Ben’s lips tightened in annoyance. “For your information, I have an appointment with Nathan Delacroix in about an hour, not that I owe you an explanation for not wanting to go and hang out with you guys at a singles bar.”
Kevin held his hands up in a sign of backing off, his expression contrite for pushing Ben a bit too far. “Okay, you go and tend to business. If you change your mind and want to join Jon, Zach and I, you know where to find us.”
Once Kevin left with Jon and Zach, Ben walked out of the ESS offices with Joel. Before they parted ways to their different vehicles, Joel stopped and faced Ben, his features filled with concern.
“Seriously, are you okay?” Joel asked. “I hate to admit it, but Kevin’s right. You haven’t been yourself.”
Ben sighed and rubbed at the constant ache in his temples. “It’ll pass.”
Joel eyed him with too much foresight. “You sure about that?”
Honestly, Ben wasn’t sure about anything anymore. He’d spent the past week and a half trying to bury himself in work in an attempt to forget about everything that had transpired between himself and Christine that last night with her. All the things she’d said to him before he’d walked out of her house—the hope shining in her blue eyes when she’d told him she loved him, and how well she knew what was in his heart and soul when he didn’t even know himself anymore.
He truly believed it had been the right thing to do to end their relationship—that Christine deserved a man who was whole in every way, and one that didn’t come with the kind of excess emotional baggage such as guilt and regrets that would keep him from giving her everything she needed in her life. Instead, leaving her behind had only increased the awful, desolate, empty feeling deep inside of him.
“You gotta let it go, Ben,” Joel said quietly, pulling him from his internal thoughts.
“What are you talking about?” Ben asked gruffly, even though he knew exactly where this conversation was heading.
“I’m talking about what happened to Kim,” Joel said bluntly, reading him much too well. “It wasn’t your fault, man. You gotta believe that, and you have to stop blaming yourself for her death or it’s going to eat you alive and make the rest of your life miserable and lonely as hell.”
Ben looked away, because he was beginning to suspect that was true.
“We all went through shit in Iraq, and we all handled the fall out in our own way,” Joel went on ruthlessly, as only a good friend could do. “Just don’t let it stop you from going after the best thing that has come into your life in a very long time. And that would be Christine Delacroix.”
“What do you know about it?” Ben asked, wondering how Joel had come to such an insightful conclusion.
Joel grinned. “It was so obvious not only to me, but to Lora, that you have feelings for Christine. We saw you at the wedding together, and Lora commented on the way you watched Christine the entire night. She told me she recognized that look of longing in your eyes, because she’d seen the same thing with me—wanting something, but believing you didn’t deserve it.”
Ben shook his head, unable to hide the smile lifting the corner of his mouth. “Lora’s a smart woman.”
“They all are, Ben.” Joel slapped him on the back, sharing a moment of comradery. “And trust me, I’ve learned that they usually know what’s best for us, even when we don’t have a clue. You can’t change the past, or the horrors we endured in the war. We all know that because we each lived through our own personal nightmares in Iraq and we’ve dealt with it in our own ways. But there’s no reason why you can’t live life to the fullest now. And let me tell you, living life with a good woman, the right woman, has a way of making the past not so painful and difficult.”
“You’re a lucky man,” Ben said, knowing it was true.
“You would be, too, if you’d just stop denying the truth.” Joel’s direct gaze spoke volumes. “What you feel for Christine is real. It’s the present and your future. Don’t be an ass and turn your back on a woman who loves you the way she obviously does, or else you’ll regret it for the rest of your miserable life.”
Ben took his friend’s advice to heart. “Thanks, Joel.”
“Hey, I’m just returning the favor,” he said, reminding Ben of how he’d done the same thing for him not too long ago. “I’ve been there, so I completely understand that sometimes it takes someone else kicking you in the ass to make you realize what an idiot you’re being.”
“Gee, thanks.” Ben grinned then glanced at his watch. “I’ve got to get going. Delacroix is waiting on me.”
“What’s going on?” Joel asked curiously. “I thought that case was wrapped up and closed.”
“As far as I know, it is. All he said was that he wanted to talk to me about certain aspects of the case that he didn’t quite understand.”
“That’s odd.” Joel frowned, looking just as confused as Ben felt about the call he’d received earlier from Nathan. “I can’t imagine what’s left to discuss.”
“Me, either.” Ben shrugged. “I’m sure he just has a few questions about the night of Craig’s arrest.”
“Probably,” Joel agreed, then shifted anxiously on his feet. “Now, every minute I waste here with you is a minute less I have with Lora. I’m outta here.”
Ben grinned as he walked to his truck, a part of him envying what Joel had with Lora. Yet he knew if he took a chance on Christine, he could have the same exact thing. He spent the drive to Nathan Delacroix’s house recalling everything she’d said to him on that last night with her—and mulling over Joel’s advice today, too. By the time he arrived at Nathan’s and rang the doorbell that echoed throughout the massive home, Ben felt a glimmer of optimism that maybe things could work between him and Christine… until Maggie let him inside the house and he was slapped with an in-your-face reminder of how the Delacroix’s lived, along with the realization of what Christine was, and everything Ben was not—classy, refined, and well-bred.
“Hi, Mr. Cabrera,” Maggie said, greeting him with a genuine smile. “It’s nice to see you again.”
“You, too, Maggie. I’m here to see Mr. Delacroix.”
Maggie nodded. “He’s waiting for you in his office.”
Even though Ben knew where Nathan’s office was located, Maggie led the way, and as Ben walked through the huge house that was decorated with such lavish elegance, those doubts and insecurities settled deep in his gut, chasing away the confidence that Joel had just instilled in him, making him wonder if he could ever really mesh into Christine’s life. Or would he be an outcast and scorned by her mother at every opportunity for not being good enough for her daughter?
Maggie opened the door to Nathan’s office, and Ben stepped inside, greeting the other man with a firm handshake and friendly hello. For someone who’d just lost the election for governor, Nathan looked more casual and relaxed than Ben could ever remember seeing him, and oddly enough, content, too.
Nathan waved a hand toward one of the leather chairs in front of his desk. “Have a seat, Ben.”
He did as the other man asked, and as soon as he was settled in the chair Ben jumped right into business. “You wanted to discuss the case with me?”
“I did.” Nathan leaned back in his chair, his gaze candid and direct. “I’d like you to tell me what, exactly, happened to Christine. She hasn’t been the same since you left.”
That bit of information took Ben by surprise. “You know everything that happened. It was all in the report. Is she not doing okay?”
Nathan steepled his hands in front of him, his expression reflecting his concern. “No, and quite frankly, I’m worried about her.”
Unease rippled through Ben at the thought of Christine having some kind of delayed reaction to what had happened to her, first with Jason, then with Craig. “What’s wrong with her?”
“Actually, I was hoping you’d be able to tell me.”
Ben shook his head in confusion. “I have no idea. I haven’t spoken to her since that last ni
ght with Craig.”
Nathan digested that, then said, “I’m thinking that’s part of the problem.”
Ben frowned. This conversation made no real sense to him, and even though he knew there was some kind of point to this discussion, he couldn’t grasp what the other man was trying to say. “Mr. Delacroix, I mean no disrespect, but I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Nathan sighed. “You’re a smart man, Ben, but I’m thinking you have a lot to learn when it comes to my daughter. She loves you, you know.”
Ben caught his jaw before it fell open in shock. “She told you that?”
“She didn’t have to. I’ve seen her and I’ve talked to her, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen Christine so miserable. And, unfortunately, I’ve had first-hand experience with that kind of misery so I know exactly what she’s going through. And seeing her so upset and hurting makes me very unhappy, because my daughter’s happiness and well-being means everything to me.”
Ben was so stunned by Nathan’s intuition, he didn’t know how to respond. But obviously, Nathan had plenty to say to him, and all he expected Ben to do was sit there and listen.
“I’ve always like you, Ben. You’re trustworthy and dependable, and have the kind of integrity that most men lack these days,” Nathan said, and Ben knew he was referring to the previous men in Christine’s life. “When my daughter needed a bodyguard, I picked you for the job for two very distinct reasons. One, I knew I could trust you with my daughter, to protect her and keep her safe. And two, I saw the way you and Christine were with one another. There’s was a certain kind of attraction and chemistry between you, and I thought maybe, hopefully, you two would hit it off and something deeper would develop.”
Ben couldn’t believe what he was hearing, and he certainly didn’t know what to say.
“Judging by how emotional Christine has been lately, I’m guessing that you two more than just hit it off.”
“Yes, we did,” Ben admitted, but didn’t reveal any details to the other man, because what he felt for Christine was a personal, private thing.
“You know, Christine told me what happened in Iraq, and I’m very sorry for what you lost there.”
“Thank you, sir.”
The anguish he always felt when he thought about Kim and her horrific death was still there, but not nearly as strong and overwhelming as it always had been. People told him that time would heal all wounds, but he was beginning to believe that Christine, with her gentle heart and tender way of understanding him, had been the one to soothe his pain, assuage his grief, and make him whole once again.
“She also mentioned how uncomfortable you are with the differences in your background and how Audrey feels about you.”
Ben winced, feeling a rush of embarrassment heat his face. He wished that Christine hadn’t divulged that bit of information, but since she had and it was all out in the open, he was just as honest. “Audrey has never made a secret of the fact that she doesn’t care for me, especially when it comes to her daughter.”
“I’m very sorry about that,” Nathan said, apologizing for his wife’s crass behavior. “But despite Audrey’s negative and judgmental attitude when it comes to some people, I’ve always raised Christine to accept people at face value, and that’s exactly what she’s done with you. Luckily, she takes after me more than her mother in that regard,” he added with a proud grin.
“One more thing,” Nathan said, growing serious once again. “Losing this election was the best thing that ever happened to me.”
The other man was full of surprises tonight, and Ben couldn’t even begin to guess how this discussion would end. “How so?”
“It’s allowed me to have a life of my own. To be true to myself and finally do what I should have done many years ago,” Nathan said with conviction. “I’m divorcing Audrey, and I’m making sure that she gets help for her drinking problem that has grown increasing worse over the years, and hopefully she’ll be able to work through her bitterness at life in general. As for me, I’m tired of putting on a front and perpetrating a lie in public of being a happily married man when I’m not. I’ve wasted too many years being alone and lonely and I’m getting too damned old to live life that way. Don’t make the same mistake I did by not going after the one thing that matters most in life.”
Because Christine had confided in him, Ben knew that Nathan was referring to the woman he’d been having an affair with all these years. The woman he loved. The woman who’d waited patiently for him while he remained married to a spiteful wife and pursued a political career.
And now, Ben was going to go after the only thing that mattered in his life—the unconditional love of a tender hearted, sensitive, beautiful woman.
He loved Christine, and he wanted a future with her, and it felt so good to acknowledge those feelings, to believe in them. And he’d tell her all that and more, just as soon as this meeting with her father was over.
Nathan sat forward in his chair, his gaze softening with genuine esteem. “I know how hard it is to face failure, or admit defeat, but sometimes it’s best to put the past behind us where it belongs, and move forward with our lives.”
“That’s great advice.” Ben stood, anxious to see Christine and hoping like hell that he still had a chance with her. “Is there anything else I need to know before I go and talk to Christine?” he asked the other man who was more like a father to him than his own had ever been.
Nathan grinned. “Yeah. Just take care of her, cherish her, and make her happy for the rest of her life.”
Ben nodded, knowing he’d do all that, and much more. “Consider it done.”
Chapter Eighteen
Christine wasn’t home from work for even ten minutes before someone knocked loudly on the front door. She was tired and cranky and all she wanted to do was pull off her blouse, skirt, and shoes and soak in a hot tub of water with big bubbles and a glass of wine, and soothe the heartache that had been her constant companion since Ben had walked out of her life.
She planned to indulge in that nightly ritual, just as soon as she got rid of whoever was on her front porch.
Figuring it was a solicitor trying to sell something she didn’t want, she opened the door intending to give them a polite “thanks, but no thanks”, but the words died on her lips—because even if this particular man wanted to sweet talk her into buying oceanfront property in Arizona, there was no way she’d ever be able to refuse the offer.
Ben stood in front of her, solid and real, and not a dream or figment of her imagination. He looked just as gorgeous as ever, and he was watching her intently, waiting for a reaction, and she had to resist the urge to launch herself into his arms. Considering the way things had ended between them, and the current apprehension emanating from him, she didn’t know why he was there, or what to expect.
When she said nothing at all, he finally spoke. “Can I come in and talk to you?”
“Sure.” She opened the door wide, and after he entered, she led the way into the living room.
Turning to face him, she crossed her arms over her chest and met his gaze. An awkward silence settled between them, which she absolutely hated because it had never been like that with them before. They’d always been able to talk about everything and anything, and that was no longer the case.
“Would you like something to drink?” she asked, for lack of something better to say.
“No, thanks,” he replied, his tone low and rough… and just a bit uncertain, which matched the vulnerability and underlying fear shining in his eyes.
And that’s when she realized the reason for his visit. Ben was a man who was strong and steady and sure. A man who’d learned to safeguard his emotions, and protect the heart that had been shattered more than just once. First, when his mother had walked out on him, and then when Kim had died in his arms.
But now, there were no walls, no defenses, and nothing to hide the wealth of feelings that she knew were all for her. But knowing was not enough. She had to h
ear the words from him.
“What do you want, Ben?” she asked, her soft whisper imploring him to open up and trust her, to believe in what they had together.
He exhaled a deep breath that unraveled into a groan. “The only thing I want, the only thing I need, is you.”
Everything within her rejoiced, but outwardly she remained calm. “What changed?” She had to know.
“Me, hopefully.” Sincerity rang true in his voice. His expression held no shutters, nothing closed off from her. “You’re the first woman who has ever cared enough to pry out every painful secret I had, and forced me to face some of my greatest fears, one of them of which was to take a chance and love someone again.”
She held her breath, waiting and hoping…
“I love you, Christie,” he said, his voice filled with such overwhelming confidence, such amazing certainty, that it brought tears to her eyes.
Finally, he closed the distance between them. He framed her face in his big, warm hands and stared deeply, adoringly, into her eyes, making her feel like the most precious thing in his life. And she believed it, too.
“I love the strong, generous, independent woman you are,” he said, continuing his litany of fealty and devotion. “I love the way you make me laugh and smile. I love arguing with you and I love making love to you. And, I even love when you kick my ass in basketball,” he added with a touch of humor.
She laughed around the emotion clogging her throat.
“But mostly, I love the way you make me feel when I thought I was dead inside, and that’s something I can’t, and don’t want to live without.”
She bit her bottom lip, and when she blinked, a tear rolled down her cheek.
He gently wiped away the moisture with his thumb, looking dismayed. “Why in the world are you crying?”
“Because I’m so happy,” she said, knowing that as a guy, he wouldn’t understand unless she explained. “With all the bad luck I’ve had with the men in my past, I never thought I’d ever get this lucky.”
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