by Forgy, M. N.
Suddenly another sharp pain slices through me, cutting my excuses off. My hips bare down, and I push without me even having to think about it.
“Yeah, not happening tonight, dear. We’re having this baby now. Now push harder!”
Squeezing Mac’s hand like a vise, I push so hard my toes curl into the bed. Sweat drips down my face, and my pelvis feels like it’s being ripped apart. Out of breath, I relax, panting for air. I can’t push another second.
“I can’t breathe, I can’t catch my breath. It’s so hot in here.”
“You’re doing great!” Mac encourages, his face pale as he dabs my forehead with a white cloth. Where’d he get that?
“Oh yeah, if I’m doing so great she’d be out!” I snap at him, pushing my hair from my face. I can’t do this, it hurts so fucking bad. I feel like my pelvis is a wishbone at Thanksgiving dinner.
Mac presses his lips to my temple and kisses me, his mouth lingering on my skin. That one kiss brings me back down to earth, and I finally take the breath I’ve been needing.
“OK, one last push Simone, and you get to meet your baby girl.”
This is it, the moment I’ve been waiting for. This moment is the one that has led everyone here, and even people I care about to their death. My heart aches thinking about Gatz and Kane. They lost their lives for this little girl’s first breath, and it will not go in vain. I can do this. I will have this baby, and she will be beautiful, smart, and loved more than anything.
This little girl was the best thing I ever did for myself. She made me a mother and a warrior. She’s stopping the wave of falling dominos and giving us a new life.
Then again, I wouldn’t have come to this point without Mac. He’s cared for us both, protected us, and loved us. He’s put himself before his club, and himself. I trust him more than I’ve ever trusted anyone. We need him in our new life, to show us the path of being strong, and free-willed.
“Yes.” I nod. Mac looks at me with bewilderment.
“I didn’t say anything.”
“Yes, I’ll be your ol’ lady. We’ll be your girls.” I smile, and Mac smirks the most handsome, sexiest, mischievous grin I’ve ever seen.
Making me and my baby girl his is the best thing I could do for us.
“Let’s do this, babe.” He presses a chaste kiss to my cheek, and I nod in agreement.
“Come on, Momma, let’s push!” the doctor hollers, tapping my leg.
Taking a big breath, tears streaming down my face. I push, I push so hard I see stars, my legs shake, searing pain slices through my pelvis, and all of a sudden, a huge relief pulls from my insides and I fall back onto the bed out of breath.
The sound of the cutest girly cry fills the room, and I can’t stop the tears from falling down my cheeks.
“Oh, she is beautiful, Momma!” the doctor congratulates. My eyes hazy, I breathe in, but it’s shallow and not quite filling my chest. I try again but feel nothing but a burn in my lungs.
“Simone?” Mac is in my vision, but he’s blurry and unfocused.
“Something… something’s wrong,” I whisper, gasping.
“Ok, Mom’s in distress, I need you to step back, Dad.” The doctor pushes Mac out of my face, and I hear metal falling to the ground. A table being knocked over, and commotion all around me. A nurse puts a clear mask on my face, pumping oxygen as fast as she can, and suddenly the doctor is yelling, “She’s losing blood!”
I reach out, wanting Mac’s hand. Needing it to bring me back down to earth but feel nothing but air. “She needs her daddy, where’s Mac,” I say into the oxygen mask, half conscious. But nobody answers me. Everyone’s moving around, panicking and I can’t move, or can’t think. There’s nothing, and I slip into a blanket of darkness.
Chapter 20
Mac
I’m shoved into the hallway by two nurses trying to explain to me why I need to be out here instead of in there with Simone, but I can’t hear them. I’m unhinged and on a mission to get back to Simone’s side. If I’m in there, I can protect her. Why I think that, I don’t know, I have no experience in medical. I just need to be beside her.
I shove at them, trying to get back to her but as soon as I get rid of one woman, the other is in my face.
Roaring like a lion whose lioness has been taken from him by a headhunter, I jerk and thrust my hands through the nurses. Determined to get to Simone even if I have to hurt someone. I promised her I’d be by her side.
“Brother!” Zeek’s voice cuts through the chaos, and I freeze. His voice grounding me back to the reality of where the fuck I am. My head trembles with emotion racing through me like poison.
“I’m going to call security if you can’t get ahold of yourself, sir!” a young nurse with black hair hollers in my face. My eyes fall to hers, then her name tag.
“Shelly, fuck you,” I push through gritted teeth. Her eyes widen, mouth parting at my crude behavior.
“That’s not necessary, we got him,” Machete informs, stepping in between me and the nurse. Shelly shakes her head and hurries back inside to Simone.
Machete turns, eyeing me warily. “What the hell has gotten into you? They’re trying to help her!”
“Oh fuck her!” I wave him off. “She’s acting superior because she got on a pair of fucking scrubs. I need to be in there with Simone, what if she dies like my mother and I’m not there!” I point at the doors, and by the blank stare on everyone’s faces, I realize what I’ve just said.
“Fuck,” I mumble, hanging my head.
“You need to let them do whatever they need, especially if there’s a problem,” Zeek states, patting my shoulder. Glaring in his direction, I shake my hands out, the ache to slam them into something itching up my wrists.
“She’s not your mom, she’s going to be fine,” Zeek whispers, and I close my eyes. I’m trying to believe him, but it’s hard to when I feel like everything bad in my life is due to me ever being born. Ever since I was a little kid I’ve had it in my head that maybe if my father was by my mother’s side when she gave birth… she’d still be alive. Crazy, I know.
“Come on, let’s get some coffee or something while we wait for an update,” Machete suggests, and I refuse. I’m not leaving this fucking spot.
“The last thing he needs is caffeine.” Zeek narrows his eyes at me, and I return the fuck you look.
Instead, I pace outside the doors to Simone’s room, my hands pulling at my hair, fidgeting. It’s taking too long. Something is wrong. I should go in there.
“What’s taking so fucking long?” I holler at Zeek who is looking a housekeeping magazine over. He opens his mouth to say something but shuts it. Nothing he has to say is going to calm me down, and he knows it.
“I’ve never seen him like this, should we do something?” Raven whispers to Machete, but she sucks at keeping a low voice because I hear every word.
“Yeah, give him a tranquilizer dart in the ass cheek,” Machete scoffs, his arms crossed while glaring at me.
I shouldn’t have claimed her, this is my fault for getting too close. I’m bad luck.
“I know what you’re thinking, and stop,” Zeek interrupts my thoughts. My boots screech to a stop, and I scowl.
“You don’t know shit,” I sneer.
“You’re thinking about your mother again.” His face softens, and the back of my neck begins to sweat. How can I not think about my mother at a time like this.
“What happened to your mother?” Raven asks from a waiting room chair, a cup of coffee balancing on her knee.
I shake my head. “Nothing.” Nobody needs to know my sob story, it doesn’t change anything. I’m bad luck, it’s in my DNA. Period.
Zeek sighs, pushing himself off the brick wall of the hospital. He grabs me by the shoulder and pulls me in close. His fingers digging into my leather cut.
“We all have been where you are, maybe not in this particular situation, but the place where we don’t think we deserve anything good.”
Scratching
my forehead, I close my eyes.
“You’re starting to sound like Raven,” I sigh.
“Well, then she’s one smart bitch.” Thumb and finger rubbing the stubble on my cheeks, I exhale.
Does an outlaw ever deserve anything good? An outcast that breaks all the rules is bound to have karma breathing down their neck, waiting for the moment to hurt them at their weakest point.
Finally, the doctor steps out of the room, his coat covered in blood and my knees suddenly feel weak at the sight of it. I’ve never felt ill at the sight of blood, but right now I feel like I might faint.
“You’re the dad?” He looks to me. Everyone looks to me, waiting for me to claim Simone and the baby publicly.
“Yeah,” I reply, my eyes watery.
Zeek’s eyes widen.
“The baby is fine, she’s a tough little thing. Her stats are near perfect and I’ve seen babies full term come lesser than her—”
“And Simone?” I interrupt.
“Simone has lost a lot of blood due to a placental abruption. We had to do a blood transfusion, and stabilize her, but she’s doing okay. We’re keeping a close eye on her right now,” he explains, but he might as well be speaking Spanish.
“Placental abruption?” I ask, not sure what the fuck that is.
“It’s where the placenta detaches from the uterine wall early and causes bleeding. We have the bleeding under control right now, but if it doesn’t stop, we will have to remove the uterus. A hysterectomy.”
I turn, my hand on my forehead as the strangest sound spills from my lips. Relief and heartache rolled into one sigh. She’s okay but may never have another child.
“Would you like to see your little girl?”
I turn back around, my hand on my mouth. My little girl.
It rings around in my head and implants itself. I’m responsible for this little girl. I have to be her daddy, because if I don’t… who will? Gatz and Kane aren’t here, and I won’t let anyone else be her daddy because nobody can do the job better than me. Nobody.
“Yes, I want to see my daughter.” The words come out smooth, and they sound right.
I follow the older doctor around the corner, past the front desk to a large finger-smudged glass. There are little tubs full of babies wrapped in pink and blue blankets, but I spot Little Peach instantly. She’s darker skinned than the others, just like her momma, and has just the cutest amount of dark hair on her head. She’s the cutest one in there.
A nurse holds a stethoscope to her chest, as she cries bloody murder. My chest constricts, as if hearing her cry through the glass alerts something in me to go to her.
“Can I hold her?” A tear slips down my face, and I brush it off. I feel like a pussy crying, but I can’t help it. Look at her.
“Yeah, let’s go in.” He steps to the side of the glass to a metal door, and presses in a code into a keypad, unlocking the door. Stepping into the secure room, the smell of baby soap and the sound of crying babies is overwhelming.
The doctor steps up next to Little Peach’s tub, and I follow him. She’s so small, her skin nearly translucent.
A nurse wraps her tightly in a pink blanket and holds her to me. I hesitate, I’ve never held a baby before. Looking to her with panic, I convey just how fucking scared I am to hold her. What if I drop her? What if I’m sick and I don’t know it?
She smiles and presses the crying little girl to my chest.
“Just support her head here.” The nurse places my elbow just right under her head. “And snugly here.” She pushes my hand under her body.
Looking down, I draw in a tight breath at the sight of Little Peach. I’m holding her, and not dropping her. Her round face and small puckered lips are the most delicate thing I’ve ever seen.
“Hey little one.” My voice cracks with emotion, and she looks up at me with goo applied around her eyes. She stops crying, and I can feel her heartbeat against my arms.
“She recognizes your voice,” the nurse says with a big smile.
“What?” I look at her with watery eyes.
“The baby, she knows your voice, that’s why she stopped crying. She feels safe.” She nods.
And just like that, I’m wrapped around this little girl’s finger. We stand their quiet, looking at one another. She brings her fingers to her mouth and begins to suckle and it’s the cutest thing.
My eyes fall to a mark on her chest now that she’s removed her arm from the blanket. I turn my head trying to get a better look at it. Is it a scratch?
The nurse sees me staring with concern and steps over to me with furrowed brows. Using her finger, she pushes the blanket down a bit.
“Oh, that’s just a birthmark, or a stork bite. It might go away, but some don’t.” She shrugs like it’s no big deal. But it is a big deal. That birthmark is identical to someone I know.
I swallow the sudden lump in my throat and stare at the mark. Gatz had a similar birthmark to this one. A horseshoe-shaped birthmark.
This is Gatz’s little girl for sure. She’s an Outlaw.
A darkness falls outside the display window, and I look up. My boys with their women, are standing there in leather and smiles watching me. I smile, back holding my daughter.
If you asked me months ago where I’d be… I never would have said here. I’d never would have guessed I’d lose control of my emotions and become unhinged to a woman and unborn child that isn’t even mine.
My father used to tell me I’d never survive a day in the real world, but I’d like to see that motherfucker last a night in mine.
I’ll never be him. I will be the best man I can be in both of my girls’ lives.
Chapter 21
Simone
Waking up, I feel stiff. There are pads wrapped around my feet that inflate and deflate every few minutes that are annoying the hell out of me. There’s a drip in my arm making my forearm ache, and I feel extremely sleepy and cold.
The smell of blood and iodine makes my head hurt, and I wince from the harsh light beaming above my bed.
Looking around the room there are machines all over, and a TV on the wall, with a lone wooden rocking chair in the corner that holds Mac holding our little girl. Our little girl. I smile, liking the sound of that.
My heart beats at the scene before me. His leather cut hanging off the back of the chair as he holds her like she might break, his intense eyes looking down at her like she’s his whole world. Teaching him how to be soft, and strong at the same time.
The doctor walks into the room, his eyes holding shadows of tiredness under them.
“Ah, you’re awake.” He grins in my direction.
Mac looks my way and lights up in a way that has me glow like a love-struck teenager. Standing from the chair, he comes to my side of the bed.
I try and push myself up, but my abdomen feels like it’s been sliced open and I wince. Letting myself fall back on the bed.
“She’s gorgeous, Simone, you have to see her.” Mac bends down, positioning her in my right arm. The sight of her has me gasp, she’s more beautiful than I would have ever imagined. Having her in my arms distracts me from the foreign pain across my belly, or why exactly I look to be in an ICU room, and not a postpartum room.
Seeing my little girl for the first time, it takes my breath away. Everything fades as I take her in. Her nose is small, and pouty lips adorable. Her fingers tiny, and skin soft. My eyes fill with tears, a sob trembling from my lips. She raises her arm, and my eyes fall on a birthmark on her chest. My lips part as my brain takes me back to the night I conceived her.
A spot on his bicep causes me to turn my head sideways as I focus on it. It’s a birthmark in the shape of a horseshoe, it’s unlike anything I’ve seen before, then again, I’m high. I reach out to touch it, just as he leans down and kisses me.
Coming back from the memory, I continue to stare at the birthmark in awe.
Gatz had the same birthmark. She’s… she’s Gatz’s little girl.
“So, we ran into s
ome complications, Simone.” The doctor sits at the end of the bed, breaking my moment of bliss. Glancing up at him, I remember blacking out right after delivery.
“You had a placenta abruption and lost a lot of blood. Unfortunately, we could not stop the bleeding and had to do a hysterectomy I’m afraid.” His face frowns, and my chest constricts with the information.
“I’m sorry, what?” I half laugh, the information not quite settling.
Mac’s head falls, his hand searching mine under the baby, squeezing tight. Looking at his hand, it starts to sink in. They did a hysterectomy.
“What?” My voice cracks with emotion. A hysterectomy means I can’t have any more kids. I can’t have a big family or give a sister or brother to my daughter.
A warm tear falls down my cheek, and I sniffle looking down at my little baby girl.
“I’ll give you guys a minute,” the doctor mutters, leaving the room.
“Hey.” Mac squeezes my hand. Glancing up through unshed tears I try to keep it together.
“It’s okay, she’s all you need.”
I sob, shaking my head. “What if you fall in love with me and want to have kids one day. What if we want to give her a sister or brother?” I shrug.