He stood and backed away. “Hidden from public view like the uncle no one mentions at Thanksgiving because he’s in prison?”
She slumped back, arms crossed over her chest. “Don’t be like this.”
“Right, this is all on me.” He shook his head and turned away. “I’ll call you a cab to take you back to your car.” He riffled through his drawer and pulled out a pair of sweats. “Sorry I don’t have anything less me to loan you. If you take the back elevator, no one will notice you leaving.”
The ice in his voice devoured her almost as much as his implication, but she couldn’t take it back. She was right about needing to stay discreet.
KENZIE STEPPED FROM the elevator, the sight of the all-glass office making her gut do another somersault. She didn’t know if she should be here, but the meeting was already on her calendar, and since he hadn’t canceled, she wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity to see him again. Not that she knew what she would say. She wanted him so much, and she so very much couldn’t have him.
She steeled her resolve and tried to push her emotions aside. She needed to be removed. It was the only option since they were still working together.
She pasted a smile in place as she approached the receptionist. The girl looked up, joy genuine. “Scott says you can go on back.”
“Thanks.” Kenzie kept walking, afraid if she paused to make small talk she wouldn’t be able to make her feet move again. She could do this. She was in control; she could make it through this meeting. They were just touching base, and she’d never seen Scott stay angry, so she was probably stressed about nothing.
He glanced up when she paused in the doorway and then nodded to the chair across from his desk. “I’m sorry, I need to finish this email. I’ll be right with you, Miss Carter.”
She winced at the formality. But it was necessary, right? She let the door swing shut behind her.
He still didn’t look at her. “You sure you don’t want that open? People might talk.”
Ouch. She took her seat. “I’m sure it will be fine.” She crossed her legs and folded her hands on her knees, eyes growing wide when she took a second glance at him. He was wearing a black button-down and a pencil tie that made his stern expression almost malevolent. He looked gorgeous. And so very not himself.
He finally turned his attention to her. “I’m sorry again to keep you waiting. Did we have an agenda?” There was no catch in his voice. No sarcasm or bitterness. Or anything.
It was exactly what it should be. So why did it make her skin crawl? She pulled a printout from her bag and slid it across the desk. “I’m sorry I didn’t make copies, but I know what’s on there.”
He scanned the print out. “It’s my schedule for the next few weeks.”
“That’s right. That’s the agenda.” She stopped herself at the last minute, deciding not to put emphasis on the word “agenda.” “You’ve got a charity function in a few days. I wanted to make sure you have everything you need.”
His expression stayed flat. “I’m not sure. The invite says casual, but I don’t know if that means khakis and an Izod, or Oxford and a tie.”
She furrowed her brow. “It probably means casual.”
“I don’t think so.” He shook his head. “Cosmo says business men in jeans are the leading cause of global warming.”
Seriously? She couldn’t take it anymore. “Why are you acting like this?”
He looked at her, dark eyes blank. “I don’t understand.”
She clenched her teeth. “This formal bullshit. What are you doing?”
His smile looked painted on. “It may have escaped your attention, but your contract cost us a lot of money. I’m trying to get some use out of it. Isn’t this what you wanted?”
Something throbbed in her chest. “I didn’t want you to completely surrender yourself.”
His smile vanished, the eerie flat expression returning to take its place. He stood, hands clasped, and moved to stand behind her chair. “You’re sure?”
She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of turning. “I’m positive. This isn’t about being someone else. It’s all about appearances.”
“Of course.” He traced a finger up the back of her bare neck. “Appearances are important.” His voice was low and smooth. “So help me out because I think I’m still missing something.” His fingertips glided along her collarbone. “I’m not allowed to flirt where someone might see.” He trailed up her jaw. “But behind closed doors you can do whatever you want.” His breath brushed the outside of her ear. “And then you throw a fit when I finally act the way you tell me to.”
The cold in his voice was a shocking contrast to his warm touch. She desperately wanted to sink into the gesture, but forced herself to stay upright. Air rushed in around her when his hand dropped away. She could tell he had stepped back, but didn’t know how far and wasn’t going to cave and look.
“So we need some ground rules.” His voice was low, seductive. “I can have you when you’re in the mood? You can tease me as long as I don’t take it too seriously? If I let anyone get to know the real me, my entire livelihood is destroyed?”
Every word bit deeper, but she didn’t know what else to do. It was also all true, at least as long as they were working together. She was on her feet in an instant, spinning to face him. Her breath caught when she realized how close he was standing. Her heels kept her at eye level with him, and his gaze threatened to capture her.
She pushed it all aside. “This isn’t easy for me either. I want you desperately.” The confession slipped out before she could stop it. Screw it, no one was looking, she could be honest. “Walking that fine line between how attracted I am to you and how damaging indulging would be to my career is devastating.” She hesitated and then brushed her lips over his.
Her pulse screamed in anticipation when he tangled his fingers in her hair and pulled her head back. His lips brushed her throat, and she gasped in response.
“So I can have you right now?” His hungry growl rolled through the room. “While no one is watching?”
She wanted to be bold, aggressive, in control. But she wanted him more. “Yes.”
He let go and stepped away until the door stopped him. He clasped his hands behind his back, gaze never leaving her. “So you can keep your job and still get what you want? So you don’t have to tell anyone the scruffy-looking nerfherder with the massive ego made you scream in pleasure just by talking to you?”
His eyes never left hers, and she realized it was hurt staring back at her, not the barely controlled fury she expected. His voice was quiet, but firm. “I’m not here to sate whatever repressed bad-girl desires you’ve built up. I’m not the guy you call because you want to get off, and no one else is naughty enough. Fuck, if that’s what you’re looking for, I am so very tame. Or maybe you’re not ready for more than that yet. As long as I don’t get any kinkier, you can still claim you’re a good girl?”
It ripped through her to hear her own motivations thrown back in her face. Tore at her to hear it laid out so coldly and to realize how much it was hurting him.
He looked away finally. “Fuck it. I’m tired of trying to guess what’s going on in your head. You want me, you don’t want to be around me, I irritate you, I excite you, and God forbid anyone knows how desperately I want to fuck you. Or even worse, that it might run deeper than that.”
She closed the distance between them, staring him down and hating herself for what she had to say. “I don’t know what you want from me. This was never meant to be serious. It was a kiss in a parking lot between strangers. A flirt in a dressing room to take off the edge. A couple of naughty words in the heat of the moment. It’s become counterproductive.”
His smile was cold. “You’re really fond of that phrase, aren’t you Miss Carter? Contrary to what you think, I’m not incompetent. I’m not an idiot. I’ve survived the last decade without your help, and you don’t want to be here, so tell me, why are you? What keeps you coming back?”
She couldn’t answer that question. She’d asked herself the same thing a million times, and her gut always clenched when she got close to an answer. Screw this. “That’s it, we’re done,” she snarled. “Move.”
“Answer my question.”
She glared at him, forcing the lie out and hating the way it burned past her lips and left a gaping void inside. “Nothing. There is nothing to keep me coming back.”
His mask slipped, hurt and disbelief rushing in to replace it, and he stepped aside, opening the door as he moved. “Got it.”
Chapter Fifteen
Scott drummed his fingers against his keyboard, clacking against the keys and spewing random letters across his code. He should clean that up. Not that it mattered. He hadn’t written anything usable since Kenzie had left anyway.
He was still furious about the way she’d stormed out, but worse, he was upset at himself for letting it happen. He’d slipped one too many times with her. He’d tipped his hand and at the same time forced hers. As much as he wished she felt even half for him what he felt for her, she still saw a distinct line between their physical and professional relationships.
He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. What would it take to get her back? He’d stop everything, the fooling around, the flirting, all of it, if he could at least apologize to her. Maybe get her to stay on and finish her contract.
He grabbed his desk phone, dialing her number from memory. It rang once, twice. He sighed. Please let her answer.
“This is Mackenzie.” Her tone sent ice over the line.
He slid into his business-meeting voice. “Miss Carter. Good afternoon.”
Her exhale was loud against the receiver. “I’ve had better. What can I do for you?”
He flinched at her removed response. Would she even listen if he begged for forgiveness? “I think we parted ways on a bad note.”
“What gave you that impression?”
He hated what he was about to do, but at least knowing she didn’t hate him would be something, even if he couldn’t actually have more. “That was my fault. I haven’t been fair to you.”
Silence.
He let a bitter smile show for his invisible audience. “I’d like to set things right. Have lunch with me tomorrow.”
More silence.
He could wait longer.
“I assume your associates will be there?” she asked.
He glared at the phone. “I hadn’t planned on it.”
Her reply was devoid of emotion. “You’re not that sorry if you’re still peddling this fake dating crap.”
He swallowed the slash her words cut through him. “Of course, my mistake. Yes, all of our consultants are invited.”
He intentionally neglected to mention Rae was the only other one they kept on payroll, and she was so buried in end-of-month reporting, she’d beg off something frivolous like lunch.
More silence.
He kept his mouth shut.
“Sounds great.” Her tone implied it sounded anything but. “Email me a meeting request, I’ll try and make room in my schedule.”
“Wonderful. Enjoy the rest of your day, Miss Carter.”
He hated that the situation required such an intense formality. But he was willing to keep doing it if it meant she’d be around long enough so he could figure out how to not need it. Something in his chest fluttered that she’d said yes, and somehow that made it better.
NERVOUS ENERGY THRUMMED through Kenzie as she approached the restaurant. The parking lot was packed, but experience told her it wouldn’t matter—they wouldn’t have to wait. And the reason why was on the sidewalk pacing near the front door.
Scott looked up as she approached, a smile twitching into place and then vanishing again in an instant.
She cursed the leap in her stomach, hiding the happy reaction behind a flat expression, and nodded at him.
“We have a problem.” His voice didn’t give anything away.
“We have a lot of them.” She hid her wince. She hadn’t meant to be antagonistic.
He raised an eyebrow. “Nice. I mean my timing was bad. Everyone else cancelled.”
Go figure. She wasn’t surprised or nearly as irritated as she wanted to be. In fact, if she weren’t ignoring it, she might have admitted she’d hoped and expected exactly that. “Everyone else. Rae?” He flinched. “How convenient.”
He shrugged. “I’m sorry to drag you all the way out here for nothing. I should let you get back to your pliable clients. It wouldn’t do for us to be unchaperoned. What would people say?”
Why was she even letting him get away with this? It had nothing to do with how good he looked in the navy button-down and dark jeans, or the snippets of memory taunting her from the weekend, of waking up in his arms. Or because despite the professional risk, she so desperately wanted an intimacy from him that went beyond sex. “We’re here, we might as well stay. I’m sure you can behave yourself in public just this once.”
He gave her a wilting smile. “I might find a way.”
Why did they have to do this? When had they become incapable of having a normal conversation that didn’t end in frustration?
He refused to make eye contact when they were seated, but was happy to talk to everyone else, including a lengthy discussion about the special with the waitress.
Then they were alone again. Scott traced the patterns on the table.
“So.” Kenzie didn’t like the silence. She could make small talk, right? Something simple. Non-inflammatory. “It’s too bad Rae couldn’t make it. The two of you have this synergy that’s fascinating to watch.” She felt a twinge of jealousy toward the other woman simply because Rae and Scott never had to hide their interactions. What would it be like to be open about how she felt about him? How she didn’t dare hope he felt about her?
The corner of his mouth twitched, but he didn’t look at her. “I’m glad I could entertain you. Synergy. Did you pull that from a buzzword thesaurus?”
“You know what I mean. You just click.”
He finally glanced up. “We grew up together. She and Zach are pretty much the reason I survived adolescence.”
That genuine joy was back in his face when he talked about it. The smile, the gleam in his eye. She so rarely saw that when... She bit back a sigh. When she was the focus of the conversation. “That must be nice.”
He studied her for a minute. “You’ve got something similar with Riley, right?”
She shook her head. “Riley is a selfish pest.”
He winked at her. “So the two of you have that in common.”
She twisted her mouth in irritation. “Thanks.”
“You know I’m teasing.” He reached over the table, brushed his thumb over her knuckles, and pulled back abruptly as if he’d been shocked. “Sorry.”
She wanted to tell him it wasn’t a big deal, but it was. “The thing about Riley is she’s always telling me I have to loosen up. That I’m too uptight, I need to unwind, stuff like that.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Gee, it must be tough having someone dictate how you should act. I can’t imagine.”
She took a sip of her water. “It’s different with you. You’re my job.”
“So you keep saying.”
This wasn’t going well. “About the other night.” She fingered the pendant at the base of her throat. “Or rather, the other morning. I should have been more diplomatic.”
His brow creased. “Is that difficult?”
“What?” She didn’t know what he was talking about.
“Apologizing without actually accepting responsibility?”
The words stung, but she knew she deserved it. She gave a sad smile. “As long I don’t have to admit I was wrong.”
His chuckle sounded forced and ended in a sigh. “So, we have to scale this back to completely professional.”
“Yes.”
“No more sex, seduction, secret meetings.”
It was harder to force out her “Exactly” than she exp
ected. “But we can still stay friends.”
“Are we really?”
She looked at him, unable to ignore the combination of hurt and question in his eyes. “Friends? Of course.”
“So, if I randomly called you for a cup of coffee, you’d say yes?”
Why did she feel like this was a setup? But there was nothing deceptive in his face. “Of course. As long as I was available.”
His smile was weak. “Of course.”
This was devouring her. She just wanted to dive into his arms. To bury her head in his chest. To pretend everything was all right between them. Her heart thudded, and she frowned. “I’m so sorry. I wish it didn’t have to be this way.”
“Me too.” He fiddled with his fork. “So this charity dinner, you’re coming right?”
She hadn’t expected the rapid shift in topic. “I hadn’t planned on it.”
The corner of his mouth pulled up in that half smile that so frequently disarmed her. “You have to come. It’s a massive industry affair, it’s for an amazing cause, and the theme this year is masquerade.”
And that joy was back in his eyes that didn’t show through very often. That enthusiasm that always made her want to know more. This time it also increased her guilt. She’d never investigated the dinner since it was private and casual, and she figured she’d have more luck asking him to behave in his own living room. “I shouldn’t admit this, but I don’t know what it’s for.”
He leaned in, intertwined fingers resting on the table. “It’s this auction, right? Everyone in the industry donates rare and one-of-a-kind items, someone donates the catering and the building, and every single cent, from the door price to the money raised, goes to schools with low budgets so they can give their kids access to technology and more basic things like books and supplies.”
“Oh.” The entire concept made his smile infectious. “I could be on board for that. But masquerade? I don’t even dress up for Halloween.”
“Of course you don’t.” There was no accusation in his voice. “This is easy though. You just have to come as your favorite game character.”
His Reputation (Love Games, #3) Page 13