandemonium ensues as I introduce her and Lana and then my mom and dad come forward to say hello and meet my girl. My mom looks like she's ready to break out in a happy dance. So does Savannah.
My dad is more reserved as he pats me on the back. "She's beautiful, son."
"She's perfect," I correct, which makes him laugh.
Lana takes charge of my mom and Savannah, demanding my keys so she can let them in to pee. They're not even halfway up the driveway before they're all chattering back and forth a million miles a minute. I'm not surprised. I knew my family would love Lana. It's impossible not to love her.
Lana stops long enough to throw her arms around Saint in a big hug. He stumbles back a step, no doubt shocked by her quick acceptance, and then his expression cracks and he pulls her in to hug her tightly. I think she says something to him because his eyes come to me and he nods.
"I'll give you two a minute," Dad says before taking off after the girls when Lana releases Saint and he takes a step in my direction.
Dad murmurs something to him as he walks past.
Saint jerks his chin in a nod but doesn't respond.
For a long time after the front door closes, we just stand in the driveway, looking at each other. It's awkward as hell. Flashes of the last time I saw him play through my mind. The two of us rolling around on the ground, fists and heated words flying. Saint's broken nose. My bloody lip. The cops prying us apart and throwing him in the back of a squad car.
"I can find a hotel if you don't want me here," he finally says, scrubbing a hand through his hair. He takes another halting step in my direction. "I wouldn't blame you if you didn't. I fucked up. I know I fucked up."
"Yeah, you did," I agree, my voice soft.
He flinches.
"But so did I." I expel a breath and move toward him. "I said things I didn't mean because I was pissed at myself for not wanting to admit how bad your drinking had gotten. I've always looked out for you and Savannah. It killed me that I didn't protect the two of you like I should have."
"I didn't want you to know how bad it was," he says. "I didn't want to be a fucking disappointment to you again."
"You've never been a disappointment, Saint." I shake my head, my heart in my throat that he could think that. "I've always been proud as hell of you. Didn't always agree with the stunts you pulled or the things you did, but I was never anything less than proud to call you my brother."
"I know you don't believe me, but I wasn't drinking that day. I was hungover, but I was sober." He swallows hard. "I never would have let her ride with me if I'd had a drink. I may do a lot of stupid, reckless shit, but I would never risk her life like that."
"You're serious," I say, reading it on his face.
He nods.
"You let everyone believe you were drinking."
"There was whiskey all over the car. Even had I denied it, no one would have believed me." He meets my gaze and swallows hard, shoving his hands into his pockets. "You didn't."
"Jesus Christ," I whisper, stunned.
"I deserved what I got. Whether I was drunk or not, the wreck was still my fault," he says, glancing away from me. He clenches his jaw. "She almost died because I was a reckless fucking idiot who thought I had everything under control when I didn't." A pained bark of laughter erupts from between his lips. It sounds more like a broken sob. "I hadn't been in control in a long fucking time, man."
"Jesus," I whisper, striding forward to pull him into a hug.
He resists for a long moment, his muscles locked tight. And then he hugs me back. "I'm sorry," he rasps, his entire body shaking. "I'm so fucking sorry, Sawyer."
"It's over, Saint," I promise him, tears in my eyes as he breaks down, purging himself of a year of grief and regret. I had a magical little star to help me through mine. It's only right that I help get him through his. He's my brother, my best friend. I want him back in my life.
"It's time to let it go and move on," I tell him. "For both of us."
"Hey," Lana says, reaching for my hand when Saint and I finally make it inside. We didn't say much else. Hell, there wasn't much else to say. My girl was right. We can both cling to what happened and
let it destroy us or we can let it go and move on. I want to move on…and I want the same thing for my brother.
The fact that he never tried to defend himself because he didn't think anyone would believe him…because I didn't believe him…never again. That won't happen ever again. I can't change the past, but I can make sure he doesn't go through shit like that alone in the future.
"Hey." I pull Lana into my arms, holding her tight.
Her arms go around me, and she squeezes as if she's trying to put me back together through sheer physical will again. Only, I'm not in pieces this time.
"Are you okay?" she asks.
"Yeah," I promise, pressing my lips to her forehead. "I'm good now. We're good now."
She tips her head back to examine my face. Whatever she sees there makes her smile and flash those dimples at me like I just pulled the moon down and handed it to her. Her happiness for me is soul deep.
How soon is too soon to marry her?
"My family behaving themselves?" I ask her, earning a loud protest from Savannah.
"I want to keep them," Lana whispers, making me laugh.
"Of course you do." I kiss her hard on the mouth and then turn to greet my family. They're all sitting around my kitchen, plates of cookies spread out on the table around them. Even Saint has taken a seat…and a small pile of cookies that he's inhaling in single bites.
Seeing him here…having all of them here…it's good. It's better than good. For the first time since the accident, I feel like I deserve to be here with them. I feel like I deserve them.
"Family, meet my soon-to-be wife," I murmur, turning Lana to face them with a smile on my face. "Soon-to-be wife, meet your soon-to-be in-laws."
Savannah squeals.
Lana squeaks and spins right back around to face me, her eyes comically wide. "Son of a nutcracker, Sawyer!" she whisper-shouts. "You can't tell your family we're getting married the first time I meet them! They'll think I'm crazy."
"Sweetheart, if you're marrying him, you are crazy," my dad drawls.
"Amar, you hush!" My mom laughs and swats him on the shoulder. I can tell by the giant smile on her face that she's thrilled by the news. I can also tell she already loves my girl. Which means I'm going to have to be sneaky if I want any time alone with her because my mom will absolutely shiv me in the ribs for girl time with Lana. She's kind of terrifying.
"He's just joking," Lana says, her face scrunched up in the cutest little scowl.
"The hell I am," I growl, cocking a brow at her. "We're getting married, little star."
"You haven't even asked me."
"Do you want to marry me?"
She purses her lips and pretends to think about it. "I mean, since Chris Hemsworth isn't available, I guess so."
She squeals and tries to escape when I growl again and lunge for her.
"I'm kidding! I'm kidding!" she cries through laughter when I catch her, dragging her back into my arms. "I'd marry you even if Chris Hemsworth was available."
I kiss her hard on the mouth, not giving a shit if my family is watching every move we make. This little elf is mine. She's marrying me, end of discussion.
"I'm getting a sister!" Savannah shouts. "This is the best Christmas ever!"
She's right. It is the best Christmas ever.
Chapter Eight
Lana
"I'm so happy for you, baby girl," Mom says, hugging me tight as we say goodbye at the front door on Christmas night. Instead of us going to her, she came to us for Christmas. It made more sense than trying to cram all of us into her small apartment. Even Aunt Leslie came for dinner.
Sawyer's family left a couple hours ago to make the drive back home. I guess this was a last-minute trip, plotted by Savannah and Celeste, his mom. His dad has an important meeting the day after tomorrow. They didn't want Sawyer spending Christmas alone though, so they came to him.
Seeing him with them made me so happy. The love they share is incredible. I didn't ask for details about what happened between him and Saint, but I think they're in a better place now. They've spent the day bonding over football and teasing Savannah. It's obvious they both dote on her. It's also clear that she idolizes them both.
Savannah and I are going to be great friends, I know it. She's such a sweet girl, wise and compassionate beyond her years. What she went through may have left scars on her body, but it didn't leave a single mark on her heart. She loves fiercely.
I think my mom and Sawyer's mom are already best friends. They're already ganging up on Sawyer to badger him about giving them time to plan a real wedding. He told them that I could have whatever I wanted, so long as it could be done by the end of the year.
We could get married anywhere and I would be happy. All I want is to be his, and to have our families there with us. That's all I need.
His family is going to drive back up later this week so they can be here when we get married.
I can't believe I'm getting married! People might think we're crazy for jumping in with both feet, but that's all right because I know we're not. What's between us is powerful and it's right.
"I'm happy for me too," I whisper to my mom.
"He's a good man."
"He's the best man."
She laughs quietly and releases me. "I guess we're not going to the gym in the morning?"
"Um, I'm not sure." We always go to the gym the day after Christmas to work off what we ate, but I hate the gym and kind of want to spend the morning in bed with Sawyer. I slept so peacefully in his arms all night.
"Trust me, honey, with the way that man was looking at you all day, you're not going to the gym in the morning," she says, wiggling her brows at me. Her green eyes shine with humor.
"Mom!"
"I'm just saying!" She laughs loudly and then kisses me on the cheek. "Call me tomorrow, baby girl. We'll go to the gym another day. I love you."
"I love you too, Mom. Merry Christmas."
She kisses me again and then heads out to her car. Sawyer and Saint carried all of her stuff out for her before Saint left so she didn't have to carry anything. Saint is nothing like I thought he would be. I expected the wild rockstar I read about, but he's really down to earth and kind of quiet and sweet. I guess what happened changed him as much as it did Sawyer. He may have lost his way for a while, but I think he's a good man, one worthy of as much love as Sawyer is. I hope he finds peace. He deserves it.
I stand at the door and watch until mom backs down the driveway and heads out. Once her taillights disappear, I lock up and go in search of Sawyer. I stop in the living room to straighten up the cushions on the sofa. We managed to get most of the first floor unpacked and put away between opening gifts and cooking. It didn't take long with everyone pitching in to help.
I fluff the pillows and then scoop up an empty cookie plate from the coffee table before heading to the kitchen. Our moms pretty much took it over today to cook for everyone. Savannah and I helped with the baking before we joined the men at the table to play cards. Savanah totally cheats at Uno, and Sawyer is terrible at Phase Ten. Their dad was probably a card shark in a past life. He is ruthless, and he won almost every game. Saint was really good too.
It was the best Christmas.
The kitchen is already clean, but I start the dishwasher and wipe down the cabinets before turning off the lights and going to find my man. I don't know where he disappeared to this time.
He snuck out this morning to go shopping for me. I don't know how he found anything open on Christmas, but he managed to do it. I felt bad because I didn't have anything to give him or his family, but he took care of that too. He's kind of perfect.
I head upstairs in search of him, and then pause outside the bedroom door when I hear him singing from inside in his deep baritone. He's making up his own lyrics again. I think I might like his versions better than the originals just because they're his.
I love everything about him.
When I step inside the bedroom, I don't see him. Lights flicker i
n the bathroom and music trickles out into the bedroom.
"Sawyer?" I head that way.
"Stay right there!" he yells from inside. "Don't even think about coming in here."
"Why not?" I yell back, smiling. He's so bossy sometimes.
"Because I said so!"
"Bossy," I mumble, laughing. I don't really mind. It's kind of hot when he gets all growly and bossy and tries to tell me what to do. I only listen because I know it makes him happy. I also know that if I really wanted in there, he wouldn't try to stop me. He hasn't told me no since we met.
Instead of ruining whatever surprise he's working on in there, I jump up onto the bed and then lay down, staring out at the city. With the lights on, I can't really see anything but my own reflection. I look happy.
I am happy. The way Sawyer makes me feel…I've never felt anything like it before. I've always been content with my life, but it's never been this soul-deep sense of satisfaction that has seeped into every pore and sunk deep into every bone. That's all Sawyer's doing.
My hand rests on my stomach, which makes my smile grow. I don't know if it's possible to will yourself pregnant, but I wish it with every fiber of my being anyway. The thought of having kids with Sawyer makes me ache with longing. I want that more than I ever dreamed possible, little boys with his beautiful brown eyes and mischievous smile. Maybe even a little girl who looks like me.
"Wake up, little star." Something soft drifts down the side of my face.
I blink my eyes open to find Sawyer standing over me, smiling. He runs his hand down the side of my face again, looking at me with so much love in his eyes that it makes my heart flutter and race. How did I get lucky enough to find this beautiful man?
"Did I fall asleep?"
"Mmhmm," he hums. "But it's time to wake up now. I have a surprise for you."
"I like surprises."
"I know you do." He chuckles and then leans down to scoop me up into his arms.
I think he likes carrying me around. He does it at every available opportunity. I don't mind. I love feeling his arms around me and all of those muscles working to keep me safe. Letting him carry me doesn't worry me at all. I have no reservations about being in his arms. It's my favorite place.