by Forgy, M. N.
The animal in me shakes its cage, roaring to be released at full throttle. I’m not sure what I’m scared of more. Letting the shadows of my past in, or letting my monster out. If I let this darkness seep from the cracks of my soul, there will be no putting it back. I will not be Alessandra, but a mixture of Brown 5 and Alessandra.
Black Hat grips me around the neck, and my body wants to relax into his hold, give him control. He is the reason I act the way I do when Felix touches me there. It was how he controlled me in training. Furrowing my brows, I push past the urge to relent. One man controls me, and that is Felix.
Using all my might I grasp the screwdriver, fisting it, I turn in Black Hat’s hold. His grip tightening on my neck to the point I can’t breathe. His beady eyes smiling back at me as he squeezes the life out of me.
Taking a deep breath, I let the terror of that little girl trapped in a cage… out.
Swinging my hand back I slam the straight edge screwdriver into his back until it hits bone. He screams, and backhands me off the table. My face throbs, and pain licks up my temple. Mid fall I grab the box of contents sitting on the table before falling to the ground. A bottle of wine, corkscrew, Taser, leash, and cattle prod falling next to me. He hollers and cries trying to withdraw the tool from his back.
Jerking it free he comes at me with it and I grab the bottle of wine as it’s closer and slam it against his head. Knocking him to the ground.
Shifting onto all fours, I climb on top of his back and drive the bottle into his skull one more time. The impact of glass and bone vibrating through my hand just as it breaks in my hold. The smell of strawberries and blood wafting around me. “You corrupted me, and now you’re going to die by the hand of the demon you created,” I cry with pain not related to my injuries but the hurt that has been buried so long and just now pulling itself from the grave. He reaches for the corkscrew that fell out of the box that’s just feet away, and I topple over him to get it first.
Reaching it before him, I place the screw between my fingers and slam it into his neck. It doesn’t lodge all the way so I twist it into his skin and blood sprays with every spin of my wrist. He screams, and bucks beneath me as I dig the corkscrew into his main artery. Hooking my legs around him I ride him like a fucking bull, taking his life with a goddamn smile on my face. Accepting my past, my future, the now. I’m killing the nightmare that lingers in every little girl’s head, and destroying the master behind the monster that lingers under their bed.
Gritting my teeth, a dark rush envelopes my soul. Nurture vs nature losing.
Blood sprays over my uniform as I twist the cork all the way in. Crimson painting a canvas of life on my chest. I scream and roar like an animal, tears slipping from my eyes as I take Black Hat’s life.
He goes limp falling to the ground, and I release my hold on him. Straddling his back I stand on shaky legs. Blood dripping from my fingertips as I look around the hell that created me. My dad is probably rolling over in his grave right now but it was either I accept who I am, or Cross and them do this to others all over again.
Stepping over the dead body, I decide to go the way Raven went, hoping for an exit.
I should let her escape, but now that the beast is released. The reaper is on a mission, and I’m going to tear her broken soul from her chest. Taking out the trash of Vegas one criminal at a time.
This world has enough heroes. It needs a hybrid. Half hero, half villain.
Felix
Looking at the clock, I begin to get nervous. Alessandra should be back by now. It’s dark, and the station is closed for the most part. I’m going to call Gatz and see what the hold-up is.
A knock at the door takes me from my phone. “Hey man, we got problems,” Zeek says solemnly. The hairs on my neck stand on end, and I jump from my chair.
“What?”
Gatz steps into view, his face pale.
“Alessandra went into the station, and never came out,” he informs with a shaky voice.
Stomping forward I grab him by the neck and slam him up against the door with more force than I recognize.
“What the fuck do you mean she didn’t come out?”
“I went in there hours later and they said she never came in to give her statement,” he explains. Zeek grabs at my arm, trying to get me to release Gatz, but the fear in me has me tightening my grip. “You were supposed to protect her!” I yell in his face.
“I know!” he shouts back, regret deep in his voice.
I let him go, my shoulder rising and falling with rage.
Jillian pushes past the boys, her face red. “Where is she?!” She’s irate, emotional.
“I don’t know!” Gatz replies emotionally. “I’m sorry,” he hangs his head, his fingers running through his hair.
“Mac!” Jillian screams, and the babies wake in the back room from the commotion.
“Sup?” Mac asks, chewing on a straw, obviously oblivious to what is going on.
“Alessandra is missing,” I feed him in quickly.
“I’ll trace the phone!” Mac points at me. Eyeing Zeek, I step past him and follow Mac to his computer. I’m not saying this is Zeek’s fault, but I should’ve taken Alessandra to do her statement. I fucking knew it.
Mac types, clicks, and furrows his brows at a bunch of nonsense popping up on his screen.
“Hurry the fuck up!” I snap. A GPS pops up, and a little pink dot blinks almost out of the city limits. Pushing off the table I head to my room, jerk the closet door open and grab my semi-automatic.
I’m about to rain this city in blood and vengeance. I’m going to retaliate, and reign mayhem.
“Hey man, you gotta chill out bro,” Zeek says following behind me. The amount of concern in his voice annoying me. If this was Jillian, he’d already be pulling all of our men and weapons.
“Fuck you,” I growl pushing past him. He grabs my arm and pushes me up against the wall and I swing at him, but he ducks.
“If this were Jillian this wouldn’t even be up for debate. So why is Alessandra?” I yell in his face.
“It’s not, but I don’t want to see my best friend, and family killed because he’s so fucking distracted!” he screams back.
I take a breath, knowing he’s coming from a good place. Scratching my temple with my gun, I eye him.
“I’m not distracted, just the opposite, brother,” I tell him firmly.
Stomping through the clubhouse I make my way to my bike, my only mission is saving Black Bird.
“I’m coming with you, brother,” Machete says, pulling the chamber back on his gun, and stuffing his belt with his machete.
“You need to go with him, Zeek!” Jillian shoves him with teary eyes. He glares at her. “Of course I’m fucking going,” he snaps at her. “I just want everyone to have a clear fucking head. We don’t know what we’re walking into,” he informs, obviously the more level-headed one right now.
Jillian steps in front of me, and just as I’m about to push her out of my way she grabs my cut with force. Her blond hair falling in her face as she stares at me with wide eyes.
“Bring her back. Alive!” she cries.
Alessandra
Chapter 10
Alessandra
Finding rusting metal stairs, I take them one at a time. I feel confused, lost, out of my body as I find the door at the top. Using my shoulder, I push it over and the desert wind kicks up my matted hair. My side is bleeding and burning from the ripped stitches, wrestling with Black Hat they must have torn.
Climbing out I see Raven just ahead walking into the desert as if she is just as lost as I am. Where do we belong? Where do we go from here?
“Raven!” I scream, but she doesn’t stop. She just continues to walk in a haze.
Wind slips past the bloody material of my uniform, and I feel misplaced wearing it. I don’t deserve it. I am not a cop. My family is not real, my life was not real. Everything was a lie, a façade of what I really was. I wasn’t living until just now.
&nb
sp; I kick my boots off, as I walk into the night. I unbutton my pants and then my shirt. Letting the desert take them. Leaving my badge behind, my scuffed honor in the dust. The familiar roar of motorcycles sound just ahead, and my heart picks up its rhythm.
The Sin City Outlaws.
Standing there in a bloody white bra and red panties, Felix drops his bike and runs to me.
“What the fuck? Are you okay?” he asks with excitement and fear. I open my mouth to respond, but I shut it just as quickly and point at Raven who is walking into the desert. He looks over his shoulder in the direction of my hand.
“Machete, get her!” he orders and a bunch of guys go running after Raven.
“What the fuck happened, Black Bird?” He shakes out of his cut and places it over my shoulders, trying to conceal some of my bare body.
“I found out who I was. Who I am,” I explain in a haze. The things I’ve done, the pain I’ve caused others. I think I even killed a kid the same age as me.
Grabbing my face, he makes me stare him in the eyes.
“You’re mine, and that’s all you need to fucking know,” he snaps. He fully comes into view, everything else starting to dissipate as I take in what he just said. I’m his.
I’m not Brown 5. I have a home. I just had to relive my nightmare to realize it was with the Outlaws.
Felix
Lying in bed, I watch Alessandra stare at the wall. My body against hers she won’t let me up to even piss. I saw what she did to that man in that fucking dungeon, and it scares me to see what exactly she is capable of. This is why I didn’t want to tell her about her past, look at her. She is fucking lost, her demons battling the light inside of her. She doesn’t know where to go from here, and I don’t know how to help. I’ve accepted my hell, my life. She hasn’t.
I wanted to rip the badge from her chest when I met her, but seeing her like this makes me glad it wasn’t me who did that.
“Alessandra, talk to me,” I tell her. She rolls over, looking at me with sad eyes.
“Where do I go from here?” she whispers.
“Wherever you want,” I shrug.
“I’m a bad person. I did bad things,” she mutters, running the nail of her finger along my collarbone. Her tone emotionless; numb.
“Then we have more in common than before.” I cup her hand, and her eyes flick to mine.
“You don’t know this new me. What I’m capable of.” She shakes her head rolling onto her stomach. “What I’ve always been capable of.”
My eyes fall on her scar of X, the one that Cross branded her with no doubt. She can always get a tattoo if she wants, it will cover it up. But if I know her like I think I do, she won’t cover it up. She’ll keep it as a reminder of what she’s been through.
Running my finger along it I inhale a deep breath.
“Scars and memories remind us where we’ve been, babe, but they don’t dictate where we’re going,” I tell her. It’s something Carola has told me on my darkest days.
“I’ve always been on the side of the convicts then the side of the law. I’ve shot suspects and liked the way it made me feel; powerful. When I smell blood, I can’t help but inhale it like someone would a bouquet of flowers, rather than look away in disgust. I never knew why, but I do now,” she sobs, her voice cracking with raw emotions. Watching a girl become a woman right before me is something that no man can describe. The fairy tale her father sold her dimensioning to reality. It’s breathtaking, majestic, and makes me fucking want to own her every breath and beat of her heart.
Her eyes search mine, a moment of silence speaking louder than anything we have to say to each other.
“I’m here no matter what, Alessandra. You could have devil horns or a halo and I’d be behind you with a smoking magnum ready to clear the path for you,” I tell her, and it’s true.
“I don’t love you,” she whispers with watery eyes.
Pulling her close I rest my head against hers. “I don’t love you either.”
She looks lost, like she’s at a crossroad of what to do with her life. Does she live as an outlaw, or be a cop. I think she is both and needs to excel in both. It’s what draws me to her in the worst way.
“Go back to being a cop.” I can’t believe I just said that. She flinches at my words.
“You hate cops?” She tilts her head to the side. I did say that, but that was before I saw who she really was, what she could do.
“The streets need you. Too often have cops have forgotten what it is like to be lost in the throes of poverty trying to survive. You gave Bishop another chance at life, anyone else would have locked him away. You think with your heart, and not the badge,” I explain.
Alessandra turns her head looking at me with soft eyes, my words breaking through her wall of conflict.
She cups my cheeks, her cracked bleeding lips brushing against mine.
“What if my heart is black?”
“That’s why I love you,” I laugh and her eyes widen just as mine do when I realize what I just said. I can’t take it back, so I just smirk. Grasping her hand, I pull it close, the smell of her sweet skin making my chest tighten. “I admit. My feelings for you started with hate, then I just wanted to fuck you. But then I got greedy and wanted your love, Alessandra,” I tell her honestly.
“You can have all of me,” her voice breathy.
“I plan to,” I state, tucking a hair behind her ear.
“This ride could get me killed.” She rubs her thumb along my bottom lip. I’m not sure what ride she’s talking about. The one with me, or her going back to the department, but either way. I’ll be by her side. I may not be a man that you can take home to Mom, a man of many words, and I have a temper that would scare any normal woman away. But Alessandra is mine, and she’s crazy if she thinks I’m going anywhere else.
“Than society better make two graves because we’re riding to hell together.”
“The papers will say ‘Bonnie and Clyde who?’” I smile like the devil.
THE END
Epilogue
Taking a deep breath, I climb the steps to the station, my badge clasped in my sweaty hand.
Machete grabbed it and my gun from the desert that night, said he was keeping them company until I decided what I was going to do. But Mac told me he was fucking a chick wearing the badge and my gun on his hip one night. Wouldn’t surprise me, so I made sure to sanitize both. That man is an animal, God knows what he did with them.
Entering the station, I keep my eyes focused on my target, the chief’s office. I don’t say hi to anyone, and I don’t swipe a donut off the counter because it might make me second-guess what I’m doing here. I know what I’m doing and can’t back out. This has to be done.
I head straight to the chief’s office, scents of rose perfume strong, and toss the badge and my gun on her desk.
“What is this?” Chief Lopez asks, raising a brow at me. Her hair is in a perfect bun, her makeup flawless and light. She sighs, sitting back in her leather high-back chair with a resting bitch face.
“I quit. I’m not meant to be a cop,” I shake my head, my lips twisted.
“Alessandra, don’t do this. Your father—”
“I’m not my father, not even close. He was a good man and wanted me to do good things, but that just it. I’m not a good person, and I don’t belong here. I’ve purposely broken rules, and you’ve looked the other way because let’s be honest, you had respect for my father, not me,” I cut the shit, and this catches her attention quickly.
She drops her bitch face and sighs heavily. The exhale of breath telling me everything she isn’t saying. That I’m making a mistake, that any route I might be perusing is wrong.
“Are you sure this is what you want?” Her eyes cut to mine, they’re so cold and unfriendly it makes me wonder how she ever gets laid.
A motorcycle just outside the window revs its engine, catching her attention. It’s my ride, Felix. I can’t help the way I light up seeing him, and Chief Lopez notic
es. She scoffs clicking her tongue with heavy judgment.
“You’re making a mistake. This is crazy,” she sneers, crossing her arms. Maybe, but I can’t honor the code of blue, but I respect it.
“Maybe, but being normal is boring.” I smile, lift my chin and start backing toward the door. I’ve said what I needed.
“I’ll see you on the other side of the bars?” she asks arrogantly. Tapping my fingers on the doorframe I smile wolfishly.
“Good luck catching me,” I wink, taking a step out of her office. Shit, I almost forgot. “Oh, and Raven told me to tell you she won’t be returning to work either,” I inform casually.
She scoffs, shaking her head like she’s not surprised.
Heading outside, the summer sun hits my face just right. A weight I never knew lifted from my shoulders. I feel lighter, happier, and free. Walking out of the station without my badge my black wings were finally able to release themselves in full form. No more façade of something I was never meant to be. I tried to be a good person, live like a normal female, but I never felt like I fit. Let’s face it, I’ve been through a lot of shit, and it got to me no matter how much effort my dad put into me forgetting it. It was always there, waiting to be released.
Felix is on his motorcycle smoking a cigarette when I approach, and God, I just want to pull his hair and fuck him on the back of it. Zeek and the rest of the men straddling their bikes right beside him. It’s a circle of metal, leather, and trouble. Rugged men and angry stares looking about. Not too long ago I’d be nervous walking up to them, but now I feel safer.