by Milo Abrams
it seemed to slip through his fingers like grains of sand. He spoke what he wrote, thinking it may help it stick with him better.
"Okay, what happened? I was in the woods behind the house. It was dark and deep and I felt like I was lost. I ran in different directions but the woods just kept going, and every way I ran there were giant boulders that turned into creepy wolves with long arms like people and they chased me." He looked down at what he wrote and doubted it for a moment. “That's what happened, right?” He shrugged and left it. It wasn't poetry, but it was good enough. He took the piece of paper and shoved it beneath his underwear and socks in his top dresser drawer then ran outside to the barn.
Somehow, writing down his nightmare made him feel better. By writing down what scared him, he distanced himself from it and it no longer felt like it was something that was happening to him. The brain can deal with a memory of trauma much easier than it can an actual trauma, and the nightmare's effect on James faded. He forgot about seeing a strange creature at the edge of the woods, about the deer feeder, and the idea of luring in deer to see wolves. In his newly found peacefulness, he left his worries behind temporarily and bounced into the barn to help his dad work on his car.
His dad was halfway underneath the car with just his legs sticking out completely covered in dirt and dust when he arrived. James hadn't paid much attention to the car the last time he was in the barn, mostly because it was covered in a heavy brown tarp, but now it wasn't and it was impossible to miss. It was old but extremely shiny and bright red. If the barn had eyes and could see the color on the car inside it, it would've surely been jealous. With the car safely sitting on rusted yellow ramps, James knelt down by his father. "Nice looking car."
Nolan's voice rolled out from under the car even though he stayed under. "Thanks, it has its problems though, 'cause it's getting old. Hoping to get it up and going."
James sat down by his dad's legs. "So, what's wrong with it?" he asked.
"The body and engine are perfect, but it had a bunch of wheel problems, you know like wheel bearings, breaks, bad tires…not to mention all the lines underneath were rusted and gone." James then heard metal hitting metal and his dad yell as the oil pan came off and dumped oil all over him. He slid out from under the car, his face covered in a slimy brownish-black goop and began laughing. He wiped his face. "I got it all pretty much done besides that damn oil pan."
James moved and sat on a chair at the bench along the wall of the barn. "You've been working on it a while?"
Nolan continued cleaning himself up then picked up the oil pan and threw it into the corner. "Yeah, put quite a bit of money into this sucker, too."
"Why not just buy a new car or pay someone else to fix it? I mean look at your truck, Dad, it's a piece of shit." James quickly covered his mouth as soon as he realized what he said. He had never cursed in front of his dad exclusively before, and any time his mother heard him back home, he was instantly grounded. In his family, his dad had always been the disciplinarian. His mother ruled the roost but his dad was her right-hand man. Any justice or punishment that needed dishing out always waited until he was home from work. James winced and waited for the verbal beating he was sure was coming, but it never did. Instead, his dad just started laughing.
"Yes, but that piece of shit," he said pointing toward the driveway with his thumb like a hitchhiker, "is my little red rocket. I'll ride that sucker 'til she dies."
James was confused and relieved that his dad had taken his little slip-up so lightly. "You laugh a lot more now, I noticed," James mentioned.
Nolan opened a box which contained a new oil pan and sat back down to slide under the car. "Life's too short not to laugh more. I always took everything so serious. Speaking of short, I have to get this car running."
"Why, you got a date or something?" James joked.
"Actually," Nolan said between ratchet sounds, "I do."
They said nothing more about it. James finally had the confirmation he was looking for that his dad had moved on. It also explained his new change in attitude and why he had been so happy. For a while, James sat next to his dad while he grunted and swore between deep inhales under the car, but there was nothing really for him to do. Even if he wanted to, he couldn't help fix his dad's car. Eventually, James wandered away from the car, too bored and hot to sit around and do nothing, and explored the barn some more. What intrigued him most was the ladder that led to the hayloft.
He stood there staring at it for a few minutes, noticing that it looked old and weathered just like the barn itself. Hoping it was strong enough to hold him, he went over the pros and cons in his head and struggled with his desire to climb up and explore. There was a hollow feeling in his gut that told him not to but in the moment, he didn't care that a fall from such a height could kill him if he landed the wrong way. He grabbed the ladder and placed his foot nervously on the first rung. Just as he put pressure down to lift his other foot off the ground, it snapped and his foot smacked the floor of the barn with a hard thud making his heart thud similarly in the process.
"What was that?" Nolan called out from underneath the car. "James, you all right?"
Wide-eyed and panicked for a second, James replied, "Yes, the ladder broke."
"Ladder?" Nolan emerged from beneath the car, "Jesus Christ, James, don't climb on that damn thing. It's probably as old as the Civil War."
James looked at his feet, "I just wanted to see what was up there."
Nolan looked up at the hayloft without saying anything.
"What's up there?" James asked.
"Honestly, I'm not sure." He walked to the other side of the barn and grabbed a tall aluminum ladder then set it up next to the broken wooden one. James stepped over to climb it but Nolan stopped him. "Hang on there, buddy," he said, "let me make sure it's safe first." Nolan gracefully lifted all two-hundred and thirty pounds of his body weight up to the top and stepped into the hayloft, disappearing where James couldn't see him.
After a minute, James called out to him. "Dad?"
"Come on up, just be careful on the ladder.”
James stepped onto the aluminum ladder without the bravery from his last climbing attempt. His legs and hands trembled more with each advancing step. Upon reaching the top, the first thing he noticed was the huge temperature change which instantly sent his sweat glands into motion. The hayloft of the barn was actually more like a second floor with a solid wood floor built into the rafters that extended the entire length of the barn. At the front, there was a large rectangular opening, that at one time, had huge shutter-like doors. Nolan stood by the opening and stared outside.
"Incredible, huh?" he asked as the wind blew the dust from his hair. "Hot up here but the increased elevation brings a nice breeze with this opening."
James looked to the back of the hayloft and saw there was another opening just like the one at the front, but it still had its doors and was shut. Nolan noticed this and began walking toward the other side.
"Let's see if we can get this open.” A couple good grunts and the rust from the latch broke free, allowing the huge shutter doors to swing open and bring in a wave of fresh air. "That's better! Gets some air flowing up here!"
James walked to the front opening and looked outside. He was amazed to see the backyard stretched out before him in a beautiful view. "Wow," he uttered.
"See?" Nolan said, patting him on the back, "you never know what you're going to find out here."
James didn't say anything as his father retreated back down the ladder to work on the car. At first, he was afraid to get too close to the giant window for fear of falling to his death, but after a few minutes of inching around he took a deep breath and scooted his butt near the edge, letting his feet dangle over. He felt free. His mother would've killed him if she saw what he was doing but he didn't care. The breeze blew through his hair and he soaked up the view as it saturated his vision. Looking out to the back, he could see the treetops of the woods and a brand-new view of the deer feeder. That's
when he had the idea that the hayloft would be a much better place to try and see the creature from. He carefully backed up, and then hurried down to get his binoculars.
As he reached the bottom, his dad slid out from under the car. "Done up there, already?”
"Actually, I'm just going to grab my binoculars."
"Great idea! Hey, would you mind grabbing us a couple root beers while you're in there?”
"Sure," James said, then he was off. He pushed the door open and was punched with a full-body blast of cold air as he stepped back into civilization. The sweat from his face and forearms sent a cool-burst sensation through his nervous system causing him to involuntarily shiver. He grabbed the binoculars, two root beers in icy brown glass bottles, then stepped back out into the heat. As he reached the bottom step, a shrill whistle in the distance made him stop. He looked around for its source but couldn't find it. Back in the barn his dad was out from under the car, and smiled between greasy cheeks as he took the root beer.
"Ah, thanks," Nolan said after a couple heavy slugs.
"Dad, you said there could be hunters back in the woods?"
"Sure."
"Do hunters ever whistle?"
It was an interesting question that made Nolan think for a minute. "I guess. I remember when I was a kid, my Uncle Grizzely was an avid hunter, and I remember he used to use a whistle