But she was convinced of one thing. She needed to end her engagement to Carson. Marrying him wouldn’t be fair to either of them. Simply being around Donovan made her remember what it felt like to be in love. How good it felt to love and be loved. She didn’t feel that way about Carson and she’d be short-changing both of them if she went through with the wedding.
Not that she was still in love with Donovan. Memories of being in love and actually being in love were two different things. Just because they’d loved each other ten years ago didn’t mean they could pick up where they’d left off and magically fall in love again. Even she knew that love didn’t work that way. It needed to be nurtured. She knew the feeling that she’d held on to so tightly all those years wasn’t love. It was fear of feeling a hurt so strong it might overwhelm her. A hurt she didn’t think she would ever get over. But that was a problem for another time. She had to end this relationship.
The question was when would she do it? Carson was hurting so badly now, it would be cruel to add to it. Besides, he would need someone to lean on. Who else could he count on if not his fiancée? Especially since she knew the whole sordid story.
When she got home, she sat on her front porch. Maybe working a crossword puzzle or two would help her think. But instead of opening the chest to get out her puzzle book, she stared off into the distance.
An hour or so later, Carson drove up. Apparently he’d changed his mind about wanting to be alone.
“How are you?” She could have slapped her forehead. That was a stupid question. He looked just as devastated as he’d been the last time she’d seen him. Not that she expected anything different. Who wouldn’t be destroyed after discovering their father was a murderer. She still was struggling to wrap her mind around what Donovan had said and knew she would be for some time. It would be even harder for Carson to accept. Philanthropist, political donor and father Karl Rivers had been a murderer. He’d actually threatened her life and then had the audacity to refer to her as his future daughter. The very idea that she’d actually shared meals with that monster turned her stomach.
“I’ve been better.” His eyes were red and she imagined he’d spent time crying.
She let her nod suffice as her response. The last thing she wanted to do was to spout banalities. She knew tomorrow wouldn’t be better. His life would never be the same. “Did you tell your mother?”
“No. And I’d appreciate if you didn’t say anything, either. She’ll need to know eventually, but I’d rather she heard it from me.”
“Of course. I’m not going to tell a soul. I don’t think Donovan will, either, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
He gave her an odd look. “I’m going to say something. Somewhere out there a man’s family is wondering what happened to him. Another woman could be out there hoping he’ll come home to her. She could feel the same way you did all these years. Unfortunately for her, there won’t be a happy ending. Even so, she deserves to know the truth. She deserves to know that he was murdered and that it was covered up for years.”
“I hadn’t thought of it that way. The police need to be told. I was only thinking of you and your mother.”
“We’ll be okay. Knowing the truth is always better than living a lie, don’t you think?”
She rubbed her hands on her denim-clad thighs. “Yes. Are we still talking about your father?”
“No. Not exclusively.”
“Then what?”
“You aren’t in love with me, Raven. I thought it would be enough that I was in love with you. And maybe it would have been if Donovan hadn’t come home. Just like everyone else, I thought he was dead. And if you still loved him...well that was all right. He was a ghost. Sooner or later you’d let him go and your feelings would fade away. I had the rest of our lives to convince you. You’d see how well I’d treat you, what a good stepfather I was to Elias, and you’d eventually fall in love with me.” He shook his head and looked at her with sad eyes. “But that’s not going to happen.”
“No,” she whispered. “It’s not. But it’s not because of Donovan. We aren’t still in love.”
“Maybe not yet.”
“I’m not even thinking about that. So much time has passed. We’re not the same people we were ten years ago. And Donovan is focused on getting to know Elias.”
“Something he wouldn’t have to worry about if not for my father.”
She stared him in the eye. “That’s right. Your father is to blame. Not you. Don’t carry his guilt on your shoulders. That’s a burden you don’t deserve to bear.”
He took her left hand and brushed her ring finger. “You never did wear your ring.”
“I work on a ranch. I didn’t want to risk losing it.”
“Maybe. Or maybe it was a sign that we weren’t meant to be married. The reason doesn’t matter now.”
Maybe he was right. Perhaps part of her had known they weren’t meant to be together. If only she had listened, she wouldn’t be hurting him right now. “I’ll get it. It’s in my jewelry box.”
“Okay.”
She raced upstairs and came back with the ring. The princess-cut diamond really was beautiful. It just hadn’t ever felt right on her finger.
He slipped the ring into the front pocket of his jeans as if it was a cheap, plastic bauble he’d won at the carnival. “I’m going to be leaving in a couple of days. I’m taking my mother to stay with her sister in Atlanta. Then I’m going to try to identify the man Donovan saw murdered and find his family.”
She kissed his cheek. “That’s an honorable thing to do. You’re a good man, Carson Rivers.”
“Thanks.”
The pain in his voice made her heart ache. He’d been there for her when she’d needed him yet she was powerless to help him now. She hoped he’d find someone who could help him deal with his feelings. A good man, he deserved that much.
* * *
Donovan switched the bouquet of wildflowers from one hand to the other. On his walk through Sweet Briar the other day, he’d come upon a florist, Pretty Blooming Things, and had taken a quick look inside just in case he ever wanted to buy anyone flowers.
Looking at the pink and purple flowers, two of Raven’s favorite colors, he wondered if he’d made a mistake. This wasn’t a date. Raven had invited him to dinner so that he could spend time with his son. For all he knew, Carson would be there, as well. And even if he wasn’t, Carson and Raven were still engaged. Donovan didn’t want her to think he didn’t respect her relationship or that he was trying to win her back. Nothing could be further from the truth.
He could hear footsteps inside the house growing near and knew he didn’t have time to put the bouquet in the car. Looking around, he spotted the chest near the wicker furniture. Before he could change his mind, he raced over, opened the chest and tossed the flowers inside. He made it to the door just as it swung open.
Raven smiled at him and his heart danced a silly jig. For a moment he was seventeen again and coming courting as his father called it when he’d teased Donovan. It probably hadn’t been called courting even when his father was a teenager.
“Were you running?”
“Running? Why would I be running?”
She shrugged.
“I hope I’m not too early.”
“Not at all. Elias is always ready to eat. My folks went to Heaven on Earth with some friends, so it’ll just be the three of us.”
“What’s Heaven on Earth?”
“Only the best restaurant in the entire state. And it’s right here in Sweet Briar. Brandon Danielson, a chef from Chicago, moved here a few years ago and opened a restaurant.”
“Really?” He’d missed so much while he’d been gone. The little town he remembered had grown a lot. Many of the businesses he remembered, like the diner, were still there, so Sweet Briar was still recognizable. But while he’d recognized a lot
of the older people he’d encountered, there were a lot of strangers. He had a lot of catching up to do.
“Yes.” Raven walked through the house to the kitchen, so he followed her. His eyes were drawn to the sweet curve of her hips. As usual, she was wearing jeans that hugged her bottom and showcased her shapely legs.
The table was set for three. “I figured we’d just eat in here, if that’s okay with you?”
“Fine by me.” The location didn’t matter. He’d be happy sitting in the mud if he still got to eat dinner with Raven and his son.
“And you’ll never guess who he’s married to,” Raven said as she pulled a pan of macaroni and cheese from the oven and set it on top of the stove.
“Who are you talking about?”
“Brandon Danielson. The chef at Heaven on Earth?”
“Oh. Right. Who is he married to?”
“Arden Wexford.”
“Of the hotel Wexfords?” The Wexfords were one of the wealthiest families in America.
“Yep. You won’t believe how they met. Her car broke down and he rescued her. She used a fake last name and worked as a waitress in his restaurant. She even rented his garage apartment. Boy, he was furious when he found out who she really was. He even fired her. There was quite a scandal. You missed everything.” She looked up, her eyes wide with concern. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean that the way it sounded.”
“I know. The truth is, I did miss it. I missed a lot of things.”
“I could just kick that Karl Rivers for what he did to you.”
“You have to let it go. It’s in the past. Being angry won’t change anything.”
Raven grabbed a salad from the refrigerator and set it on the center of the table. Then she looked right at him. “Have you let it go?”
“Not entirely, but I’m getting there. For the longest time I was filled with hate and anger and so many other negative emotions that I can’t name. Once I stopped being scared, it occurred to me that I spent every hour of every day being angry. I couldn’t come home without risking your lives, something that I wasn’t willing to do. But that didn’t mean I couldn’t have a life where I was. If I stayed angry and didn’t even try to belong anywhere, I was letting him take even more from me than he already had.”
“So did you?”
“It took some doing, but yes. I let go of the anger. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t forgive Rivers or stop hating him with every fiber of my being. I just stopped being angry.”
“That’s not what I meant?”
“Then what do you mean?”
“Did you find a place to belong? Settle down? Have a family?”
“I never married, if that’s what you’re asking. And I don’t have any other children, either.”
“But did you find a place to belong? Please say you did. I hate the idea of you wandering from place to place, spending all your time alone.”
“I did find a place but not at first. For a long time I was afraid to stay in one place. I thought Karl Rivers had someone following me. I was worried that he’d changed his mind and decided to kill me, so I pretty much did what Arden Wexford did. I used a fake name and got a few jobs off the books. When I’d get nervous, I’d move on. I didn’t get close to anyone, so nobody cared when I left.”
“That’s terrible. And so sad.”
“Yeah. Eventually I ended up in Texas. I worked on a couple of different ranches before I came upon Della and Gabe Turner’s place. They own about two hundred thousand acres and run ten thousand head of cattle. I figured that since the place was so big, I’d be able to blend into the background. Boy, was I mistaken.” He smiled. “They may have a big operation, but they get to know their employees. They treat everyone like family.”
“Really?” Raven sounded skeptical and he couldn’t blame her. In other places he would have been a cog in a wheel.
“Yes. Della and Gabe actually meet all the new hires face-to-face. There weren’t many of us because it’s a wonderful place to work and not many people quit. The other new employees had families and ties to the area. I was the only one with nobody.”
“Oh, Donovan.”
“It’s okay. This really was a happy time in my life. When Della and Gabe realized I didn’t have a family, they sort of adopted me. Della invited me to Sunday dinner so many times. I kept saying no. Then Christmas came and I was all alone. I’d endured three Christmases alone already. One year I’d found a church that served dinner to the homeless and gave out little gifts. The other two years I managed to ignore Christmas altogether. But this year was different. I felt so lonely.
“I wasn’t surprised when Della invited me to dinner. I said no at first but then I changed my mind. When I walked into the kitchen, everyone said hi and treated me like I belonged. Della and Gabe have a big family. Several of the older sons were married and had little kids of their own. But they had two college-age sons who were home for winter break. They’re good guys and we ended up shooting pool and playing video games. We became really good friends.” Friends he’d left behind and had yet to contact. He’d call them soon.
“And the Turners had one daughter. She was the youngest child and a handful.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Amelia was such a girlie-girl. You would never guess she lived on a ranch. Anyway, she was fifteen. When her brothers left, they made me promise to keep an eye on her.”
“I’m sure she loved that,” Raven said dryly.
“About as much as you would have. But they’d taken me in as family and I promised I would. Once I made it clear I had no intention of interfering in her life, we got along great. Especially on those occasions when she needed a ride to town.”
“So it wasn’t all bad? You were actually happy sometime?”
“Yes.”
Raven suddenly got busy rearranging the silverware on the napkins. “Did you ever fall in love?”
“No. I never even came close. What did I have to offer anyone? A fake name? A lifetime of hiding?” He put his hand on hers, stilling her nervous activity. “Truth be told, I didn’t want to fall in love again. I didn’t want to take the risk.”
“That Karl Rivers would threaten your new girlfriend the way he threatened your parents and me?”
“No. I didn’t want to risk loving someone and losing her again. I knew my heart couldn’t take it.”
Chapter Ten
Raven didn’t know how to respond to that statement. Fortunately for her, Elias walked into the kitchen just then and she didn’t have to.
“Is it time to eat yet? I’m starving.”
“Did you wash your hands?”
“Yep.”
“Then sit down.”
“Hey, Donovan. I didn’t know you were here.”
“Your Mom invited me for dinner. I hope that’s okay.”
Elias smiled as he pulled out his chair and sat. “Sure.”
Donovan held Raven’s chair. She glanced up at him and smiled. “Thanks.”
After saying the blessing, Raven scooped up a spoonful of peas and reached for Elias’s plate. He scooted it away from her grasp. “Donovan is our guest. You should serve him first, you know, in case we run out of peas.”
As Donovan’s laughter mingled with hers, Raven became uncomfortably aware of just how well he fit in with her and Elias. Though he had just met their son, and he’d been separated from her for a decade, there wasn’t any awkwardness. Telling herself it was good that they got on so well, she picked up Elias’s plate and loaded it with a good helping of peas. They weren’t his favorite vegetable, but he usually buried them in his other food and ate them without too much fuss. Salad, on the other hand, was another story, which was why she wasn’t even going to try.
“Thank you,” Elias said after she’d added macaroni and cheese, roast and homemade rolls to his plate.
“H
elp yourself,” she said to Donovan before filling her own plate.
She was quiet as she ate, half listening as Donovan and Elias talked about the latest superhero movie. It was coming out in nine days and Elias had been begging her to take him on opening night. That way he would be the first of all of his friends to see it, which was important to him. Since Sweet Briar didn’t have a movie theater, and it wasn’t showing at the theater in nearby Willow Creek, and they’d have to drive two hours to Charlotte, the closest place it was showing, he could see it later in the month and still stand a good chance of being the first of his friends to see it.
“You should come with me and Mom when we go,” Elias said, snatching her attention back to the conversation.
“When are you going?”
“Opening night.”
Raven sputtered. “I never said we were going.”
“You didn’t say we weren’t. Besides, I already invited Donovan. It would be bad manners to take it back now.”
Donovan made a choking noise that sounded suspiciously like laughter. He might think the situation was funny now, but she couldn’t wait until he had to deal with a nine-year-old who was too smart for his own good. She’d be the one laughing. A day ago that thought might have shocked her. Sure she knew co-parenting Elias was the only fair thing to do. But being able to work together with laughter and friendship was even better than she could have hoped.
“I’ll think about it. Donovan might have other plans.”
“Do you?” Elias asked. He seemed to be holding his breath, waiting for Donovan’s answer.
Strangely enough, she was holding her breath, too.
“No plans at all.”
“Then it’s settled. We’re going to the movies.” Elias chased the last pea around his plate with his fork then squished it with the tines. He didn’t lift it to his mouth. “I’m done. Do you think Grandma and Granddad will bring me back some dessert?”
“I doubt it. You’ll have to settle for cookies and milk.”
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