by Land, E. C.
“That bitch is starting to get on my everlasting nerve,” Burner says as he sits on the stool next to me.
“Keep an eye on her. We don’t need any more drama and bullshit from the clubwhores around here.”
“You got it, Prez. Now, I’m gonna go get Nicky and have her blow me before I head out. There are a few new waitresses at Outlaws that I want to check out. I heard Kenny tell Horse the other day and haven’t had a chance to see for myself,” he says before grabbing Nicky off the table where she was giving a striptease.
Hell, if Burner is gonna go to Outlaws then I’m going to. Fuck girls night, Izzy can get over it if she gets pissed. I smile as I think of a way to move this party to the bar and interrupt the girls’ fun.
Whistling, I gain the attention of all the brothers in the room. “Don’t mean to interrupt your fun but who all wants to move this party to Outlaw Racks and interrupt girls night and enjoy checking out the new waitresses dancing on the tables?”
I know the moment my brothers get what I’m talking about when they start laughing and finishing their drinks before following me out to our bikes.
This night is about to get even better than I thought it would be.
11
Izzy
“It’s time to spill, Izzy, you’re my best friend, how did I not know you were seeing my brother. How long have you been seeing him without telling me?” Kenny doesn’t waste any time questioning me about her brother when I get to Outlaw Racks.
The bar is completely packed tonight with Demons Among Us playing. They are a hot cover band. Everyone that has heard of them comes out to see them when they play here. Chaz, the lead singer is hot, and I mean H.O.T. One night, he offered to give me what I always want from a guy, but I had ended up turning him down. If I hadn’t, I would’ve regretted it since I’d have to see him way too often. Before Twister, I had two main rules. One, no repeats and two, they always had to wear a condom. If I had fucked Chaz, he would have tried to get a repeat with him always playing here and I couldn’t do that to him.
I knew Kenny was pissed, hell she hasn’t really talked to me in a month and we usually talk every day. I don’t blame her for it either, but she doesn’t know anything about my past and I’m honestly not ready to tell her about it either. Kenny can be hot-headed and stubborn just like her brother but there’s no way she can understand any of the shit that I’m going through.
Even though the pain is still deep within me, I have been learning from Twister that life is worth living. Granted, I know I have a long ways to go, especially with what’s coming up— the anniversary of Chase’s accident. I can’t help but want to give in to the urge and let go of Twister’s hand so that I can finally drown out everything.
Shaking my thoughts out of my head, I sigh looking at Kenny and Lynsdey. “Your brother and I had sex before I actually knew who he was. I didn’t know he was your brother until after they moved here, and I tried to stay away from him, but he wore me down. I’m sorry I hurt you by not telling you but Twister’s and my relationship is just that— it's ours. I love you, Kenny, can you forgive me?”
“You know I love you too, but I don’t know if I can forgive you right now. I mean, you were just talking about needing to get laid and then the next thing I know, you’re my brother’s ol’ lady. I’m sorry but it doesn’t make sense to me. There’s something that you two aren't telling me, and I want to fuckin’ know what it is. Until then, I can’t forgive you.” The anger in Kenny’s eyes tells me she’s not going to back down. She will just have to get over it. Kenny may be my best friend but I’m not telling her shit about my past, too many people already know as it is.
“I’m sorry I can’t tell you anything else since in all honestly Kenny, it’s not any of your business. When you’re ready to forgive me, call me. I’ll be at the clubhouse.” I gulp down my drink before getting up. I don’t want to ruin her and Lynsdey’s girls night so I’m just gonna head back to the clubhouse and get some work done instead.
“Wait a minute, we’re having a girls night and I want to know what’s going on. My brother swore up and down for years he was never settling down. Then you somehow got him to make you his ol’ lady. Are you pregnant? Is that why he did it? Or is it something else? Are you in trouble? Why are you to keeping secrets from me?” Kenny keeps the questions coming as she follows me out the door as I head for my car.
I finally snap at all her questions. That’s one thing I’ve never been good with is someone bombarding me with question after question. They just piss me off and my mouth runs off with me.
“First, if I were pregnant, I wouldn’t have been in there drinking. Second, I’ve already told you, Kenny, it’s not any of your business— it’s your brother’s and mine. Third, if you want to talk about secrets, how about you ask your husband and brother about your mom. Ask them what actually happened back to her . . .” The way her face pales, I know I went too far. Kenny always felt abandoned by her mom.
“What the fuck?” Twister’s voice roars from behind me. I swing toward him to see him looking down at me with rage consuming his eyes.
“What is Izzy talking about? What do you know about mom that I don’t?” Kenny asks with tears in her voice. I know I completely screwed up and let my mouth run away with me.
“Fuck,” I hear one of the guys behind Twister mutter.
“Izzy, carry your ass out of here. You’ve done enough damage being a bitch. I’m glad to know now what type of person you are. I’m done with your ass, go ahead and do what you planned to do a month ago, you ain’t worth it. Kill yourself for all I fuckin’ care,” Twister says almost too calmly as he clenches his fist at his sides. The words are my undoing. I get in my car without looking at any of them and drive away. I know he’s right. I knew it before I even agreed to let him help me.
I’m not worth it. I do nothing but cause pain for anyone around me.
I drive to the clubhouse and quickly go to Twister’s room, grab my gun and a few other things I had in his room, leaving my phone on the dresser. I’m sure it has a tracker on it. Where I’m going, I don’t want anyone to be able to find me. After tonight, I highly doubt any of them, including Kenny, will want to talk to me, let alone look for me. When I get back in my car, I turn west and head for the one place I know I deserve to be.
Twister’s words repeat over and over in my head as I drive, making my way to out of town. He didn’t just let go of my hand, he snatched it, throwing me back into the deep end and this time, there’s no going back.
The further away I get from him, the worse I feel. Without realizing it, over the past month I had started to fall in love with him, and now the little pieces of my heart that he’d started to mend are shattered beyond repair.
I deserve his hatred for the way I opened my mouth. I deserve more than his hatred. None of them should ever have to deal with the pain of reopening old wounds.
I drive through the night, getting closer to my destination just as the light of dawn starts to peek over the horizon. Pulling into the cemetery, I park my car and get out making my way to Chase’s grave. I haven’t been back here since I graduated high school and before that, I felt so ashamed to ever come to his grave.
Sitting down with my back against the headstone, I quietly watch the sun as it rises.
“I’m sorry, Chase, I’m so damn sorry. I never meant to be the reason you were out that night,” I whisper into the cool crisp air. “You know for the past six years, I’ve lived with the guilt of it. Mom and dad both blame me for the accident as well. If I had just stayed home that night, you would still be here. You would be the one driving your dream car and you would have already started a family with some girl that stole your heart. I can’t take it anymore. I’m drowning and it hurts so much that I can barely breathe some days. I met someone and I did something completely stupid and now he doesn’t want me. I hurt so many people just like I always do.” I cry, pulling my knees up to my chest.
When I finally stop the tears, I
wipe my face as I look up at the sky to see the sun shining in a clear blue. I laugh to myself what a sight to see before I pick up my gun placing it to my head.
“As much as I love Twister, Kenny, and everyone else, Chase, I can’t do this. Not anymore. They don’t need me in their lives, I’m ready to burn in hell for everything that I’ve done,” I say as I start to pull the trigger. I don’t feel the pain of a bullet as everything goes dark. All I feel is complete darkness as it takes me over.
12
Twister
No sooner I let the words spill from my mouth and watch Izzy leave the parking lot, I know I’ve fucked up big time. But when I heard her arguing with Kenny and telling my sister to ask me what really happened with our mom, I saw red. I didn’t want Kenny to know the truth and have to deal with the pain all over again.
“What did she mean about our mom, Jerod? What don’t I know?” Kenny asked with venom in her voice. Oh, she’s pissed but she will have to wait for her answers. I need to get a grip on my control.
“Not now, Kenny. What the fuck happened to start all this shit?” I ask glaring at my sister and a silent Lynsdey. Kenny places her hands on her hips glaring at me.
“I wanted to know what was really going on between you two, and I knew you wouldn’t tell me so I was hoping that if I got Izzy drunk enough, she would spill. I needed to know if you were just another lay for her. Izzy isn’t one to do relationships. I love her, but she fucks anyone that she can. I was just looking out for you, Jerod. You’re my big brother,” Kenny says as she drops her gaze on the last part.
“Damnit, Kenny, why couldn’t you leave well enough alone. I love you but fuckin’ hell, you don’t realize what I’ve just set into motion. And for your information, none of what Izzy and I had was fuckin’ fake. I’ve wanted that woman since the first time I saw her. She pushed me away at every turn for the past year. I finally had her where I wanted her and that was in my arms, and you just couldn’t help the fact that I didn’t tell you. Maybe now you know how it feels when someone keeps shit from you,” I yell right in her face.
“That’s enough, Prez. You don’t back off on my ol’ lady, we’re gonna have problems. That was uncalled for and you fuckin’ know it,” Horse says stepping up and taking Kenny in his arms.
“Fuck,” I breathe out running a hand through my hair as I turn on them.
“Prez, one of the prospects just called. Izzy just ran into the clubhouse and rushed right back out the door as quick as she came. He didn’t even get to catch up to her before she was spinning tires in the lot. Wants to know what you want him to do,” Hades says as his eyebrows pull together like they do when he’s trying to judge a situation. It's one of the things that makes him our enforcer.
“Fuck, let’s go. We need to get back to the clubhouse. Gadget, I need you to track her, see which way she’s going,” I tell them getting back on my bike. I can’t believe just how much I’ve fucked up. I need to get back to the clubhouse and make sure she didn’t grab her gun before leaving. I knew I should have moved it to the safe in the shed, but I didn’t. It's my own damn fault if she has it. Swear to fuck, if I get Izzy back in time, she isn’t gonna be allowed around guns ever again. I just need to get her back first.
We both fucked up tonight. Izzy should’ve kept her mouth shut about my mom and I shouldn’t have said the shit I did. She may have fucked up but not as bad as me. I fucked up with not just Izzy but Kenny too. Kenny has the right to know the truth about our mom and I kept that from her. I can understand her being pissed at me but in all honesty, she has no right to know about Izzy’s past unless Izzy tells her.
Pulling into the lot, I barely put the stand down before I storm into the clubhouse making my way to my room. The door is cracked open. When I walk in, I see red.
“I saw her run in here and leave with a bag. Figured you were ready to move on to something else and thought I would help you when you got back,” Micky says running her hands down her naked body, sliding a finger into her pussy before bringing it to her mouth. Usually, the sight would have my dick throbbing, especially if it were Izzy. This cunt has pushed me too far.
Moving to the edge of the bed, I lean over her like I’m about to actually touch her, gaining a smile. When I get within an inch of Micky’s lips, I yank her hair back, lifting her off my bed before throwing her out of my room into the hall. At her screams, my brothers coming running down to see what the commotion is.
Turning to Nicky and Britt, “Get her shit. I told you all before, don’t fuck with the brothers with ol’ ladies. We don’t do that shit to women here. Micky fucked up and now she’s banned. She is fuckin’ lucky I don’t kill women. Badger take this trashy bitch out of here and do me a favor, order me a new bed. I want that one burned, sheets and all,” I say moving back into my room to look for the confirmation I needed.
Opening the draw, I see she did, in fact, take it. Slamming the drawer closed before I slide my arm across the top of the dresser sending everything flying. I don’t stop destroying everything until the mattress is upturned, the bed frame is broken into pieces, and the room was completely trashed. They don’t call me Twister for nothing. I destroy everything in my path when I’m pissed. And I’m afraid this time, I may have destroyed the heart I had started mending back together.
“Prez, I can’t track Izzy’s phone since she left it here. It’s probably somewhere in this mess that you’ve created. I fucked up and didn’t put a tracker on her car as I should have, but I know where she’s going. The anniversary is coming up in two days, how much do you want to bet that’s where she’s headed?” Gadget says clenching his hands at the thought of her doing what we both know Izzy is planning.
“She hasn’t been back there in six years, not even for the anniversary. Why now?”
“What anniversary?” Kenny speaks up as she moves away from Horse looking around the disaster in my room.
“Not now, Kenny. Go to the other room now, this is club business,” I tell her
“Izzy is my best friend. I deserve to know what the fuck is going on,” Kenny whispers with tears streaming down her cheeks. Fuck, my sister isn’t one to cry.
“Kenny, now isn’t the time. Go on back to our room,” Horse gently tells her, pulling her in for a hug before leading her out of the room.
“Because if it were me, that’s what I would do if I felt the pain hit me all over again, brother. Izzy is about to completely self-destruct and this time, Prez I don’t think you can save her. She’s already had a head start and there’s no way you will get there in time,” Gadget says softly when Kenny is far enough away for her to not hear what he has to say.
“Fuck.” I pull my phone out hitting the screen to call Stoney. Their club is closer, and they may be able to stop her before she has a chance to do anything.
“This better be good, Twister.” Stoney’s annoyances at being interrupted when he answers the phone can be heard as well as the moans of several women.
“I need your help,” I say as I stand in the middle of all my brothers.
“What can I do for you?” Stoney’s voice changes quickly.
“Izzy, we believe she’s heading to her hometown and is going to do something completely stupid. I fucked up big time tonight, Stoney and said something that has pushed her over the edge. Can you send one of the brothers to get her before she can do something stupid?” I continue to fill Stoney in as I take in my brothers’ expressions as they all turn grim at the knowledge of what my woman is going through. She would kill me if she knew I informed not just Stoney, but all my brothers about what is going on with her.
“Fuckin’ hell, you boys sure as hell know how to pick them. I’ll gather a couple of brothers here and go get your woman.” Stoney disconnects without saying anything further.
Placing the phone back in my pocket I head for the door. Stoney might get there before me, but I won’t be far behind him. I will make this shit right with Izzy. She has too much to live for to end her life now. I didn’t even r
ealize my brothers had followed me until I got on my bike to start her up. Looking over at them, I give them a nod before turning in the direction that will take me to Izzy.
I swore a long time ago I wouldn’t have an ol’ lady, that women were good for one thing and that’s getting my dick wet. But Izzy, she changed that for me the first time I saw her. I fuckin’ love that woman, and I will fix what I broke between us.
Izzy will know that she is worth everything to me when I get her back.
13
Izzy
I groan as I wake up to my head pounding. Fuck, it feels like I have the hangover from hell. What happened? It takes a minute for me to sit up and gather my bearings. Looking around, instantly I’m aware of being unsuccessful yet again at ending the pain. Seeing I’m in a room similar to Twister’s, I must be at one of the clubhouses. There’s a sharp pain in my chest at the thought of him. That’s when I remember pulling the trigger. How am I still alive right now? I pulled the fuckin’ trigger.
A sob escapes me as I curl onto my side. All I wanted was for it to all end.
I don’t know how long I lay there curled up on my side before the door opens letting the light from the hall in. I look up to see who just came in the room— it’s Momma B, Rage’s mom. I met her when she came down to see Thorn and Lynsdey’s twins, and J.C., Horse and Kenny’s little boy. The last time I met Momma B she came across as one scary woman. I wouldn’t want to be on her bad side.
“You're finally awake, I see,” Momma B says as she moves to sit next to me on the bed, brushing the hair out of my eyes. “Oh baby, what have you been doing to yourself? You poor girl, you have been through enough. Now you have several people here that are worried about you and want to see you. You have a problem with anyone coming in here?”