by R. K. Gold
“Sounds beautiful.” Yael thought of the flowers at the sanctuary, and the ones Ms. White said she was found in as a baby. Even if it was a dream, it must’ve been nice to find home again. Yael never saw her family when she slept. Her dreams took her high into the sky on one of the docked airships.
“When the war broke out, most of the men joined. My dad was one of them. So they weren’t around when Emerlia came.” He turned to Yael and took a deep breath. His eyes glazed, and he opened his mouth, but no words came out. He looked like he was waiting for Yael to yank him from his memory, but she felt a bubble building in her throat. It caught her words before she could speak them.
He dabbed his eyes with his undershirt and closed his jacket. She could see his arms trembling under his baggy clothes. "I have no clue how I escaped, and even worse, I have no idea why. Why was I the only one? I was nothing special. I certainly couldn’t outrun their forces. Why did they leave me?”
Yael struggled to swallow. She couldn’t tell if he wanted to be found that day. He still carried it around on his shoulders as burdensome as the carts of goods Marcel sold, only no one would purchase his wares. Memories like those could eat through steel if you gave them enough time.
“They burned everything, and my only memories are fresh bread. I lost my family, my neighbors, a life I hadn’t even started living yet, and my only memory is that bread.” He clutched his hands to fists and willed his breath to calm down. By the way, his shoulders rose and fell; it was clear he was struggling.
Yael clenched her jaw. She felt a burning pressure building in her temples, and her vision blurred momentarily.
“I’m so sorry.” Her voice cracked when the words finally escaped her lips.
“I remember being in Wydser though with all the other children who lost their parents during the war. They put us all in the university. The battle of the Twin Rivers was the happiest day for everyone in the city, but when the armies returned home, I found out what happened to my dad. How he fell breaking the line with Armstrong. The colonel told me. He heard about the lone survivor from Lansing and wanted to deliver the news in person.”
Yael struggled to breathe. Each inhale felt like her lungs were only half filled. Her throat felt swollen, and her tongue went dry. She was moved around with the children who lost their parents in the war. All parentless children were shepherded together, but everyone knew the cities had it worse. Yael didn't remember much of life before Ms. White. Still, she knew she had been dropped off at two other homes before finally being brought to the little cottage in Eselport.
"I was lucky the colonel found me. Like Lewis and Brody, most of the kids bounced around from home to home, never finding anything permanent. Armstrong welcomed me into his home, got me a job at his brother’s inn, and made sure I was always fed,” Pace said. He managed to get through his story without shedding a single tear. He even straightened his posture by the time he talked about Armstrong.
“And now you’re chasing a starborn together.”
“If Armstrong thinks it’s important, I’ll do everything in my power to help.”
“So, he’s the one who thinks she’s the starborn?” Yael asked as Pace finished his drink and reclined in his chair.
“He knows it; he’s been chasing her since the war.” He sounded boastful now.
“And he sends you after her? Couldn’t he just order her arrest? If he wanted, he could have half the country searching for her,” Yael replied.
Pace rested his hands behind his head. A breeze brushed across the rooftop. “He could, but people might be suspicious if he ordered a large hunt for a person without a cause, and if he gave his cause—well—you doubted she was a starborn. Do you think you would be in the minority?” Pace asked.
“If Armstrong said it, I think the country would have no trouble believing it,” Yael said. One of the twins poked his head over the roof. He flinched when Pace looked back, and Yael had the sinking suspicion this wasn’t the first time he had brought someone up there.
“The colonel is here,” Lewis said. Pace hopped up and waved Yael to follow.
12
The colonel was half a head shorter than Dean and half his weight. His uniform had sweat stains on it, and his eyes were red. He had a crooked nose that looked like it had been broken a half-dozen times. His black hair was untidy. The top two brown buttons on his khaki uniform were undone, revealing a white undershirt. He smiled the moment Pace crawled through the window, and the two embraced in a way that reminded Yael of Jaja and Marcel. Goosebumps rose on her arms as she wished for nothing more than to be held like that.
“How’ve you been?” Armstrong slapped Pace on the shoulder then brought the boy’s head back to his chest. When they pulled away, Armstrong moved his hands down to Pace’s arms and bent forward, so they were eye level. "Is Henry still taking good care of you?"
Pace nodded and said, “He’s keeping us all busy.”
"Not too busy, I hope." He looked around at the other boys then back at Yael, who pressed her glasses further up her nose despite the setting sun. He quirked an eyebrow at her but returned his gaze to Pace's stained clothes. "What did you get up to today?" He pinched the boy's collar. When Pace looked to the ground, the colonel put his hands on his hips and postured up straighter than Ms. White, preparing to ask Yael where the money from the market was. "Don't tell me you went after her again."
Pace opened his mouth to speak, but Armstrong sliced his hand through the air. The hesitation giving him all the confirmation he needed. “How many times do I have to tell you to leave this alone. It was a mistake for you to find out in the first place, and to get them involved.” He aimed his hands at the three other boys. The twins were inspecting a metal box with gears on the side, and Dean leaned back on the bed, nibbling a piece of bread.
“What else are we supposed to do when she’s back? And don’t say call for you. You weren’t even around when we first heard about her coming to the city.”
Armstrong pinched his nose and took a deep breath. “You don’t think things through, Pace. You have the best and worst parts of your father. He was one of the bravest soldiers I ever led, but he only had eyes on the destination and missed the dangers right under his nose.” He flicked a finger under Pace’s nostrils. “I thought you promised you wouldn’t try to help me anymore.”
“But, sir, you said it yourself. All the answers were in the forest. If we find the starborn, maybe we can find a way to survive inside the trees or learn more about the Mother.”
Armstrong shook his head and paused before answering. He looked to Yael, and she could sense him carefully calculating the decision to reply. “This isn’t the concern of a teenager.”
“When you were my age, you were training for war.” Pace grit his teeth but backed off under the harsh glare of the colonel.
"Which means I know exactly the kind of life I'm trying to protect you from. You don't raise your children, hoping they can repeat your mistakes or witness the same horrors you had to suffer. You want them to live in a better world, and if you're lucky, it’s one you helped create. I got you this room and a job with Henry to keep you busy—”
“Just not too busy,” Dean piped up from the corner and brushed his hands off before reaching for his book.
“Exactly. And when you first started bringing friends around, I was happy to see maybe you could find a normal life here in Wydser. I know it’s not Lansing, but I was hoping it could still be your home one day.” He looked to Yael once again and forced an awkward smile. It was a conversation a father and son would like to have in private, but they were putting it on full display for an audience.
“I just want to help,” Pace said.
Armstrong sighed. “And I just want you to be safe. Please don’t chase after the starborn anymore.” He stepped forward and put both hands on Pace’s shoulders. At first, the blonde boy looked to his feet and slouched.
"Promise me," Armstrong said, and Pace nodded without looking up. "Good, now how
about you introduce me to your new friend." He turned to greet Yael with a wide smile. The light outside had faded entirely, and still, she kept her glasses on. It was strange to stand almost eye level with the famed colonel. For most of her life, his crooked-nosed face had been one of legend. He was elevated virtually to the status of the Mother by some in the country, but here, he stood welcoming Yael into his brother’s inn as if he were the lucky one to shake her hand.
“This is Yael. We met her at the uh—”
“The sanctuary?” Armstrong finished for him, though this time, his voice had a healthy layer of humor, which leaked into a smirk. "Impossible to get this one to listen.” He pointed at Pace and approached Yael with a hand outstretched. "You can call me Matthew if you'd like."
So he had a name, a real name—a human name. She looked down at his hand and expected it to glow gold. After all, it was the hand of the man who broke the line at the Twin Rivers. The hero who ended the war.
Yael blushed when his fingers curled around hers and looked away under the heavy weight of his gaze. He had helped carve an entire country out of the continent. The horrors and triumphs those eyes must’ve seen and were now pressing on Yael’s crown.
“So, were you paying your respects to the Mother?” The colonel moved his hands behind his back.
Yael shook her head. “She was trying to speak with the starborn,” Pace chimed in. Armstrong looked from Pace to Yael. Each time his eyes returned to her, she felt his gaze intensify a little more like he was trying to burn a hole through her glasses with a stare.
“Is that so?” he asked and studied Yael’s face with renewed interest. “Those are interesting glasses. I don’t think I’ve seen that style this far north before. Where are you from?”
“I’m not entirely sure." Yael rubbed the back of her head. She didn't want to touch the glasses or draw any more attention to her eyes if she could help it. "I grew up in the south, though. Mostly in Eselport.”
Armstrong remained silent. Yael assumed he could put together her story without much effort. It wasn't too farfetched for a child to share her account to some degree. Unsure of where they're from and only aware of where the system had placed them. Yael always thought if she could find out where her first home was, it could reconnect her in some way to her family. Maybe she would at least feel like she had some connection to the world outside the monthly stipend she brought to the foster home unlucky enough to take care of her.
“Where did your father fight?” Armstrong asked.
“I’m not sure. I don't even know if he fought." She rubbed her stomach now, not wanting to dive too deep into her life. It was a combination of embarrassment and regret; embarrassment for not knowing enough and regret for never finding out.
“Can I see those glasses?” He held out his hand in a way that made his words sound less like a question. Yael hesitated before finally removing the accessory. She couldn’t turn down a request like that from the colonel. Besides, she wasn’t hiding anything dangerous. Keeping on her glasses at that moment would’ve done nothing but raise suspicion.
She closed her eyes as she handed the glasses over and lowered her chin to her chest before finally opening them. The heavy silence in the room weighed down on her shoulders as she felt every pair of eyes find her.
When she finally looked up, it was Armstrong's stare she locked on first. The others had already seen her eyes, but even they matched Armstrong's intrigue. Examining Yael in a new light as the colonel lowered the glasses, releasing any false belief that the item was what drew his attention.
“And you have no idea who your family is?” His tone dropped so low, Yael half-expected she was reading his thoughts and not hearing his voice.
"I wish," were the only words she could summon, and squeezed her hands together. She felt naked without her glasses—completely exposed under a microscope and harsh light. Armstrong was hardly the first person to be fascinated by her eyes, but no one had looked at her the way he had. It was like they had met before and were only now rediscovering a life that was long behind them. He handed her glasses back, and Yael put them back on at once.
“Well, I hope Pace wasn’t too difficult. I assume he already offered you some food.” He ruffled the boy’s hair, and Pace chuckled. Yael nodded and pushed the glasses further up her hooked nose, wanting the lenses to sink into her eyes and permanently stay there so no one could ever ask her to take them off again.
Armstrong unzipped a beige bag that rested beside him and pulled out a metal tube attached to a circular breathing apparatus and held it out for Pace to take. “I forgot to show you this.” Inside the bag, Yael saw a second breathing tube and two blue-hooded suits.
“You fixed it!” Pace yanked the device from the colonel’s hands and held it under the wall lamp.
“Just putting the finishing touches on it now, but the first test was a success. We think we’ll be able to last at least an hour before the filter is corrupted by the toxins.”
Toxins? Yael wondered if the colonel meant the forest. Why would he want to go in there? He didn’t strike her as the most religious type. The twins circled the bag to get a better look at everything else he brought.
“Hey, hey, easy—easy.” He held his arms out to create a perimeter around his things. “I don’t need everyone jumping in and breaking everything. It took us months to put the finishing touches on these.”
What was so important to distract the colonel from skirmishes in the north for a month unless these outfits somehow linked back to fighting? "Have you ever been to the northern states?" he asked Yael, doing his best to keep the question casual, but Yael could sense he was digging for something. Did he know something about her? She shook her head, and he nodded like it was no big deal and continued pointing to the adjustments they made on the device.
“Boys, why don't you go downstairs and see if Henry needs some help, I'm sure he'll give you a second serving." The twins were the first ones out the door while Dean carefully put away the book he was reading on the only shelf in the room. It was the only book standing upright while the rest were horizontal, diagonal, or sticking out. He then adjusted the cushion he sat on to return it to the shape before his heavy frame sank into it. Only Pace remained behind, shifting his gaze from Yael to Armstrong.
“Don’t worry, I’m still upset with you and not letting you off the hook that easily. I just want you to be full when I remind you to stop trying to help.” He grinned at the young boy and pat his shoulder. It was enough to make Pace back away. He shot Yael one glance over his shoulder before disappearing down the hall. When they were alone, the colonel returned his eyes to the young girl but maintained his pleasant expression.
“I’m sorry if the boys caused you any displeasure. They have a tendency to cause more mischief than assistance, especially the twins." He cracked a smile, but it only made the air in the room feel denser.
“They’ve been fine,” she replied, omitting the unpleasant nature of their introduction. She didn’t want to get any of them in more trouble for fighting the starborn. Not that it was much of a fight.
“So, if you’re from the south, what brings you to the capital?” He approached the desk with the star maps and collected his records. “This is why I stopped leaving research in my old room. They take every opportunity to go through my things.” He chuckled and put the papers away in his bag.
“I came here with friends.”
“Friends?” He looked around the empty room.
“Well, friends of the family. Marcel Lamb and his sons.”
Armstrong's eyebrows shot up his forehead. "Great man! Love the work he does, and never tries to gouge us with prices. Bright young son too. I just received their delivery.” He finished packing all his things and put the bag down next to the door. “So, you went to see the starborn today?” He folded his arms. The question sounded more like an accusation. “I can’t help but think, this being your first time in the capital, the timing is awfully suspicious.” He looked her sq
uare in the eyes, and she flinched. Yael wanted to put the glasses back on to offer some sort of a shield from the colonel's stare, but she knew it would be an admission of guilt for an action she didn’t commit. Sure, she came to see the girl they’re calling a starborn, but it wasn’t until that afternoon that she even knew what that was.
“How long have you two been in contact?” Armstrong asked, and Yael clutched the loose fabric on the chest of her poncho.
“Never. I only came because I heard there was a girl with the same eyes as me.”
“You only just heard?” He tapped his chin, chewing the answer Yael offered. “Do you have any idea who you were talking to?”
She shook her head, and the colonel sighed. “It’s rumored she’s related to the Mother. That the immortal in the forest birthed her from starlight.” He ran his hand through his hair and looked out the window at the streetlights. Downstairs, he heard cheers of the men and women reveling in the return of the armies in the north. "Of course, they're only stories. I've wanted to meet her because some goods disappeared at a northern camp, and she was spotted in town the night in question.” His face softened, and the footsteps of the boys returning echoed down the hall.
Pace was the first one in and leaned against the wall, scooping stew-soaked bread into his mouth with his hands while the twins ran in, spilling their servings over the floor. Dean put his down and scrubbed the mess as they hopped on the only bed to eat.
"Before I go, I wanted to let you all in on a secret. I spoke with Diana today," Armstrong began, and at first, Yael had no idea who he was talking about. It wasn’t until he said, “She expects the skirmishes to escalate,” and “is meeting with Nisset,” that she realized the colonel was talking about their president. She had never heard her referred to on a first-name basis.